Having sex with your teachers: instructive or destructive?

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Over here the media are all excited about mad Cannuck Amy Guhring's admission that she had sex with one of her 16 year old pupils, after being cleared last month of indecently assaulting some other, under age ones.

If it were a male teacher, he'd be all evil and perverted and exploitative. As she's a woman, she's all unbalanced and sex-mad. But aside from that, what do you think about pupil-teacher relationships (over the age of consent)? A complete no-no? Or can they teach you stuff? Maybe better than crappo sex with some spotty contemporary? Much better for 'how did you lose your virginity' tales, anyway. Although I suppose if everyone did it it would lose its sheen.

― N., Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The BBC was trying to say how destroying this sort of experience would be for a young lad, the piece made some very valid points for general life , but in this case I just don't think they would apply. I put myself back to when I was that age, and, quite frankly the chance to shag a half decent teacher would have been very welcome indeed, especially if it had been our old French teacher, she was gorgeous.

― chris, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The head of history at Chadwell High got banned from field trips cos of his taste for the young ladies.

― DG, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Uh, DG? I think that statement is libellous.

― Mark Morris, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Only if it's not true..

― N., Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nick's right, if he saw this he couldn't sue me.

― DG, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(you get to know these things if your then-girlfriend's mum is one of the top school governors)

― DG, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Only if it's not true..."

Well, not exactly. It's about truth that a court of law accepts has been proved (proven?). Which is hardly the same thing.

― Mark Morris, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

As in: would your ex's mum testify on your behalf?

― Mark Morris, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Still, I'm backing the Romford Assassin and his school governor posse in any fight.

― N., Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

NickDastoor is a shrewd man.

― DG, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Cor, I hope there hasn't been more than one Head of Whatever at Wherever-it-was High. Imagine if another HOWAW-I-WH came across this despite being someone quite different from the person DG was referring to and consider the whole thing to be deeply libellous! hilarious consequences would no doubt ensue.

I'm waiting for MM here to post on the Student Papers threaed about the lazy, drunk wastes of time he was forced to edit in his spell as a sub. Then I can sue him! Hooray!

― Tim, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

They will pH3aR me!

― DG, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

amy gehring's boyfriend was in a newspaper. he said she's great; like being with a prostitute but free: she'll do anything you like! he had a nice [or not really] baseball cap on. AND A STUPID FACE.

― richard john gillanders, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1800000/images/_1801018_teacher300. jpg

― N., Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My old headmaster used to take groups of young boys to his cottage in the Lake District for weekends and take them 'scree running'.

What disturbs me is how quickly wanting to shag your teachers comes after accidentally calling them 'mum' every so often.

― P**** M*****, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

When I was in 8th grade or so and my looks were changing, there was a short period when I had no idea whatsoever whether I was hot or not....honestly, I was riddled.....at that time I dreamed up this "system" where every boy and girl writes down a list of 30 people they think are fuckable, gives it to some computer which works out a cross-reference database and returns to each student a list of people who share mutual lust....noone would be insulted, nearly everyone would get laid....I got over this period but I still think it would be a cool thing to have in place

― Ramosi, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

pupil-teacher relationships are too ridden with power- imbalances (as all relationships are, but the imbalances here are i think less negotiable) and thus would not be something i would realistically want to get involved in. its nice to fantasize about though. what can they teach you about sex that you won't learn eventually? probbly the only thing you would learn would be "i never wanna make this mistake again".

i thought my 7th form calculus teacher was rather dreamy. his name was mr. mulholland and he was nerdy-cute. i knew how to make him blush furiously. heh! when i worked at a high school last year, i can't deny that i didn't fantasize on giving some of the pupils a lesson or two...

― di, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Looking at that picture, why not.....I always wanted to fuck Ms Pac Man

― Ramosi, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, 1am no libel writs yet. Besides, the teacher in question never got involved with underage pupils, usually year 11s or 6th formers. I can say what I like cos I have enough instances of him breaking the parent/teacher confidentiality agreement anyway = it's great fun hearing gossip about other people, not so much fun when you're the subject.

― DG, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I agree with Lady-Di on the disadvantages of teacher-pupil sexual relationships, especially on the grounds of being power imbalance-ridden. Now power imbalance and forbidden fruit may constitute exactly the turn-on for others but not for me.

I'll admit lusting for my teachers, male and female, from kindergarten up through university. So I can't deny that there's a whole lotta erotic energy cathected in teacher-student relations (huh huh, you said 'relations').

But having been a teacher myself, I am terribly glad I never acted on my lust. It's better as a fantasy. And although it was flattering when cute students had crushes on me, I felt more nervous and uncomfortable about it than anything. Younger people aren't very attractive or sexually interesting to me, and all I can think about is the shitstorm of trouble that's not worth it. Furthermore, it really puts me off my stride in the classroom to have at the forefront of my consciousness the knowledge that some students are staring at me and regarding me only as a sexual object. I don't mind if they're human and entertaining fantasies because I had them myself, but it really disturbed me to receive sexually harassing letters describing these thoughts in graphic detail.

Mostly I disapprove of student-faculty romances. I have a bias against the instructor, whom I view as a lame-ass lech taking advantage of some dumb, young, and full-of-cum student. Those are the stereotypes.

But oddly enough, I know of a wonderful couple who began their romance when she was an undergrad student and he was the graduate student instructor of her section. She thought he was cute and hit on him aggressively. He was so shy - typical science geek - he couldn't even look up at her (she's very physically attractive as well as stunningly intelligent); for most of the course he could only talk to her while staring down at his shoes. He eventually dated her after the course was over, and several years later they are now happily married. They're also very politically progressive and active. I love 'em and think the world of 'em.

― Melinda Mess-Injure, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ramosi, isn't the system you describe the basis of all those e-crush websites?

I think on reflection I basically I agree with Di re: power imbalances etc. But I can't make myself feel the same way about older male - girl relationships as older woman - boy relationships. I'm trying to work out exactly why. There's a lot of standard rhetoric in the way.

― N., Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Update: Pink's 2nd track on M!ssundaztood explains that "teachers dated me/parents dated me" -- but she turned out pretty okay, eh?

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

She did?

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Just listen to how self-confident she sounds on "Respect".

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And you're crediting her for that?

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I want to post something, but I can't stop laughing at Ramosi's Ms. Pac-Man comment!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Remember that Atari ad for the home version of Ms. Pac-Man with various middle-school-age horndogs drooling over her? Ramosi is not alone, it seems. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But I can't make myself feel the same way about older male - girl relationships as older woman - boy relationships

fair enough too, since when the roles are reversed it makes for a different power dynamic.

for the record, i don't know of any female teachers that have untoward relations with male pupils. but i know of quite a few male teachers around here who have serial affairs with female pupils, and the sad thing is that nobody seems to blink an eyelid.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I used to get worked up over that, when I was in HS, probably b/c those teachers were having more success w/ my classmates than *I* wuz. But teenage trauma will be that, and in hindsight they were getting old and I had a lifetime of experience ahead of me, so let them look for a few last sleazy kicks while they can.

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hmm, i didn't know of anything like that going on when i was in high school, it mostly happens at university.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

At what age, if any, does it become acceptable to have sex with your teachers? Lots of people are referring to pupils, which i take to mean pre-university. A few of the people i taught at university were 16/17, which is around the age that a lot of these "scandals" come out of high schools. Is it okay when the students are older than the teacher? What about when both parties are mature enough to not let their relationship get in the way of their schoolwork? and surely if you are a good teacher then there won't be a 'power imbalance'?

i can't answer any of these questions myself because i have four applications for teaching jobs pending using this email address.

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and surely if you are a good teacher then there won't be a 'power imbalance'?

power imbalances are everywhere. how do you propose to have a pupil-teacher relationship without a power imbalance of some description? one person has the knowledge, the other person is trying to get the knowledge. of course there is a power imbalance.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and surely if you are a good teacher then there won't be a 'power imbalance'?
power imbalances are everywhere. how do you propose to have a pupil- teacher relationship without a power imbalance of some description? one person has the knowledge, the other person is trying to get the knowledge. of course there is a power imbalance.

yes that was a little thoughtless of me. i guess i was thinking more of disciplinary or giving-good-grades power.
Surely the type of "power imbalance" you describe happens all the time in relationships - people are always teaching each other things the other doesn't know about and its usually a two-way street (unless you're porking a vegetable).
Now if a student starting teaching their teacher about sex then it would be correcting the power imbalance right? so whats the problem with teacher/student sex then?

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Now if a student starting teaching their teacher about sex then it would be correcting the power imbalance right? so whats the problem with teacher/student sex then?

okay you've got a point in that the power imbalances should be judged contextually. but this doesn't disturb the fact that from where i'm sitting theres a bunch of horny old lecturers cracking on to their fresh-faced 17/18 year old female pupils. and they've always done it before. they've been doing it since they GOT into the position of power.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

so what i'm saying is that the context = usually teacher has knowledge, pupil doesn't, in the classroom and the bedroom. and even if the pupil had superior knowledge of sex, i can't imagine that (names excised) would be interested in the ideas of any women, let alone 17 year old ones. i mean they have total of one female lecturer in their respective departments.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Which lecturers are you talking about?

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

go on none of them will be reading ILE.

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i will e-mail you.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yay Dunedin gossip!

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

now you have to give me advice on my thread.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am so the wrong person to ask for advice on this sort of thing. jump someone elses bones and pretend its him.

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Meanwhile, thousands and thousands (okay, maybe it's more like tens) of secretive Dawson's Creek devotees sit silently on their hands, too ashamed to type what they know...

― Kim, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

go on tell us! what happened on Dawson's Creek?

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

where have you been, hamish? pacey lost his virginity to his teacher in series one.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i didn't have a tv then. since we have agreed this is depends on contexts i need to know which gender groups both "Pacey" and their teacher belonged to and who made the first move.

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

pacey = boy, teacher = woman. i can't remember who made the first move.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

did everything work out in the end? was she the biology teacher?

― hamish, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yes. don't know.

― di, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.bumpee-forums.tk

― Bumpee, Monday, 15 December 2003 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"Coaches Who Pray"

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

SHIT SHIT SHIT

"Coaches Who Prey"

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

BEST TYPO EVER

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Rah!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:08 (twenty-one years ago)

THAT EXPLAINS THE WHOLE CATHOLIC BISHOP THING!

"Pray! PRAY! NOT 'prey'!!!!!! Did you not read the memo correctly?"

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I've heard of bashing the bishop but DB, so rude.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Bashing the bishop" is a great euphemism.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think I ever crushed on any of my teachers except perhaps in an intellectual sense in college. However one of my (female) high school teachers had an affair with one of my (female) classmates and everyone suspected but I never got it confirmed until a few years ago. I simultaneously think that's cool and awful. Also for some reason here in the midwest we seem to have a decent number of lady teachers seducing young boys!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Busted clearly have been trying to win success in the wrong country.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, and they all popped up AFTER I GRADUATED DAMN YOU TARDY TEMPTRESSES I WAS HERE FOR YOU oh wait I just remembered what most of them looked like never mind.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan you would have sexed them into a higher state of being.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 01:40 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

A teacher from my high school was just kicked out of school amid allegations along these lines.

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Friday, 11 June 2004 14:33 (twenty years ago)

i would have given anything for sex with certain teachers.

― AaronK (AaronK), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:34 (twenty years ago)

[pic deleted because linking it was just not a very good idea]

^ this guy

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:37 (twenty years ago)

Well done, Jon, you must be proud.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:37 (twenty years ago)

(Um, is this in any way actionable/libellous?)

― MODERATOR (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:38 (twenty years ago)

I'm no legal expert, but since Jon isn't accusing the dude of anything, just saying he was kicked out of school for allegations of so and so, I would guess no.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:42 (twenty years ago)

Have to agree with what NA said -- though if nothing has actually been filed legally about this, ie it's all strictly rumor, then something could yet come back to haunt us.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:42 (twenty years ago)

I'm totally talking out of my ass - it's probably pretty dumb either way.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:43 (twenty years ago)

(That's what I thought, but linking a picture of him is so obviously not a smart thing to do. It's actually borderline psychotically shit-for-brained.)

― MODERATOR (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:43 (twenty years ago)

JOn is a reporter, man! Don't try to censor the media, you fascist!

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:44 (twenty years ago)

(Who, me?)

― FASCIST MODERATOR (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:45 (twenty years ago)

TWISTED FASCIST MODERATOR

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:47 (twenty years ago)

(HEY HEY HEY)

(Clearly today's goal is to use that joke as many times as humanly possible.)

― FASCIST MODERATOR (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:47 (twenty years ago)

yea, you might as well delete that and all my posts.

― COVER YOUR ASS (ex machina), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:48 (twenty years ago)

(I will settle for just the pic.)

― FASCIST MODERATOR (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:51 (twenty years ago)

but you all saw that beard huh? what a beard!

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:52 (twenty years ago)

ps - dan perry, thank you for reminding me to cover my ass ♥

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Could you link the picture if the caption read, "Teacher allegedly unjustly dismissed for alleged inappropriate behavior, allegedly"

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:54 (twenty years ago)

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