Jelly Belly rants and raves: The Thread!

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Rave: It's like dudes know that Peanut Butter, Toasted Marshmallow and Buttered Popcaron are the best flavors, so each bag is just filled with them.

Rant: The fact that Cinnamon and Sizzling Cinnamon are STILL two of the official flavors is total bullshit. One fucking cinnamon is enough, guys!

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Friday, 12 January 2007 23:32 (eighteen years ago)

Plus Cinnamon Toast, in the Harry Potter sets -- the only one of the three that actually tastes like cinnamon instead of Cinnamon Red-Hots. And don't they have both Strawberry Jam and Strawberry Daiquiri, or did the former supplant the latter?

On the other hand, I love that they have two apple flavors because they're genuinely distinct from each other, and the Red Apple is one of the best things they've devised.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 January 2007 23:38 (eighteen years ago)

Rave: Sour and fruit flavors are yummy.

Rant: All others are super nasty, esp marshmallow, popcorn, etc. Toasted marshmallow at least looks really cool.

― Adam Beales (Pye Poudre), Friday, 12 January 2007 23:49 (eighteen years ago)

I am clearly woefully behind the times in my jelly belly knowledge.

― Chesty Joe Morgan (Chesty Joe Morgan), Friday, 12 January 2007 23:50 (eighteen years ago)

Rave: the Jalapeno flavor. My nephew tried Jelly Belly jellybeans at Christmas for the first time, and was fascinated by the fact that no one would even try the Jalapeno but me. I think he couldn't figure out why they existed. I tried to tell him about the Sardine ones, but he wasn't buying it.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 January 2007 23:53 (eighteen years ago)

My favorite flavor is Grass.

― Paul Eater (eater), Friday, 12 January 2007 23:57 (eighteen years ago)

Blueberry. Gorgeous. The toasted marshmallow ones taste nice, but seem to stick to the roof of your mouth more.

― Anna (Anna), Saturday, 13 January 2007 00:13 (eighteen years ago)

As well they should.

― Adam Beales (Pye Poudre), Saturday, 13 January 2007 00:15 (eighteen years ago)

I love the bubble gum ones. After I eat all of those, I start on the margarita flavored ones.

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Saturday, 13 January 2007 00:18 (eighteen years ago)

Toasted Marshmallow is a marvel of Jelly Belly flavor science. Buttered Popcorn is as well but who wants to eat a jellybean that tastes just like butter.

― A B C (sparklecock), Saturday, 13 January 2007 01:15 (eighteen years ago)

Me.

― do i have to draw you a diaphragm (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 13 January 2007 01:16 (eighteen years ago)

Get off my thread

― Adrienne Begley (sparklecock), Saturday, 13 January 2007 01:22 (eighteen years ago)

Rave: the Jalapeno flavor

COSIGN! I had a bag bought for me yesterday, kickass

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 13 January 2007 11:47 (eighteen years ago)

I personally can never have enough Cinnamon, though I understand that doesn't mean everyone should share my prejudices.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 13 January 2007 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

Can I still buy those snot / vomit / dirt etc flavoured jellybeans from someplace? Has anyone here tried those? I would *love* to know about the process of making those brilliant little abominations.

― Affectian (Affectian), Saturday, 13 January 2007 15:21 (eighteen years ago)

pear and peach are the king and queen respectively . popcorn, pork chop, olive oil, etc. can fuck right off, this is CANDY, people.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Sunday, 14 January 2007 21:20 (eighteen years ago)

COCONUT. Plus you get to pretend you are A Boy of A Boy and His Blob fame. Blueberry is the raddd too. Daquiri is the absolute worst, and chocolate.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 00:03 (eighteen years ago)

Margarita and Champagne cocktail, while not at all alcoholic, are both awesome.
I love the pear because it has something like the same mouthfeel as a pear.
I used to buy an eight dollar bag of these once a week. I somehow grew up and stopped.
I'm totally buying an eight dollar bag on Tuesday.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 January 2007 01:28 (eighteen years ago)

Points for the Hawaiian Punch beans, too, which succeed in tasting exactly like Hawaiian Punch. Given the flagrant failures in this genre -- Hubba Bubba soda, Milky Way milkshakes, gummi frogs -- I think it's admirable when junk food of one medium manages to taste like junk food of another medium. The door at the end of this hallway surely leads to Butterfinger potato chips, and I am ready to take off my shoes and sock-slide into a world of flavor.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 01:42 (eighteen years ago)

Deep fried, glazed, and then shoved inside a bar donut, which is also deep frid, glazed, covered in chocolate frosting AND topped w/Butterfinger chips.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 01:49 (eighteen years ago)

Don't get me started on donuts, donuts aren't living up to their potential. We have failed the donut.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 01:52 (eighteen years ago)

There is a fantastic place in Tupelo that hasn't failed the donut.

― do i have to draw you a diaphragm (Rock Hardy), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:07 (eighteen years ago)

Don't get my hopes up! I'm still waiting for some donutier to unveil all the stuff we're missing, especially filled donuts made with the chocolate dough instead of the regular dough, and donuts with multiple fillings (double-stuffed or double-decker, the Skybar-like Superkruller, etc).

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:10 (eighteen years ago)

I worked at a donut shop once, making donuts. They are always BAD bcz I discovered everyone is one 8 different drugs while they make them. But. One day I fried a giant rectangle of dough, glazed it tiwce, frosted the whole thing w/chocolate, puched 3 holes in it, filled them with boston creme, put 3 donut holes on top coated in excess powdered sugar, covered them in icing, punched 2 more holes and put raspberry filling in them, and then put walnuts on top. I didn't eat it bcz I hate donuts, BUT I really thought I was on to something.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:14 (eighteen years ago)

The place was called GLAZED OVER so maybe it was just that locale that attreacted the drung doers.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:17 (eighteen years ago)

You WERE onto something! It's only a matter of time.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:19 (eighteen years ago)

They don't have that kind of stuff every day, but I was talking to the main man last time I was there and he said, "If you want something specific, just ask for it and give us a little notice. I love trying stuff out."

xposties

― do i have to draw you a diaphragm (Rock Hardy), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:21 (eighteen years ago)

Oh man, special-order donuts.

... oh MAN.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:23 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, I haven't been in since. He INTIMIDATED me with my own power.

― do i have to draw you a diaphragm (Rock Hardy), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:26 (eighteen years ago)

I'd just bring stuff in every week and be like, hey, put this in a donut. Honeysuckle jelly, mascarpone, other donuts...

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 02:29 (eighteen years ago)

They'll Do It Every Time Department:

http://www.aeropause.com/archives/a%20boy%20and%20his%20blob.jpg

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 January 2007 21:00 (eighteen years ago)

You should make a giant marzipan donut and fill its ring with jelly donuts of six flavors, then pour high-proof booze over it and burn it, and then glazed it again.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 22:00 (eighteen years ago)

"Jelly donuts of six flavors" makes me think of Gobstoppers[1] and of that Jeff Noon story[2] -- jelly donuts that each have six flavors, either all at once or in succession. That would be even more awesome than the sextamarzinut flambe, except for the name.

[1] And Dinosour Eggs. Whither the sour donuts? They have sour Jelly Bellies (see I'm not derailing entirely), but sour pastries haven't really arrived yet. If I hadn't let Lindsey keep my citric acid, I'd go roll a Twinkie in it or something.

[2] It was about magic sodapop, I loved it.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:19 (eighteen years ago)

You could roll the sour donuts in that citric acid sugar that coats sour Skittles & the like. I think that's what you just said tho. THEN glaze it & spray it with lemon juice! Maybe throw lemon zest on there if you wanna get classy.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:37 (eighteen years ago)

i like how you want to GLAZE everything! that donut shop totally got inside yr head, maaan

― rrrobyn, breeze blown meadow of cheeriness (rrrobyn), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:39 (eighteen years ago)

xpost - If you were feeling sadistic, you could sell them as a cure for canker sores.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:40 (eighteen years ago)

xxpost; That's what I had! Yeah, I make this Sour Patch Duck with citric acid and candied kalamansi and it's this whole thing, but it tastes like duck with Sour Patch Kids melted over it. But I let my ex keep all my citric acid when I moved. I'll have to get more.

I'm suddenly feeling like I'm Mikey and you're all the other kids.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:43 (eighteen years ago)

I glazed a donut w/10 layers of glaze once. I had nothing to do but glaze things when I wasn't throwing lard into the flyer and fixing the 1970s-era broken machines.

You could make an apple fritter equivalent full of sour patch kids and sour mike & ikes (instead of apples) and then roll it in citric acid and glaze it.

You could also do a Chicken Kiev one and fill it with butter and chicken. Then glaze it.

― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:48 (eighteen years ago)

Luckily, someone did a pizza King Cake the other day, and I thought, "Oh, that's like something I would do. Oh, except it's bad. Oh hrm." So that ship has sailed, I don't want to do chicken donuts now. Mincemeat though, sure. Not sour.

Actually, a Shaker lemon donut could be an awesome thing, and a little kicker of citric acid wouldn't kill it.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 January 2007 23:56 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, I just realized the Kiev donut would be insanely gross once it got cold, and probably a health hazard. Bacteria & whatnot.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 00:00 (eighteen years ago)

This thread is getting really great, btw.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 00:35 (eighteen years ago)

The trick, the challenge, would be to make a chicken donut no one knew was a chicken donut. "That apple sure did have some grain on it, what was that, some kind of fancy alginate?"

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 00:56 (eighteen years ago)

And a butter donut, that you heat up right before eating, so that it pops in your mouth and is all buttery and sweet -- like a soup dumpling -- but a butter donut -- that would be good. It would have to be Munchkin-sized, though.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 00:58 (eighteen years ago)

You could just make the actual donut itself out of chicken dough and fill it with something else. Gruyere, shallots and vermouth? Mashed potatos?

― Adam Beales (Pye Poudre), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 00:59 (eighteen years ago)

That sounds like the kind of thing I say just to keep out of trouble -- hey I'm not responsible for your buttered lap, I told you it had to be Munchkin-sized -- but I mean it this time, it wouldn't work if it were too big, even if the target mouth were tremendous.

xpost; wait, chicken dough...

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:00 (eighteen years ago)

Jesus, at that point it isn't a donut. Unless you mean like dough flavored w/chicken broth.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:02 (eighteen years ago)

I feel like a lab assistant at the Manhattan Project... on the cusp of history and chicken.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:03 (eighteen years ago)

Sweet and sour chicken wrapped in donut dough and then deep fried & glazed might be neat.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:05 (eighteen years ago)

Donut filled with nutella and Heath bar chunks and then rolled in powdered sugar sounds the yum.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 01:05 (eighteen years ago)

I'm not yet prepared to cosign any points at which anything isn't a donut.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 03:07 (eighteen years ago)

They do savory beignets sometimes in New Orleans, almost always seafood-and-cream-sauce filled -- but they've never seemed very beignet-like to me, and only in part because I don't think of beignets as filled: a hot filling has a very different effect on the texture of the shell and the mouthfeel of the whole deal than a room-temp filling does. It's ... hrm. It's less parallel. There's a point at which a savory beignet is relevantly related to a sweet one only in the same sense that an Oreo is related to a grilled cheese sandwich: i.e. in ways the mouth is unaware of. That's less interesting than making the mouth go "holy cats, it's a donut, but ALSO CHICKEN!"

(I realize that means the stealth chicken is even less interesting, because it shifts the chicken-awareness from mouth, way past head, to cook.)

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 03:13 (eighteen years ago)

Since nobody seems to be professing any love for the watermelon jelly belly, it must mean that nobody apart from me hearts it. Therefore please send all your spare ones to me immediately (I will send swaps in return if anyone wants, esp the bubble gum and cotton candy ones. They are truly awful)

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:17 (eighteen years ago)

To add top the doughnut derail above, I had a curry one in Japan which was awesome. Curry sauce in the middle, toasted coconut and a dusting of curry powder on the outside.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:26 (eighteen years ago)

Oh those things are foul. Although I may have been influenced by the fact I didn't know it wasn't a sweet donut.

― Treblekicker (treblekicker), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 18:02 (eighteen years ago)

why don't they make boozy donuts? like filled with bourbon ganache.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 18:31 (eighteen years ago)

Most donut places don't have a liquor license.

― do i have to draw you a diaphragm (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 19:11 (eighteen years ago)

Yes: blueberry, Dr. Pepper, coconut, red apple, lemon drop & strawberry jam.

No, oh GOD no: Pear

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 19:41 (eighteen years ago)

destroy all yellows and greens of no taste consquence

― Dr. Alicia D. Titsovich (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 19:43 (eighteen years ago)

I think I ODed a bit on the Dr Pepper ones. I need to check out the new/rebranded Soda Shoppe ones, what with 7-Up and Orange Crush or whatever it is.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 20:04 (eighteen years ago)

fuck pink too

― Dr. Alicia D. Titsovich (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 20:05 (eighteen years ago)

buttered popcorn is disgusting.

juicy pear is one of my favorites.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 20:07 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

Rant: Tutti Frutti is probably the most boring flavor. I wish they would just get rid of it

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 19 February 2009 03:27 (sixteen years ago)

Rave: any/all fruit or soda flavored jelly bellies, esp sour ones (in moderation)
Rant: the other ones

― contenderizer, Thursday, 19 February 2009 05:38 (sixteen years ago)

Toasted marshmallow, man. Take it back.

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 19 February 2009 06:07 (sixteen years ago)

buttered popcorn too. nasty. do they still make these?

― contenderizer, Thursday, 19 February 2009 06:10 (sixteen years ago)

toasted marshmallow, peanut butter and buttered popcorn are like the best ones. gtfo out of my thread weirdo

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 19 February 2009 06:15 (sixteen years ago)

LOL, i said like the exact same thing in the first post hahahaha

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 19 February 2009 06:16 (sixteen years ago)

first post, whooda thunk it

― contenderizer, Thursday, 19 February 2009 06:35 (sixteen years ago)

i LOVE tutti frutti. it tastes like bubble gum ice cream.

― go back to ur game of Croquette ye posho's (stevie), Thursday, 19 February 2009 10:33 (sixteen years ago)

five years pass...

these are mostly disgusting but they do definitely give your taste buds something to ponder

― example (crüt), Friday, 14 November 2014 20:42 (eleven years ago)

i am due for a bag of these

― So beautiful cow (forksclovetofu), Friday, 14 November 2014 21:22 (eleven years ago)

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