Oh That Wacky WTO: Formalized Slavery for Africa!

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November 13, 2006
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WTO ANNOUNCES FORMALIZED SLAVERY MARKET FOR AFRICA
US Trade Representative to Africa, Governor of Nigeria Central Bank weigh in at Wharton

Text, photos, video: http://www.gatt.org/wharton.html
WTO Contact: Hanniford Schmidt (mailto:schmidt@gatt.org)
Conference website: http://www.whartonglobal.com/africa/panels.asp#Trade
Conference contacts: http://www.whartonglobal.com/africa/contact.asp

Philadelphia - At a Wharton Business School conference on business in Africa, World Trade Organization representative Hanniford Schmidt announced the creation of a WTO initiative for "full private stewardry of labor" for the parts of Africa that have been hardest hit by the 500 years of Africa's free trade with the West.

The initiative will require Western companies doing business in some parts of Africa to own their workers outright. Schmidt recounted how private stewardship has been successfully applied to transport, power, water, traditional knowledge, and even the human genome. The WTO's "full private stewardry" program will extend these successes to (re)privatize humans themselves.

"Full, untrammelled stewardry is the best available solution to African poverty, and the inevitable result of free-market theory," Schmidt told more than 150 attendees. Schmidt acknowledged that the stewardry program was similar in many ways to slavery, but explained that just as "compassionate conservatism" has polished the rough edges on labor relations in industrialized countries, full stewardry, or "compassionate slavery," could be a similar boon to developing ones.

The audience included Prof. Charles Soludo (Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria), Dr. Laurie Ann Agama (Director for African Affairs at the Office of the US Trade Representative), and other notables. Agama prefaced her remarks by thanking Scmidt for his macroscopic perspective, saying that the USTR view adds details to the WTO's general approach. Nigerian Central Bank Governor Soludo also acknowledged the WTO proposal, though he did not seem to appreciate it as much as did Agama.

A system in which corporations own workers is the only free-market solution to African poverty, Schmidt said. "Today, in African factories, the only concern a company has for the worker is for his or her productive hours, and within his or her productive years," he said. "As soon as AIDS or pregnancy hits--out the door. Get sick, get fired. If you extend the employer's obligation to a 24/7, lifelong concern, you have an entirely different situation: get sick, get care. With each life valuable from start to finish, the AIDS scourge will be quickly contained via accords with drug manufacturers as a profitable investment in human stewardees. And educating a child for later might make more sense than working it to the bone right now."

To prove that human stewardry can work, Schmidt cited a proposal by a free-market think tank to save whales by selling them. "Those who don't like whaling can purchase rights to specific whales or groups of whales in order to stop those particular whales from getting whaled as much," he explained. Similarly, the market in Third-World humans will "empower" caring First Worlders to help them, Schmidt said. (http://www.policynetwork.net/main/article.php?article_id=505)

One conference attendee asked what incentive employers had to remain as stewards once their employees are too old to work or reproduce. Schmidt responded that a large new biotech market would answer that worry. He then reminded the audience that this was the only possible solution under free-market theory.

There were no other questions from the audience that took issue with Schmidt's proposal.

During his talk, Schmidt outlined the three phases of Africa's 500- year history of free trade with the West: slavery, colonialism, and
post-colonial markets. Each time, he noted, the trade has brought tremendous wealth to the West but catastrophe to Africa, with poverty steadily deepening and ever more millions of dead. "So far there's a pattern: Good for business, bad for people. Good for business, bad for people. Good for business, bad for people. That's why we're so happy to announce this fourth phase for business between Africa and the West: good for business--GOOD for people."

The conference took place on Saturday, November 11. The panel on which Schmidt spoke was entitled "Trade in Africa: Enhancing Relationships to Improve Net Worth." Some of the other panels in the conference were entitled "Re-Branding Africa" and "Growing Africa's Appetite."

Throughout the comments by Schmidt and his three co-panelists, which lasted 75 minutes, Schmidt's stewardee, Thomas Bongani-Nkemdilim, remained standing at respectful attention off to the side.

"This is what free trade's all about," said Schmidt. "It's about the freedom to buy and sell anything--even people."

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 13 November 2006 18:49 (nineteen years ago)

ugh

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 13 November 2006 18:55 (nineteen years ago)

(I was hoping this was a Yes-Men joke)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 13 November 2006 18:56 (nineteen years ago)

BAN DARRAMOUSS

― manute lol (sanskrit), Monday, 13 November 2006 18:58 (nineteen years ago)

I hope it's okay if I just post WOW because - WOW.

― stoked for the madness (nickalicious), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:01 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha yeah actually shakey it is. was hoping more people would bite on ilx, heh.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

jesus...is that last quote for real?

current state of mind=blown.

― M@tt He1geson: Sassy and I Don't Care Who Knows It (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:08 (nineteen years ago)

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

― Brian Emo (noodle vague), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:11 (nineteen years ago)

http://pix.hiveports.com/albums/userpics/10003/legos_owned_med.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:11 (nineteen years ago)

Actually, I'm shocked. But on the other hand, a lot of what's been happening in low wage countries is worse than slavery...

― StanM (StanM), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

Htsencil, can you link or provide a source for that release.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

sorry, it's in the body.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.gatt.org/ is not the real WTO site

http://www.wto.org/ this is, the article is a spoof.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

Yes that was just revealed above.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

Revealed way too soon! :-(

― StanM (StanM), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

I am a fule. ;_;

― stoked for the madness (nickalicious), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:26 (nineteen years ago)

damn, I was too busy fact checking to get the story in first.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:26 (nineteen years ago)

...i'm glad it's a fake. i'd hate to africa compromise its record of human rights like that.

― M@tt He1geson: Sassy and I Don't Care Who Knows It (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 13 November 2006 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

I thought it was from the Onion, I thought that just can't be real!

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Monday, 13 November 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

"This is what free trade's all about," said Schmidt. "It's about the freedom to buy and sell anything--even people."

yes that is what free trade is about if you don't know anything about market economics

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Monday, 13 November 2006 20:33 (nineteen years ago)

retards

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Monday, 13 November 2006 20:33 (nineteen years ago)

haha yeah

― geoff (gcannon), Monday, 13 November 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

so is the article a spoof or did this actually happen re: as a yes men prank?

― gear (gear), Monday, 13 November 2006 21:00 (nineteen years ago)

I was pretty sure it was a Yes Men thing from the thread title

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 13 November 2006 22:35 (nineteen years ago)

gatt.org is not the WTO's website so it's a prank

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Monday, 13 November 2006 22:38 (nineteen years ago)

is this for real

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:02 (nineteen years ago)

$40 quatloo for the newcomer

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:10 (nineteen years ago)

no seriously it is a prank

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:14 (nineteen years ago)

see 2nd and 5th posts

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:16 (nineteen years ago)

wait... is this a yes-men thing?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:17 (nineteen years ago)

wait, are you asking if this is a Yes-Men prank?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

cuz i checked wto.org

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:23 (nineteen years ago)

so you're not sure if this is real or not?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:23 (nineteen years ago)

i'm really shocked the wto would get behind such an opinion.

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:31 (nineteen years ago)

These people don't even understand free market economics.

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:35 (nineteen years ago)

gear otm... wtf

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:38 (nineteen years ago)

Is this a spoof?

― Darramouss (Denton Price), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:43 (nineteen years ago)

it looks like it might be real!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:45 (nineteen years ago)

That's pretty fucked up right there.

― Darramouss (Denton Price), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:46 (nineteen years ago)

i'm just...i dunno. i'm with shakey. this is nuts.

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:47 (nineteen years ago)

yeah... shakey otm

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:48 (nineteen years ago)

I always thought Alex Jones was a fruitcake but I'm starting to wonder now.....

― Darramouss (Denton Price), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:50 (nineteen years ago)

i think that shakey, darramous, slocki, and gear are all sock puppets

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:53 (nineteen years ago)

http://dc.indymedia.org/newswire/display/15709

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:54 (nineteen years ago)

why would the wto want to shut down its own website?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:55 (nineteen years ago)

is that a joke?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

maybe someone should ask WTO "stewardee" Thomas Bongani-Nkemdilim what he thinks about all this. if they let him speak.

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

this is shocking

― gbx (skowly), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

dc.indymedia.org is a noted parody site

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

oh haha i can't believe i bought that :)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 00:59 (nineteen years ago)

:D
http://www.portlandmercury.com/blogtown/files/2006/07/gay-spiderman.gif
http://www.portlandmercury.com/blogtown/files/2006/07/gay-spiderman.gif

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 01:02 (nineteen years ago)

OH HSTENCIL, SO NAIVE! I HOPE U DIDN'T POST THIS TO BCO!!!

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 03:55 (nineteen years ago)

OMG HOW COULD ANYONE BELIEVE THIS SPOOF, IT BEING SO FAR FROM TRUTH ROFLMAO

― benrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 10:12 (nineteen years ago)

wait... so it's not real, right?
cuz i was gonna say, that's crazy

― sleep (sleep), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 17:30 (nineteen years ago)

SHOCKING`

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 17:31 (nineteen years ago)

uh duh jon read my 5th post ya moron.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 17:42 (nineteen years ago)

"JUST FOOLIN GUYS! I WAS IN ON THE JOKE!! HONESTLY"

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 17:51 (nineteen years ago)

jon williams = slow on the uptake

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 17:53 (nineteen years ago)

now i can't tell if you all are stupid or just pretending to be stupid

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 18:38 (nineteen years ago)

is this a hoax?

― and what (ooo), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 18:39 (nineteen years ago)

guys, this really happened to my cousin, it's not funny.

― jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

jon REALLY thought that this story was for real?!? LOL

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 19:33 (nineteen years ago)

I did?

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, you and hstencil!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

shocking

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

this is shocking - is this a joke? - oh, this is a joke - I'm gullible - this is shocking - is this a joke? - oh, this is a joke - I'm gullible -this is shocking - is this a joke? - oh, this is a joke - I'm gullible -this is shocking - is this a joke? - oh, this is a joke - I'm gullible -this is shocking - is this a joke? - oh, this is a joke - I'm gullible

this thread is like a bucket over the doorway for people who only read the first post and not the rest of the thread.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

wait, so this is a JOKE???!??

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 20:11 (nineteen years ago)

(this joke is not a joke)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 20:11 (nineteen years ago)

i think it's very important to shed light on the inner workings of the WTO so this report is very crucial. i'd like to see some follow-up interviews with this schmidt fellow.

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

was it a BOMB? or just a LOUD NOISE?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 20:23 (nineteen years ago)

rip F train ;_;

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Tuesday, 14 November 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

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