bonkers movie alert

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

last night at team tracer hq, as the red sox were pounding the tar out of the blue jays, i was about to drift off to sleep when a movie starts up called "the legend of 1900". i check the info button on my remote and i have to read the description twice, which says something like "tim roth plays an orphaned piano prodigy born on a cruise liner. strong language." so of course i have to watch it.. and quickly discover this movie is deeply, deeply insane. it is one of those "beyond bad" movies. tim roth's name in the movie is "danny boodmann t.d. lemon nineteen hundred". his foster father's death is almost played for laughs. the narrator is an overly emotional trumpet player who dresses like sam spade. the movie is so full of bad or questionable ideas but they are all so played to the hilt, all done without doubt or subtlety, that the movie becomes kind of great, in a way. i get the impression that no one in the cast got any acting direction whatsoever, so there's a kind of floundering blankness to everything, and some huge emotional choices that should have been reigned in are allowed to stomp all over everything. not one line of the movie is believable. it's kind of awesome!!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 10:13 (eighteen years ago)

from amazon:

"Listen especially to the ambient crowd chatter--it is absolutely inane."

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:37 (eighteen years ago)

"You rolling out in front of me a keyboard of millions of keys, millions and billions of keys that never end, and that's the truth Max, that they never end, that keyboard is infinite... and if that keyboard is infinite, that on that keyboard there is no music you can play, you sitting on the wrong bench... that is god's piano."

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:41 (eighteen years ago)

"It wasn't what I saw that stopped me Max... it was what I didn't see."

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:41 (eighteen years ago)

"Land!... land is a ship too big for me, It's a woman too beautiful, it's a voyage too long... perfume too strong..."

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:42 (eighteen years ago)

I hear that in the measured creaky voice of William Burroughs.

― moley, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:42 (eighteen years ago)

Classic fever-dream viewing, it sounds like.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:44 (eighteen years ago)

this sounds hilarious. one to download this weekend i think

― Ste, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:49 (eighteen years ago)

http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/51HEXSPP2KL._SS500_.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00062IVIU/imdb-button/

― Wrinklepaws, Friday, 11 May 2007 12:53 (eighteen years ago)

IFC used to promo showings of this w/ the scene where Tim Roth & his buddy (That Guy from a bunch of movies - bald, heavy, sorta looks cross-eyed & dimwitted) are sitting at the piano, & a frenzied TR is playing it as the piano careens & pirouettes all over the ballroom.

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 12:54 (eighteen years ago)

hahahah i watcehd this in the middle of the night on ifc once

― ghost rider, Friday, 11 May 2007 13:09 (eighteen years ago)

i feel this way about the greg kinnear/rebecca stamos dead kid cloning movie

― and what, Friday, 11 May 2007 13:35 (eighteen years ago)

like, oh hey greg kinnear this must be good, oh ha ha hes getting mugged by his old student, i bet this is funny, oh hey its some dramady about 35 yr old hipster parents on the lower east side... oh wtf wtf wtf

-- and what, Friday, 6 April 2007 19:22 (1 month ago)

― and what, Friday, 11 May 2007 13:35 (eighteen years ago)

btw Tim Roth is gonna play 'The Abomination' opp Edward Norton's Hulk

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 11 May 2007 13:36 (eighteen years ago)

why the fuck is there another hulk movie

― and what, Friday, 11 May 2007 13:39 (eighteen years ago)

I hope the next Hulk movie is done up like the guinness ads, all cut-out pictures of ed and tim bobbling around on top of cut-out costumes in front of ridiculously detailed backgrounds

― TOMBOT, Friday, 11 May 2007 13:41 (eighteen years ago)

I can't think of any other flicks that qualify for BMAs, which is kind of disappointing. And I'm pretty sure Mindhunters and Alone In The Dark don't qualify.

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 14:00 (eighteen years ago)

the thing is about these weird bad cable teevee misadventures is that unless you write it down right away your mind will quickly erase it because total nonsense is poisonous

― TOMBOT, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:01 (eighteen years ago)

I do remember the description DirecTV gave for [i]20,000 Leagues Under The Sea[i]:

Captain Nemo (James Mason) shows people his submarine.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

the other thing about this movie is that it was made by an italian director with an entirely italian crew, so of course synched sound is a luxury to them, therefore ANY non-principal who says something, their mouths don't match up with what they're saying in the slightest. yeah i sort of felt like i had a fever watching it or something.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:09 (eighteen years ago)

Of course, now I remember some IFC flick they showed during their PULP MURDER block on Saturday nights / Sunday mornings - some Spanish B&W flick that was full of sub-Reefer Madness vignettes about The Weakness of the Human Spirit.

There'd be a panel of doctors in some board room, discussing the deleterious effects of something (drugs? the devil? cerveza?) - 1 would be saying "YES! THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR YOUTH!", & the rest would be saying "LOL U DUM", so the 1st would say, "DO YOU NEED MORE PROOF? HERE IS A STORY!", and it would cut to a scene of some girl huffing glue around horny boys, and the boys would make her stand on top of a chair while each boy would take quick peeks up her dress. And the girl would be so turned on (in that groovy 60s film style) that the boys would start pawing her legs like they were inserting punchcards into a Cray supercomputer. And then we'd go back to the board room. "NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME? NO? YOU FOOLS! WELL, HERE IS ANOTHER SORDID TALE!" And then it'd be some shit about some socialite daughter doing some sort of toot & mawling her black butler while mom also does toot and pets a donkey.

And that was just the first half - the second half seemed to be some meta-commentary featuring the actual director of the film talking about the making of his film & the meaning of his art & the deep shit he's trying to unearth on some Spanish talk show. The film was called Seduction of the Devil or something equally misleading, too.

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 14:10 (eighteen years ago)

xp awesome!

LEGEND OF 1900?!~?!? yes, i love this film

Tracer, did you see the end, where he and Jelly Roll Morton have the big piano duel?? oh and a girl is in this too. i remember that much.

same dir as Cinema Paradiso, btw.

― gff, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:12 (eighteen years ago)

yes, the great piano duel where 1900's closest friend and confidante is bewildered about his very natural and explainable behavior, to the point where he starts stuffing bits of paper in his mouth and rolling around on a sofa (???!!)

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:16 (eighteen years ago)

david your memory is literally awesome!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:17 (eighteen years ago)

LITERALLY? AWESOME!

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 14:17 (eighteen years ago)

(that didn't require caps; my bad)

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 14:21 (eighteen years ago)

to the point where he starts stuffing bits of paper in his mouth and rolling around on a sofa

this happens to italians when they hear rinky tink piano stuff, it's a thing.

― gff, Friday, 11 May 2007 14:22 (eighteen years ago)

Have any of you seen It's All About Love? A film whose principal actress is said to have burst into tears when she saw how it turned out?

Claire Danes plays a superstar eastern-European figure skater. Joaqin Phoenix plays her ex-husband. They have accents. Sean Penn plays a man who lives on international airline flights and can never land, and continually writes emails expounding on the thematic movement of the film. He has an accent, too. They live in a sub-Hal-Hartley futureworld that is literally freezing due to a lack of interpersonal love, or something. Then suddenly there are multiple Claire Daneses, also with accents. It's the most painful, mixed-up, fundamentally inept thing I've ever seen.

― nabisco, Friday, 11 May 2007 15:33 (eighteen years ago)

SUSPIRIA FTW

― Mark C, Friday, 11 May 2007 15:34 (eighteen years ago)

Captain Nemo (James Mason) shows people his submarine.

this is the best description ever possible of this movie, btw.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 11 May 2007 15:37 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMQL3PFgDB4

That's your winner, kids.

― Noodle Vague, Friday, 11 May 2007 15:37 (eighteen years ago)

In fact Bruno Mattei owns this thread forever.

― Noodle Vague, Friday, 11 May 2007 15:39 (eighteen years ago)

SUSPIRIA FTW

uh no?

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 15:40 (eighteen years ago)

I hope DirecTV's description of Bad Lieutenant is: "A corrupt cop Harvey Keitel shows people his penis."

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

Why did I italicize Harvey Keitel?

― David R., Friday, 11 May 2007 15:43 (eighteen years ago)

this is the best description ever possible of this movie, btw.

Better than "Kirk Douglas plays a turtle guitar, eats unborn octopus and sings about a whale"?

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 11 May 2007 15:49 (eighteen years ago)

hahahah i watcehd this in the middle of the night on ifc once

Ditto! I watched the whole thing, finally when they are down in the bottom of the rotting ship or whatever near the end I realized I had no idea what had happened in the movie except some jazz on a boat and laughed so loud I woke up the boy.

― nickalicious, Friday, 11 May 2007 15:53 (eighteen years ago)

I love this thread.

― horseshoe, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:08 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.mediacircus.net/legend_3.gif

― nickalicious, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:13 (eighteen years ago)

see, i knew there was a girl in it

― gff, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:15 (eighteen years ago)

she lives above the fish shop at 27 mott street

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:19 (eighteen years ago)

IMDB says her character's name was "The Girl"!

I also kind of remember him almost getting off the ship at some point, is this when he says that thing Tracer quoted up there?

haha xpost

― nickalicious, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dave wtf? There are many other words I could use but BONKERS seems to sum them all up handily.

― Mark C, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:21 (eighteen years ago)

was actually hoping for a movie about this guy:

http://www.homiesonfire.com/bonkers/Bonkers1.gif

― The Macallan 18 Year, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:28 (eighteen years ago)

"homiesonfire" ???

― nabisco, Friday, 11 May 2007 16:49 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

Have any of you seen It's All About Love? A film whose principal actress is said to have burst into tears when she saw how it turned out?

Claire Danes plays a superstar eastern-European figure skater. Joaqin Phoenix plays her ex-husband. They have accents. Sean Penn plays a man who lives on international airline flights and can never land, and continually writes emails expounding on the thematic movement of the film. He has an accent, too. They live in a sub-Hal-Hartley futureworld that is literally freezing due to a lack of interpersonal love, or something. Then suddenly there are multiple Claire Daneses, also with accents.

ok i have to see this

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 17 December 2009 10:24 (fifteen years ago)

i liked it!

― Dean Gaffney's December (history mayne), Thursday, 17 December 2009 10:40 (fifteen years ago)

it was [guy who did festen]'s breakout movie.

― Dean Gaffney's December (history mayne), Thursday, 17 December 2009 10:41 (fifteen years ago)

well, it was meant to be.

― Dean Gaffney's December (history mayne), Thursday, 17 December 2009 10:42 (fifteen years ago)

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 17 December 2009 10:53 (fifteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.