"Dinner With [Pick a Director]"

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

So in my usual readthrough of one of my fave bad movie sites, the Agony Booth, it transpires that in the review of the Bloodrayne DVD there is a bonus feature called "Dinner With Uwe Boll." Really:

Okay, to be honest, I have no real hatred for Uwe Boll. But maybe that'll change if and when I see his other films. I do know that the BloodRayne DVD has a special feature called "Dinner with Uwe Boll" (I assure you, I'm not making this up) where, over pasta and wine, he explains to two nobodies that he's really a misunderstood genius, and there's absolutely no reason he should be so reviled on the internet. Even if I had never seen one of his movies, I would probably hate him just for this special feature. Meaning, in fact, I do hate him. What do you know?

http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/articles/images/razzie_weekend_2007/bloodrayne_15.jpg

So inspired, Jody and I contemplated this in chat and concluded that every DVD should of course have this feature. Our initial conclusions:

"Dinner With Todd Solondz": Grey meals, grey walls, child abuse, "Chardonnet?"

"Dinner with Herschell Gordon Lewis": "Chilled HUMAN brains"

"Dinner With John Waters": best dinner conversation ever, at least

"Dinner with Brett Ratner": a punch in the gut, greasy fries

Etc. Please add your own and elaborate as needed.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:33 (eighteen years ago)

"Dinner with John Huston" : quiet, in a graveyard.

― 冷明, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:43 (eighteen years ago)

"Dinner with Ken Loach": in a soup kitchen

"Dinner with Paul Haggis": fake appendicitis before the appetizer

"Dinner with Lukas Moodysson:" ends with an awkward hug

"Dinner with Jim Jarmusch:" very. stilted.

― 冷明, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:47 (eighteen years ago)

"Dinner with Sophia Coppola:" main course never comes, nobody'll pick up the check

"Dinner with Paul Feig:" roll 2d6

"Dinner with Jodorowsky:" kill a tiger, bathe in its intestines

― 冷明, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:53 (eighteen years ago)

dinner with roman polanski: @ chuck e. cheese

― gershy, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:55 (eighteen years ago)

Haha, I'm having dinner with a director on Monday (of a not exactly famous independent film that I arranged to show on campus and bring him in to speak on). I'll let you know if it's worth a one-liner.

― Maria, Saturday, 7 April 2007 06:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Paul Verhoeven - Steak, bloody.

― Billy Dods, Saturday, 7 April 2007 08:39 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Bela Tarr : long, tense silences interspersed with outbreaks of miserablist philosophising.

― Matt #2, Saturday, 7 April 2007 08:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Ken Russell - several cases of wine, lots of stories about Oliver Reed and Derek Jarman. Nuns.

― Soukesian, Saturday, 7 April 2007 09:13 (eighteen years ago)

you gotta give uwe credit for kickin the shit out of lowtax

― chaki, Saturday, 7 April 2007 10:29 (eighteen years ago)

dinner with cronenberg: at a Chinese restaurant, where you are served with a plate of nasty boney-looking things which you fashion into an organic biomechanical gun that shoots teeth.

― latebloomer, Saturday, 7 April 2007 11:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner With Quentin Tarantino: loud, but with dramatic pauses; suggestion of 50s theme restaurant turned down as 'too obvious'

Dinner With Nora Ephron: a tasteful 'home cooking' restaurant but with an odd wine selection; starry-eyed waiters

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 12:46 (eighteen years ago)

dinner with nicole holofcener: a $1000-a-plate charity event, and she shows up wearing tennis shoes and a big floppy sweater.

― get bent, Saturday, 7 April 2007 12:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner With Gregg Araki: 'unique' food that isn't but the background music in the restaurant rules

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 13:01 (eighteen years ago)

dINNER wITH tOM bARMAN: Taking a Shortcuts, Tom talks about Will Oldham. Quelle surprise.

― nathalie, Saturday, 7 April 2007 13:51 (eighteen years ago)

dinner w lunch: cherry pie

― cutty, Saturday, 7 April 2007 13:58 (eighteen years ago)

LYNCH.

― cutty, Saturday, 7 April 2007 13:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Lydia Lunch: unique

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 14:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Orson Welles: Steak au poivre (sp?), anecdotes, laughs, lobster, lots of good wine, anecdotes, laughs, cognac, cigars...

― Capitaine Jay Vee, Saturday, 7 April 2007 14:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with John Speed: messy

― the sir weeze, Saturday, 7 April 2007 14:40 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner With Roger Corman: late night special at Pink's, grimy napkins

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 14:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Kevin Costner: lots of mumbling and squinting, and it lasts about 7 hours

― the sir weeze, Saturday, 7 April 2007 14:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Jean Renoir: bowls of stew at the kitchen table, Dido Renoir fussing in the background, lots of heavy French red wine, exchange of rowdy, un-vulgar anecdotes.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn, Saturday, 7 April 2007 15:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Werner Herzog: Epic and then we get shot.

― Jeff, Saturday, 7 April 2007 15:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Robert Altman -- constantly interrupted by overlapping conversations at 16 surrounding tables

― m coleman, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:46 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Carroll Ballard - On horseback, served by a magical negro.

― remy bean, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with RW Fassbinder -- sauerbraten served by transgendered waiter

― m coleman, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Paul Morrissey -- "diet pills" & cigs served by junkie hustler

― m coleman, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Jean-Luc Goddard -- waiters go on strike

― m coleman, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Terrence Malick: Languorous picnic in a field of glowing Nebraska wheat, trading stilted banalities with metaphysical subtext.

― fife, Sunday, 8 April 2007 03:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Michael Bay: http://express.howstuffworks.com/gif/explosion-intro.jpg

― latebloomer, Sunday, 8 April 2007 05:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with John Woo.

― jim, Sunday, 8 April 2007 05:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Steven Spielberg: vanilla ice cream served by child in peril.

― fife, Sunday, 8 April 2007 05:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Alexander Payne: tragically comedic hot dogs
Dinner with Michael Moore: Place settings all on the same side. He spins lettuce at the table, but eventually ends up serving hot dogs as well.

― negotiable, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Steven Spielberg: Good bloody steak, but a dessert that's way too sweet.

― chap, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with the Coens: All dishes perfectly prepared, but a little on the cold side.
Dinner with david Kronenberg: Don't touch the meat.

― chap, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Kevin Smith: congealed Hot Pockets, farts

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with the Farrellies: Don't touch the white sauce.

― chap, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Sam Peckinpah - Bourbon, tequila, cocaine and verbal abuse.

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Stanley Kubrick: make sure you eat a little something beforehand

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner wth Christopher Nolan -

Coffee, desert, entree, salad, soup, appetizer. In that order.

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with M Night Shamalayan - the water is deadly, and the laamb entree was really HUMAN FLESH THE WHOLE TIME.

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Ridley Scott: "The lighting in this place is fantastic!"

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Julie Taymor: appetizers served on three-layer plates, excellent presentation throughout

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:05 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Sergio Leone:

NAH, TOO EASY

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with George Lucas: Good main course ruined by revolting starter served twenty years late.

― chap, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Takashi Miike: "Waitress, can I...oh, no, you don't have to do that."

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Russ Meyer: He opts for Hooters.

― Binjominia, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dinner with Jonathan Frakes: Beards for everyone

― the sir weeze, Sunday, 8 April 2007 16:18 (eighteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.