Adorable Plagiarized Parent Anecdotes

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1) After I became a successful stand-up comic, I bought my parents an expensive television with a fancy-schmancy remote. They took the batteries out of the remote and put it in a drawer "so it wouldn't catch on fire."

2) Tucker: How's momma?
Me: She's fat.
Tucker: Come on man. She's not all that big, Gilbert.
Me: What?
Tucker: Listen, I saw a guy at the state fair that was... a little bit bigger.
Me: A little bit bigger?
Tucker: Look, all I'm sayin is that she's not the biggest I ever seen, okay?
Me: Tucker, she's a whale!
Tucker: Well take her out for a walk once and while. Take her out for a jog!
Me: She's a whale! Tucker, she's a whale!

― M.V., Thursday, 12 April 2007 14:01 (eighteen years ago)

calling your mom a whale - so adorable

― modestmickey, Thursday, 12 April 2007 14:22 (eighteen years ago)

3) my dad never wanted me to join the family business but when my brother proved somewhat headstrong (if, truth be told, not very smart), and i fended off a mob hit when he was in hospital, he put his trust in me in the end, and i gradually discovered an inner ruthlessness that eventually alienated me from everyone around me. wild times.

― That one guy that quit, Thursday, 12 April 2007 14:35 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.shaister.com/img/bob_saget2.jpg

"For a dollar, you can finger her"

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Thursday, 12 April 2007 15:20 (eighteen years ago)

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