In every corporate meeting room

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1. Incomprehensible notes from previous meeting on flipchart

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:54 (eighteen years ago)

2. Sandwiches

― Masonic Boom, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:54 (eighteen years ago)

3. Portal to hell

― n/a, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:55 (eighteen years ago)

4. Tall metal tea and coffee pots with hard to screw lids.

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:55 (eighteen years ago)

Foxes Glassier Mints

― Ste, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:56 (eighteen years ago)

(5)

― Ste, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:56 (eighteen years ago)

6. Choice of still or clear mineral water

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:57 (eighteen years ago)

that strange krull-like speakerphone

― teeny, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:57 (eighteen years ago)

and both warm

― Ste, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:57 (eighteen years ago)

8. smelly pens

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:58 (eighteen years ago)

at least two men in suits with no tie and an open-neck blue shirt. if meeting does not contain these men, they will walk in 1 hour into the meeting, be introduced to everyone, nod, and take seats near the back without saying anything at all.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:58 (eighteen years ago)

8. Big windows

― Slumpman, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:58 (eighteen years ago)

9. Smelly pens that don't work.

― Dr.C, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:58 (eighteen years ago)

10. A board rubber that doesn't work.

― Dr.C, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:59 (eighteen years ago)

10. world's most uncomfortable chairs

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:59 (eighteen years ago)

11. A tangle wires from an old video-conferencing facility.....that didn't work.

― Dr.C, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:59 (eighteen years ago)

10. An inexhaustible amount of wanting this horrific meeting to be over

― Ste, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:59 (eighteen years ago)

shit

― Ste, Monday, 19 March 2007 16:59 (eighteen years ago)

shall we just lose the numbering system or wot

― Ste, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:00 (eighteen years ago)

13. The companies 'core values' on a poster. They're 10 years out-of-date.

― Dr.C, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:00 (eighteen years ago)

An internal phone directory from 1996. No-one works there any more.

― Dr.C, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

Some old bottles of fizzy water.

― Dr.C, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

15. Someone using a CD-ROM as a coaster.

― nickalicious, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

18. One and only one squeaky chair.

― nickalicious, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:02 (eighteen years ago)

16. someone 'thinking out of the box' and imploring us to all 'sing from the same hymn sheet'.

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:02 (eighteen years ago)

odorless and invisible but incredibly powerful sleeping fumes

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:02 (eighteen years ago)

does anybody have a scan of that great "conference room technique" cartoon from like 1996?

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:03 (eighteen years ago)

cheese like no cheese anyone's seen before

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:03 (eighteen years ago)

Strenths
Weaknesses
Opportunities
Threats

― Grandpont Genie, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:05 (eighteen years ago)

venn diagram

― teeny, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:09 (eighteen years ago)

^^^with arrow pointing to the middle bit, as if we were idiots

― teeny, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:10 (eighteen years ago)

http://photos1.blogger.com/photoInclude/blogger/7508/1605/1600/conference_room_technique.jpg

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:12 (eighteen years ago)

black pleather chairs
little paper doilies from under the water jug
discarded cabling trunking in the corner
dust
used up flipchart with wasted markers in the easel
sniggering
doodles
dreams about standing up and shouting "you and your whole operation stink! I quit!"
promises to action that
polystyrene coffee cups that squeak across the table when moved

― accentmonkey, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:14 (eighteen years ago)

smelly rancid coffee machine that makes lousy coffee

― get bent, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:17 (eighteen years ago)

OMG! I used to work at Sue Grafton's publisher, and I think she was one of our most profitable/notable authors at the time...so someone clever suggested renaming the conference room "M is for Meeting"!! Sadly it didn't take.

― Laurel, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:19 (eighteen years ago)

"will we get started"

― Ronan, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:28 (eighteen years ago)

Paperclips under the desk

― Mark C, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:29 (eighteen years ago)

shall we just lose the numbering system or wot

GREAT idea Ste, like it a lot. Penny, take that down and toss an email over to the boys in Acquisitions, get their take. Nice thinking there, Stemeister!

― Mark C, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:31 (eighteen years ago)

> that strange krull-like speakerphone

ha ha, us too.

we have bob marley records in our boardroom (and u2 and wolfmother). and the tv since they cleared out the 'games' room to make way for more desks.

bored people.

― koogs, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:37 (eighteen years ago)

"odorless and invisible but incredibly powerful sleeping fumes"

I was trying to think of the best way to say this.

― nickalicious, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:37 (eighteen years ago)

Waiting for someone to get off a conference call and give a presentation which, when you've seen it, makes you wonder why you had to leave your desk for this and why they couldn't just have put it on the intranet.

― accentmonkey, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:38 (eighteen years ago)

laptops, engaged in solitaire and/or AIM sessions

― get bent, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:39 (eighteen years ago)

Industrial carpeting in mid-blue OR slightly uneven wooden floorboards with dust collecting in in the cracks.

― Anna, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:47 (eighteen years ago)

Glass wall or large window showing colleagues who are free and not in the meeting having interesting conversations and laughing.

― Anna, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:48 (eighteen years ago)

Stale bagels/donuts/etc brought in by guest speaker.

― nickalicious, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:49 (eighteen years ago)

Restless leg syndromers shaking the table with their restless legging.

― nickalicious, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:50 (eighteen years ago)

Framed awards on wall/ shelves. Won by company in 1997.

― Anna, Monday, 19 March 2007 17:56 (eighteen years ago)

Furtive text messaging.

― .stet., Monday, 19 March 2007 18:04 (eighteen years ago)

6. Choice of still or clear mineral water

this is a specifically corporate thing?

― RJG, Monday, 19 March 2007 18:04 (eighteen years ago)

(still or clear?)

― gabbneb, Monday, 19 March 2007 18:11 (eighteen years ago)

"will we get started"

I imagine this in the voice of Michael Martin

― gabbneb, Monday, 19 March 2007 18:13 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, i was going to say, generic plaque things from random obscure companies for increasingly esoteric achievements.

― kingfish, Monday, 19 March 2007 19:11 (eighteen years ago)

Successories™ prints on the walls.

― naus, Monday, 19 March 2007 20:17 (eighteen years ago)

At my last office I had my "Division of Parks & Recreations 1985 Woodland Jamboree Hamburger Eating Champion" certificate framed and hanged/hung. It was so official-looking, nobody ever paid it any closer attention. I was of course heartbroken.

― nickalicious, Monday, 19 March 2007 21:40 (eighteen years ago)

hey, belated congratulations to you! how many did you manage to put down?

― iiiijjjj, Monday, 19 March 2007 22:18 (eighteen years ago)

Rothko prints and/or incredibly amateurish paintings that just happen to be by CEO's mum (who 'came to painting late in life' ) on walls

murmured discussion abt which of these has least artistic merit brought to abrupt halt by entrance of CEO

ppl whose meeting is next doing mimes thru window or door to the effect that current meeting is over-running

― Grandpont Genie, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:17 (eighteen years ago)

I was in our boardroom this morning for a regular boring meeting trying to work out what to add, but I think everyone has already nailed it, to the point it made me grin. Esp the incomprehensible scribbles on the whiteboard from previous meeting.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:23 (eighteen years ago)

knobbly sugar lumps

― peteR, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:24 (eighteen years ago)

Metal Halide lighting that is so bright it forces you to just... shut... eyes....

Continued scrotal adjustment.

Five people scrumming around the projector shouting "YOU'VE GOTTA PRESS FUNCTION F4!!"

― the next grozart, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:24 (eighteen years ago)

handouts that include, somewhere, a cloud shape containing the word "network"

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:29 (eighteen years ago)

Someone with a quiet smug look who is clearly reminiscing about making out on the boardroom table during the Christmas party.

― C J, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:30 (eighteen years ago)

Chairs, people, table.

― Jeff, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:33 (eighteen years ago)

C J: I am so going to look out for that, now.

― peteR, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:33 (eighteen years ago)

Haaa. There was a legend doing the rounds at my old work that certain persons had shagged on the boardroom table once.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:34 (eighteen years ago)

Yep, and at an old workplace of mine too. The Chairman and someone, apparently.

― C J, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:35 (eighteen years ago)

is this some kind of corporate equivalent of the Mile High Club?

― Grandpont Genie, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:44 (eighteen years ago)

I fear it may be. That and the filing stacks. Oh god I dont want to think about my CEO and ANYONE ewgh, he looks like Jay the Critic the cartoon guy.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:47 (eighteen years ago)

that's another thing where people have sex so probably

― RJG, Tuesday, 20 March 2007 11:48 (eighteen years ago)

ten years pass...

ffs i've been in this meeting for two hours help me god

― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 16:02 (eight years ago)

At a random moment, look at your phone and then suddenly start tapping really quickly like you're dashing off an urgent email, then look up, cross your legs and lean forward dramatically toward the person speaking.

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 16:20 (eight years ago)

In every corporate meeting room... bored, desperate people listening to a meandering Powerpoint presentation about some kind of corporate bumpf.

― A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 17:20 (eight years ago)

that strange krull-like speakerphone

They're square now, but yes. Bonus points if it's been unplugged from the network socket for no discernible reason.

world's most uncomfortable chairs

Uncomfortable, but they sure do look fancy! Clearly chosen by someone who didn't have to sit in one for more than two minutes.

A tangle wires from an old video-conferencing facility.....that didn't work.

£6000 of video conferencing equipment sits unused in one of the conference rooms at work. The server it connects was decommissioned six months ago.

used up flipchart with wasted markers in the easel

The flipchart in one conference room has had the legs stolen. The legs. WHY?

"YOU'VE GOTTA PRESS FUNCTION F4!!"

We've installed new projectors with wall mounted control panels and instructions but people still don't get it. Frequently I'm called to a conference room just to press the 'ON' button.

― Zings Can Only Get Better (snoball), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 17:32 (eight years ago)

unused polycom machine

incomprehensible word cloud on old whiteboard

post-it notes

men in those blue work shirts with white check on them

― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 21:53 (eight years ago)

long credenza/cabinet that probably doesn't have anything in it

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 21:56 (eight years ago)

xp Polycom aka the world's most expensive webcam since no-one uses them in standalone mode anymore.

― Zings Can Only Get Better (snoball), Tuesday, 10 October 2017 22:17 (eight years ago)

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