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It was a dark and stormy night...

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Trees tore at each other. Large shadows stalked the earth; black clouds poured over the horizon. In a small clearing of mud-spackled leaves and sumac, stood a woman, bent over, holding her head. She watched rivulets of rain fall from her hair, washing debris from a round moss-covered stone. Footsteps, nearly lost in the din of the storm, grew louder, faster. She picked up the valise and ran…

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dude, it so was.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:47 (eighteen years ago)

(See, now this is the way we should do NaNoWriMo this year. Everybody takes a bit.)

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:49 (eighteen years ago)

She picked up the valise and ran...

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:50 (eighteen years ago)

down the flickering corridors to the portentous arms of the hooded parishioner.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:51 (eighteen years ago)

(Wait, it is raining in the corridors? That can't be right.)

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:52 (eighteen years ago)

(except I can't think of anything and am contributing to the demise of the thread)

. . .in the opposite direction of the approaching steps. In the wet, her barefeet had trouble finding purchase. Before she could outpace her pursuer, she slipped and fell to the ground, the valise bouncing out of her grip.

(xxpost. . .she's outside!)

― Ms Misery, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:53 (eighteen years ago)

Erm, so are the rotting remains of a castle's decaying, open corridors, which are radioactive and therefore flickering an eerie green.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:54 (eighteen years ago)

How portentous are these arms, because I want to maintain a little suspense.

We are back in the radioactive ruins in the middle of the stormy forest. The woman, running away from a mysterious assailant toward a dark hooded parishioner, slips and falls.

Go.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:59 (eighteen years ago)

The woman struggled to get up, slipping on the weathered stones of the old castle, flailing and sliding for minutes on end. The parishioner yawned and checked his watch. The luminescent dial mimicked the radioactive glow of the crumbling castle walls, but did not penetrate the shadow of his cowl. He tapped his foot. The woman tripped over her valise and landed in a puddle. He fidgeted with his robes.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 21:24 (eighteen years ago)

http://beancounters.blogs.com/daydreams/images/snoopy_typewriter.gif

― kingfish, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

"I could do with a little help here," she said in a low, exasperated voice. "My ankle is twisted, and I'm a bit damp."

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:16 (eighteen years ago)

Twigs snapped and leaves rustled in the forest behind her. Her assailant shook a tree and made frightening noises. Raindrops swam lubriciously toward the earth like sperm eager to impregnate the narrative with momentum. The parishioner looked into the sky and sighed, waiting, his faith diminishing.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 13:54 (eighteen years ago)

"Are you just going to STAND THERE?" she demanded, her voice taking on a note of hysteria.

At last the parishioner spoke. "Now Victoria, you know I cannot do that."

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL MY NAME IS MAGGIE!" Maggie shrieked.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 13:56 (eighteen years ago)

The valise was bored.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

It had heard this argument many times before.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 17:35 (eighteen years ago)

The trees shook. "Ooooooooooh," moaned the mysterious assailant from the shadows, "I am almost out of the woods. Somebody had better do something or I might get you. Oo-OOOOooooooooh!"

"Victor, how many times do I have to tell you," said Maggie.

"Ixnay on the ictorvay in front of the ysteriousmay ssailantay," interrupted the parishioner.

"I am not my sister," cried Maggie, "I am so sorry your brother, the ambassador/particle physicist, got to her first."

"Whoa whoa whoa. This isn't about Victoria or Beau. You know I'm bad with names," Victor held out his hands and shrugged, "I'm nervous."

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 17:53 (eighteen years ago)

"Why do I always wind up with the nutters," Maggie muttered as she allowed herself to be pulled upright.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:03 (eighteen years ago)

Unnoticed by the squabbling couple, the valise began to glow rhythmically, in concert with the irradiated stone.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:16 (eighteen years ago)

(I like how the valise is the most interesting character in the whole story.)

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:27 (eighteen years ago)

"I'm not a nutter, I'm just a bit different; you said so yourself," Victor retorted.

"I LIED... ooooUCH! Dammit, I can't walk on this foot."

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:31 (eighteen years ago)

Maggie felt something lick her injured foot. She looked down. Only the valise lay behind her. "How strange," she thought as she picked it up, while Victor supported her.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:46 (eighteen years ago)

"Can you carry the valise? I can kind of hop, I think." Privately, she wondered if she might be hallucinating.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

"Ooh, you had better hurry, I am about to lurch out of the stormy forest and do something terrible," cried the mysterious assailant.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 18:59 (eighteen years ago)

The rain continued to pour onto them as Maggie turned back and called out, "Oh bugger off, you're getting on my nerves now."

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:05 (eighteen years ago)

An acorn struck Victor on the temple. Another skittered across the ancient stones at their feet. Acorns arced out of the forest.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:08 (eighteen years ago)

"Is this real? It doesn't seem real..." Maggie looked around the distorted tableau, confusion flitting across her face. She clutched the squirming valise to her chest as the weight and stress of the past few minutes weighed upon her. Tears fell unnoticed from her face as she stared into Victor's crazed eyes.

"Look, you have to help me!" she cried. "I... I don't know what's going on anymore, and OH MY GOD WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON?????"

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:12 (eighteen years ago)

"I can't, I'm allergic to acorns..." And with that, Victor collapsed into the beginning of anaphylactic shock.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:15 (eighteen years ago)

Maggie crossed her arms and frowned. "Okay, seriously Victor? There are only so many times a girl is going to fall for the 'help-I-am-allergic-to-acorns-my-only-hope-is-a-tongue-massage-on-my-crotch' trick. That's just not happening again."

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

"On the other hand," she thought to herself, "that is the perfect target for an Epi-Pen..."

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:19 (eighteen years ago)

The valise began to purr.

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:21 (eighteen years ago)

(AGAIN?!!) XXPOST

― Ai Lien, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:21 (eighteen years ago)

shouted the mysterious assailant.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:28 (eighteen years ago)

"What are you on about," Maggie yelled over her shoulder.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:36 (eighteen years ago)

Maggie's life coach, Jacques, stepped out of the shadow of a pillar. "Maggie, mon petit seau, zis ees not ze way."

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 19:40 (eighteen years ago)

"Jacques! I didn't see you there. Vous desirez quelque fromage? I think there's some in the valise..."

Meanwhile, Victor flopped helplessly and pantlessly on the ground, his trachea closing rapidly.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:02 (eighteen years ago)

In came ASTAROTH, demon pal of Beelzebeb. His voice hissed like exactly 1k radiators. "Victorrrr, I have an Epi-pen. however, in order to use it, you must sign this contract with the blood flowing from the needle's prick."

― Abbott, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:08 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.katekretz.com/images/C_07.jpg

― John Justen, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:08 (eighteen years ago)

"Oh, for Christ's sake," yelled the mysterious assailant, running out of the forest. He grabbed swooped up Maggie and tucked her under his arm, lept over Victor's convulsing, depanted body, and charged into the flickering corridor.

"Ils volent mon petit seau," cried Jaques.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:11 (eighteen years ago)

grabbed

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:13 (eighteen years ago)

The valise laid an egg of a baby valise. "Alright, quit it with the French," said the valise, "That's un ouef already."

― Abbott, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:13 (eighteen years ago)

Victor stopped twitching and opened one eye. "Is she gone?" he asked.

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:37 (eighteen years ago)

Maggie rolled her eyes. "You are such a faker. And put some pants on, for god's sake."

Victor smiled slyly, "why don't you make me?"

"My GOD, you can't even stop when I'm injured!"

"Well, what were you do offering cheese to that French imbecile, anyway?"

"I WILL NOT FIGHT WITH YOU ABOUT THIS. IT IS RAINING AND MY ANKLE HURTS!!!!"

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:44 (eighteen years ago)

"Also, how the hell did you get back here? You were vanishing down a corridor a second ago!"

Maggie grinned. "Keds." She did a little soft-shoe shuffle to punctuate her point.

Victor sighed. "God I hate you."

The valise noisily cleared its throat. "HELLO!" it shouted. "TALKING LUGGAGE JUST GAVE BIRTH OVER HERE, YOU SELF-INVOLVED DIPSHITS! God, why do I even bother." It scooped up its egg and flopped into the woods.

Victor and Maggie stared after it, bemused.

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:48 (eighteen years ago)

"You know what?" asked Maggie.

"What?" responded Victor.

"I really should not have done a smart-assed soft-shoe with a bad ankle ow ow ow ow ow ow ow."

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:49 (eighteen years ago)

("Smooth bitch!", thought teh ankle to itself, painfully)

― t**t, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:51 (eighteen years ago)

The shrill yapping of a distant bichon frise echoed through the hallway.

― elmo argonaut, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:55 (eighteen years ago)

Also, the moon was wet.

― elmo argonaut, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:55 (eighteen years ago)

The mysterious assailant fell to his knees. "Yes master," he wept, "I am trying."

"Yap yap yap," replied the bichon frise, sternly.

"Yessssss. Yessssssss! I will! I will!" The mysterious assailant rubbed his hands together and giggled.

"Yap! Yap yap yap-yap!"

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 20:59 (eighteen years ago)

Jaques rushed to Maggie and hugged her, crying into her bosom. "I a un petit seau," came his muffled tear-choaked voice. Then he gave her a zerbert.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:03 (eighteen years ago)

"That's lovely, cheri, but you are standing on my injured ankle," Maggie muttered. To herself, she thought, "I really know how to pick 'em..."

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:11 (eighteen years ago)

The valise built it's nest and grew fat with babies.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:15 (eighteen years ago)

Jesus looked and wept.

― t**t, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:16 (eighteen years ago)

The wet wet moonlight emerged from behind the clouds, burbled through a window into the hallway, bounced off of a mirrored candle sconce, and puddled, exhausted, into a shimmery moony pool in the middle of the hallway, into which presently emerged the doggy mouth of the bichon frise. Its lips curled back to reveal tiny rows of teeth, gleaming like pearls, and a tongue slobbery with plans of revenge.

"Yap!" the little mouth said. "Yap yap!"

― elmo argonaut, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:17 (eighteen years ago)

It's white halo of fluff was backlit by the castle's radiation. Its hair was well-groomed. It would have been a show winner had its underbite not disqualified it.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:19 (eighteen years ago)

The bichon friese gurgled. Its chest rattled gutturally. It bobbed its narrow, puffy head and coughed up a leather wallet.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:22 (eighteen years ago)

"PEEEEEEEEE-YEW!" said the wallet. "Someone needs some Scope(TM)!"

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:24 (eighteen years ago)

The valise, its belly rapidly distending with its brood of foetal luggage, gasped as the wallet smacked the ground in a spitty slap. "Oh god..." she thought. "Oh god... not you. Not you, too, Harold." Her belly rumbled and heaved.

― elmo argonaut, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:26 (eighteen years ago)

Suddenly, there was blood everywhere.

― elmo argonaut, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:29 (eighteen years ago)

The wallet stared longingly into the woods. A familiar scent, musty with a hint of iron, caused a stir in it's leathery loins. Gertie? Is it possible? it wondered.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:31 (eighteen years ago)

Gertie, the valise, sobbed as only a bereaved piece of hand-luggage can sob. At her feet lay a handful of stillborn leather goods in a pool of blood: a change purse, a pocketbook, a handsomely bound day-planner... all dead. She wept bitterly, convinced now that she would never bear the king an heir.

― elmo argonaut, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:37 (eighteen years ago)

The mad not-quite-as-mysterious-as-before-but-as-of-yet-still-unnamed assailant (who wasn't assailing so much as blubbering and laughing maniacally) unzipped the wallet and was disquieted by its erection.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:49 (eighteen years ago)

Howard, the wallet, appeared at Victor's side, wearing Keds. Nobody noticed his member diminishing into the fold of his credit card pocket.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 23:14 (eighteen years ago)

"It's okay, it happens to lots of guys," he told himself.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 23:15 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

“For Christ’s sake, Victor,” sighed Maggie, “I can’t get away from you. Even after mad assailants drag me off into mysterious ruins, I just pop up by your side, and what’s with the anthropomorphic leather goods? I never should have taken this assignment.”

“Maggie, will you help me with my pants? I think I’ve sprained my groin,” replied Victor.

“You are such an incompetent, Victor. Had I known you were handling the other end of this. Ooh. You can’t even keep a valise from trotting off into the woods. You have no sense of responsibility. If you could, for once in your life…”

“Maggie, let’s not think of this as a time for pointing fingers and reliving past wrongs, but rather as an opportunity...”

“Shhh. What is that?” Maggie tilted her head to one side. She heard what sounded like loose sails flapping in the wind, and…what was that? Like running one’s fingernails over taught fabric. “Zip lines?”

“What?” asked Victor.

Dozens of men, in what appeared to be grey pajamas, dropped out of the canopy onto the ground, landing silently on padded grey slippers. Their hoods were adorned with ears and eyes and were made to resemble the majestic Brazilian giant otter, ancient enemy of the bichon frise.

Suddenly one of the hooded men appeared by Victor’s side, wearing Keds. “Um. OK, men. Um. Wow. I don’t know what to do, exactly, in this sort of situation? We’ve mastered silent movement and the element of surprise, and we’ve all had a few rounds in the boxing ring. Um. I’m afraid we were called upon before we got much further in our training, so we’re going to just have to play the rest by ear.”

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Monday, 21 May 2007 14:52 (eighteen years ago)

“WEIRD”

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Monday, 21 May 2007 14:53 (eighteen years ago)

I have no idea what happened with the punctuation, but I can't seem to recreate it.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Monday, 21 May 2007 14:54 (eighteen years ago)

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, "Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal."

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 21 May 2007 15:04 (eighteen years ago)


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