As sure as I've got a hole in my arse: The Apprentice UK, Series 3.

awesome, he's won

dancing girls, inspired

She should have stuck with the Nazi Eagle.

Shot down in flames!

"beneath the surface of the idiot is someone quite smart", wow zing!

It's like the devil and the angel on his shoulder, except, y'know. Not.

Simon: you're hired. I despair of this nation.

WHAT? THE? FUCK?

Dancing. Girls. Passantino.

Bizarre. Sir Alan obviously relishes his grandfatherly role.

Eh, soddit, Sugar Rush is on in a bit.

Jadine appears to be rocking the Gabrielle circa 1992 look on Two.

Kristina wuz robbed. I hope she gets a job at Apple.

So do I. And maybe there they don't make you work your cotton socks off.

Sralan now admitting on BBC2 "Yeah, basically I wanted a posh white guy for presentations"

And he got his bullshitting grinning estate agent headboy.

Tre zinging Lohit in the post-show!

and SrAlan killing off Katie's job prospects once and for all.

Even though she went round all last week saying she would have won undoubtedly.

I haven't been watching this.

I went to school with the winner, he was a cunt then; i take it his personality is still glistening?

Whenever he did something wrong, or appeared to be an idiot (e.g. interview stage), he giggled like, um, an idiot.

God, I hope them CDs have turned up!

That'll be panto in Grimsby for Katie this Christmas then!

For next year's contest can we have Mark E Smith doing the hiring and firing?

fucking unbelievable that christina didnt win. simon did look a bit more 'professional' in last nights episode but christina was so much more impressive. and i dont know what sir alan was watching cos her presentation looked a 100 times better too.

poshness won out in the end i suppose.

simon and tre were funny. it was like a 7 year old boy and his naughty imaginary friend.

Kristina however didn't look as though she needed to learn anything and thereby didn't really qualify as an "apprentice."

yeah but sirallan kept going on about how he didnt want to have to spend time teaching someone the ropes for half the series. if all he wanted was someone to mould from scratch he should just go and pick up someone from the local kfc who presumably knows nothing about business. would save him 12 weeks of the year.

Yeah, but he also cracks on about not liking "Arse kissers, yesmen,..." etc.

TBF, when SrAlan went off on one about "who's bright idea was getting Wheelchairs?" Simon stood up and showed that they made the best money from selling three, to which he did actually concede the point. Just.

But who could have resisted his fatherly, Sid James-esque smile which accompanied his rhetorical question "Am I gonna have to be the headmaster again?"

Kindly form a queue on the left.

For next year's contest can we have Mark E Smith doing the hiring and firing?

Wow, that's a great idea!

THE APPRENTICE-UH!

I went to school with the winner, he was a cunt then; i take it his personality is still glistening?

-- Ed, Thursday, June 14, 2007 7:25 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

he's only 26 and i imagine you're quite a bit older than that, ed - how much of a cunt could he have been at the age you knew or knew of him? he certainly didn't seem cuntish.

ed is 28 i think...

If Ed, who is 27, says someone at his school was a cunt, they were probably a cunt of the highest order.

I just read the whole series via this thread (I stopped watching for some reason after about 4 weeks). I can now see the attraction of "watching" BB via ILX.

the final task really actually had no effect on the final decision didn't it?

Sir Alan even give the christina presentation the thumbs up when it was given.

it was all down to like "OMG I'M SHIT BUT I KNOW I'M SHIT BUT THAT MEANS I CAN LEARN" vs "ERM I ALREADY KNOW LOADS YOU DON'T HAVE TO TEACH ME ANYTHING" which was a shot in the foot i think for her.. should have said a bit more about "BUT I WANT TO LEARN FROM YOU STILL INNIT" because that's more exciting.

THE APPRENTICE-UH!

"You're totally fired-uh!"

:)

ken OTM about the final meaning shit, really. (and let's not forget there's still that weird rumour about the final two candidates working for the mighty 'strad empire for six months in between the final being filmed and the decision being made ... if that really is the case, it's enormously disingenuous. next time i see my cousin -- which will probably be 2054 or something -- i'll ask her.)

the problem -- as tre said in that interview above, i think -- is that the job in question is so nebulous that the entire process means very little. it's not as if they're competing for something with clearly defined parameters and so on; sugar is just looking for a dude to do, you know, shit. if simon had been booted out a couple of weeks ago (as ISTR he should have been; i can't remember the details but i'm sure there was a very lucky escape) and, say, tre had ended up in the final, it's very unlikely that the winner, whoever it would have been, would have been given the same "role within the organisation" as simon's been given (ie selling real estate to knobs).

ach. he's young, he's enthusiastic, he's allegedly a cunt. probably the right decision, all in all. but as a viewer i was deeply underwhelmed by the final.

He should have been out the week of the TV show thing, the week Naomi went. Also, his design for the final looked like three enormous dildos.

the problem -- as tre said in that interview above, i think -- is that the job in question is so nebulous that the entire process means very little. it's not as if they're competing for something with clearly defined parameters and so on; sugar is just looking for a dude to do, you know, shit. if simon had been booted out a couple of weeks ago (as ISTR he should have been; i can't remember the details but i'm sure there was a very lucky escape) and, say, tre had ended up in the final, it's very unlikely that the winner, whoever it would have been, would have been given the same "role within the organisation" as simon's been given (ie selling real estate to knobs).

I've said this since last year, when Karen got fired with an "I don't need another lawyer" parting shot. It is completely about entertainment rather than SrAlan finding the best employee. Christina absolutely didn't need whatever job it was, tbh. Simon did. At least he had the good grace to recognise that on the Adrian Chiles thing afterwards.

his design for the final

rory's design, you mean!

Yeah, but it was Simon who got, and gratefully accepted, all the credit. See, they'll make a boss of him yet.

my cousin is going to be in glasgow next month for the S4 auditions.

she's not exactly alan sugar, but i do intend to hassle her about some of our, er, unanswered questions (eg the truth about katie; do the finalists work for sugar for six months; etc).

so if anyone has anything they want me to ask her, just so she can say: "ooh, no, we're not allowed to talk about that," let me know.

Can we just take her to the pub and get her so drunk that she squeals?

Otherwise, please ask her if there's a job in mind for the winner before that winner is decided, or is he just making it up as he goes along e.g. did he sack Kristina because he didn't think she would be a very good property manager, or did he make up that job because he couldn't think what the hell else Simon could do?

When Sir Alan comes into the boardroom, he always looks as though he's just been for a slash. Is that where he's been and if so does he dribble?

It's a fakey boardroom.

But, he does have a bucket.

GF, ask how long they're in the house for and what they get up to when they're not taking part in a task. Do they have internet access in there?

will do.

Sir Alan Sugar is to sell Amstrad to Sky

Sez the beeb.

he was on "today" this morning, waffling.

don't think this bodes well for "the apprentice", does it?

(nb: failed miserably to catch up with my cousin. might e-mail her. feel a bit daft doing so, mind.)

Teen Apprentice anyone?

"who wants to buy anything from ugly people?"...

Lord Sugar doesn't want no Facebook parties: Junior Apprentice.