If Jesus Preached Now

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If Jesus Preached today, He would be wanted by....

The FDA for turning water into wine without a license.
The EPA for killing fig trees.
The AMA for practicing medicine without a license.
The Department of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead, and for feeding the 5,000 people in the wilderness.
The NEA for teaching without a certificate.
OSHA for walking on water without a life jacket and for flying without an airplane.
The SPCA for driving hogs into the sea.
The NATIONAL BOARD OF PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.
The INTERFAITH MOVEMENT for condemning all other religions.
And by the ZONING BOARD for building mansions without a permit.

― and what (ooo), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:37 (eighteen years ago)

you should do a puppet show about that

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:39 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/Politically_Correct_AntiChrist.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:39 (eighteen years ago)

The NATIONAL BOARD OF PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.

???

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 2 February 2007 20:40 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/Hydrogen_Over_Time_Becomes_People.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:41 (eighteen years ago)

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/175/377539796_01d2c715f0_o.png

― Allyzay doesnt get into the monkeys or vindications (allyzay), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:42 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/Hot_Air_About_Post-Modernism.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:45 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/False_Peace.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:47 (eighteen years ago)

This would be funny if I hadn't already met people who actually use "post-modernism" and "new age" to refer to evolution.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 2 February 2007 20:47 (eighteen years ago)

the hydrogen one is the best

― say it with blood diamonds (a_p), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:48 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/Dont_You_Realize_Abortion.gif
http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/Dont_You_Realize_Evolution.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:49 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.seekfind.net/Animations/Complex_Thought_Exposed_For_What_It_Is.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:50 (eighteen years ago)

i'm glad the jesus cartoon actually has the asterisk footnote.

also, we need jesus in the metal gear solid font

― kingfishy (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:51 (eighteen years ago)

oh good, they're brining chaos theory into it. now for the 2nd law of thermodynamics.

― kingfishy (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:52 (eighteen years ago)

Between this and the atheists vs. agnostics thread revive, did someone declare this national Nairn-bait day or something?

― John Justen goes to work like an architect (johnjusten), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:52 (eighteen years ago)

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 Presents Jack Chick's "Dark Dungeons"!

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:55 (eighteen years ago)

is he still around?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:56 (eighteen years ago)

The NEA for teaching without a certificate.

lol private school teachers don't need them

― UART variations (ex machina), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:56 (eighteen years ago)

omg the abortion one

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 2 February 2007 20:57 (eighteen years ago)

We'll know soon enough. xxpost

― John Justen goes to work like an architect (johnjusten), Friday, 2 February 2007 20:57 (eighteen years ago)

($)($)
LJ
(____)

(that is my abortion face)

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:03 (eighteen years ago)

gots to work on my abortion face.

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:04 (eighteen years ago)

we can only dream of a world where LJ was aborted

― and what (ooo), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:06 (eighteen years ago)

Does the LJ in your abortoface stand for Louis Jagger?

haha xpost

― John Justen goes to work like an architect (johnjusten), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:07 (eighteen years ago)

ZING XING

― and what (ooo), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:08 (eighteen years ago)

that's actually the name of the one of those pandas

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:10 (eighteen years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0790731339.01._AA280_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:10 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.epsilonminus.com/darquedungeon/

― NEVER GETS OLD (Dan Perry), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:21 (eighteen years ago)

"admit that power noise is bullshit" hahaha

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:23 (eighteen years ago)

Hi dere! Guess what religious text I'm from?

Any man who prays or prophesies with his head covered brings shame upon his head. But any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled brings shame upon her head, for it is one and the same thing as if she had had her head shaved. For if a woman does not have her head veiled, she may as well have her hair cut off. But if it is shameful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should wear a veil. A man, on the other hand, should not cover his head, because he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. ... Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head unveiled?

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:33 (eighteen years ago)

Atlas Shrugged?

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:35 (eighteen years ago)

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/8/89/Battlefield_earth_book_cover.jpg

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:41 (eighteen years ago)

See, you wouldn't think that would be in the New Testament, but then it's easy to forget that apart from the central Gospels the New Testament is largely a work of theology, exegesis, intra-church advice letters, etc.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:42 (eighteen years ago)

OSHA for walking on water without a life jacket and for flying without an airplane.

Jesus would not be an employer under OSHA, nor would OSHA care if he were wearing a life jacket unless walking on water were one of his job duties and his employer refused to issue the appropriate safety equipment.

OSHA doesn't care if you fly without an airplane. DHS might, though.

― Steve Guttenberg's Midnight Runner (pullapartgirl), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:43 (eighteen years ago)

Wait. Could Jesus fly?

― Steve Guttenberg's Midnight Runner (pullapartgirl), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:43 (eighteen years ago)

Daer Abby, how to I shot salvation?! (xpost)

― Tuesdays With Morimoto (Rock Hardy), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:44 (eighteen years ago)

Wait. Could Jesus fly?

jesus, peter pan, what's the difference?

― chicago kevin (chicago kevin), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:45 (eighteen years ago)

As I recall, it was SATAN who proposed the only flight-related miracle of the gospel, and Jesus decided it wasn't a good idea.

And that was less of a flying thing and more of a skydiving thing.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:45 (eighteen years ago)

SATAN IS A BASE JUMPER
(YOU CAN FEEL IT, YOU CAN FEEL IT)

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:47 (eighteen years ago)

jesuswingsuit.gif

― Fleischhutliebe! like a warm, furry meatloaf (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 February 2007 22:03 (eighteen years ago)

nabisco, I have friends who actually attend a (Christian) church where the women wear head coverings while in church! I've never been but apparently they think that piece of info is worth paying attention to.

Those freegospelmusic things are really making me wonder who's making these big bucks teaching about evolution!

― mh. (mike h.), Friday, 2 February 2007 23:44 (eighteen years ago)

jesus, peter pan, what's the difference?

I have an obvious candidate for crucifixion:

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/Imagez/cd/cdFrontCvr.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 2 February 2007 23:56 (eighteen years ago)

Wait. Could Jesus fly?

Thats what I was wondering.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 3 February 2007 02:20 (eighteen years ago)

jesustanookisuit.gif

― The Yellow Kid (The Yellow Kid), Saturday, 3 February 2007 02:49 (eighteen years ago)

chaos theory??

― Heave Ho (Heave Ho), Sunday, 4 February 2007 12:11 (eighteen years ago)

Jesus never existed, silly yanks lol

― Barry Normal (Barry Normal), Sunday, 4 February 2007 12:23 (eighteen years ago)

Jesus existed. He was an obvious fraud and a cult leader.

― a.b. (alanbanana), Sunday, 4 February 2007 13:24 (eighteen years ago)

i think they are t alking about the assumption, which isnt really flying as much as a sort of cosmic jump

― pinkmoose (jacklove), Sunday, 4 February 2007 21:25 (eighteen years ago)

Jesus - Ascension
Mary - Assumption

― weather1ngda1eson (Brian), Sunday, 4 February 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

thank you, i confuse the two all the fucking time

― pinkmoose (jacklove), Sunday, 4 February 2007 22:42 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.fecalface.com/POTD/upload/2007/06/6-16-07.jpg

― dat dude delmar (and what), Wednesday, 3 December 2008 00:56 (seventeen years ago)

I once saw some cazy street preacher dude yelling about how gay sex is abnormal because you can't plug the male ends of two extension cords together

― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 3 December 2008 00:59 (seventeen years ago)

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