c/d: smashing the patriarchy by hypehnating your last name

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college professor style i.e. Professor Joans-Watkins, and the like.

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:28 (eighteen years ago)

if you are professional it also gives you a more distinctive name, which can help your profile

― Save The Whales (688), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

courtney taylor-taylor: smashing the patriarchy since 1996

― to scour or to pop? (Haberdager), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:31 (eighteen years ago)

i can't stand hyphenated names. i've also never understood why women continue to take their husband's name. seems a bizarre practice and i don't think i could personally live with the overtones of 'woman as husband's property' no matter how distant that is from the reality.

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:34 (eighteen years ago)

some people like to keep their family name prominent for any number of reasons - such as having alreaady established a professional identity or public reputation. Also the tradition of the woman giving up her family name so that the twain may cleave as one or whatever is kinda bizarre, as is any "oh but the tradition!" sentimental attachment to it I think

I guess if you're sort of a chicken little who sees OH NOES RADICAL FEMINISTS!1! lurking behind every tree then this is a real subject for concern but otherwise it seems like a simple matter of personal preference

xpost what gem said. Although my wife changed her last name and was kinda happy to do so since her maiden name was really long and caused every conversation to begin "So, where are you from?" which was hell of annoying to her

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:36 (eighteen years ago)

aren't there britishors whose names have been hyphenated for generations?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:37 (eighteen years ago)

It should be made compulsory so that in 5 or 6 generations time there'll be peeps with credit cards a foot wide to fit their name on.

― I Tried to Use My Cock as a Bong (noodle vague), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:38 (eighteen years ago)

also, i already have a 'professional profile' which i wouldn't care to mess with by changing my name. i once shared an office with a woman who changed her name on marrying and had to commence every phonecall with an explanation of 'jane williams. yes i used to be jane wright' for months.

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 11 February 2007 12:41 (eighteen years ago)

My daughters have hyphenated surnames; my wife didn't adopt my surname when she married me (it was never even discussed) - though the Home Office and all call-centre salespeople assume she did - and it just seemed to make sense. The combination is fairly pleasant.

They can to choose to drop one or other of the barrels when they're older if they wish. Or go with some crazee hybrid name.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Sunday, 11 February 2007 13:39 (eighteen years ago)

maria kept her name when we got married and it just seemed normal to me. plus, i mean, it's her NAME, it would feel weird if she all of a sudden had another one. i'll tell you something though, i definitely would have felt weird if we had had kids and they didn't have my last name! so there is some old-tymey stuff lurking within me. but also i think if they did have her name or a combo of both our names it would just remind me of her dad or her family all the time or something. that is my true confession.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 11 February 2007 14:28 (eighteen years ago)

Michael's Bones.

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 11 February 2007 14:29 (eighteen years ago)

total dud. makes me think of corporate mergers. and of course, I pity the children who will now feel pressured to follow in their parents' footsteps.

― Bernard Snowy (sixteen sergeants), Sunday, 11 February 2007 15:33 (eighteen years ago)

I like the growing fluidity of surnames -- somehow I always thought of them as immutable, non-negotiable, which I realize is silly (for one thing, much of the world uses systems different from ours and gets along fine) but it's nice to see a current general assumption that they can be chosen and/or changed.

Hyphenation as a solution to The Woman Problem is probably a product of its time; it offered a middle way when people would have opposed a more radical change, and the grudging acceptance of hyphenation (and a woman's right to maintain her identity) in wider society PAVED THE WAY for today's sensibility. Therefore classic and useful, even if one should at least exercise a little good judgment in administering the hyphen.

― Laurel (Laurel), Sunday, 11 February 2007 16:44 (eighteen years ago)

my wife kept her name and she's about as far from a radical feminist as you can be. i do find it bizarre that some women change their names these days, but i don't look down on them. hyphenates are unwieldy and reek of silly compromise. of course, keeping your "maiden" name is just keeping another man's name, ie your dad. i suppose the only way to go truly smash the patriarchy is to take a different last name from both dad and hubby

― bobby bedelia (van dover), Sunday, 11 February 2007 16:55 (eighteen years ago)

I actually have a hyphenated last name; in fact, both my husband and I do. And the kids share it as well!

On the one hand, it is unique; no one mistakes us for any other family. On the other hand, it's really long, and on the occasions that require lots of name-signing (buying a house, say), it gets old fast.

Would I do it again? Maybe. (I do occasionally refer to myself as "Sara Coolidge," and answer to that as well as "Sara Robinson." I do think "Sara Coolidge" sounds better.)

For as irritated as it made everyone when we did it, we might as well have made up a whole new name.

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Sunday, 11 February 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

I HAF BEEN WAITING LIKE TWO WEEKSKSESS TO POST THIS

i do find it bizarre that some women change their names these days,

There's actually been a lot of attention paid to the idea of a backlash in which young women with "modern" sensibilities (ie educated, mobile women with options) WANT to take their husbands' names for various reasons. Some of them just don't see it as an issue and want to present a united family identity and one spouse's name works as well as the other (which if you ask me is a sign that the feminist push WORKED -- we should be so lucky that more things become so "done" that they're non-issues...altho I guess if it were REALLY working, an equal number of couples would be taking the wife's name jointly! but I digress...), some of them actively dislike their own surnames and can't wait to change, some of them actually relish a return to some parts of a more traditional family role (if it was good enough for my grandmother, Mrs Nathaniel Worthington, it's good enough for me)...everyone has her own reasons, obv.

I don't know how TRUE the backlash claim is, or if the articles and controversies are just illuminating it right now...but there's definitely a buzz abt the fact that young women who now have a choice about changing their names are still choosing to do so.

― Laurel, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 19:46 (eighteen years ago)

I've been waiting weeks to read that! ;)

I'm intrigued my my cousin, who is divorced and kept her last husband's name. She's remarrying this summer and I think she's just going to take the name of the new guy (even though she doesn't like it). I wish they'd use our mothers' family name because there we have only one male cousin to carry on that name. (He's also getting married for the second time, come to think of it.)

But yeah - some marriages end in divorce and the whole last name thing gets even more complicated then.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 19:51 (eighteen years ago)

<i>I HAF BEEN WAITING LIKE TWO WEEKSKSESS TO POST THIS </i>

haha

Like said above, it seems to be a highly personal choice and should be regarded as such.

When I was married I changed my name to be first name, maiden name, husband's name. I used all three names usually. This was primarily b/c I wanted abs. zero ties to my father and couldn't wait to shed his name. I had also thought of legally changing my last name to something new and considered it again after divorcing.

Instead after the divorce I went back to my maiden. Although I still want to shed myself of anything related to my father I now have a posse of nieces and nephew who share my name, which makes me hold my head a little higher. I have *their* last name. :)

If/when I marry again I will probably take my husband's name. This is mainly b/c my name's too long for hypenation and I would like to have the same last name as my children. It's just easier.

Some of our friends hypenated their names and now both go by a really long ass strange nomenclature. For short, they call themselves NatFlo. cute.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 19:52 (eighteen years ago)

That is cute! We always refer to ourselves as "the R-Cs." My son has a very long name and he used to introduce himself as "Al3x, Al3x4nd3r 4ust1n R0b1ns0n-C00lidg3." Thus, our neighbors call him, "Alex Five Names." (He's an excellent speller...)

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 19:54 (eighteen years ago)

your two last names together sound very regal.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 19:56 (eighteen years ago)

Thanks! I kind of think they sound like "Robinson Crusoe," but it could be worse. A. thought we should reverse the order of the names, but I thought that was too clunky. And by winning that argument I set the stage to win arguments for the next 50 years!!!

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 19:58 (eighteen years ago)

I recently got married and went through the whole name change game. I chose to add my husband's name but not drop anything so that I now have four names - hence my username! I try to use at least myfirst mylast hislast whenever possible but am ok with being only myfirst hislast when necessary. I didn't want to drop anything but was ok with adding. I like it so far - having all four enables me to pick and choose which to use when.

― ENBB, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:20 (eighteen years ago)

I just read Laurel's post wanted to add that I mainly chose to add his in effort to present "a united family identity." However, while I don't mind being addressed as "Hisfirst and Myfirst Ourlast", it drives me CRAZY when someon addresses me as "Mrs Hisfirst Hislast. I just can't stand that - I have my own name! As you can tell, I've given this issue quite a lot of thought over the course of the last year! ;-)

― ENBB, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:26 (eighteen years ago)

My sister and I have hyphenated names, and I've wondered for a while what will happen if I ever have kids. I have little interest in giving my surname to a spouse, but with the kids I'm stuck choosing my own name or my spouses, neither of which seems quite fair. I've gone so far as to wonder whether the problem gets easier if I were to have a child with a hyphenated woman, where we could choose half of each name all Spanish stylee. This is probably not a very bad idea so long as both my parents are living.

― Jacob, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:28 (eighteen years ago)

My last name really doesn't lend itself to hyphenation (it barely lends itself to being a last name), but I REALLY don't want to take my husband's last name...some women might be beyond/above battling the patriarchy but I'm not. I will keep my name thx. Also it just seems like a huge hassle to get a new SSN, explain to everyone you work with that you have a new name, etc.

― jessie monster, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:30 (eighteen years ago)

Whoops, that ought to be "not a very good idea" up there.

I remember my mother fuming all the time over being refered to as Mrs. MyFather whenever we'd go out. Somehow people stopped making that mistake between my parents marriage and her second marriage.

I'm currently enjoying my hyphenated name as a filter for junk mail...credit card companies can't seem to get their heads around hyphens, and so I can pretty safely sort out crap based on how close the sender got to my real name.

― Jacob, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:33 (eighteen years ago)

<pretend these are italics>"Mrs Hisfirst Hislast</end>

I *hate/d* this. never never used Mrs, always Ms. I think this is a holdover from when I was a child and asked my mother what Ms meant. she said "none of your business". I like that option.

also, is it that bad to be called by an old name? I think you can change your name after marraige without retroactively having to go back and correct everyone who calls you by the old name. it isn't the end of the world.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:36 (eighteen years ago)

Well, I mean, you don't have to correct them, but I guess if you're bothering to change your new name you probably want people to call you by it. The learning a new SSN is the main deterrent for me.

― jessie monster, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:39 (eighteen years ago)

you don't get a new ssn. just a new card with your changed name.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:39 (eighteen years ago)

oh really??? I didn't know that. I have never been married.

― jessie monster, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:41 (eighteen years ago)

unless crazy homeland security laws have changed things since I was married!

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:41 (eighteen years ago)

Yep - no new SS number, just a new card!

I use "Ms" too. "Mrs" just seems wrong. One of the reasons I like the four name thing is that people can call me by either last name and technically they're still right.

― ENBB, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:45 (eighteen years ago)

I took my wife's last name. I AM PATRIARCHY SMASHER.

― Edward III, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:01 (eighteen years ago)

I have my father and my step-father's last name. Does that make me a double patriarchist?

― JPB, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:26 (eighteen years ago)

credit card companies can't seem to get their heads around hyphens, and so I can pretty safely sort out crap based on how close the sender got to my real name.

This is so, so true. Telemarketers are also completely confused.

I alwayse use "Ms." - did so before I was married, still do. (Although no one calls me anything that formal anyway). I don't think anyone has tried to call me "Mrs. 4ust1n C00l1dg3." Ever. Which is fine, because I would promptly ignore them.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:33 (eighteen years ago)

wait til you get to that shit where your kids only have HALF your DNA.
FUCKING RIP OFF

― sexyDancer, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 23:30 (eighteen years ago)

Actively dislike my father, kept my last name anyway, always use Ms. Basically, I couldn't rectify my own values with changing my name. I used to feel pretty cavalier about any kids having my husband's last name but lately I've been hoping to saddle the little darlings with something hyphenated or four names just to get mine into the mix somewhere.

I know some good peeps whom I respect dearly who kept their last names for a variety of personal reasons and I honor those decisions to the hilt. This is just what worked best for me.

― Jenny, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 23:49 (eighteen years ago)

my wife hyphenated.

― M@tt He1ges0n, Wednesday, 21 February 2007 23:51 (eighteen years ago)

My babby daddy came with his own already hyphenated-for-at-least-the-six-generations-I-can-think-of name. I never changed mine formally, but would answer to either. Didn't care if it was Ms. or Mrs, and still answer to 'Mrs. Spencer's Mom.'

― luna, Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:59 (eighteen years ago)

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