"Do you want to do this tonight?" "No it doesn't sound like my kind of thing"

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Do you often wish you could go out and do things (i.e. for a night out or for a hobby, or anything really) but you know you don't know anyone who would be interested in coming with you? What if they say they won't like it even if they've never been to anything like that before?

― the next grozart, Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:51 (eighteen years ago)

Got something to tell us?

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:52 (eighteen years ago)

I want to try fencing, but my friends scoff at me.

― *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:57 (eighteen years ago)

Have you never heard of going to things by yourself?

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:57 (eighteen years ago)

... or going on a train by yourself ;)

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:58 (eighteen years ago)

I guess I was making jokes by myself, over there.

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:00 (eighteen years ago)

Have you never heard of going to things by yourself?

You try going to an improv gig any other way!

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:01 (eighteen years ago)

It's nothing particular that's happening with me at the moment.

But yeah, sometimes the occasion either requires or is helped if you go with someone else. I think something like a sports club is perfectly acceptable to go to on one's own because a lot of people take up sport to meet other people. Ironically, going to a pub or seeing a band (usually a social experience) is usually not the kind of thing you'd do on your own.

As an add on to this thread, what other excuses do you get from people for not wanting to come to whatever it is, and how valid are they? Of course there's the "no money" one which is fine, but if it's been "too broke" to do something that isn't very expensive and it's been that excuse for six months or whatever, I reckon that's pretty wack.

― the next grozart, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:02 (eighteen years ago)

Ironically, going to a pub or seeing a band (usually a social experience) is usually not the kind of thing you'd do on your own.

I prefer going to see a band on my own, most of the time

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:04 (eighteen years ago)

Travel on your own: c/d? (I don't have more than a very small number of real life friends who are all in relationships and all live half a country away, so they're out of the picture, travel-wise, but I never travel on my own because I don't expect I'd like it, but how can I know if I never try it? One day, maybe. But isn't traveling on one's own self boring?)

(see final part of my thoughts between those brackets for an example of how it can happen that someone who never did X also never even considers trying to do it because he never did it in the first place)

― StanM, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:04 (eighteen years ago)

I'd happily go to a pub or a gig on my own. I find people at gigs tend to be pretty friendly and talkative anyway, although if I go to a pub on my own it's usually because I actively don't want to be bothered by other people and just want to sit and read or something.

That said, one of the things that's improved my life immeasurably over the past few years is finding people to go clubbing with. Not sure I'd ever do that on my own. I'm not sure I'd like travelling on my own either.

― Matt DC, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:05 (eighteen years ago)

Also I would never even consider going to a restaurant on my own. Who does this?!

― Matt DC, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:05 (eighteen years ago)

Indeed. I think it would be sad and depressing :-(

― StanM, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:07 (eighteen years ago)

Going to gigs on your own: classic, I've made countless friends this way. Once you've got over the hurdle of doing it once (a bit like going to the flicks on yr own) it quickly becomes a habit.

Travelling on your own: even more classic. You end up experiencing a place in a completely different way, talking to lots more random people and not dithering about what you're going to do each day.

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:08 (eighteen years ago)

If I didn't go to gigs by myself, I'd almost never go to gigs! WTF? It's more fun to go to gigs with other people, but if it's a band I really want to see, then I just go. I take a book or a sketchbook. The past couple of gigs, people have come up to me and talked to me, and now, you know what? Every time I go to that clubnight or go to see that band, I've got someone to talk to.

Not going to the pub by yourself I can see, but anything that is activity based, for gods sake, that's why have the people go there - to meet people who are also interested in that activity.

Restaurants, I don't have much of a problem with. Take a book or a magazine.

Travelling - like, proper travelling, not road tripping - I think I actually prefer doing on my own. You can go at your own speed, don't have to worry about someone else slowing you down or hurrying you along. The only time it's a pain is if you need someone to watch your luggage for a minute.

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:08 (eighteen years ago)

Films, I've only recently started going to on my own - mainly because I just don't get the urge to see films unless someone else suggests it. But it's been a pleasant experience the ... err, two times I've done it.

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:08 (eighteen years ago)

Also I would never even consider going to a restaurant on my own. Who does this?!

I know William Burroughs used to do it every night, when he lived in London. So, yes, sad and depressing.

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:09 (eighteen years ago)

I have also done the 'restaurant on your own' thing, that's a bit annoying actually cos everyone's surreptitiously looking at you like 'why is he on his own', get over it people!

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:09 (eighteen years ago)

I don't like going to see a film with someone else

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:10 (eighteen years ago)

I would *much* rather go to a gig by myself and enjoy the music than go with someone who has just been dragged along for the social aspects and insists on talking through the band I want to see. Seriously, cut that out.

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:12 (eighteen years ago)

I eat lunch at reastaurant/cafes on my own all the time. I get a lot of writing done. I dunno about dinner but for lunch, it is awesome.

― Trayce, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:13 (eighteen years ago)

A posh eaterie on yr own = dud but in a more casual place, eating by yourself is fine! Not that I ever really do this but this is more down to cost.

Films by self = argh! Gigs by self = not really. I feel out of place and like I'm the only person with no friends to talk to! Even though at a decent gig you can usually start having a chat with other people I would totally not want to rely on that happening - what if you and only ONE other person turned up (and you didn't even like that person, or even worse a GROUP of people you always feel on the outside with and oh man my life is tragic)! Pub by self = sometimes, if I fancy stopping to read my book and have a pint and there's somewhere nice where I won't get hassled, but I wouldn't stay for more than 1x pint.

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:14 (eighteen years ago)

I love travelling on my own.

I don't think I could eat alone in a restaurant. I'm one of those people mentioned above - "Look, there's a table of one! Do you think he's been stood up?"

― *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:15 (eighteen years ago)

On traveling alone - a lot of people do this. I have never done it myself, but I reckon if someone were to bring out a serious of travel guides aimed at solo travellers you would clean up. The key things you would want to provide is information on restaurants you can eat in on your own without feeling like a tool.

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:15 (eighteen years ago)

I eat lunch on my own in cafes pretty much every day. I kind of prefer it to meeting people, as I can read.

Films on your own - brilliant. Why do you need someone else when you are sitting quietly in a cinema watching a film?

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:16 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, the casual thing is important for eating on your own - I would hate to do it in a posh restaurant, but then again, i tend not to like posh restaurants anyway.

Pub by yourself is tricky unless you're eating. I find it weird. I'd rather go home and have a beer at home. Unless I'm travelling, in which case I'm on holiday and more relaxed and therefore not so bothered about being accosted by randoms. (One of the worst things about being lone woman in pub.)

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:19 (eighteen years ago)

DV: My slightly psycho answer is that it feels 'safer' (although I know there is nothing to fear by being a single gear in a cinema REALLY I'd still rather have company) - and there's someone to go for a drink with afterwards too :) Also I generally think of cinema again as a more social thing (do something that you can talk about afterwards) rather than for, ahem, appreciation of Film with a capital F no "s" :)

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:20 (eighteen years ago)

A SINGLE GEAR! Single GURL! Oh for goodness gake.

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:20 (eighteen years ago)

Pub on your own = can be brilliant but I imagine not so for a woman

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:20 (eighteen years ago)

Depends on where you go, also I am quite geezaesthetic when it comes to pubs. But I'd never like, settle down for the night with a book in a pub by myself. But sometimes if I'm on my way home, it's nice to read your book in a pub for a bit before getting the train.

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:23 (eighteen years ago)

PS now I am really tempted to go to the pub at lunchtime you b4stards.

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:25 (eighteen years ago)

Doubles all round!

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:26 (eighteen years ago)

lunchFAP

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:27 (eighteen years ago)

I've never been to a 'proper' restaurant on my own but pizza and burger places yes obviously.

have been to pub on my own a couple of times but only cos there was football on. probably wouldn't do it otherwise, but then if i read more...

been to only a couple of gigs alone - bumped into an ILXor I knew there one of those times.

cinema alone no prob whatsoever but i hardly ever go as it is.

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:28 (eighteen years ago)

Oh god pub with burger argh argh!!

I prob wouldn't go round here though because it is co-worker world and it would be a bit embarassing to be discovered DRINKING ALONE at lunchtime, quiet words might be had to Al Anon or what have you. Har har. Not that that stopped Old Boss ever...

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:34 (eighteen years ago)

I did go to a small gig more or less on my own the other week but I ended up bumping into a few people I sort of know anyway so don't know if that counts. I think where I live people tend to be quite cliquey.

― the next grozart, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:38 (eighteen years ago)

I've been to loads of gigs on my own. If I didn't, I'd hardly ever see any bands I like! I've been to cinema on my own a couple of times too. But I don't like pubs on my own at all, unless I'm there for a gig or something.

― Colonel Poo, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:43 (eighteen years ago)

Sitting in a quietish pub, in the corner, with a book and a pint is one of the things I enjoy the most. Especially on weekdays when you're off work.

I've never been to the cinema alone and can't ever see myself doing so. The conversation about the film on the way home/in the pub afterwards is the best bit!

― Matt DC, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:44 (eighteen years ago)

I've never been to the cinema alone and can't ever see myself doing so.

I find that most bizarre

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:45 (eighteen years ago)

The conversation about the film on the way home/in the pub afterwards is the best bit!

I dunno, sometimes I don't want to have to summarise what I thought about the film immediately afterwards. Sometimes I need to mull it over for a while. It took me about a fortnight to work out what I thought of Fight Club!

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:46 (eighteen years ago)

I suppose I tend to go to films that nobody else wants to see!

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:47 (eighteen years ago)

I don't like talking about the film straight after much either.

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:48 (eighteen years ago)

I go to gigs on my own all the time. I also watch football on my own at the pub quite often. Last night I actually upped the stakes by going to see Marissa Nadler on my own and not talking to anyone, even though there were several friends and acquaintances present. I say 'upped the stakes' but really mean 'was a moody dick'

― DJ Mencap, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:52 (eighteen years ago)

Does anyone go RAVING on their own? That is sort of next level, I feel

― DJ Mencap, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:54 (eighteen years ago)

I want to try fencing, but my friends scoff at me.

-- *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:57 (53 minutes ago)

Fencing is grebt fun and you should try it. I have vague recollection that I went on about this at length at ATP.

I have done pubs on my own and don't mind when it's a local and there's a chance you might bump into someone you know, but away with work on your own and in a strange town (or even country) is very odd.

― aldo, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:54 (eighteen years ago)

Does anyone go RAVING on their own? That is sort of next level, I feel

I did, once. Met some nice people within a few minutes of arriving and hung out with them all night. I much prefer raving with friends I know well though, that's a key part of it for me.

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:56 (eighteen years ago)

Not many people I know ever fancy going clubbing/raving and that makes me sad :-(

― the next grozart, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:57 (eighteen years ago)

Actually I'm so 'meh' when it comes to actually going to see most new films that I'll only really go as it's part of a social ting. Otherwise I'm happy to do something else with my time and money and wait until it comes out on DVD.

― Matt DC, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:59 (eighteen years ago)

but if it's been "too broke" to do something that isn't very expensive and it's been that excuse for six months or whatever, I reckon that's pretty wack.

This can sometimes depend on whether or not the person asking is prepared to take "no thanks" for an answer. I am (perhaps surprisingly) often invited to parties. I don't like parties, and some of my friends know that, so they invite me but don't really expect to see me turn up. Others of my friends just refuse to accept that I don't want to go to their stupid party, so I have to come up with some excuse, usually lame.

I think that if it was more acceptable to read your book in a posh restaurant, then going to one on your own wouldn't be so lame. I lived on my own for a short time once in a town where I knew nobody, and was quite happy to go to the pictures on my own, go to diner-style restaurants, and even go for a quiet pint in the evening on the way home from work by myself. It was kind of nice.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

The conversation about the film on the way home/in the pub afterwards is the best bit!

-- Matt DC

Oh God no! This is hellish, I like to stay in my Film World bubble for at leats half an hour afterwards. Given this information I'm sure none of you would be surprised that I much prefer going to the cinema on my own. Casuaol restaurants and cafes are lovely alone and gigs are fine too, I got used to that for work and now I don't mind at all. That said I've had to go to clubs alone for work purposes and that is quite tricky and awkward, escpecially in cities you don't know; I've tended to brandish my notebook in a 'look, I have something to do, I'm not a friendless fool!'

― Anna, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:22 (eighteen years ago)

And yeah, pubs are just for one drink in a low-hasssle spot. It also depends on what I wearing ie jeans = good, tiny little shorts = no way never. I envy men in this respect.

― Anna, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:23 (eighteen years ago)

i had a nightmare once in which i was i drinking alone in a pub wearing tiny little shorts.

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:25 (eighteen years ago)

This is hellish, I like to stay in my Film World bubble for at leats half an hour afterwards.

This is true if the film was good. However, if the film was frustratingly bad, I like to have someone along to rubbish it with me immediately.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:29 (eighteen years ago)

I almost want to see that Steve...

― Anna, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:30 (eighteen years ago)

pub on own - why bother? i have books at home, i have booze at home, i have chairs at home, if i wish to use all three i can do it at home with the extra bonus of not ending up stinking of smoke, and also listening to own music.

cinema on own - very classic during the day when no-one's around. i love talking about the film afterwards but it's hardly necessary. a bit odd if you go on your own in the evening amid throngs of people though.

gigs on own - fine, this is an area i do prefer not to talk about it immediately afterwards

raving on own - don't think i've ever done this but i've certainly ended up on my own after losing people, and it's been great

eating on own - some restaurants are more conducive to this than others

― lex pretend, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:32 (eighteen years ago)

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:33 (eighteen years ago)

sitting outside alone reading/whatever is good, now it actually makes more sense to do that again.

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:35 (eighteen years ago)

being in the pub alone is surely equally lonely to sitting at home alone?

― lex pretend, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:37 (eighteen years ago)

You might meet someone tho!

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:38 (eighteen years ago)

Change of scene. Plus there are people around who you can look at/eavesdrop on/envy/pity/be repulsed by, as you like. Also you don't have to clean up after yourself.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:39 (eighteen years ago)

Ironically, going to a pub or seeing a band (usually a social experience) is usually not the kind of thing you'd do on your own.

Most of the gigs I attended were on my own. I didn't care. If it was the choice between going to a gig on my own or staying home alone, I didn't have to ponder long over this. I just went on my own. Although most of my friends and people I know never really did this, I didn't mind at all. I also felt, besides enjoying the music, it was some sort of victory: I am strong enough to do this on my own, I don't need someone to accompany me.

Going to a posh restaurant was different somehow. I never did this. Dunno why really. Cheap pub, snackbar or restaurant? Probably did once or twice maybe. It wasn't that I needed someone, I just wasn't that interested in food (as opposed to music). The same for cinemas: I only discovered how grebt it was to see a film on a big screen because of my husband.

Traveling on my own is something I have done but mostly small trips. I usually met up with friends for a few hours but I certainly didn't mind being on my own. I wouldn't recommend a long trip to a new country (like Japan). I stayed with a family friend but it was very lonely: I really needed someone to share my experience with, yet I didn't have anyone. Now I would go to Japan on my own as I know the country much better.

― nathalie, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:39 (eighteen years ago)

that's what the internet is for! (xpostx2)

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:39 (eighteen years ago)

I was just thinking about that Lex; I think it's nice because I find the nice background noise of a not very rowdy pub quite comforting, you can have a bit of a people watch if you want, it's a nice change from your house and you're not feeling guilty about not tidying or whatever - or distracted by housemates/computer etc... it feels mini-holidayish to me!

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:40 (eighteen years ago)

People-watching also, if you enjoy that sort of thing

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:41 (eighteen years ago)

I guess I'm easily impressed!

― Sarah, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:42 (eighteen years ago)

You can't leer at barmaids in your home!

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:42 (eighteen years ago)

You can if you live with one.

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:43 (eighteen years ago)

Ha ha, right

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:43 (eighteen years ago)

People-watching when you're at a concert (before the band begins): completely dud depending on location. Here in my town they are a bit... asocial (towards strangers/unknown people), so it always feels as though you're a complete loser when you are alone and gawking at people. Hence I never really went to gigs on my own in my town.

Does anyone go RAVING on their own?

I never did this on my own, but my husband says that losing your friends (and thus ending up alone) is GREAT.

― nathalie, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:43 (eighteen years ago)

i'd feel really self-conscious people-watching in the pub! so not only am i the dude on his own but i am the dude on his own staring at people? no thanks. i people-watch on public transport all the time though.

people-watching at gigs inevitably annoys me.

― lex pretend, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:46 (eighteen years ago)

I went to Homelands on my own one year, albeit for work purposes. It was fine when I was seeing things I liked but it coincided with Jubilee Day which was basically a green light for the most awful people ever to walk around topless carrying Union Jacks

― DJ Mencap, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:47 (eighteen years ago)

People-watching not same as staring at people!

― Tom D., Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:48 (eighteen years ago)

Lex, obviously if you're going to sit there and just gawp at people like some kind of inept spy, then yes, you're going to look weird. We're talking about the occasional glance up from your book, not out and out staring.

I used to be a bit of a wanderer in my clubbing days, and would often disappear from my group to see who else was around. Sometimes this was fine, but sometimes I found myself trying to talk to people who were not on the same buzz as me and not friendly at all and it could ruin a whole night.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:49 (eighteen years ago)

I just like the atmosphere of being in the pub, there doesn't even have to be booze involved. I find it conducive to reading as well, if it's a quiet local, possibly more than being in my house which is full of distractions.

Obviously it's summer now so parks win this one hands down, but in the winter...

― Matt DC, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:53 (eighteen years ago)

but my husband says that losing your friends (and thus ending up alone) is GREAT.

ergh, i hated this.

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:54 (eighteen years ago)

PRE-MOBILE ERA

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:55 (eighteen years ago)

People-watching not same as staring at people!

"M'lud"

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:55 (eighteen years ago)

i don't find any public places conducive to reading! too many people around tends to bother me. actually i don't really like being around people by default (by people i mean the public, not my friends)

― lex pretend, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dining alone--whether the place is casual or fancy--is OK with me. I enjoy the occasional nice dinner by myself with a book; in fact I chose to spend Christmas Eve this way one year because I didn't feel like having company.

At the restaurant where I'm a waiter (a fine-dining seafood place in Chicago) there are usually one or two singles in for each shift, and it doesn't seem that weird to me. Occasionally the single will order a very nice bottle of wine, some good fish, and relax with both and a paper. Most likely, most of them are on business.

It's all in the attitude--if you are clearly lonely, it's sort of pathetic, but if you are actually enjoying it, it shows. I think it seems like a nice thing to do for yourself to treat yourself to a night out

― Jesse, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:58 (eighteen years ago)

I have trouble enough reading without being distracted on a train! Why would I want to read in a place which is geared towards noisy socialising? The only time I ever read in the pub is if I'm waiting for someone.

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:59 (eighteen years ago)

There are some pubs geared towards noisy socialising, and other ones that attract quiet people that want to hide away moodily in the corner with a beer.

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:01 (eighteen years ago)

If I dine alone at any time but off-hours, I usually sit at the bar or in the lounge area because (not just because I'm a waiter) because I don't want to take up a 4-top with my lone ass.

― Jesse, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:06 (eighteen years ago)

I went to the cinema on my own a couple of times.

I would like to take up croquet.

― jel --, Thursday, 3 May 2007 17:40 (eighteen years ago)

I've been trying to plan a road trip of Canada and/or the United States with my friends for quite some time but they're completely uninterested and that's just not something you can really do by yourself and get the same kind of experience. It's fucking maddening because I'd love to do it but I want to do it with good friends but my good friends don't want to.

Actually most of my friends from where I used to live are like this about EVERYTHING except staying in and playing street fighter. Really really unlikely to try new things/have fun, which sucks because they're totally not douchebags and amazing fun to hang out with, but I like, you know, doing things. Then there's a city I live in now where I don't even have friends! Hahhhh :/

― Will M., Thursday, 3 May 2007 17:43 (eighteen years ago)

I was going to post this to the "ideas for websites that don't exist" thread, but websites for solo/single travelers DO exist, I just never thought about googling them...

http://www.solotravel.org/

― StanM, Friday, 4 May 2007 08:25 (eighteen years ago)

i hear yer Will M, I'm off to the States this year, for the third time on my own. Nobody else wants to come, I'm not putting off things I'd love to do just because no one else can be arsed.

― Ste, Friday, 4 May 2007 08:28 (eighteen years ago)

xpost

That's a well disguised Sc1ent0l0gy site, don't click! ;-)

― the next grozart, Friday, 4 May 2007 08:35 (eighteen years ago)

you're all mad! there are few greater joys in life than heading out to a restaurant solo with a book and eating and reading all afternoon! i would die if i didn't get to do this at least 3-4 times a week.

hahaha, and i did this all the time when i was in england, it seems you were all thinking i was a freakish loner hobo type! i went to pubs by myself as well! although oddly i got chatted up at pubs there, that never (well almost never) happens here in texas. i must have looked so sad and lonely! but i wasn't! i was content!

― f. hazel, Friday, 4 May 2007 08:38 (eighteen years ago)

Hey Will and Ste, I'd totally roadtrip the US with you guys! I dont drive! You could drive me, itd be awesome! I still wanna go to merika.

― Trayce, Friday, 4 May 2007 08:48 (eighteen years ago)

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