Question to ilx's Don Juans - What is the one and only secret to the heart (and the bed) of a girl?

"... and after several hours, my clitoris was completely gone!"

or she will hate you

"No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Yes. OH SHIT, WAIT...! Dammit."

It takes a more intimate meaning if she's a duck.

Launch phase 3...Operation: Be The Guy Who Is There When He Lets Her Down Again (For The Last Time)!!

play her some PO...PO...POPPAGE!

to wit:
You deserved every damn thing you got and you know it. To you this may just be a game, but to some of us this is a very real thing. I haven't spent 75 days of my life playing this game so I can !*!#ing LOSE BATTLEGROUND GAMES because you think it's CUTE to screw around. If any one person caused this breakup, it was you.
I was completely justified in letting your girlfriend know you were flirting with Menah. You think I ruined your life? Well as my idol Obi-Wan Kenobi put it in Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, "You have done that yourself." I can't stand !!@@*#%s like you who think you can run around seducing all of the fair skinned Night Elven maidens after you get home from kissing your Mormon girlfriend on the park bench. Somebody has to stand up for the little woman. Unluckily for you, that someone turned out to be me.

I bet you didn't expect me to find out your girlfriend's email address, did you? Yeah, too bad I did, with a little help from my good friend Google. (Look it up sometime, you'd be suprised.) I bet you also didn't expect me to make an RAR of all the screenshots I took of your flirting either. (All in PNG format, of course.) Heh. You didn't even expect me to put a password on the file, did you? Yeah. I called your girlfriend to relay it to her. I covered all my bases. Looks like you just got shutout. Hopefully your former girlfriend will be able to sleep soundly at night now. I know I will. Especially now that I know there's still justice left in this world. Justice by the name of Daisies.

Is there any way to un-do it? Marit has made up her mind. Being a virgin is getting in the way of holding on to a boyfriend she really likes. So who better to lose it with than her best guy-friend, Jamie? They’ve been buds forever. It’ll be completely pressure-free. But Marit soon learns that doing it changes everything. Now she’s stuck without a boyfriend and in danger of losing her friends.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/130/366328053_dc72b0bdf0.jpg?v=0

XP: w/r/t bridges: you had to be there.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High came out in 1982, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

clearly ilx is just jealous of lj's youthful alcohol-metabolising powers.

why did i read this whole thread when i knew it was going to be horrible?

xp

You've never encountered a group of friends who all have the same tastes and EXACT SAME PERSONALITIES then. Who cares if it ends badly if you end up with some new tastes, tolerances for bad taste, or a better understanding of friends who have lived a completely different life. There's something to be said for having a variable (and varied!) group of friends.

This "group of friends who all have the same tastes and EXACT SAME PERSONALITIES" stuff...I dunno, half of the fun of having friends who share your taste is that of course you DO disagree on some stuff. And of course diferent friends have diferent tastes in common with ya. The only experience I've had with the sort of groups you describe, really, is people who don't care much about culture in the first place - i.e. the last people on earth who'd choose friends based on tastes.

Variety is awesome, yeah. But I mean if I met someone who's really into, I dunno, indian music or noir literature or (insert taste I know nothing about here), I'd be interested in that person, too, and that'd fall into making a friendship based on taste, too!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's *better* than choosing on those other factors we've listed, just that it's as valid as any take.

xpost- omg my head is going to explode. must stop reading.

Haha, this sounds a bit pretentious, I'm sure. Just to clear things up, it's not like I don't have friends with what I think is bad or just uninteresting taste, too. There aren't any actual rules to who you end up being friends with, obv.

How about "girl with great picture on Facebook turns out to be an idiot" or "person who wrote hilarious profile turns out to be obnoxious" (i actually don't have a problem with obnoxiousness per se) or "person who loves [the same bands you love] " turns out to be a bore? (oh the horror of that last one!)

For the purposes of getting LAIDED the amount of information, on all verteces and vectors, you get by talking (using your voice) or hanging out w/someone, just puts the written word to shame. You can get to know people very well online, or through reading their newspaper columns, or from reading their books, and know things about them that many of their best friends or family don't even know, but what was that statistic about people, like most people make up their minds whether they'll sleep w/somebody within 2 1/2 seconds of meeting them or something? So yeah "these things come around pretty soon in the game" OTM!

Well, that can happen too, of course! I don't really see how anything said on this thread has ever implied that it doesn't.

happy now?

I say, could you repeat whatever it was you wrote? This delirium impairs my understanding of any but simple sentences of short words.

ADDENDUM: she has just added me as a facebook friend. nota bene: SHE added ME.

what a fucking creep, i should never have got talking.

Also, Louis is perpetually getting crucified for vocalizing things felt by at least half of the guys here (can't speak for the girls)! It's just that he's foolish enough to say them, instead of keeping them to himself. E.g.:

ADDENDUM: she has just added me as a facebook friend. nota bene: SHE added ME.

I mean, yeah, that doesn't come off very well, and when I read it I think "Louis, you should have left that out." But does it feel good, for me, when a girl I've met who think is cute "friends" me on Myspace? When she makes a point of looking me up? Yes, sure, it does. I don't take it as a sign that I'm GETTIN LUCKAH but hell, when you're sweet on somebody, every little thing they do to suggest you're on their mind becomes a big deal.

And that -- the mild obsession with little details -- is true of almost everyone I've ever met, male or female, who's capable of getting crushes/whatever on someone. So I find it hypocritical that people are ripping someone to shreds for vocalizing what (almost) all of us have experienced. It's almost as though the males of this thread, especially, want to distance themselves from someone who seems to embody all their memories of embarrassment and naivete and trying too hard.

xpost There's a fuck of a lot of difference between "I just met a girl and I'm obsessing over every detail" and...well, some of the shit that otherwise might get posted, let's leave it at that.

Also, isn't that basically what happens on TITTWIS threads?

Reminding people of their horrid former selves is something I seem to be quite good at. Funnily enough, I myself look at 16 year-olds and am repulsed at what I once was, so I guess it's basically some sort of great chain of ageist superiority.

In the States, when someone famous sues a tabloid over a story, people assume it's true, or at least give it more credence. (Think of how aggressively certain actors go after "X is gay" rumors.) OTOH, when the famous person ignores the story, it usually goes away.

Same thing was true in grade school, at least sometimes. "Go fuck yourself", or a punch to the solar plexus, was usually a better reply than "Am not!"

Also, I'm sure you have something better to do (than defend yourself against Internet ad homs). It'd be better to go do it, I think.

Do not contact her through bloody facebook. And if you want this thread to go away, stop telling us what you are doing with the implied request for advice.

(Just call me, Cyrano)