C/D: Buying another man's wife a vibrator

hahahahahahahaha.

This needs more context.

dude, you have GOT to be joking.

omg

NO WAI

Well, Guy A, Girl A and Guy B are the main characters here.

Guy and Girl A are married.

Girl A, Guy B and my wife are out the other night having some cocktails. Somehow, it came up that Girl A had never had a vibrator. Guy B runs around the corner...literally, around the corner...to the local sex shop and gets a top-of-the-line rabbit-style vibe. Much embarassment ensues. When Guy A shows up, he gets very upset at the purchase of a vibrator for his wife, and threatens to beat up Guy B.

My wife said the evening went from awkward to bare-assed awkward to naked in front your parents while singing the national anthem awkward.

he might as well have stuck his dick on her mouth.

Curb Your Enthusiasm as reality TV.

i mean, in, but on will do the trick as well.

That is HY-sterical!

It would have been awesome if Guy A had hit Guy B with the vibrator.

o_0

i bet tuomas does this all the time.

Reality show as REALITY! Like, no comfort barrier of the television screen. CYE playing itself out five feet from you!

I, obv., say dud. And I would have beaten up Dude B if he had purchased a vibrator for my wife.

This would be less bad if it weren't "Top of the line" I think. Almost a subtext of "yr husband's cheap but not me, he bought you none and I bought you DA BEST!"

what did Girl A have to say about all this?

ha yeah that is totally some CYE shit

Honestly, I don't really think it's so bad. Being spur-of-the-moment, and precipitated by drinking is better than it being premeditated, sent via mail, wrapped in a nice package, etc.

I guess it depends on how close these people are. Amongst certain friends of mine this would be funny and not a big deal at all, with no sexxxy ulterior motives or anything.

CYE playing itself out five feet from you!

So brilliant/horrifying.

But yeah, a good old fashioned dildo-whipping would have made it 10x better.

Guy A is a tool. Guy B is a fool but sweet. It's all really silly.

Exactly. Sort of like a grandparent getting the kid something that the parents can't afford - like, stay the FUCK out of our biz, yo.

Just awkwardness. I got a text message while playing music at another bar, and almost spat out my drink. WTF was Dude B thinking?

yeah joygoat i know people with whom this would be more than cool, and Guy A would have been like "can you get me one next." not all of my social groups are like that mind you! Now I kind of want to do it to people I know wouldn't be cool with it jsut to see the insane reactions!! Hahaa!

I think it's ill-advised, deffo, and if I were Girl A I'd probably have something to say about the inappropriateness on my own behalf unless we were really good friends with clear boundaries. I have to say, though, that I don't think it's any of Guy A's business unless she finds the attentions of Guy B intrusive/threatening/etc and Dear Husband perceives that she's asking for, or in need of, support or protection.

XXP Thank you.

True crimes end up on Law and Order so why not this on CYE, I ask.

Why was he so enthusiastic abt getting her a vibrator? was it from personal experience?

Yeah context is important here - under the circumstances described, I know at least one of my friends would laugh their arse off if this happened with their wife.

But I guess Guy A & B don't know each other that well?

AS CLASSIC AS CLASSIC GETS

Complete Dud

It's sort of charming the first time yr guy does the whole defending-territory thing at a party, esp if the person he's defending you from is kind of a creep, but that is for when boys/girls/humans are young and stupid. Any other time of life = NO HOMO PALEO

I can't imagine anyone not taking this as a spontaneous goodwill gesture or an inane drunken joke. If anyone should do the beating (verbally, one hopes) it should be Girl A and, if dispelased, she should have told him to go return it.

As I heard, not from personal experience - he just thought it would be funny. Apparently, the girls (and dude A) didn't think so.

And while I can see your point that it might not be some husbands' business, I hope you can understand that some other couples are quite alright with their partner getting upset about stuff like this. This couple was obv. one of the latter. Not a marking of territory, I think, but a "Hey. Get the fuck out my sex life, DUDE. If we need a third, we'll call." But with feeling.

Not a marking of territory, I think, but a "Hey. Get the fuck out my sex life, DUDE. If we need a third, we'll call." But with feeling.

Yup.

I don't think Girl A is at any risk of running off with a guy who buys her a vibrator as his first act of affection anyway

or, what B.L.A.M. said

how could this not be classic i wonder.

Whatever floats their collective marital boat, I guess. How would I know.

I have a sex shop literally around the corner from me -- the best in the city, actually. I have made no impulse purchases there, certainly not for anyone else's wife. Because that would be nuts.

Images of an awkward teenager showing up in a rental tux for prom with a vibrator, instead of a corsage, held out at the door are flooding my brane and making it hard to chew. STOP.

Invite them all out for the next LA FAP.

Can we get back to this "top of the line" bit? That puts this joke in the multi-hundred dollar range, dunnit? If it were to be a funny wouldn't a 20-dollar one with a funny name like "magic penis" work? THAT's the mixed signal imo!

you have to consider the social implications of extramarital dildo intrusion before you automatically chalk this sort of thing up to defending one's "territory"

Well, vibrators are really about the woman's experience, even though they have plenty of co-ed uses. So my assumption is/was that Guy B intended the gift to be for Girl A irrespective of her Marital Obligation, therefore it's not about Mr and Mrs A's shared sex life at all.

Good point.

A friend -- married gal, not a close one -- told me a similar story. She worked at a university and would have lunch with the same guy all the time, and they would talk about sex and things, kind of joking, and then one day he too bought her a top-of-the-line rabbit. Several hours after this I was having a beer with her and she was trying to make sense of it and had decided to give it back.

Lost touch with her, ran into her a year or two later, and she had divorced her husband and was getting married to one of her coworkers. Not the rabbit guy, though.

I mean, I'm almost positive it's still a horrible idea!! But you know, that's up to Girl A to decide/enforce.

It sounds like it was one of the rabbit vibrators prominently featured on Sex and the City, only with a remote control. My wife said it was one of the more expensive ones that you can get without getting into handmade or blown glass dildos.

http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-rabbit-style

A little research provides pricing info

<i>Well, vibrators are really about the woman's experience, even though they have plenty of co-ed uses. So my assumption is/was that Guy B intended the gift to be for Girl A irrespective of her Marital Obligation, therefore it's not about Mr and Mrs A's shared sex life at all.</i>

But he gave it to her! If there was no tension between them, then no problem. But if there was...well, it's like giving drawers or a bar of soap to a lady!

i had no idea you could even get blown glass dildos. i wonder if they show how theyre made when you go to glass blowing shops in camrbidge or wherever.

it could be worse i suppose. the guy could have had a vibrator custom built in his er image.

B is not married. He recently was dumped by his girlfriend of two years, and has taken this as a cue to further detach from reality w/r/t to intergender relations. And by further, I mean PAST batshit insane.

Also - Yes. My wife does not like the proprietary implications of the "MY VAGINA. KEEP OUT." response, but likes feeling protected from bat-shit insane, sexually awkward sex toy gifters. But I can see the other side of that...totally. Bitches be people, not property.

Now, hos are a different story.

it could be worse i suppose. the guy could have had a vibrator custom built in his er image.

"It's called 'Adam'."

Unbelievably classic. Just for us though, not for anyone directly involved.

"Unbelievably classic. Just for us though, not for anyone directly involved."

OTM

Ach well, yeah. I think a woman's sexual satisfaction is a weird and highly personal thing, and kind of difficult to get to for a lot of people -- and can have very little to do with yr partner. Plus it's not really anyone's problem but your own if you don't get there -- you have to ask for what you want, and if it isn't forthcoming, go out and GET it. And I say this as someone who isn't particularly good at either of those things! But it's nice to think that there are people who actually think you deserve the best-possible experience and care that you get it.

On the other hand it sounds like Guy B is a problem case, really, so the real situation isn't nearly as balanced as the hypothetical one.

"can have very little to do with yr partner"

prob reason no. 1 why the guy bought the thing in the first place.

I mean, real life in being a big mess shocker.

Er, XP to self

Great, now we've gone and made Laurel start talking to herself again.

I would like to buy everyone on this thread a vibrator.

(As long as you're okay with it.)

How did they get to talking about vibrators with a batshit insane guy in the first place? That seems like a topic to be studiously avoided.

I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about that.

Sometimes people drink alcohol.

I was trying to think what I would do in this situation, and which of my male friends for which this might be appropriate behavior - there are a couple queer friends of mine I can totally see doin this and it would all be laughable, funny, sorta endearing. Lonely single straight male friend however - yeah I'd be kinda angry or at least "dude wtf are you thinking"

"I was thinking about your wife's vagina. What? Don't look at me like that."

Actual CYE moment, when Jeff tells Larry that he was masturbating and Larry's wife just "popped in there".

Kenan you are of course obviously correct and I am DENSE.

(about the alcohol, I mean)

Yeah. Frankly, Girl A should have just told him to take it back.

"I'm a married woman. I cannot possibly accept vibrators from other men. Thank you for the gesture, but I must refuse."

Ideally, she would also faint and require smelling salts and waved handkercheifs to revive her.

i'd have left it as a tip.

Just for a second, just to see how it feels.

it occurs to me that most ladies who would find this sort of thing hilarious probably already own said device

also this story: so so funny

Totally.

i'd have left it as a tip.

Leaving a vibrator as gratuity is creepier than buying one for your married friend.

Leaving sex toys as gratuity for your bartender is a great way to get buybacks.

only in a gay bar, dude

Let's all buy Dennis Kucinich's wife a vibrator and see if he tries to beat us up.

haha so what if he did? You could just hold him at arm's length while he took futile swings at you.

This reminds me: Dennis Kucinich's Wife!

xpost No it would be like that time the home-schooled 5-year-old who used to live next door tried to beat me up and I performed your suggested maneuver and he nailed me right in the balls.

Except Kucinich would nail you in the balls and then yell something about vibrators as colonialism or something.

...and then apologize and offer you a butterfly.

So to speak.

this thread = trucker-hat thread for a new generation. keep it up.

(and you can take that comment any way you like.)

(and, er, that one.)

I just read that rabbit vibrators aren't actually that great.

"read"

germaine greer says that they're no good iirc. something to do with gel being fucked-up.

So maybe that's why Guy A was offended?

"Gel? That does it!"

Leaving sex toys as gratuity for your bartender is a great way to get buybacks.

-- elmo argonaut, Friday, 8 June 2007 20:12 (1 hour ago) Link

i get free meals at Olive Garden this way

I'm still holding out for the Kucinich and wife sitcom:

http://www.nndb.com/people/060/000024985/short-crop.jpg http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/01.06.00/gifs/magnolia-0001.jpg

The scenario presented in the thread question is just DOING MY FUCKINg HEAD IN.

HAhah omg I gotta stop sleeping at night or something, I miss all the fun.

hahahaha you guys, wow

C/D: Beating another man's wife with a vibrator.

A+

Punjabi joke inadequately translated:

Two bosom buddies meet after a long time, buddy A says, "How you've changed brother, your ass is now so huge". The second one says, "Oh, that reminds me, how's my sister in law?"