Why is it rude to correct someone?

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Or when is it rude to correct someone, can it ever be rude to correct someone? Are you one of those people who think putting X's on kids work is a bad thing - unless of course it is a kiss.

― Pete, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's not rude, it just makes you seem like an aging pedant with nothing better to do. Not you personally of course Pete.

Ahem.

It's not rude but it is cruel, or it can be. Like if someone is speaking to a group and they pronounce something arseways, it's kind of cruel to point it out and thus make them the subject of ridicule. However it would be polite to tell them afterwards and thus ensure they don't repeat their mistake. Teachers putting Xs on kids work is not a bad thing. If you're wrong you get corrected, it's a pretty important lesson to learn.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Having said all that, the fact that noone likes to find out they've done something wrong tends to lead to this theory of correcting someone being rude.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The key question is - does the person know they've done something wrong? In correcting a kid's work the answer is no so it isn't rude to tell them, in fact it is helpful. Whereas one would assume that, say, a 22-year old journalist will be aware that a mistake is a mistake so pointing it out is rude.

What if the mistake was a rude one in the first place though, i.e. somebody spelt country 'cuntry'?

― Tom, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You are a bunch of soft hearted wusses, people should always be told when they are doing something wrong, preferably by ME. It only seems rude when the people around you CONSTANTLY need correcting so you are doing it all the time.

Having said that I still have mild guilt pangs about the time I told Cat from Leeds off at a college dinner for cutting her roll in half and buttering it all in one go.

― Emma, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That is very bad etiquette Emma (your behaviour, I mean). Haven't you ever heard the Queen and the fingerbowl story?

― N., Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That is why I feel bad about it. However the real blame lies with the college which should've checked people's backgrounds more thoroughly before allowing them in.

― Emma, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mentioning no names of course Tom.

NB: Emma, my table manners are perfect.

― Anna, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

People who have a problem with being corrected invariably reveal themselves over time to be stubborn idiots who are incapable of understanding anything anyway.

― dave q, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My favourite piece of Emma's perfect ettiquette is her running her finger round the bowl and licking it, like a princess would.

I'm kind of ambivalent on this, I rarely correct people because I am often make mistakes diue to haste generally. I thought the loosing one was funny because of the potential dialect side to it. I think Tom is probably right though, only correct if one is being instructive.

That said when people start banging on about ettiquette I get annoyed because these are an arbitrary set of rules which often do not make an awful lot of sense (or offend) - vis a vis the buttering of an entire roll.

― Pete, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It is possible to simultaneously agree with Dave and believe that it is not always right to correct people's mistakes.

― N., Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes.

― Pete, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes Pete but surely you would agree that NOT TALKING WITH FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH

― Emma, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my friend p has two phrases she uses quite lot: such-and-such is a "damp squid" and this-and-that is a "ballpoint figure"

i heart both these mistakes so much, and have to suppress my Ageing Pedant instincts. As my job = correcting the idiotic blunders of a variety of posturing academics and so-called intellectuals, i sometimes am unable to turn off the jerking knee w.nicer people.

― mark s, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oops, I was so riled by Pete's bad etiquette I accidentally posted. Anyway I was going to say that some things are so clearly offensive and bad manners that the person doing them must just be out to annoy e.g. talking with your mouth full.

― Emma, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I assume that the seven grammatical and syntactical errors in Peter's original post were put there deliberately in order to test our powers of perception and relative sense of morality.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pete there are still ten-and-a-half months of the year of new snobbery to go so your anti-etiquette grumbles will fall on deaf ears.

― Tom, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I used to correct my mate all the time over things like "lose" and "loose", "their" and "there" etc.

Every time I did, he called me a "pedrantic wanker" Boy, did that make me laugh!

― Simeon, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Only four of them were deliberate, but yes. It is a case of my petard meeting a hoist I fear.

― Pete, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My BOSS doesn't know ARSE POO WEE difference between pre-described and prescribed. I have changed her AutoCorrect settings so that ARSE POO WEE typo 'teh' instead of 'the', automatically changes to 'ARSE POO WEE' whenever she spacks up. ARF!!!

― Sarah, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i think that Starry has just made my day worth existing in again.

― katie, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Getting words wrong pisses me off so entirely despite doing it myself all the time. However, I don't say anything because, quite honestly I don't care, because it's not me that looks like a twat. Well, I mean, it is, often, frequently, continually, but it's not my responisbility to make other people look good. It's my job to make me look good (I have recently fired myself and am looking for a replacement)Certain council tax dodging acquaintances still do not know the difference between 'eligible' and 'illegible'. FUME FUME FUEM FUCK.

― alix, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Alix - DID she go to the council and speak with them? I'd mail you but I think mail here is screwed.

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Thats a shame as i just mailed you. i doubt she has seen them. I am thinking we should send our money in and a note explaining that we have paid our share and won't reply to any more demands for the money not paid and they should address any bills to you know who. i don't want this hanging over me. Do you got a chequebook?

― alix, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am not sure if that will work - I might phone them up and explain the situation we are in and see if we CAN do that. Do you have yr mobile with you now? Yes, I do have a chequebook. God knows where though.

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This has turned into the worst thread ever.

― N., Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's a bit rude and yet you are correct!

No come on there must have been worse ones.

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well sorry to bore you N. - but at least I have the courtesy to ignore you when YOU'RE being boring.

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And that goes for all of you! I HATE YOU ALL! I am in a bad mood right now as I have a thumping headache and Lambeth Council website R stupid. Wah.

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You don't hate me though do you Sarah eh eh eh? Else why send me Valentines cards eh?

― Emma, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Shhhh do not speak of the love that dare not speak its name.

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Is it not spoken of because it dare not or because you're sshhing it. You can't have it both ways.

― N., Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

At least I get it at least ONE way, N. Hem hem.

― Sarah, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sarah = not so millitant bisexual.

― Pete, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

sixteen years pass...

is it rude to correct someone giving an NYC bus tour

― fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Saturday, 17 February 2018 18:22 (seven years ago)

What city u in

― rum dmc (darraghmac), Saturday, 17 February 2018 18:32 (seven years ago)

that's beautiful

― Badgers (dog latin), Saturday, 17 February 2018 20:05 (seven years ago)

Boringly thinking about the thread title and OP:

Generalizing blithely, politeness is measured by the degree to which social friction is reduced or concealed, and rudeness by the amount that social friction is increased or expressed openly.

Children get corrected all the time by adults, because they are not considered social equals to adults. Adults correcting other adults is considered rude when it contradicts the polite assumption of social equality. When social positions are inherently unequal, the tone of the correction ideally will correspond nicely to the degree of inequality and doesn't overstep proper social boundaries, for example, a supervisor treating an employee as if they were a child.

So, there you go.

― A is for (Aimless), Saturday, 17 February 2018 20:21 (seven years ago)

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