Do you feel awkward when buying condoms?

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In general I don't, but when I'm at store and can't find them, it's kinda hard to ask for where to find them. Often I just go to another store. Today I went to drug store and bought some painkillers, a package of ear plugs, and a pack of condoms, and I was half expecting the clerk to say something like, "Gonna have a rough night, huh?", but of course she didn't.

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

I feel awkward when you buy condoms.

― kenan, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

I usually just walk in, slap my dick on the counter and ask to see what they have in my size.

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

lock thread

― kenan, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

I think the easiest solution here is to just not use a condom.

― milo z, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:07 (nineteen years ago)

i never used to but it's been a while. the last time i bought some was during a trip to target. my purchases included condoms, a stick of old spice, pliers, duct tape, excederin, and a muppets dvd. the cashier never even blinked.

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

i feel more awkward going into a drugstore, looknig around, then not buying anything.

― Will M., Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

B-b-but some people have to!

(xx-post)

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

Parody thread proposals for your consideration:

Do you feel awkward when buying condos?
Do you feel awkward when buying condors?
Do you feel awkward when wearing condoms?
Do you feel awkward when sharing condoms?
Do you feel awkward when sharing condiments?

― blueski, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:11 (nineteen years ago)

Easiest way to deal: talk on the phone for the entire transaction. I have done this before, though not intentionally.

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:11 (nineteen years ago)

You can buy condoms by phone?

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

I bought some condoms online a few times. They tell you it'll appear as GLOBAL HEALTH PRODUCTS on your bank statement so that your bank don;t laugh at you. It's pretty fucking rad.

― blueski, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

You can buy condoms by phone?

tuomasinphonebooth.jpg

― blueski, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:13 (nineteen years ago)

The only reason to be embarrassed buying condoms is that people will know you haven't yet figured out how to get free condoms.

― kenan, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

Why would anyone laugh at someone buying condoms? Do you shop at drug stores that exclusively employ 10-year-old girls?

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

Sample Script for Safer Sex

If Your Partner Says: What's that?
You Can Say: A condom, baby.

If Your Partner Says: What for?
You Can Say: To use when we're making love.

If Your Partner Says: I don't like using them.
You Can Say: Why not?

If Your Partner Says: It doesn't feel as good with a rubber.
You Can Say: I'll feel more relaxed. If I'm more relaxed, I can make it feel better for you.

If Your Partner Says: But we've never used a condom before.
You Can Say: I don't want to take any more risks.

If Your Partner Says: Rubbers are gross.
You Can Say: Being pregnant when I don't want to be is worse. So is getting AIDS.

If Your Partner Says: Don't you trust me?
You Can Say: Trust isn't the point. People carry sexually transmitted infections without knowing it.

If Your Partner Says: I'll pull out in time.
You Can Say: Women can get pregnant from pre-cum. It can also carry sexually transmitted infections.

If Your Partner Says: I thought you said using condoms made you feel cheap.
You Can Say: I decided to face facts. I like having sex, and I want to stay healthy and happy.

If Your Partner Says: Rubbers aren't romantic.
You Can Say: Making love and protecting each other's health sounds romantic enough to me.

If Your Partner Says: Let's face it. Making love with a rubber on is like taking a shower with a raincoat on.
You Can Say: Well, doing it without a rubber is playing Russian roulette.

If Your Partner Says: It just isn't as sensitive.
You Can Say: With a condom you might last even longer, and that'll make up for it.

If Your Partner Says: I don't stay hard when I put on a condom.
You Can Say: I can do something about that.

If Your Partner Says: Putting it on interrupts everything.
You Can Say: Not if I help put it on.

If Your Partner Says: I'll try, but it might not work.
You Can Say: Practice makes perfect.

If Your Partner Says: But I love you.
You Can Say: Then you'll help me protect myself.

If Your Partner Says: I guess you don't really love me.
You Can Say: I'm not going to "prove my love" by risking my life.

If Your Partner Says: I'm not using a rubber, no matter what.
You Can Say: Well, then I guess we're not having sex.

If You Are a Virgin and Have Decided to Have Sex and Want to Use a Condom and Your Partner Says: Just this once without it. Just the first time.

You Can Say: It only takes once to get pregnant. It only takes once to get a sexually transmitted infection. It only takes once to get AIDS.

If your partner absolutely refuses to wear a latex condom, you can use a female condom. Some men have said that the sensation is not so reduced with a female condom.

Don't be afraid of being rejected. Besides, the partner who doesn't care about protecting your health and well-being is not worth your sexual involvement.

― kenan, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

yeah i don't understand at all? who would give a shit if your bank found out that you OMG bought CONDOMS

― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

free condoms only fit an average size penis.
xxxpost

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

"YOU? having SEX? I don't believe it!"

― blueski, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

I guarantee that anyone that works at a drug store has sold stuff like 1,000 times more embarassing than condoms.

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:16 (nineteen years ago)

The worst thing is that I prefer these extra slim condoms, but most grocery stores don't seem to carry that brand, and I really don't have the guts to ask some young girl working at the store, "EXCUSE ME, would happen to have these EXTRA SLIM CONDOMS (FOR MY PLEASURE) available?".

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

as one who was once employed at a pharmacy let me say, oh yeah.

xpost.

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

oh tuomas

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

dude you're a robot, right?

― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

I did mean an at-register transaction, and I know it's hopelessly impolite. That said condoms online seems like a good idea.

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

EXTRA SLIM

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

tuo "EXTRA SLIM" mas

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:19 (nineteen years ago)

Sorry, I guess I meant "extra thin".

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:19 (nineteen years ago)

Meaning the condom, not my penis.

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

If Your Partner Says: Rubbers are gross.
You Can Say: Being pregnant when I don't want to be is worse. So is getting AIDS.

ok that's pretty awesome

i'm trying to burn the extra slim thing out of my mind btw

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

I guarantee that anyone that works at a drug store has sold stuff like 1,000 times more embarassing than condoms.

When I was a bagboy at my neighborhood supermarket at age 16, there was a guy who would come in every sunday morning and buy about $40 of normal, typical groceries and three to four enema kits. occasionally he would return on a weeknight and purchase one enema kit. having only just learned what an enema was, my fellow bagboys and I thought his presence was absolutley hysterical. HERE COMES ENEMA MAN, GUYS!!! LOOK HE RAN OUT OF THE ENAMAS HE BOUGHT ON SUNDAY AND HE HAS TO COME BACK AND GET SOME MORE!!!1

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

there's this slummy liquor store/drug store around the corner from me, and the only brand of condoms on display behind the counter are Magnums. As if to say, this is a big dick store for big dick people. Buy some big dick whiskey and big dick cigarettes and big dick condoms, why dontcha?

― kenan, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

kenan that's actually my motto.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

Are there actually condoms for different sizes of penis available anywhere else than some "specialist" stores? I've never seen any.

(haha, x-post)

― Tuomas, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, definitely, most drugstores carry like 20 different kinds.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

My favorite thing to do when working as a cashier in a drugstore was to ask the condom purchaser if he wanted a bag. Only one guy ever said no.

― patita, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

They're free for the taking in NYC bars! I'm set til my dotage.

― Dr Morbius, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

"a big dick bar for big dick people" is the engraved motto of the flying dawkins

― ghost rider, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.jokesunlimited.com/funny_halloween_costumes/large/banana.jpg

― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

If Your Partner Says: I thought you said using condoms made you feel cheap.
You Can Say: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING AND WHY DIDN'T YOU SHARE, DELUSIONAL-PANTS?

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

If Your Partner Says: It just isn't as sensitive.
You Can Say: With a condom you might last even longer, and that'll make up for it.

ZING

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

If Your Partner Says: I don't like using them.
You Can Say: Why not?

ajadante.jpg

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:26 (nineteen years ago)

big dick cigarettes

that draw on these is pretty tough. and the taste.... ugh.

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

NO ACTUALLY IT WAS YOUR CALLING ME FLAVOR OF THE WEEK THAT MADE ME FEEL CHEAP, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING.

― Laurel, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

Sorry, I guess I meant "extra thin".

-- Tuomas, Tuesday, April 10, 2007 3:19 PM (5 minutes ago)
Meaning the condom, not my penis.

-- Tuomas, Tuesday, April 10, 2007 3:20 PM (4 minutes ago)

TOO LATE; DAMAGE DONE

TUOMAS HAS A TEENIE WEENIE

― Stevie D, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

Welcome to State The Blatantly Obvious Theatre!

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:32 (nineteen years ago)

BIG DICK WHISKEY

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

kind of a mouth full, but smooth going down.

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:50 (nineteen years ago)

very neat

― blueski, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:51 (nineteen years ago)

Big Dick Merlot - only comes in a magnum

― milo z, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 31 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I only go to the fancy condom store downtown because they're the only one that have my fancy brand. before idiscovered said brand I actually had a pretty long conversation with the girl that worked there about my cock and it's needs.

Without necessarily going into detail, how would such a conversation go? Did you volunteer info about your wang and she gladly assisted you, or did she ask if you had any questions?

― Jesse, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 05:26 (nineteen years ago)

Spermicidal condoms taste awful.

Yea, bad news

Regular lube tastes like slime from the he-man slime pit:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9e/Smeraldo.cc_motu_01.jpg

strangely, this is what i hope to call my future wife's gash!

― JW, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 06:30 (nineteen years ago)

Simmer down, beastman.

― g-kit, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 07:57 (nineteen years ago)

Dude, it's pretty funny you (sometimes) feel awkward. Guess you Fins aren't that openminded ey?

― nathalie, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 08:55 (nineteen years ago)

Although in the US one could get whatever you needed from CVS or wherever, mainstream UK outlets seem to sell a variety of types but not sizes. As such I had to recently visit Brighton's notoriously fine sex shop "Taboo". This meant getting buzzed in the front door, looking around for far longer than was desirable at various colourful plastic products before realising that what i need was behind the counter. I asked for Magnums rather than "jumbo johnnies" but still felt a touch uncomfortable. The bepierced salesman told me to "have a great weekend" as well. I didn't.

― Uptoeleven, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 09:24 (nineteen years ago)

What's the appropriate percentage to tip when buying condoms?

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 09:31 (nineteen years ago)

It's pretty important to leave the tip on there.

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

I had a nightmare trying to buy large condoms as well. I finally found them online with free P&P. (cue tired P&P jokes)

― The Wayward Johnny B, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

why the fuck would you feel uncomfortable?

― nathalie, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 09:48 (nineteen years ago)

When you go in the changing room to fit them you don't know where they've been.

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 09:49 (nineteen years ago)

sadly i don't have much call for condoms in recent times but back in the day i just used to buy them in the supermarket with all the rest of my groceries. what's to feel awkward about?

― gem, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 11:37 (nineteen years ago)

*tries to resist cucumber joke*

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 11:50 (nineteen years ago)

there's free condoms everywhere in manchester.

in london this is the not the case.

― pisces, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:02 (nineteen years ago)

what's to feel awkward about?

When they have someone packing your stuff for you, that's a bit awkward. Last time this happened to me I made sure I stood closer to the till so I could nab them before he did.

― Mark C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:18 (nineteen years ago)

In response to the original question: No. Not a bit of it and I'm a bit surprised that so many people still seem to feel that way. That said, everyone is different etc etc

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:22 (nineteen years ago)

What's embarrassing about buying something that says "I be shagging!"?

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:36 (nineteen years ago)

OTM. It's more embarrassing to not buy them all the time :-(

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:37 (nineteen years ago)

What's embarrassing about buying something that says "I be shagging!"?

Exactly that. Do you want some random people to know that? Especially if you're not even shagging, just buying them in case of.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:39 (nineteen years ago)

Though for some weird reason I find it less awkward when I'm buying them with the person I'm shagging with.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:39 (nineteen years ago)

Do you want some random people to know that?

Tuomas this may be the most hypocritical think on the internets

― Mark C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, but the Internet is much more anonymous.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:44 (nineteen years ago)

Anonymous and seedy. I like it like that.

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:45 (nineteen years ago)

ok now i have a mental image of noodle vague buying condoms while wearing a trenchcoat and a trucker hat and saying to the checkout person 'you didn't see me roight'

― gem, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 13:08 (nineteen years ago)

Trucker hat guy didn't use condoms, IIRC.

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 13:09 (nineteen years ago)

as I'm sure has been said many times, the checker seriously could give a shit about what you're buying. It's just a job and you're just another annoying customer.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

What's embarrassing about buying something that says "I be shagging!"?

True. I like to give the person behind the counter a big wink and do the whole forearm curl thing while going "eurghghhgh" while pumping my fist backwards and forwards.

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 13:48 (nineteen years ago)

Also, scented tampons, wtf?! I don't think we even have those in here.

I really, really by "in here" hope you mean Finland.

― nickalicious, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

No one here has mentioned pub toilets - wtf? Sure they're expensive, but absolutely 100% embarrassment free!

― melton mowbray, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

do you trust them though?

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

You guys ... RELAXED FIT CONDOMS

― n/a, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:37 (nineteen years ago)

I just invented them

― n/a, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

xpost about bathroom condoms--They're usually name brands, so I don't see why not. But I don't see why they would be embarrassing to buy. Unless the cashier notices your visibly throbbing cock.

― Jesse, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

boot cut condoms

― kenan, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:41 (nineteen years ago)

slight flare at the base

― kenan, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:41 (nineteen years ago)

Also guys, I don't know if this is solely a British thing (although I remember an thread about it a while ago), self service checkouts in supermarkets!

― melton mowbray, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

(xxpost)

Unless the cashier notices you've opened the package and you're chewing one because you like the taste so much.

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:00 (nineteen years ago)

There are self-service checkouts in the U.S. and I used to hate them but then I realized if yu leave all your soda or dog food on the bottom rack it's easy to forget to pay for it. I am bastard.

I love the variety of things in a grocery store. There's nothing like a place where you could buy baby food, rat poison, and a 12-pack of Warm Sensations all in thesame purchase.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:33 (nineteen years ago)

I picked up Transformers the Movie in a supermarket the other day for a couple of quid and a bag of fizzy laces, and as I had two items and all the checkouts had queues I went for self service. Turns out DVDs don't have unique IDs on the system, and all scan as "DVD", so I had to wait five minutes for someone to come over from another checkout and ID me for it, A U certificate kids film and a bag of sweets! That's more embarrassing than buying condoms. I'm surprised they didn't refuse service on the basis that I should grow the fuck up.

― melton mowbray, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:49 (nineteen years ago)

isn't transformers not even out yet?

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:51 (nineteen years ago)

Though for some weird reason I find it less awkward when I'm buying them with the person I'm shagging with.

I find this much more akward because it, presumably, gives the cashier every piece of the puzzle. Also, once when my girlfriend and I were buying condoms at Duane Reade and my girlfriend ended up paying the cashier turned to me and said "you better handle your business".

― C0L1N B..., Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

The 80s one, sorry. :) xpost

― melton mowbray, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

I love that movie so much.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

Funny how you go in search of condoms just as Ed comes to town. Not implying anything though......................

― huell, Thursday, 12 April 2007 04:41 (nineteen years ago)

Also guys, I don't know if this is solely a British thing (although I remember an thread about it a while ago), self service checkouts in supermarkets!

-- melton mowbray, Wednesday, April 11, 2007 4:45 PM (Yesterday)

masturbation in supermarkets c/d

― ken c, Thursday, 12 April 2007 13:35 (nineteen years ago)

I love the variety of things in a grocery store. There's nothing like a place where you could buy baby food, rat poison, and a 12-pack of Warm Sensations all in thesame purchase.

And don't forget that if you go to a Super Wal-Mart you can also buy a gun!

― Jesse, Thursday, 12 April 2007 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

a condom does not make a gun safe.

― ken c, Thursday, 12 April 2007 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.danacentre.org.uk/images/events/lead/condom_gun.jpg

― Jesse, Thursday, 12 April 2007 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

You might have to double bag that one.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Thursday, 12 April 2007 16:00 (nineteen years ago)

Don't feel awkward about it and the only time I have ever come close was one morning at about 4:30 am when we ran out and ran a quick trip to the grocery store where we bought only condoms and the guy I was with winked at the cashier and said "yep, just off for a bit of breakfast..." but that was mostly because I was 20 and sort of shy.

I did like the receipt I got from a CVS in South Carolina once when buying a big box - it read "Trojan ...... Ct. 36!"

― luna, Thursday, 12 April 2007 16:16 (nineteen years ago)

Feel awkward yet punk?

http://www.movieactors.com/photos-2003/eastwood-dirtyharry.jpeg

― C. Grisso/McCain, Thursday, 12 April 2007 16:16 (nineteen years ago)

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