How much of your theoretical future happiness is predicated on the quiet hope that one of your best friends' ostensibly pleasant other half will one day soon prove themselves to be a dickhead/bitch?

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Just wondered if this was a common state in which to find oneself. Theoretically speaking.

Poll Results

Option	Votes
Oh for fuck's sake...	17
None of it	11
Some of it	4
All of it	1

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:25 (eighteen years ago)

Is this a "one day I'll move right in" situation?

― Mark G, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:26 (eighteen years ago)

why would anyone think that?

― Grandpont Genie, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:26 (eighteen years ago)

it's an "if only i'd had the balls years ago to tell someone i've never confided in how i feel about them, and now they're with someone who i'm pretty sure is going to fuck them over, but maybe not even until they're married and that's really going to SUCK" situation.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:29 (eighteen years ago)

this is like some kind of james blunt record made thread.

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:30 (eighteen years ago)

I don't understand the question. Can you provide more specifics, please?

I wouldn't wish unhappiness on any of my actual *friends*.

But some ... aquaintances ... well, you do kind of want karma to hit them with a metaphorical truck so you can enjoy a kind of theoretical schadenfreude. Or something.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:31 (eighteen years ago)

x-posts, Chuck, are you sure this is not an "I want the one I can't have" situation, in which you really seem to specialise?

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:32 (eighteen years ago)

I'm sure Ross and Rachel covered this topic many, many times.

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:32 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah remember when she was with shouty angry Ben Stiller and only Ross could see through him?

― onimo, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:33 (eighteen years ago)

Wow, James Blunt, The Smiths and Friends in quick succession!

x-posts, Chuck, are you sure this is not an "I want the one I can't have" situation, in which you really seem to specialise?

i'm not talking about anyone you know by the way! but yeah, i guess it *could* be, but honestly, i've thought about this for so bloody long it really would've worn off by now if it were, i think.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:34 (eighteen years ago)

actually hold up - specialise? that's a little harsh :-(

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dude, I've totally seen you do this before. "oh, I love her, oh, I don't love her, I love her, oh wait... she's just met someone NOW I REALLY LOVE HER, OH NOES WAAAHH!"

Just keep your nose out of it.

If it was meant to be, it would have happened a long time ago.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:37 (eighteen years ago)

Ref: The Jackson Five "I want you back"

― Mark G, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:39 (eighteen years ago)

I always think that living your life by stewing on "what if" and "if only" type stuff serves only to avoid the horrible truth that you won't ever have the person you are pining for. It hurts to do this, but it's ultimately less painful to admit that to yourself and move on so that you can be ready to accept and enjoy new relationships (which might be better ones for you). Also: if the person in question were madly in love with you, they wouldn't be marrying someone else.

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:41 (eighteen years ago)

this would only work in a theoretical universe where people are able to fancy their faithful old friends. desire is not usually so accomodating, usually the beloved finds another ostensibly pleasant dickhead to hook up with while old yeller gnashes his/her teeth.

― estela, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:42 (eighteen years ago)

If it was meant to be, it would have happened a long time ago.

this, sadly, is probably the right answer.

nb. i did actually successfully do something about a similar situation, ooh, a decade ago at least. i told a lovely girl i worked with that her punchy boyfriend was a wanker and that she'd be far better off with me, and remarkably she agreed.

and then i had to leave the country for a while, and they got back together, and, er, got married.

possibly i'm not so great at this!

this would only work in a theoretical universe where people are able to fancy their faithful old friends.

also sadly true...

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:44 (eighteen years ago)

usually the beloved finds another ostensibly pleasant dickhead to hook up with while old yeller gnashes his/her teeth.

Estelaotm OTM

― Mark C, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:50 (eighteen years ago)

There is a meme in pop culture that this can and does actually happen - Friends being on example, When Harry Met Sally, and all that. When in actuality, it almost never happens.

Some memes exist because they are true, other memes exist because they are not true, but people *wish* that they were.

It's nice to have the kind of "Great Lost Love Of Your Life" person - almost as a comfort to fall back on when you have been disappointed elsewhere. But it's only a fantasy.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:51 (eighteen years ago)

If she became single and DIDN'T get together with you and have your babies, believe me, you'd feel 10 times worse than you do now. Take my word on this.

― Mark C, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 10:51 (eighteen years ago)

Back in my day people played dirty and circulated rumours that said other half was a racist/violent misogynist/had another girlfriend in Stoke.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:11 (eighteen years ago)

xpost to mark c

that's wise. i once told one of my oldest friends i was in love with her and she said "oh well then, we'd better get married i suppose" and grinned. this was exactly the sarcastic response i deserved.

but the situ i'm talking about is...different. this thread's good though, it's making me realise i could waste years, decades waiting, but that'd make me more like billy liar "just popping to get some milk" than anyone else.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:12 (eighteen years ago)

what day was that?

charlie is you can't see yourself valuing yr fuckwant as "just a friend" maybe better to be upfront? if they DO marry up then it's kind of adios anyway isn't it?

xpost

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:12 (eighteen years ago)

Last Thursday.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:12 (eighteen years ago)

Ref: The Jackson Five "I want you back"

Female equivalent: The Shirelles - 'Foolish Little Girl'

― braveclub, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:19 (eighteen years ago)

Back in my day people played dirty and circulated rumours that said other half was a racist/violent misogynist/had another girlfriend in Stoke.

doesn't work though, even when rumours are true

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:21 (eighteen years ago)

certainly not if you're the source of the rumour. u need a proxy for this risky and unrewarding work, charlie.

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:22 (eighteen years ago)

My actual answer to this question is that it's kind of lame to go on pining and wondering what might have been ESPECIALLY if the other half in question is actually pleasant and they're very happy together.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:25 (eighteen years ago)

he's a bit of a dick though. but that might just be on account of me looking at him through the uncharitable "i coulda been a contender" prism.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:29 (eighteen years ago)

If you would break up someone else's relationship because of a vague crush that you've never even so much as mentioned for years... then sorry, you'd be a bigger dick than the other bloke.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:31 (eighteen years ago)

He may be a bit of a dick, but he's a bit of a dick who gets to share her bed, and you're not.

It's not easy to get past feelings you have for someone, but it's what you've got to do or else you will go insane.

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:33 (eighteen years ago)

having these thoughts is just lame. you should spend more time worrying about whether the time is right to start wearing hawaiian shirts and white slacks

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:41 (eighteen years ago)

Why spend any time worrying when the answer is 'no'?

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:42 (eighteen years ago)

when isn't it the right time for that?

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:42 (eighteen years ago)

This thread is bending my brain in several ways.

Charlie at first I thought the friend was a guy, and the other half a gell, and I actually have been in that type of situation before.

I actually think the only way to make anything happen with this is to take the bull by the horns and just talk to her, declare it all, kiss her, even. They will break up and she will be with you. Or she won't. The third possibility is for you to just FORGET IT.

xpost In other words, what 600 said

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:42 (eighteen years ago)

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:43 (eighteen years ago)

tracer 8080

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:44 (eighteen years ago)

is anyone actually voting btw? heh.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:45 (eighteen years ago)

'mttp'?

― braveclub, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:46 (eighteen years ago)

more to the point

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:47 (eighteen years ago)

what IS this 8080 thing?

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:48 (eighteen years ago)

8080 is the new OTM. Come on, Lex, even *I* know that!

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:48 (eighteen years ago)

haha google reveals it is nonstandard useage, but it saves me time.

xpost

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:48 (eighteen years ago)

if the fuckwant hasn't given you any reason to think she's unhappy with her current john or mttp that she too has led a life of quiet pining for you, then probably best to find a way round this somehow.

(while drunk) she has and (while drunk) she has. but then he turns up and they go home together.

the real answer to this poll is option 4 isn't it?

damn xpost

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:50 (eighteen years ago)

8080 is the new OTM. Come on, Lex, even *I* know that!

whuh? how does that work?

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:50 (eighteen years ago)

charlie -- in that case man up and get her drunk again amirite?

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:51 (eighteen years ago)

If she admits her feelings for you when she's had a bit to drink, then just keep her permanently drunk.

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:51 (eighteen years ago)

I voted number 4, FWIW.

"yeah, I always kinda fancied you..." slurred while drunked means nothing. I've said it (and had it said to me) by people I know would *never* in a million years consider it while sober.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:54 (eighteen years ago)

Anyway, I'm going back to looking at naked Norwegian boybutt. Blimey.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 11:55 (eighteen years ago)

In this situation, I would draw away as a friend and try and avoid her in the interests of self-preservation. Is this at all possible, or would it cause problems with other friends? Losing her as a friend would, IMO, be better than going on as you are, because what you want isn't going to happen.

The drunk talk is best ignored.

― Dr.C, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:11 (eighteen years ago)

"yeah, I always kinda fancied you..." slurred while drunked means nothing. I've said it (and had it said to me) by people I know would *never* in a million years consider it while sober.

of course. she's never actually said that, even. it's more just looks and touches and feelings. but i'm no doubt reading the deep affection of an old friend i don't see nearly enough of as something more specific and personal.

oh yeah, just remembered i actually kissed her (while drunk, inevitably) last year, during one of those "all my male friends only see me as one of the guys"-type deep and meaningfuls...didn't exactly go down a storm!

haha i'm so english it pains me.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:13 (eighteen years ago)

8080 is the number of hawaiian shirts that you should ideally own

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:18 (eighteen years ago)

Shouldn't that be 5050

― onimo, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:19 (eighteen years ago)

8080 is the new OTM. Come on, Lex, even *I* know that!

whuh? how does that work?

You are not very blood diamonds today, Lex.

― Ed, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:23 (eighteen years ago)

Haha I shouldn't post while on painkillers. My advice is horrible and 99% of the time would lead to the worst kinds of drama ever! Maybe there's no good advice for this situation.

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:23 (eighteen years ago)

area code 808:D

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:24 (eighteen years ago)

theres lots of good advice! heres some more

hang out at the beach

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:24 (eighteen years ago)

I have never see you in a hawaiian shirt, 600.

― Ed, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:26 (eighteen years ago)

i still don't get the 8080 thing! it seems very lame.

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:27 (eighteen years ago)

or seen you hang out on a beach that wasn't windswept, grey and wintry.

― Ed, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:27 (eighteen years ago)

i still don't get the 8080 thing! it seems very lame.

-- lex pretend

Yes indeed.

― moley, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

Hmmmmm, when I read this thread title, my mind went immediately to the longtime friend who married a guy my husband and I refer to as "Satan." I avoid hanging out with her now because I find her husband so completely odious. I've spent approximately 15 years wanting to ask her, "what the hell do you see in that idiot?"

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

Are you still here Kate Masonic? Or still looking at Norwegian boytoy?

― moley, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

lex 797!

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:36 (eighteen years ago)

santa monica biloxi cromer wildwood bridlington...

...i had a hawaiian shirt on...

underneath my sweater

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:38 (eighteen years ago)

with thermal underwear

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:42 (eighteen years ago)

600, you are Grandpa' Morrissey and I claim my 5 pounds.

― Ed, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 12:45 (eighteen years ago)

http://hometown.aol.com/reverendrogers/images/deodato-firstcuckoo.jpg

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:09 (eighteen years ago)

I was not here. I was buying a dressing gown. I shall live in it from now on, while waited on hand and foot by hott naked Norwegian boys.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:22 (eighteen years ago)

797 is the new Lex
LICK THE PIPE is the new 3553

― braveclub, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:23 (eighteen years ago)

What's the opposite of 8080? 1010?

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:24 (eighteen years ago)

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:38 (eighteen years ago)

SAVE YOURSELF WHILE THERE IS STILL SOMETHING LEFT

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:39 (eighteen years ago)

that's some crazy conflicting advice there, lfam!

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:40 (eighteen years ago)

Advice No.1: Do not see advice from the internets.

― Ed, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:41 (eighteen years ago)

Pretty much the only answer here is "Man up".

― Dom Passantino, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:41 (eighteen years ago)

Surely Ask Mariella must have covered this (answer: pull your socks up and stop mooning about)

― Ed, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:42 (eighteen years ago)

i thought my advice was coherent... bite the bullet and distance yourself from her, in order to save what is left of your emotional self

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:43 (eighteen years ago)

Naked Norwegians and a dash of medicinal brandy. Repeat until socks are pulled up and mooning... err... stopped.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:43 (eighteen years ago)

good:
Hawaiian shirts...but passe now surely

bad:
everything else mentioned on this thread

― blueski, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:43 (eighteen years ago)

Charlie -- in that case man up and get her drunk again amirite?

-- That one guy that quit, Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:51 PM (1 hour ago)

Pretty much the only answer here is "Man up".

-- Dom Passantino, Wednesday, April 25, 2007 4:41 PM (1 minute ago)

word is bond

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:44 (eighteen years ago)

0898

― blueski, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:54 (eighteen years ago)

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:58 (eighteen years ago)

MIKES CARPETS

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 13:58 (eighteen years ago)

If you want some real life advice, you could get very drunk in a seedy bar on, say, thirteen large gin and tonics (reserving all the lemon slices makes it easier to keep count) and then go round to the person's house to say hello all brightly like and then on the pretext of needing to go to the bathroom you could stagger off upstairs but instead of going to the bathroom you could sneak into their bedroom and take off all your clothes and get into their bed and attempt to look drunkenly alluring and when they came looking to see where you had disappeared to you could declare your undying love for them but then be mortified and tearful when they said they weren't interested in you in that way and then asked you to get dressed and leave.

I've heard of this sort of thing happening.

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:01 (eighteen years ago)

on 'peep show'

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

well, the incredible hangover would probably distract you from your broken heart for a day or so

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:06 (eighteen years ago)

Yes, as would waking up in jail, arrested for being a stalker, and becoming the wife of a large, greasy biker named Killer.

― Masonic Boom, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:08 (eighteen years ago)

nah, killer's inside again

― 600, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:08 (eighteen years ago)

i saw this episode of HOUSE where this guy was so incredibly in love with his best friend that he would suffer cardiac arrest in her presence, so the HOUSE crew erased his memory so he wouldn't love her anymore.

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:12 (eighteen years ago)

of course, it turns out that cupid was not the real culprit behind his unsteady beating, but it was an interesting and poignant diversion.

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:13 (eighteen years ago)

so it's stand up, be a man and very probably lose a friend? great!

what i'll really do: sit about, wait for it to go wrong with the fella, and then *still* do nothing when that happens.

― CharlieNo4, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:50 (eighteen years ago)

Jolly good

― C J, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:51 (eighteen years ago)

everybody wins

― That one guy that quit, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 14:53 (eighteen years ago)

then i propose a toast! to your present and future unhappiness!

― lfam, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 15:01 (eighteen years ago)

wtf this thread

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude ‫茄蕃‪, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 15:06 (eighteen years ago)

I suppose you could always go and fuck someone else, would that help?

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 15:07 (eighteen years ago)

Have you considered breaking into her house and jacking off into her wardrobe? Worked for Carol Decker's stalker.

― Dom Passantino, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 15:07 (eighteen years ago)

BAN DOM PASSANTINO.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, 25 April 2007 15:08 (eighteen years ago)

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