Y'all tell me, please: What is the DEAL with 9 year old boys?

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Y'all know I love my son more than anything - he is the light of my life - but seriously, WHAT IS WITH 9 YEAR OLD BOYS? I cannot figure this kid out sometimes! He's starting to test the limits of being mouthy again, sometimes his (not inconsiderable, oh, I wonder where could he have gotten that?) temper shows, and he's also asking me if he can say thing like 'crap' (yes, but only at home, preferably in your room and to yourself) and 'pissy' (nope.) Sometimes I have to remind myself that he's still little, but he's got all this blonde hair on his arms and legs, it's so weirddd. He's all over the map emotionally, today he eats everything, tomorrow he won't really be hungry, and he's still that little tornado of a kid. I have to laugh, but wow, I shake my head, too.

Of course, I can't quite wrap my head around the growing up thing. He's so funny these days, like, witty, you know? It's so great. He's appreciating sarcasm, but not over using it ... YET. He's so polite and sweet and genuinely good natured. He's maturing. There's the word. The word that doesn't look like it could possibly apply to my sweet little tiny baby, you know? He's becoming such a little man I can't even handle it.

I know some of y'all had/have/were teenagers, tell me what happens next, please? I feel bad skipping ahead in the book, but I've GOT to know. Does it get better? Does it get worse? Is he really going to hate me and be angry all the time? God, how do you deal with the sex talk and dating and oh sure, I know this is all premature at only age nine and a half, but I know these things are out there, and the best defense is a good offense, right?

― luna, Friday, 9 March 2007 02:35 (eighteen years ago)

seriously, beat him across the mouth when he's outta line. there are too many parent who don't beat their children on this planet.

he is gonna be this way until about twenty, when he starts gettting laid regularly and stops hating you for raising him in such a way that he doesn't get laid regularly.

other than that, he sounds ok, but then you're biased. have you considered getting in an independent adjudicator?

― darraghmac, Friday, 9 March 2007 03:36 (eighteen years ago)

Sell him to a circus.

― Oilyrags, Friday, 9 March 2007 03:49 (eighteen years ago)

I wish I could offer any useful perspective, but we just had the one girl. To be honest, I feel like we dodged a bullet or a nuclear bomb or something.

― Rock Hardy, Friday, 9 March 2007 03:58 (eighteen years ago)

that's just a leetle harsh on c.48% of the population, isn't it?

― darraghmac, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:00 (eighteen years ago)

i remember being 9 - that was totally weird.

― jhøshea, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:01 (eighteen years ago)

It would be so nice if you could tell him once what the expectations are and be done, wouldn't it? It would be swell if he didn't probe every nuance and ambiguity in the rules, wouldn't it? It would be perfect if you had a firm grasp of just consequences to fit every infraction, you know what I mean?

Luckily, one of the very best tools for modifying his behavior is one of the easiest: love him always and at all times, even when he is being a PITA, but let him know that just right now he is making life hard for you. Tell him he could make things a lot easier if he would go easier on you for a change. Then do the best you can to be fair and firm and all those good things. You'll both muddle through.

― Aimless, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:10 (eighteen years ago)

i think i freaked my mom out today when i asked her what she was doing with her life at my age.

srsly though, 9-13 are some weird, weird years.

― ian, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:17 (eighteen years ago)

When I was 9, i got to go see a child pshrink, since they were going to throw me out of the gifted classes otherwise. It worked, apparently.

― kingfish, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:45 (eighteen years ago)

When I was 9, my gifted teacher pulled me aside and said "You have a problem. It is called ADD. My son has it, and don't worry, it's treatable. Go see a doctor about it."

My mom was not happy with said teacher.

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:02 (eighteen years ago)

Next is the phase where he gets brutally and ruthlessly teased by his peers (both male and female) in middle school gym class.

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:04 (eighteen years ago)

isn't ADD just a euphemism for "needs a slap"?

sorry, i had a lot of brats aound me at work today.

― darraghmac, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:29 (eighteen years ago)

I totally needed a slap when I was 9. But I don't think it would have helped :/

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:31 (eighteen years ago)

funny, i was battered regularly, it doesn't seem to have helped in the least. go figure

― darraghmac, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:35 (eighteen years ago)

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

― S-, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:56 (eighteen years ago)

sell the rod, boil the child.

― darraghmac, Friday, 9 March 2007 06:03 (eighteen years ago)

Me at 9: "Star WarsStar WarsStar WarsStar WarsMonstersStar WarsStar WarsComicsStar Wars..." My poor folks.

― Capitaine Jay Vee, Friday, 9 March 2007 06:10 (eighteen years ago)

next he turns into the goth kid from 'home improvement'

― the sir weeze, Friday, 9 March 2007 06:23 (eighteen years ago)

when I was 9 I was expelled from catholic school due to my intractable misbehavior. my 3rd grade teacher had retired to an office position after a year of dealing with me dancing in the aisles, throwing my shoes at the blackboard, etc. I didn't suffer boredom well. the nuns beat me, one hit me w/ a wooden pointer until it broke over my backside. it didn't phase me.

things didn't change in the public school system. I picked fights with kids, disrupted class. they put me in with the special ed kids - there was no gifted children program. the school board was at a loss. they formed a child study team. for some reason they couldn't keep me in the special ed class, so they put me in a windowless room where I was allowed to read whatever I wanted if I completed all my schoolwork for the day.

after about a month of the solitary confinement bit, they put me back into a classroom with the most charismatic teacher they had. this was a guy who would get on the pa system in the cafeteria during lunch and lead the entire school in a version of "minnie the moocher". it worked. I never disrupted his class, and didn't really have any discipline issues until high school (when I was expelled from catholic school *again* for being in a band called god kicks you! rebel!)

I guess what I'm trying to say is thank yr stars all he's doing is saying crap and piss.

― Edward III, Friday, 9 March 2007 06:44 (eighteen years ago)

At that age I was afraid of my parents. Not a lot, but enough to be a good girl. Didn't change until I became an adult and it's still hard for me to rebel and say no to my parents. Trust me, for kids it's better to rebel. They have to go through that stage. So if yr kid says PISSS in public loud and clear so everyone can hear, be happy.

― nathalie, Friday, 9 March 2007 07:26 (eighteen years ago)

When I was 9 my parents made the decision to take me out of the school I'd been perfectly happy in for four years and move me to a convent, because that's where I would eventually be going to secondary school. I remember my teacher, who I loved and looked up to, saying he thought a convent school would be a good environment for me because it would settle me down, because I was often disruptive in class. I was completely crushed and utterly miserable for years afterwards.

I guess what this thread is showing up so far is that there's some kind of brain expansion/personality change coming down the pipe, and you may have to explain or defend your kid's behaviour a bit more over the coming year.

― accentmonkey, Friday, 9 March 2007 07:45 (eighteen years ago)

I just remember getting into pop music as such for the first time.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 March 2007 07:50 (eighteen years ago)

I think I spent much of that age in bed or in hospital having ear infections and operations and pain and screaming a lot :/

― Trayce, Friday, 9 March 2007 10:28 (eighteen years ago)

I was a very weird 9 year old.

― the next grozart, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:03 (eighteen years ago)

I was about as preciously irritating as it's possible to be, but I was pretty well-behaved I think. I liked dinosaurs and motor racing.

― Mark C, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:09 (eighteen years ago)

OMG I hear you, our son is almost 11 and he's still this inconsistent dynamo, seemingly mature and sensitive one minute and then regressing to about age 5 the next. he's very well behaved at school but at home he tests the limits esp. verbally from sarcasm and rudeness to anger and insult. even tho he's a very cautious kid he's really pressing for more freedom and responsibility now, we live in Manhattan so he's much more circumscribed in his movemments than suburban kids. he'd like his own cell phone (not yet) and unfettered internet access (yea right). next year he'll be in a new larger school, hopefully he's ready.

the teenage thing is looming, some of his friends have matured a bit faster than him and are already interested in girls (on some level). it's tricky giving kids pre-emptive advice abt sex etc or anticipating their questions, when they're younger I actually think you can overwhelm or do damage w/"too much information" but by age ten or so they are better able to process and understand as their own bodies start to change and desires start to awaken. From what I've seen with my nieces and nephew and friends' kids, adolescense is exponentially worse or more combative with daughters than with sons. not sure if that's much consolation.

― m coleman, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

I just remember getting into pop music as such for the first time.

it took me a few more years. still being bombarded with northern soul at that age.

― nathalie, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

I like the idea of dinosaur motor racing.

I'm not sure what to suggest luna, except that kids often feel the need to test boundaries to see how much they can get away with. I've never been one for reinforcing those boundaries by smacking, but prefer to explain my reasoning for saying (and meaning) no. (Consistency is important, because if you say no and really mean it, but then let them do it eventually anyway, it's harder to maintain any authority whatsoever, as I'm sure you know!!)

My kids tell me that I have always been an "assertive" mother, but one who was reasonable. I've always encouraged them to justify what they wanted to do, and if they put up a good enough argument for it, I'd consider it - and if I said no, I'd always try and explain clearly why, and maybe offer an alternative or a compromise for them to consider instead. They seem to have taken more motice of the consequences of their intended actions that way. It seems to have worked pretty well for us, anyhow (fingers crossed!)

― C J, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:23 (eighteen years ago)

I like the idea of dinosaur motor racing

http://www.vgfreak.com/images/screens/mario-kart.png

― Mark C, Friday, 9 March 2007 11:29 (eighteen years ago)

Boys do seem to go a bit wierd at that age, I suspect it's the first sign of that major testorone hit he's about to take during puberty (Do not underestimate how much of a mind altering chemical that stuff is)

I'm not a parent myself, but quite a few of my friends, relatives and colleagues are and from what I've seen of them and their children, the lippy, inexplicably changeable phase is pretty common for boys approaching and in early puberty. There's not a lot to be done about it except the standard parenting things.

From what I've seen, however (I've got younger sisters), girls are worse - especially for their mothers. They go from sweet little darlings (or feisty tomboys) to stroppy, hormonal, rage machines, seemingly overnight. And they don't seem to settle down until their late teens. Whereas boys just stay adolescent for the rest of their lives...

― Stone Monkey, Friday, 9 March 2007 12:22 (eighteen years ago)

I meant "weird" obviously...

― Stone Monkey, Friday, 9 March 2007 12:28 (eighteen years ago)

They go from sweet little darlings (or feisty tomboys) to stroppy, hormonal, rage machines, seemingly overnight. And they don't seem to settle down ~~until their late teens~~

fixed your post

― Mark C, Friday, 9 March 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

congrats Luna, puberty is entering your life again.

― Ms Misery, Friday, 9 March 2007 13:53 (eighteen years ago)

he's also asking me if he can say thing like 'crap' (yes, but only at home, preferably in your room and to yourself) and 'pissy' (nope.)

Oh, urine for trouble, if you think you can keep him from saying 'pissy'. Maybe you can convince him that 'micturitious' is a word, though.

― Michael White, Friday, 9 March 2007 15:57 (eighteen years ago)

I'm not trying to keep him from saying it, I'm just trying to take this all slowly and reasonably, you know? I'm starting small!

I'm not a smacker or a yeller - I say no, I explain why I'm saying no, and as CJ said, if he wants something enough, I'll listen to arguments for it and consider it - I just... man. I wasn't an adolescent boy, so I just sometimes throw my hands up and say wtf.

OMG I hear you, our son is almost 11 and he's still this inconsistent dynamo, seemingly mature and sensitive one minute and then regressing to about age 5 the next. he's very well behaved at school but at home he tests the limits esp. verbally from sarcasm and rudeness to anger and insult. even tho he's a very cautious kid he's really pressing for more freedom and responsibility now, we live in Manhattan so he's much more circumscribed in his movemments than suburban kids. he'd like his own cell phone (not yet) and unfettered internet access (yea right). next year he'll be in a new larger school, hopefully he's ready.

Oh, thank god mine isn't the only one.

― luna, Friday, 9 March 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

OMG I hear you, our son is almost 11 and he's still this inconsistent dynamo, seemingly mature and sensitive one minute and then regressing to about age 5 the next.

hi dere last 23 years of my life.

― chicago kevin, Friday, 9 March 2007 17:03 (eighteen years ago)

He pushes you hardest because he trusts that you won't reject him over it. That makes you the safest adult to push against. He's undoubtedly right in that perception, although it is a reflexive and unconcious one on his side. Just don't let him treat you like his psychic punching bag, because he won't have the sense to stop on his own. You have to let him know when enough is too damn much. Ain't parenthood wonderful?

― Aimless, Friday, 9 March 2007 17:10 (eighteen years ago)

Whereas boys just stay adolescent for the rest of their lives...

I resen... Oh, never mind.

My dad always used closely reasoned logic on me and it always seemed like adding insult to injury on his part when I was a kid 'cause it was going to be his way anyway and I couldn't compete with his logic.

― Michael White, Friday, 9 March 2007 17:11 (eighteen years ago)

this is why when i have kids i'm going to make ike turner look like ward cleaver.

― chicago kevin, Friday, 9 March 2007 17:12 (eighteen years ago)

One of the most entertaining things about boys around this age is how their rock-solid rule that 'kissing is gross' suddenly begins to lose ground. The Kootie Revolution.

― nickalicious, Friday, 9 March 2007 18:12 (eighteen years ago)

From what I've seen, however (I've got younger sisters), girls are worse - especially for their mothers. They go from sweet little darlings (or feisty tomboys) to stroppy, hormonal, rage machines, seemingly overnight.

I've already warned the family that me and my son are moving out of the house when my daughter hits puberty. Her and my wife, that's gonna be a TWO ENTER ONE LEAVES situation.

― Edward III, Friday, 9 March 2007 18:45 (eighteen years ago)

Maybe you can convince him that 'micturitious' is a word, though.

GOOGLEWHACK!

Results 1 - 1 of 1 for micturitious. (0.22 seconds)

Did you mean: micturitions

― Casuistry, Friday, 9 March 2007 18:52 (eighteen years ago)

Did you mean: micturitions

But that would mean 'urinations'. The verb is micturate but he act is micturition and basing the adjective on the root of 'micturi-', I figured 'pissy' or, more properly 'urine-like' would be 'micturitious'. Btw, Chris, you're not exactly helping me convince luna's son that that's the word to use, are you?

― Michael White, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:09 (eighteen years ago)

One of the most entertaining things about boys around this age is how their rock-solid rule that 'kissing is gross' suddenly begins to lose ground. The Kootie Revolution.

haha I think 99% percent of my social anxieties from adolescence can be summed up by the fact that my brain wasn't fully ready to reconcile the fact that I wouldn't get teased for being seen with a girl

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

It's not gonna happen, M.

― luna, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

(that, and my fatty years)

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

The only thing I know about 9-year-olds is they can't summarize anything, so don't ask them what happened in a book/movie/tv show or you'll be there at least an hour.

― Abbott, Friday, 9 March 2007 19:51 (eighteen years ago)

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