a renter's question

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so i have this apartment, not great but ok. my landlord lives downstairs--i'm on the second floor of their home, which was divided into two apartments once upon a time. they usually stay out of my business, but when they have a problem with something they are unusually passive-aggressive about it. they'll "mention" something without complaining specifically about it.

for example, today my landlady asked me if i intended to renew my lease for another year. i said yes. she asked, with a raised eyebrow, if the lease would be "for one person or two." this is an allusion, i guess, to my girlfriend, who is around a fair bit, but never spends more than 1 or 2 nights week here, and very rarely takes a shower here (that is to say, she doesn't use up much in the way of utilities, which i pay for anyway).

i then asked, politely, if my girlfriend coming over posed any problems, and she insisted that it didn't. nonetheless, something in her tone suggested that it was bothering her in some fashion, but when pressed she wouldn't say why, and in fact attriibuted any concern to her cranky husband.

one thing that bothered me was typical of her. she mentioned (in so many words) that "we don't have any moral problem with her coming over, with our two teenage boys...." so on the one hand she's saying there's no problem, on the other she alludes to the fact that she has impressionable teenaged boys (who are, in all likelihood, having as much sex as i am) downstairs. frankly i was taken aback by this, since as my landlord she isn't in a position to chime in her opinion of my morals, positive or negative.

now if i had an absentee landlord, this wouldn't matter because they'd never know whether my girlfriend was staying over. this has always been the case--it didn't occur to me until a few weeks ago that my landlords would even be concerned with this, much less mention something about it. i don't see how to deal with this. my girlfriend shares a place, so it's more awkward for me to stay over there than for her to come over here. plus... what the hell? what are we supposed to do?

should i move (what a PAIN IN THE ASS) in august to a place where this won't (likely) come up? or should i just take my landlady at face value and presume my girlfriend staying over once or twice a week won't be a problem? i have a sinking feeling she's not being entirely honest with me.

i've moved five times in five years and i'm really sick of it. so i'd rather not move.

but i'm still creeped out by my landlady alluding, in whatever fashion, to my morals.

― amateurist, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:32 (nineteen years ago)

I'm no authority, but I'm pretty sure there are plenty of rules and laws protecting you from getting the rug pulled out from under you; if she says it's cool, then you can treat it as cool. You might jsut have to put up with more raised eyebrows, if you can handle that.

― Will M., Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

Unless she does something creepy, I wouldn't worry about it.

― Alex in SF, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:48 (nineteen years ago)

Will M OTM. They can't evict you for having a girlfriend. But they can be nosy assholes about it.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

ignore her and her meddling ways.

― s1ocki, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:52 (nineteen years ago)

To see the better side of things, maybe she was wondering if she was going to cosign the lease? Also, people are curious about stuff you know!!!!

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude ‫茄蕃‪, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

srsly, if you like your place, just try and pretend she's not there. landlords can do WAY worse stuff, tut-tutting is relatively low on the scale of landlord annoyances.

― s1ocki, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

But other than this one time weird conversation, they haven't been so far, right? So like I said, I wouldn't worry about it unless it gets creepier.

― Alex in SF, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

understatement of the year

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

That was an xpost to Shakey.

― Alex in SF, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

arrrrgh xpost

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

haha

― Alex in SF, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

whoa

― s1ocki, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

You have rights. Tenants have rights.
Not many, but...they do include guests. Look at the lease! What does it say?

it's your HOME, and nobody should make it a place of moral judgement. Except you, of course.

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:01 (nineteen years ago)

<I>But other than this one time weird conversation, they haven't been so far, right?</i>

well, yes and no. a few weeks ago i ran into my landlord and he, again, passive-aggressively referred to how they were staying in their front room for the coldest weeks of the year, and that therefore they could hear what i was doing upstairs, "not that it bothers us." i presumed he was trying to tell me to keep it down in some fashion, so i gently asked if there were hours i should respect or certain things (the radio, the tv, my footsteps) that were particularly bothersome.

he joked about how "we can hear *everything*--but you know, it's ok" and begged off. so i'm still not sure whether this really bothers him or not.

a while later there were some electrical problems in the middle of the night. rather than ring their bell in the middle of the night, or wake them with a phone call, i sent them an email (they would have been still sleeping by the time i was out the door the next day, so that wouldn't have worked). two days later, *after* the landlady had already replied to the email, my landlord leaves an angry handwritten note in my mailbox saying how if i have a problem, i should talk to them directly and not email them. wtf?!

overall it isn't really too bad but the whole passive-aggressive routine really annoys me.

i think in part, they are annoyed because i've asked them to fix or look at a few things that previous tenants have overlooked. for instance, *the oven didn't work* but the previous tenant didn't notice because she was a complete slacker and never used the oven. so they had to replace the oven. i also asked about a broken light fixture which they refused to replace because they thought it would be too expensive. later, when they had a woman who is studying to be an electrician look at the house for other reasons (note: they are too cheap to hire an actual electrician), she noted that replacing the fixture would cost about $20 for a new fixture and $20-30 for installation.

in any event, i get the sense that they feel i am a demanding tenant.

― amateurist, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

I think that's the first time I have ever gotten an OTM. Google seems to agree

― Will M., Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:06 (nineteen years ago)

when i am less tired i will actually look to see what the standard lease says about guests.

when i signed the lease the landlord specifically said "and if you want to have some friends (he says this with a slight "wink" in his voice) over occassionally, we're ok with that." so i was surprised that they even brought this up.

― amateurist, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:07 (nineteen years ago)

wear it proudly

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:08 (nineteen years ago)

goddam mothafukkin XPOST

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:09 (nineteen years ago)

I wouldn't sweat it am.

― s1ocki, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:11 (nineteen years ago)

You may as well be living with your parents, having landlords like that! Yes, moving is a complete pain in the arse (I've done it 5 times in 5 yrs too) but weigh it up against coming & going as you please and having a landlord that will fix things without complaint.

― Hard like armour, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:13 (nineteen years ago)

the explanation might be as simple as "yr landlord is a perv"

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:18 (nineteen years ago)

Amst maybe they get off on the idea of voyeuring over your relationship!

Which is even more fuckin creepy.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:20 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha xopst w/shakey.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 22:20 (nineteen years ago)

oh come on people, all landlords are assholes, this is a very very minor problem.

― s1ocki, Tuesday, 27 March 2007 23:59 (nineteen years ago)

Not all of them are assholes. I never saw or heard from my last one, but he repaired the oven, fixed a linking sink & installed a smoke alarm when requested. My current landlord is fine too. The only contact we have is my rent going into his/her bank account. Amateurist's landlords sound highly intrusive.

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 00:37 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, my last landlady had a wonderful family, lived downstairs, and we never got the passive agressive routine. They would bring up food and booze from time to time and even after moving out of their house, we are still friendly.

I don't know if I could deal with Amateurist's situation, however. Perhaps a new landlord would bring posole instead of being annoying?

― dan m, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 00:47 (nineteen years ago)

but there's always the possibility a new landlord could seem cool and then end up being even weirder. i would be annoyed by the passive aggressive judging, but probably the deciding factor would be how great the current place was and whether or not i could find another place that was as good for a comparable price.

― tehresa, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:05 (nineteen years ago)

"Amateurist's landlords sound highly intrusive."

No way. For a landlord he's living above they sound pretty NON-INTRUSIVE actually. Now obv that's still more intrusive than a lot landlords who ya don't live with, but still it could obviously be a lot worse.

― Alex in SF, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:08 (nineteen years ago)

yeah i think the omnipresence is something you accept when you agree to live above the landlord.

― tehresa, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:10 (nineteen years ago)

So they don't have separate entrances then?

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:26 (nineteen years ago)

i LOVE you

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

"separate entrances"

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:32 (nineteen years ago)

Like I said, intrusive...

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:36 (nineteen years ago)

It's all about the lease. Or contract.
I have posted about my apartment building several times. Gigantic python living in the first floor apartment, etc.
neighbors who might be abusing a kid, kid who might be abusing herself, etc.
I like my apartment and i don't want to move until I am moving...into a home that I own, or to a place that I crave.
I have a contract, not a lease, with my landlords. They want us to stay forever, because we are good tenants, and I call them and tell them when things get shitty.
I really like my landlords - but there is a piece of paper that we sign to make sure we have a legal and binding agreement.

I called today to alert them that food for the python is being housed in the basement. I'm not bothered by it so much - but I went to do some laundry and heard a little rustling, and came upon a bunny in a cage. And three cages of rats.
Now, having seen what happens to a rabbit when fed to a python -the python owner knocks the rabbit on the head, but pythons like a "live kill"...I just felt pity for the bunny.
No pity for the rats, although they seem like nice fellas.
I should rescue that bunny.
The landlords are OK with this, but not in the basement. The python owner is not supposed to keep rats and bunnies in the basement!
The rats are probably for the two boa constrictors.

Yup, look at your lease, sign a lease, sign a contract.

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:41 (nineteen years ago)

"Gigantic" and "python" are a horrifying combination. I hope that thing doesn't get out.

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 01:45 (nineteen years ago)

mine can be pretty passive-aggressive too (telling us after the fact that we should ASK them about having a party instead of TELLING them beforehand, etc), but i'd rather take that over my ex-bf's landlord who still hasn't returned the security deposit from the apt he subletted three yrs ago any day of the week

― impudent harlot, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 02:02 (nineteen years ago)

Gigantic albino python named Malachy.
He tried to eat my neighbor (the owner).
The boas are more worrisome, really. They don't get handled as much....it's weird that I am as mellow about it as I am. because I fucking hate snakes.
My point being ... talk to your landlords, and have a contract or lease!
is it better to have large serpents or spying eyes? I dunno.

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 02:17 (nineteen years ago)

He tried to eat my neighbor (the owner).

Well that's something you don't hear everyday. Holy shit.

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 02:19 (nineteen years ago)

I started a thread about it, last year.
it is an out of the ordinary experience.
I'd rather live with my weird neighbors and the large snakes than the prying eyes of a landlord, I guess!
BUT..I'm not so psyched about that bunny.

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 02:33 (nineteen years ago)

Motherfuckin snakes in a motherfuckin flat.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 02:44 (nineteen years ago)

Exactly, Trayce!

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 02:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.threescompany.com/tcompany/www/images/roperlove.jpg

― gershy, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 03:14 (nineteen years ago)

holy shit.

― s1ocki, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 03:49 (nineteen years ago)

that does suggest a solution to your problem that will require not much more than a minimal amount of deceit.

― s1ocki, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 03:50 (nineteen years ago)

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