Seinfeld: "Whaaaat's the deeeeeeeeal with rape?"

smooth move

http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/0/1/8/0/6/5/webimg/52706232_o.jpg

Michael Richards will leap to his defense.

I hope Seinfeld doesn't book a room at HOOS's hotel anytime soon.

What's the first thing Jerry Seinfeld does after getting laid?

He wipes the pepper spray from his eyes.

BIG SEIN aka the rapejoker

"we get accused of not having a sense of humor"

NO, RLY?

the hotel hoos

anybody who understands joeks would know this is not a joek about how rape is not so bad

Since when is Seinfeld a "usually family-friendly comic" anyway? I mean he's not exactly Andrew Dice Clay, but we're talking about the guy who introduced jokes about masturbation, serial killers, white supremacists and referring to a high-strung chef as "the soup nazi" to prime time TV.

haha I just remembered the time he hosted Saturday Night Live and did a sketch about Jerry from the show going to prison in OZ:

Jerry Seinfeld: You think you can hold out longer than me?

Prisoner #97P904, Ryan O'Reily: I know I can hold out longer than you!

Prisoner #92S110, Vern Schillinger: Care to make it interesting?

Prisoner #97P904, Ryan O'Reily: A carton smokes?

Prisoner #95H522, Augustus Hill: I want in, too.

Jerry Seinfeld: You're all on. { shakes pinkies with everyone } Whoever goes the longest without committing male rape wins the Contest.

All: { throwing up their pinkies } Yeaaaaaaahh!

I love it when celebrities I don't really like stick their feet in their mouths.

uh i think he mightve been joking that bee-rape is rare

It's the most violent crime a person can live through.

Doesn't this kinda ... depend?

yah

(PS yeah this is kind of a bad joke-area to even get into, but the thrust seems to be "the bee-rape problem is not that big" as opposed to "rape is not bad.")

still prolly shouldn't have been said, someone having been raped in the audience prolly doesn't need to hear the word rape/think about rape at a comedy show

funny thing is you ever notice bee-rape is not that bad i mean who cares about bees raping each other am i right kinda makes you think

maybe bee rape is the reason they're all dissapearing

Can we please have this discussion every single time someone on ILX posts ugonnagetraped.jpg?

Do bees even have sex? Don't they just squirt stuff on eggs?

Ha, have we moved past the part of the thread where we're all "bad Seinfeld!" and into the part where we make our own bee-rape jokes for 60 posts? Consistency ahoy.

Usually, a female bee mates with several male bees in midair, gathering all of the sperm she will need in her lifetime -- a few months for a solitary bee, or up to five years for a honeybee. Mating typically happens at a collective mating site, although scientists have not yet discovered how male bees choose a site. In some species, including honeybees, the males die shortly after mating because they leave their endophallus in the female's body, fatally injuring themselves in the process. In other species, males can mate with multiple females. Since females use sperm from several males to fertilize their eggs, this gives the male bees a better chance to father young.

nabisco obeerapetm

*trying not to google "endophallus"*

The weird thing is that "A little rape, but it's not that bad" was probably supposed to mean "there's not actually that much rape" as opposed to "they rape each other, but it's OK, rape isn't so bad."

endophallus!

it's a scientology thing, show some respect and deference

cant wait to see people compare this to michael richards, as if seinfeld angrily singled out a woman from the audience to scream "FIFTY YEARS AGO YOU WOULDVE BEEN HANGING UPSIDE DOWN WITH MY DICK IN YOUR ASS!!!" instead of a pretty basic woody allen-style thwarted expectations joke which only works if you agree that rape is, you know, bad

FIFTY YEARS AGO FIVE HOURS AGO

seinfeld doing shouty misogynist sam kinison stand-up would be pretty funny tho

except plz nobody post what they think it would sound like, k?

I hate to say it, but Kinison's straight-up misogynist schtick was actually way less creepy than his whole "I love women so much and intensely and they always break my heart and that's why I am this way" schtick, which was way too realistically "I'm hiding in the bushes and cutting myself I LOVE YOU" for comfort.

you may also enjoy this bit

* On the starvation in Ethiopia.

You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't live in them, assholes!"

He is clearly talking about the Sudan.

those assholes with their non-arable land. when will they learn? listen to the comedian.

yeah ethiopia is actually very green, while sudan is sandy

people have lived in the sustainable environs of the desert longer than they have lived in the unsustainable environs of suburban US

^^^ i imagine you standing up and saying this in the middle of a kinison set, to great effect

heheh I like Kinison a lot actually

He's dead, you know.

I was actively scared of him as a child.

xpost so I killed him

# nebraska judge orders the word "rape" cannot be used in rape trial [Started by BIG HOOS aka the steendriver
# Seinfeld: "Whaaaat's the deeeeeeeeal with rape?" [Started by BIG HOOS aka the steendriver

Are we going to get a daily BIG HOOS aka the steendriver rape thread?

This reminds me of this time in 7th grade where this kid Josh in my science class asked to leave the room, and Ms. Beattie asked why, and he said he was had a personal issue and needed to go to the bathroom, and Ms. Beattie asked what the problem was, and he said it was personal, and they went on and on, back and forth, for like three minutes, until finally I said "duh, he's getting his period." Ms. Beattie sent me to the principal's office, claiming this joke was insulting to women, and so I had to spent the next hour trying to convince the principal that the joke was totally funny and not at all insulting to women.

Except with less bees, and less offensive, and way funnier.

(It's worth noting that Josh was totally and transparently lying about having any kind of personal issue at all, which was why Ms. Beattie was hassling him about it in the first place.)

Sam Kinison fell asleep inside Jessica Hahn (the one lasting memory of some Howard Stern book I read when I was 12)

nabisco your teacher sounds like an ass

man

i cant stand tori amos

Weird how humans fear the pain of birth, but cats are totally cool with that. They'll squirt out 10 kittens on your doorstep and not make a noise. Having sex, though, is something they can't tolerate at all without being held down.

Weird animals.

http://www.umanitoba.ca/outreach/cm/vol9/no10/weirdnature.jpg

I've said this before somewhere, but have you ever been unfortunate to witness cat sex?

Ducks have it worse. Bastard drakes hold the ducks head under the water while they do the deed.

man i hate tori amos

i can almost guarantee she will write a song about how jerry seinfeld is an awful person for her next album

xpost For all their strange behaviors during sex sometimes, mammals have evolved the most practical body shapes for getting sperm inside of a female. Turtles have sex, too, but they're barely evolved beyond putting sperm on eggs that were laid in water. Once they moved onto land, they had bigger problems to adapt to. So turtle sex is still bleeding hilarious.

Jerry Seinfeld bombs with pro-rape crowd

nice

what race from star trek said it was uncomfortably painful to procreate?

not tribbles

nice

-- BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, June 23, 2007 6:44 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

That Gawker thing is weird. They obviously wanted to slap Radar down but this seems considerably more unpleasant than the Seinfeld 'bit'.

Is this kind of thing going to happen every time a new season of Seinfeld comes out on DVD? Just as well there's only one more season to go.

What's Julia Louis Dreyfus going to say next year?

My vote: something about Hillary Clinton being "dykey".

mallard ducks actually commit indiscriminate rape on both males and females, often in gangs, and often upon corpses. i don't get 'em.

Procedure of preparation of dry exserted inner sac of penis for permanent storage

Oleg E.Berlov

Dipl. entomologist from Irkutsk, Siberia

Over 85 research publications, most on Carabidae.
Photographs of all Holotypes from my collection.
My own method inflating the endophallus.

http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/Jungle/2834/ober.jpg

Picture of the maximally inflated endophallus.

http://www.biologie.uni-hamburg.de/b-online/ibc99/koning/phallus.gif

ew

First, a note on the use of the word rape. I do not mean to trivialize human rape and certainly an individual human rape is far worse than an individual honeybee rape, but as a cultural phenomenon, they are equally evil and, in fact, flow from the same source.

First, the head and thorax of the drone are crushed.

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/drone.jpg

This causes the abdominal muscles to contract and turn part of the drone inside out (partial eversion of the endophallus).

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/dr.jpg

The rest of the body is then crushed to turn the endophallus fully inside out.
The semen from many drones is collected and combined.

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/abc.jpg

The semen is injected.

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/in.jpg

mmmmmmmm

dude quit it

This essay explains why most vegans do not eat honey. It also attempts to convince all vegans not to eat honey. If you are unfamiliar with veganism, please read Why Vegan.

i dont think bee plumbing shots were ever a part of my imaginative spectrum until now

wait wait

http://www.biologie.uni-hamburg.de/b-online/ibc99/koning/phallus.gif

The "clasper" is that little bulb thing, and not the giant Quato arm hanging off of the whole disgusting apparatus?

This essay explains why most vegans do not eat honey. It also attempts to convince all vegans not to eat honey. If you are unfamiliar with veganism, please read Why Vegan.

ok NO NO NO wait. I assumed you were kidding through that whole thing, maybe at the most trying to gross us out *a little*. But that's an insect, and I squash 'em myself when they're bugging me. Not as methodically, but whatever, I have no feelings for them, they're pretty darn plentiful, and their colonies are built for numbers, not individual specialty.

"as a cultural phenomenon, they are equally evil and, in fact, flow from the same source." --- See, I TOTALLY thought that was a joke. I really did.

moonbat journey to crazyland

i did not personally author this essay against bee rape, kenan

i just wanted to point out that it's in especially poor taste for jerry to make this joke because there are people out there losing sleep over the dirty work of dudes like oleg e.berlov

hey, scorpion porn!

xxpost ok, so you are kidding.

I'm sorry, you scared me a LOT.

wow.

http://perso.orange.fr/eycb/scorpions/Images/Anciennes%20photos%20mois/AncPhotodumoisDecembre04.jpg

"His stinger trembled."

^this thread

Once being stung and receiving venom the female becomes drugged and no longer wishes to kill her mate. This behaviour is know as the sexual sting and brings about the sexual dimorphism of the males extremely long tail. She then becomes easy for the male to control, and control is exactly what is needed for a successful sperm transfer.

The male grips the female's pedipalps with his and starts to drag her about the place with the female offering resistance to his movement. The resistance is not unlike that of a tug of war. The female simply doesn't like to move very much, similar to moving a stubborn mule. The male gives the female the cheliceral kiss where he locks his mouthparts onto hers. This behaviour keeps the male's body in perfect alignment with the female's which as we shall see is of utmost importance.

The male continues to drag the female around until he locates a suitable surface on which he can deposit his spermatophore. The spermatophore is the container that houses the sperm and is placed onto a rock from the male's genital opening.

When the male is happy with the surface conditions the spermatophore is released from his genital opening and carefully placed onto the substrate below. The very sticky foot of the spermatophore adheres to the rock and remains upright. The male with his body now strongly arched must very precisely pull the female in a direct straight line so her body and genital opening are directly over the spermatophore. The female's genital operculum or plate is at 90 degrees to her body allowing the genital opening to be exposed at a maximum. With the spermatophore at the correct position the female lowers her body allowing the portion of the spermatophore containing sperm to enter her body. The sperm are released, the female raises her body from the spermatophore and without hesitation the pair quickly break apart, the transfer of the all-important genetic information completed

this is like an NC-17 rating for a movie.

This thread would have supplied me with new usernames for months back in old-ilx.

Sea hares are simultaneous hermaphrodites that cross-fertilize by copulation. When two, or sometimes several, individuals copulate, each participant donates and receives sperm to and from another individual, but not necessarily the same individual.

http://sanctuaries.noaa.gov/science/itf/images/seaharetrainHickerson.jpg

Numerous black sea hares (Aplysia morio) approximately 25cm in length were observed free-swimming and creating “trains” of mating animals.

Sea hares know how to party.

awesome

it sorta amazes me that people choose careers in fields other than science

I've said this before somewhere, but have you ever been unfortunate to witness cat sex? It's kind of rape, but it confounds all human definitions of rape. A female cat in heat, who clearly is... ahem... asking for it, still has to be overpowered, subdued, and bitten hard on the neck before the male can mate with her, and she still shrieks like she's being killed the whole time. There is no human analog for this.

----uh speak for yrself

it sorta amazes me that people choose careers in fields other than science

These people are farmers?

YO!

you're right d-mac, a small rape problem, that there is fuckin' riot! what is wrong with me, I gotta learn to lighten up about stuff, it's not like he made a racist quip or anything

no, he made a rapist quip

fortunately he has a rapist wit

Jol out

should i have gone with raper wit

i hate seinfeld. i shoulda just gone with the flow here.

Two beekeepers strike up a conversation at a convention.
First beekeeper says, so Bob, how many bees do you have? Bob answers, 'oh, 100,000'.
The first beekeeper continues, 'and how many hives?' Bob replies, '100 hives. you know, 1000 bees per hive. How about you mate, how many bees do you have?' The first beekeeper says '1 million.'
Bob is amazed. '1 million bees! that's incredible! How many hives do you have then?' First beekeeper replies, 'just one.' Nigel is shocked once more, ''1 million bees in just one hive! Isn't that kind of cruel?
And the first beekeeper says, 'Fuck em, they're only bees.'

^ trivialising something important here