Job Dragging Down

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it's really weird I don't hate the actual work...I just really hate something about it, the feeling I get from them when I speak to them or something, I mean I really really hate it...I hate being a part of their world or something, being someone they ring up to try and fill their fucking roster. I'm barely there 15 hours a week but it gets under my skin somehow.

I try to be like strong and just ignore it and treat it as a shit job and just do it and keep it separate from the rest of my life but I can't really. That really annoys me then makes me sad cos I think other people must be able to do that but why can't I?

It's like it feels competetive or something, and I don't want to compete, it's not even a competetive sort of job, but just like it's some competition for this meaningless self fulfillment which in there seems to equate to just telling yourself you've done well.

All of this is manifested in them calling me to ask if I can come in and do an extra shift at short notice 4 or 5 times in the last 2 months, despite me being hired as "casual"/part-time, one shift a week, and when I say "no" there's this sigh on the phone. It leaves me feeling so angry and full of this weird anger I've never had before, just like why does this person have any right to ask me this or get annoyed if I say no, or phone me in MY FUCKING TIME. (there's the anger)

I can probably quit this job and concentrate on writing but I'd be a lot more broke, it pays well. I really hate how it makes me feel though, I mean, is this normal? I just feel incapable of functioning in this kind of generic work environment....am I too sensitive or something?

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

plus of course: feeling like this affects the other stuff...writing etc

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

I had this feeling in my last job and it's really not healthy and it DOES bleed into the rest of your life whether you like it or not. I'd say look around and try and find something else. There's no harm in looking.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

would like to not have to work

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

maybe that's it...

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

you have to look at whether its something to do with the company, or whether its something to do with you

its not uncommon for people to resent the very idea of working *for* someone else, ceding control of life, putting self in the subordinate position. weirdly, the more comfortable a job might be, the more this feeling can surface in certain people

i think you are one of these people

― Lone Star Feeds (688), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:32 (nineteen years ago)

think this fits into the the rather fluid nature of the job. if it was fixed hours, this feeling might present itself left, but the fact they call to offer/implore more work contributes to the ceding of control. even if they dont call, they could, and this means they are there...the whole time

― Lone Star Feeds (688), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

What are you expectations, for jobs in general and this job in particular? I know it's the difference between expectation and reality that does my head in - but perhaps you weren't being quite realistic so actually it's disappointment or resentment rather than real unhappiness.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Monday, 15 January 2007 14:56 (nineteen years ago)

expectations-stopgap job to keep me in cash while I write more and earn enough to quit stopgap job and move out of home, whether by writing more or getting a writing related job...

reality-keeping me in cash, hate the job, can't blame it for not working as hard on writing in the last 2 months, that's my fault, but it probably is a factor at least.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 January 2007 15:26 (nineteen years ago)

I've always hated poxy rostered jobs. You can't plan your life more than a week in advance, you can't take your holidays when other people are taking theirs, and there's always some gobshite who takes the piss and doesn't turn up, and then, if you're a responsible person, you feel like you should say yes to the shift because a) you could use the money and b) you don't want to let people down. What's worse is that you feel guilty when you don't take the shift, even though it wasn't your shift to begin with. Rubbish.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 15 January 2007 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

Semi-solution: do not answer phone.

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 15 January 2007 20:41 (nineteen years ago)

I I worked for a freelancing agency for about a year - about half the work I got was last minute help needed kind of stuff.

If they called need someone asap and I wasn't in the mood I would act all concerned and sorry and tell them I didn't think i could make it. Sometimes for fun I'd put them on "hold" while I went to "double check my schedule" when in actuality I would cover the mouth piece on the phone while itching my balls for about a minute. Then I would tell them how sorry I was but I had another obligation I just couldn't break.

Maybe try that?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 15 January 2007 21:05 (nineteen years ago)

sounds good.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 January 2007 22:42 (nineteen years ago)

Sometimes for fun I'd put them on "hold" while I went to "double check my schedule" when in actuality I would cover the mouth piece on the phone while itching my balls for about a minute.

Hahah Thermo I love you.

Ronan - I am totally with you on this one. I am currently having a complete and utter crisis over my work. I've been in IT for just over 10 years and ended up in it almost by accident to begin with. And my current IT job is painful, it is so so corporate, I keep wanting to shout BINGO!! every time I hear someone saying they'll push paradigms and open the envelopes or wtf ever.

I'm thinking I will resign by June. I can't bring myself to keep faking it anymore. I can't do the nice work clothes and bland attitude thing. I cant muster up energy for a company I don't give a flying shit about (especially because this company sells broadband to customers like H4ll1burton, and Iraqui companies, which leaves a bad moral taste in my mouth).

Problem is - what do I do then? :/

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 15 January 2007 22:49 (nineteen years ago)

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