Cats and sex.

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Share us you experiences... No, I don't mean sex with cats, rather than how cats behave while having you're having sex.

I found it kinda funny to notice a cat had stolen the condom I was about to use and bitten holes through it. Thankfully it wasn't the last one, otherwise it would've been less funny. It didn't find used condoms as interesting though, which I guess is good.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:13 (eighteen years ago)

I'm allergic to cats.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:15 (eighteen years ago)

eww.

honestly I don't really notice the pets during sex.

― Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:18 (eighteen years ago)

Is it an universal phenomenon that a cat might otherwise claw and bite and cuddle you, but it stops doing so while you're having sex? Do cats respect lovemaking?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:18 (eighteen years ago)

I hear them in the alley behind my flat sometimes. The female cats don't seem to like it very much. Understandably.

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:18 (eighteen years ago)

A++ EXCELLENT TUOMAS IMPRESSION, WOULD CLICK AGAIN

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:19 (eighteen years ago)

I hear them in the alley behind my flat sometimes...

Who, Tuomas and partner?

― Tom D. (Dada), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:20 (eighteen years ago)

i hate it when my fish watch me masturbate!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:21 (eighteen years ago)

i've never seen them, so it is possible.

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:22 (eighteen years ago)

Is it true that male cats have spikes in their penis, so that the female cat doesn't get away while mating?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:37 (eighteen years ago)

heterosexist

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:39 (eighteen years ago)

dogs are barbed, that's why they often get "stuck". I just think cat's are too dignified creatures and such an act is an affront to their sense of self.

― Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:41 (eighteen years ago)

Well, my friend who has a male cat told me so.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:42 (eighteen years ago)

i don't know about 'spikes', but i do know that female cats find it all very painful. but maybe they like it like that.

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:43 (eighteen years ago)

I doubt it

― Tom D. (Dada), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:46 (eighteen years ago)

you're probably right.

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dogs are not "barbed", they're...oh for god's sake, go look it up yourselves.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:48 (eighteen years ago)

I heard cats were barbed. Wolves stay stuck to each other for hours after they've done it because they're ... well, stuck.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:57 (eighteen years ago)

Foxes aren't barbed but bulbous; the penis inflates so it can't be removed for ages. It seems pretty painful.

― to scour or to pop? (Haberdager), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 14:58 (eighteen years ago)

Anyway, back to human sex.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:05 (eighteen years ago)

I'm sure I've told this dinner party standard here before but why not bring it out again.
I was once engaged in the sexual act commonly called 'doggie style' w/my ex-wife (who would surely be overjoyed that it was now posted on the interweb) when our adorable ginger-haired tabby kitten, seeing my scrotum swinging to and fro, decided to play tetherball. When his claws came in contact with my dangly bits, I (understandably) thrust forward rather forcefully trying to escape the clutches of his claws. "Enculé, qu’est-ce tu fous là?", she screamed after I had inadvertantly tried to put her head through the headboard. Little Diavolo, who was otherwise the most uxorious of cats, was most disappointed that the game was called on account of owner contumely.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...) (webmail), January 6th, 2005 6:53 PM. (Hereward)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When we failed to consumate the act, I could find no objection to her explanation that she had a headache.
-- Michael White (Sanmichel...) (webmail), January 6th, 2005 6:56 PM. (Hereward)

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

did you post that?!

― Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:10 (eighteen years ago)

Twice now.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:14 (eighteen years ago)

a cat had stolen the condom I was about to use and bitten holes through it.

Don't buy milk-flavoured condoms then.

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:19 (eighteen years ago)

B-b-but ladies love the smooth taste of milk!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:20 (eighteen years ago)

... but so do cats! Try to find something ladies like but cats don't. Do diamonds have flavour?

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:22 (eighteen years ago)

xpost: ethan, is that you?

M.White, you would make Wodehouse blush. Excellent work!

― to scour or to pop? (Haberdager), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:22 (eighteen years ago)

My cat has never had sex.

― tears (blood bitch), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:23 (eighteen years ago)

Me? Ethan?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:24 (eighteen years ago)

x-post

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:24 (eighteen years ago)

Me? Ethan? (xxx-post as well)

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:25 (eighteen years ago)

M.White: you were doing it doggie style and you wonder why your cat attacked you?

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:27 (eighteen years ago)

But cats do it doggie style too!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

we are all ethan padgett

― to scour or to pop? (Haberdager), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

no, they do it kitty style. Loud, violent, biting on the back of the neck and face down, ass up.

xpost

― Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

all you virgins should fuck right off

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

all you virgins should fuck

we know.

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

Huh?

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

Usually posting about having sex implies you're not a virgin.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:32 (eighteen years ago)

ts: a dog watching you have sex vs. a cat watching you have sex

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:33 (eighteen years ago)

Usually posting about having sex implies you're not a virgin

POSSIBLY THE LEAST TRUE CLAIM EVER MADE ON THE INTERWEBS

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:35 (eighteen years ago)

OTM

― Tom D. (Dada), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:35 (eighteen years ago)

What, you think I'm making this up?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:36 (eighteen years ago)

fuck off virgins

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:36 (eighteen years ago)

Usually posting about having sex implies you're not a virgin.

― ice pants (kenan), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:36 (eighteen years ago)

that linked thread actually gets better as it goes on

― to scour or to pop? (Haberdager), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:36 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, especially the part were people bought the urban legend.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

stop posting about me on this thread you fucking creep

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:49 (eighteen years ago)

same to you, dude, on the noise board

― to scour or to pop? (Haberdager), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:50 (eighteen years ago)

i dont give a shit about you, you fucking creep

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:52 (eighteen years ago)

Hey, no fighting on the cats and sex thread!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:52 (eighteen years ago)

I would have predicted little else on a cats and sex thread but hissing and scratching.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:57 (eighteen years ago)

Now all we're missing is the caterwauling.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 15:59 (eighteen years ago)

Okay, so Mr. Que wasn't referring to me. Kinda harsh anyway.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 20:01 (eighteen years ago)

Y'know, I never want to click on Tuomas' ~~sex~~ threads (I struck sex out cause all his threads are about sex, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT) but I still do and then I can't stop giggling.

I don't have a cat.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 20:12 (eighteen years ago)

You know, I remembered that aawful ball-clawing gpost I wrote but couldn't remember which thread it was on.

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 20:31 (eighteen years ago)

A former friend of mine once told me a great story about how--on "a few" (!!) occasions--his maine coone kitten attacked his balls/hand/penis/general "area" while masturbating. After "a few" instances of this, he finally learned to lock the cat out when he decided it was internet porn time.

― Allyzay doesnt get into the monkeys or vindications (allyzay), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 22:25 (eighteen years ago)

former friend!

― WAHT Tyler (Haberdager), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

yea, it's generally a good rule not to wave things around near cats unless that are not sanctioned cat toys.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 22:35 (eighteen years ago)

Yes, former friend, he became the ~~world~~ILX famous WoW underwear thief and basically a completely mentally unstable person about a year or two after that conversation took place, and was rarely heard from again.

I guess we should all blame that cat.

― Allyzay doesnt get into the monkeys or vindications (allyzay), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 22:37 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.johndiesattheend.com/catfucker.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 23:26 (eighteen years ago)

http://img107.imageshack.us/img107/5105/condom17ae.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 31 January 2007 23:27 (eighteen years ago)

We haven't got a cat, if we had one, it wd get locked out of the room/house when we were fucking.

m. white's ball clawage story is ARGH but also v funny.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 1 February 2007 11:59 (eighteen years ago)

six years pass...

Noisy fuckers tho arent they

― dub job deems (darraghmac), Monday, 15 July 2013 23:24 (twelve years ago)

indifferent-cats-in-amateur-porn.tumblr.com

― sleepingsignal, Monday, 15 July 2013 23:34 (twelve years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.