In every non-mall record store ever

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1. paraphenilia to be used for smoking tobaccos products “only”
2. Rolling Stone magazine
3. fey skinny hipster customer dudes who are straight but who, when viewed from the corner of one’s eye, look like scenester chicks
4. used bins full of hootie records no-one will touch again

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

5. dead hookers

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

6. "I really liked the first two Spoon/Pavement/Death Cab/Sonic Youth records better, man."

― milo z (mlp), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:42 (nineteen years ago)

7. “We don’t have that in stock, but I can order it for you if you like.”
8. the reek of pachouli oil

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

9. burnt-out store vets who’ve been doing this shit for too fucking long because “plan a” didn’t quite pan out, and resent everyone as a result

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:51 (nineteen years ago)

10. collection of Ginsu knives
11. Don Knotts action figures
12. ILE losers who try to start funny threads and then the thread is a failure.

13. Dead hooker body bags

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:51 (nineteen years ago)

a 'psychedelic' bin will have the beatles, but the rolling stones will stay under 'rock'

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

(dude, if this thread hasn't logged 20 answers by tomorrow morning you can call it a failure. gimmie a break)

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)

(also, somebody explain why dead hookers are funny in this context)

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)

dead hookers are funny in any context, duh.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

14. VINYL

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:04 (nineteen years ago)

15. that one guy who peruses the vinyl every day for at least 2 hours

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:04 (nineteen years ago)

area under rock A-G tables listed as "dead hooker storage"

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

15. The Beach Boys in the "oldies" section.

― mike a (mike a), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

73. Dead hooker toetags

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

B. guy trying desperately to find the one CD that will make cashier girl love him

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

oh jesus....*rolls up sleeves*...

15. out of place looking tourist gawping
16. person doing jocular "dj scratch" impression on the turntable
17. idiot attempting to play record without needle
18. "i haven't bought a tune in 2 or 3 years, what's big now? I like mostly genres that no longer exist"
19. "no we don't have that, but it should be in in a few weeks (yeah fucking right, you leave politely and I'll go back to furtively eating pistachio nuts)
20. exasperated looking employee
21. two employees joking with each other as customer waits
22. random dude greeted enthusiastically by staff as customer waits
23. order filed as customer waits
24. staff member chats on phone as customer waits
25. staff member waits for customer to speak before helping them in deadly battle of silent resentment

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:10 (nineteen years ago)

72. hooker walks into store

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:11 (nineteen years ago)

73. Dies.

― nickn (nickn), Monday, 9 October 2006 20:30 (nineteen years ago)

26. "Dude, what's a Bread?"

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:38 (nineteen years ago)

75. A copy of Street Survivors with the dead hookers on the cover.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

27. Clerk who will act unimpressed and bored with you no matter what you say, even if it's about your favorite band that's also really his favorite band.

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 9 October 2006 23:20 (nineteen years ago)

28.5 Scruffy advert for band, 'Singer looking for guitarist. Influences Arctic Monkeys/Libertines/R Kelly'

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Monday, 9 October 2006 23:28 (nineteen years ago)

wow you guys seem to have found the vortex that leads to 1978, awesome

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

okay, yeah, failed thread. but given that this happens with one outta four threads i start here, my heart isn't broken.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 10:43 (nineteen years ago)

wai 2 brake hart, ilx?

― teh_kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 10:45 (nineteen years ago)

non-mall record stores ARE 1978

you forgot. disparaging comment to customer, "i didnt know people still bought xyz"

― -- (688), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 11:38 (nineteen years ago)

29. a copy of A Split Second - Flesh for 10p

― -- (688), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 11:42 (nineteen years ago)

Girlfriend who wants to be somewhere else.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

see: in every shoe store ever thread

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 12:00 (nineteen years ago)

Complete confusion of shop staff when faced with woman who is not "Girlfriend who wants to be somewhere else"

(symptoms of this include Ronan's 21 to 25; assuming random dudes in store are with not-Girlfriend; inventing entirely imaginary guy that not-Girlfriend is there with and asking her what happened to that guy she always goes shopping with because he'd really like ___ but she wouldn't have heard of it, even though she's there a couple of times every week buying stuff like ___ and always always always on her own. This really happened to me once!)

― Rebecca (reb), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

Every non-mall record store I've ever been in looks like it hasn't been renovated let alone cleaned since 1978.

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:25 (nineteen years ago)

And did I mention the Bread records "downstairs" going for 50 cents?

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:26 (nineteen years ago)

30. air laden down with highly palpable sense of decaying dreams
31. 65 year old man buying akufen cds every 6 months
32. more accumulated waste than the mardi gras
33. hand written or dog eared print out signs with passive aggressive messages to customers on them
34. staff eating sandwich/pizza behind counter
35. assorted hanger ons discussing latest planet e release, manning the counter while actual worker goes to phone the dole office
36. unvarnished wooden floors
37. ridiculously complicated rule about putting back records, don't put them where you got them from, place them in returning section b101
38. one employee once had a release on crappy British electro label
39. all employees dj at same night
40. nice/friendly funk/soul person trying/failing to relate to staff who all like techno
41. "we don't sell drum and bass"
42. "no we don't have tickets for that. no I don't know who does. no it's nothing to do with us. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no."
43. "yes we're sold out of those tickets. you should ring the promoter. i don't know. i don't know. ring the promoter. i don't know. i don't know. ring the promoter. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. you should ring the promoter. i don't know. i don't know"
44. "expensive? I don't know if they are expensive or not, they are not our tickets nor do we decide the price"
45. endless wrong numbers..."no this is a record store" (maybe just my workplace)
46. manager owns shop as labour of love, runs self/shop into ground.
47. shitty brown paper bags

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

48. selling t shirts for bands that were popular ages ago

― Mark Co (Markco), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:46 (nineteen years ago)

People looking for (sometimes nonexistent) vinyl versions of new records, refusing to buy the CD version.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Secondhand Sale! £6 each or three for £10!

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov75/dre600/e655/e65532cbetb.jpg http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov75/drf200/f232/f232890kp8h.jpg http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov75/dre600/e655/e65534cojmc.jpg http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov75/drd100/d118/d1183290ao2.jpg

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

51. permanently unfinished look to drywall/sheetrock
52. squibs of blu-tack on every surface

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

53. stench of dried nerd sweat

― ▒█▄█ ▄▄▄ ▒█▄█ , Tuesday, 10 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

54. NO JACKETS OR BAGS

78. UNLESS THEY'RE DEAD HOOKER BODY BAGS.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

56. A non-music nerd girl looks extremely bored while her boyfriend spends 1,5 hours listening to records, then ends up buying nothing.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

57. "Man, I was gonna buy that!" (Heard this from a clerk for the first time in awhile last night. Two words: Employee Holds.)

― Orgy of Pragmatism (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

8. the reek of pachouli oil

Am I the only one who thinks it smells like damp?

58. Asshole shoplifters who want a fucking kicking, because they could just as easily be lifting from somewhere that doesn't care, rather than somewhere that really can't afford it.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

59. "We can special-order that for you. It'll only take four weeks."
60. Alt-weekly/flyer rack at the door in disarray.
61. Promotional copies on sale weeks before actual release date.
62. Clerks using slsk on the computer at the counter.

― naus (Robert T), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 02:40 (nineteen years ago)

58. Asshole shoplifters who want a fucking kicking, because they could just as easily be lifting from somewhere that doesn't care, rather than somewhere that really can't afford it.

Hey, if Tower Records would start stocking Jandek CDs I'd shoplift there.

― researching ur life (grady), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 02:54 (nineteen years ago)

This thread is making me sad and nostalgic for AuGoGo records.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 04:10 (nineteen years ago)

63. At least five record players with signs "for sale, do not touch" that staff is unsure works and refuses to plug in.

Or is that just in Kansas.

― brooke (LucyIsHipHop), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 04:51 (nineteen years ago)

Ned T. Rifle.

― Devoichitsa (Devoichitsa), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

64. a lone laserdisc

― shabba ranks (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 20:55 (nineteen years ago)

65. Random guy walking in and ingratiatingly starting conversations with customers, saying something like: "Dude, have you heard Chubby Checker's psych record? I'll burn it for you. So amazing. I've been totally into that. That and Humble Pie."
66. off-base cashier recommendations:
"Do you have any of the sequels to Halloween used?"
"I'll tell you what, the John Carpenter movie you really want is "They Live!" with Roddy Roddy Piper. We see it come in a couple times a year, you should come on back."
67. REM's "Green"

― Michael F Gill (Michael F Gill), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 21:08 (nineteen years ago)

68. Some big fat sweaty man who always seems to be looking at the rack YOU wanted to look at and refuses to acknowledge your presence at all.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 21:10 (nineteen years ago)

69. some little jamie oliver lookin dork always crampin my style

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 21:20 (nineteen years ago)

56. A non-music nerd girl looks extremely bored while her boyfriend spends 1,5 hours listening to records, then ends up buying nothing.

I think a lot of ILMers are "the boyfriend" here.

The one time I saw the genders reversed I went into a tizzy o' love for the Muso Girl. Ecstatic visions of prancing through fields of vinyl with her & shit.

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 22:37 (nineteen years ago)

70. flyers for shitty bands
71. guy behind the counter who doesn't work there talking about his band, last night's show, and last nights feats of booze
72. that one guy who lingers over the used section in one spot convinced that he's found something valuable
73. 2 CDs getting rung up per hour and me wondering how the fuck anyone can pay the bills when the target demographic is at home downloading porn and MP3s at the same time on DSL.

― don weiner (don weiner), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 23:11 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

74. Comedy record sleeve from 50s or 60s displayed alongside ironically mainstream/recognized-as-shitty record sleeves, as if old-timey record was not actually originally intended as comedy record

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:35 (seventeen years ago)

5. dead hookers
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, October 9, 2006 7:41 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

I wonder if Dan knows there is a band called Dead Hookers?

― ian, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:41 (seventeen years ago)

75. Only men employees, or maybe one woman, sausage party vibe either way.
76. Dude astonished when girl buys anything he likes.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:50 (seventeen years ago)

BAHAHAHahahaha

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:52 (seventeen years ago)

77. Code of Hammurabi posted on walls in a furtive attempt to curb shoplifting. (I have seen this in TWO record stores!)

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:53 (seventeen years ago)

78. Some employee I like dies due to alcohol-related accident.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:53 (seventeen years ago)

79. Dude who is trying to sell cassettes; is angry they do not buy cassettes. Argument continues for far too long.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:54 (seventeen years ago)

80. Photos of employees that have been written & drawn on to mock the other employees.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:56 (seventeen years ago)

81. Kid who comes in every fucking day begging for a job (see also: comic book stores, game stores).

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:56 (seventeen years ago)

82. Regrettable tattoos.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:56 (seventeen years ago)

code of hammurabi is a GREAT idea.

83. unbelievably inappropriate conversation/filthy language/disparaging remark.

― ian, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:57 (seventeen years ago)

84. New albums for sale bought from loss-leader sales at Best Buy, Wal-Mart, Target, etc...

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:57 (seventeen years ago)

85. Some dude (or me) bringing in piles of albums for sale every month before rent; employees get all vultured out on who gets to call dibs on the special edition of Marquee Moon or Young Ones DVD or whatevs.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 02:59 (seventeen years ago)

74. Comedy record sleeve from 50s or 60s displayed alongside ironically mainstream/recognized-as-shitty record sleeves, as if old-timey record was not actually originally intended as comedy record

http://lpcoverlover.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/communist.jpg

― ian, Friday, 12 September 2008 03:00 (seventeen years ago)

86. Used CDs by some band that almost know one knows of way overmarked bcz one of the clerks thinks everyone wants them and will be willing to pay top dollar (A.R. Kane's "America" for $20 used...wtf?).

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 03:01 (seventeen years ago)

87. Picture of Frank Zappa, somewhere.

― Abbott, Friday, 12 September 2008 03:02 (seventeen years ago)

This thread settles whatever debate there may have been: dead hooker jokes are not timeless.

― so glitchy (kenan), Friday, 12 September 2008 03:02 (seventeen years ago)

8. the reek of pachouli oil[...]

Am I the only one who thinks it smells like damp?

Poor patchouli. It's so misunderstood. Think of it like this: it's like the smell of fish. Everybody says it smells bad, but they're only talking about when there's way way too much of that smell around.

― so glitchy (kenan), Friday, 12 September 2008 03:05 (seventeen years ago)

128. If a man take a woman to wife, but have no intercourse with her, this woman is no wife to him.

Well, I dunno how you can argue with that one.

― ✌ (libcrypt), Friday, 12 September 2008 03:21 (seventeen years ago)

88. The new edition of Uncut, featuring never before seen photos of The Beatles

― moley, Friday, 12 September 2008 03:38 (seventeen years ago)

128a. Well, maybe the wife doesn't want to have intercourse with the woman.

― Mark G, Friday, 12 September 2008 08:20 (seventeen years ago)

There's some interesting further debate on that latter issue on the new Ne-Yo album.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 12 September 2008 08:21 (seventeen years ago)

89/Chewed up copies of Self portrait by Bob Dylan and The Ultra Vivid Scene album.

90/Someoe who looks like (possibly is) Steve Albini circa 1987.

― Sven Hassel Schmuck, Friday, 12 September 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

91. A "Going Out Of Business Sale!" sign in the window.

― nickn, Saturday, 13 September 2008 07:02 (seventeen years ago)

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