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James Cameron has found the coffin of Jesus and he's gonna show it on Monday

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In a new documentary, Producer Cameron and his director, Simcha Jacobovici, make the starting claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected --the cornerstone of Christian faith-- and that his burial cave was discovered near Jerusalem. And, get this, Jesus sired a son with Mary Magdelene.

Cameron is holding a New York press conference on Monday at which he will reveal three coffins, supposedly those of Jesus of Nazareth, his mother Mary and Mary Magdalene.

Cameron finds Jesus

― Go, GO, GO, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:20 (nineteen years ago)

But film-makers Cameron and Jacobovici claim to have amassed evidence through DNA tests, archeological evidence and Biblical studies, that the 10 coffins belong to Jesus and his family.

He's gonna compare his evidence with the scrotum of Jesus that was on display during the Middle Ages? (Actually, there were at least ten different scrotums displayed in different churches around Europe, so he'll have a hard time figuring out which was the right one.)

― Tuomas, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:25 (nineteen years ago)

"the starting claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected"

SHOCKA

― Frogman Henry, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:33 (nineteen years ago)

Proven by science!

― Tuomas, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:33 (nineteen years ago)

oh god

― latebloomer, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:40 (nineteen years ago)

heh sorry, couldn't resist

― latebloomer, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:40 (nineteen years ago)

this is really gonna endear him to middle america, i tell you what

― latebloomer, Sunday, 25 February 2007 23:47 (nineteen years ago)

February 23, 2007 6:55
Jesus: Tales from the Crypt
Posted by Tim McGirk | Comments (1644) | Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email This

Brace yourself. James Cameron, the man who brought you 'The Titanic' is back with another blockbuster. This time, the ship he's sinking is Christianity.

In a new documentary, Producer Cameron and his director, Simcha Jacobovici, make the starting claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected --the cornerstone of Christian faith-- and that his burial cave was discovered near Jerusalem. And, get this, Jesus sired a son with Mary Magdelene.

No, it's not a re-make of "The Da Vinci Codes'. It's supposed to be true.

Let's go back 27 years, when Israeli construction workers were gouging out the foundations for a new building in the industrial park in the Talpiyot, a Jerusalem suburb. of Jerusalem. The earth gave way, revealing a 2,000 year old cave with 10 stone caskets. Archologists were summoned, and the stone caskets carted away for examination. It took 20 years for experts to decipher the names on the ten tombs. They were: Jesua, son of Joseph, Mary, Mary, Mathew, Jofa and Judah, son of Jesua.
Israel's prominent archeologist Professor Amos Kloner didn't associate the crypt with the New Testament Jesus. His father, after all, was a humble carpenter who couldn't afford a luxury crypt for his family. And all were common Jewish names.

There was also this little inconvenience that a few miles away, in the old city of Jerusalem, Christians for centuries had been worshipping the empty tomb of Christ at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Christ's resurrection, after all, is the main foundation of the faith, proof that a boy born to a carpenter's wife in a manger is the Son of God.

But film-makers Cameron and Jacobovici claim to have amassed evidence through DNA tests, archeological evidence and Biblical studies, that the 10 coffins belong to Jesus and his family.

Ever the showman, (Why does this remind me of the impresario in another movie,"King Kong", whose hubris blinds him to the dangers of an angry and very large ape?) Cameron is holding a New York press conference on Monday at which he will reveal three coffins, supposedly those of Jesus of Nazareth, his mother Mary and Mary Magdalene. News about the film, which will be shown soon on Discovery Channel, Britain's Channel 4, Canada's Vision, and Israel's Channel 8, has been a hot blog topic in the Middle East (check out a personal favorite: Israelity Bites) Here in the Holy Land, Biblical Archeology is a dangerous profession. This 90-minute documentary is bound to outrage Christians and stir up a titanic debate between believers and skeptics. Stay tuned.
--Tim McGirk/Jerusalem

― latebloomer, Monday, 26 February 2007 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

cameron, director of Alienses and True Lie

― latebloomer, Monday, 26 February 2007 00:07 (nineteen years ago)

This time, the ship he's sinking is Christianity.

― jh0shea, Monday, 26 February 2007 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

Hopefully Bruce Willis will answer this with Die Hard: The Resurrection.

― f. hazel, Monday, 26 February 2007 00:18 (nineteen years ago)

As the son of God, Jesus thought the he was King of the World. Until he met James Cameron. This summer, prepare for the battle of the millenium...

― latebloomer, Monday, 26 February 2007 00:20 (nineteen years ago)

JC vs JC

― latebloomer, Monday, 26 February 2007 00:51 (nineteen years ago)

No, it's not a re-make of "The Da Vinci Codes'.

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 26 February 2007 01:07 (nineteen years ago)

The Holy Sepulchre itself is a pretty crazy and not entirely undisputed place:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Sepulchre#Modern_arrangement_of_the_church

― Hurting 2, Monday, 26 February 2007 01:29 (nineteen years ago)

But film-makers Cameron and Jacobovici claim to have amassed evidence through DNA tests, archeological evidence and Biblical studies, that the 10 coffins belong to Jesus and his family.

The "making of" of this will probably be 10x better than the movie.

― nickalicious, Monday, 26 February 2007 01:35 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.spaceshipnofuture.org/pix/amassin.jpg

― f. hazel, Monday, 26 February 2007 03:00 (nineteen years ago)

i would pay lots of money for a news website that had those instead of headlines.

― f. hazel, Monday, 26 February 2007 03:04 (nineteen years ago)

Scrotem? Did whoever said that mean 'foreskin?'

― Windy G Moisture, Monday, 26 February 2007 04:22 (nineteen years ago)

Oops, yeah, that's what I meant. It was believed his foreskin was the only piece of Jesus not to have been resurrected and therefore left on earth.

― Tuomas, Monday, 26 February 2007 07:09 (nineteen years ago)

I wanna see Cameron and Mel Gibson fight it out

― Elvis Telecom, Monday, 26 February 2007 07:25 (nineteen years ago)

Cameron will be at the press conference and it will be all sweet music playing while he fields questions from the world's journalists about how Jesus is well and truly dead and then some journalist will be like "NOOOOOO!!!!" and behind Cameron's back Jesus will leap up out of his coffin with a gat and he'll be just about to shoot Cameron in the back but Michael Medved will pull his piece first and then it'll be like BLAM BLAM BLAM and Jesus will be knocked back against the wall twitching and then he'll slump to the floor and the gun will drop from his fingers and it'll be all like THE END.

― Noodle Vague, Monday, 26 February 2007 07:38 (nineteen years ago)

Israeli archeologists and their bible fixation.

― StanM, Monday, 26 February 2007 07:44 (nineteen years ago)

The Da Vinci Codes

It's the sequel (viz "Aliens")

― Mark C, Monday, 26 February 2007 10:15 (nineteen years ago)

Cameron and his director, Simcha Jacobovici, make the starting claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected --the cornerstone of Christian faith-- and that his burial cave was discovered near Jerusalem. And, get this, Jesus sired a son with Mary Magdelene.

Wow, I've never heard that theory before...............................

― Tom D., Monday, 26 February 2007 10:19 (nineteen years ago)

Didn't the BBC do this exact thing about fifteen years ago?

James Cameron really is mad now, isn't he?

― accentmonkey, Monday, 26 February 2007 10:28 (nineteen years ago)

... James Cameron.... and his initials are?

― Tom D., Monday, 26 February 2007 10:29 (nineteen years ago)

JFC!

― StanM, Monday, 26 February 2007 10:41 (nineteen years ago)

(Francis)

― StanM, Monday, 26 February 2007 10:41 (nineteen years ago)

See, it's all coming together

― Tom D., Monday, 26 February 2007 10:42 (nineteen years ago)

xp
Oops, yeah, that's what I meant. It was believed his foreskin was the only piece of Jesus not to have been resurrected and therefore left on earth.

Sorry, I'm sure this is true and all but I'd never heard it before. Do you mean that he was crucified and then came back to life minus his foreskin? Or do you mean that it fell off while he was ascending to heaven?

My mind is boggled, but I want to be sure that it's boggling accurately.

― Nicholas Passant, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:30 (nineteen years ago)

i just love how Cameron's megalomania is such that he's taking on the SON OF GOD

― latebloomer, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

Or - no.. he'd have been circumcised as a child, wouldn't he? This, then, presumes that his parents kept the foreskin in a safe place in the loft on the offchance that a church might want to put it on display many years down the line.

Parental pride's a wonderful thing.

― Nicholas Passant, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

He was Jewish! He'd have been circumcised!

― Masonic Boom, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

i just love how Cameron's megalomania is such that he's taking on the SON OF GOD

Maybe Jesus tried to give Linda Hamilton a job.

― accentmonkey, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

The 1st of January is a feast day celebrating Jesus' circumcision.

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:45 (nineteen years ago)

Less a starting revelation than an ending one, amirite

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 26 February 2007 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Or - no.. he'd have been circumcised as a child, wouldn't he? This, then, presumes that his parents kept the foreskin in a safe place in the loft on the offchance that a church might want to put it on display many years down the line.

I'm not sure how the they told the story, but from I've read during the Middle ages several churches were portraying Jesus's foreskin as a holy relic. Of course those were among countless other such items, such as pieces of Noah's ark, Abraham's beard, the rooster who crowed three times, etc.

― Tuomas, Monday, 26 February 2007 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

Or - no.. he'd have been circumcised as a child, wouldn't he? This, then, presumes that his parents kept the foreskin in a safe place in the loft on the offchance that a church might want to put it on display many years down the line.

Well, he WAS the Son of God, you're gonna hang onto stuff aren't you? Even if it's just to sell on Ye Holy eBay.

― The Wayward Johnny B, Monday, 26 February 2007 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

I don't quite get the criticism that Jesus' father, who was a carpenter, would not have been able to afford a big tomb/crypt complex to bury Jesus in. Surely Jesus' situation had somewhat changed, having become recognised as the Son of God and all that?

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 26 February 2007 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

wouldna the Son of God been born perfect, aka sans foreskin?

― Dr. Superman, Monday, 26 February 2007 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

FITE

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 26 February 2007 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

wouldna the Son of God been born perfect, aka sans foreskin?

Dr. Superman on Monday, February 26, 2007 9:29 AM (1 hour ago)

then he wouldn't have been able to go through the crucial religious ritual of being circumcised = not perfect

― s1ocki, Monday, 26 February 2007 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

he was however born pre-bar-mitzvahed.

― s1ocki, Monday, 26 February 2007 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

Jesus' circumcision = proof of his humanity.

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 26 February 2007 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

where is it and can we eat it

― Frogman Henry, Monday, 26 February 2007 18:07 (nineteen years ago)

It seems to me that a good reason for Jesus' tiny tomb would be some legal thing to do with him being a crucified crim.

― accentmonkey, Monday, 26 February 2007 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

ITEM: New reports suggest Mary Magdalene took out a sizable life insurance policy on Jesus just before his "death" ... with double-indemnity "crucified by Romans" clause.

― nabisco, Monday, 26 February 2007 18:40 (nineteen years ago)

I hope it's a KISS COFFIN filled with Yeungling!

― Abbott, Monday, 26 February 2007 19:05 (nineteen years ago)

did he do this or wha?

― chaki, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 18:01 (nineteen years ago)

Ultimately I support anything that might inspire a few more doubters - though I don't think the Judas gospel had much effect.

― Hurting 2, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 18:03 (nineteen years ago)

xxxpost

I picked you for the OTM, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. Guess I was wrong. You're not smarter, Nabiso... you're just a little taller.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 18:11 (nineteen years ago)

CLEECK

The filmmakers commissioned DNA testing on the residue in the boxes said to have held Jesus and Mary Magdalene. There are no bones left, because the religious custom in Israel is to bury archeological (sic) remains in a cemetery.

However, the documentary’s director and its driving force, Simcha Jacobovici, an Israeli-born Canadian, said there was enough mitochondrial DNA for a laboratory in Ontario to conclude that the bodies in the “Jesus” and “Mary Magdalene” ossuaries were not related on their mothers’ side. From this, Mr. Jacobovici deduced that they were a couple, because otherwise they would not have been buried together in a family tomb.

In an interview, Mr. Jacobovici was asked why the filmmakers did not conduct DNA testing on the other ossuaries to determine whether the one inscribed “Judah, son of Jesus” was genetically related to either the Jesus or Mary Magdalene boxes; or whether the Jesus remains were actually the offspring of Mary.

“We’re not scientists. At the end of the day we can’t wait till every ossuary is tested for DNA,” he said. “We took the story that far. At some point you have to say, ‘I’ve done my job as a journalist.’ ”

"We have DNA evidence that supports our theory!"

"Did you test for evidence that might disprove your theory?"

"We're not scientists!"

I kind of love that.

― Michael, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

Jeez. This thing has more holes than Jesus's wrists.

― Hurting 2, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

http://techland.com/2009/12/14/james-cameron-almost-died-making-the-abyss/

fuuuuck

― Dean Gaffney's December (history mayne), Tuesday, 15 December 2009 20:50 (sixteen years ago)


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