Have you ever had to confront "the other woman"? How did it go and what did you say?

oops =|

"Oops"?

What did she say in return?

My friend once found out that the guy she was seeing was also still seeing his ex-girlfriend, without either of them knowing about it. She contacted the ex and told her about it, and because guy had set up a date with her, she and the ex decided to both go there. I wish I could've seen the look on the guy's face.

:-)

Heheh Tuomas I know two girls who did that to a guy too! I mean I didnt like the girl OR the guy involved but it was still pretty amusing to hear about. They rocked up on his doorstep together and went "ok, start explaining you bastard".

I could never do that mind you. I'm not that kind of person.

um, i fought a guy once. went to his college and fought him in the canteen.

but i let her away with it, which seems a bit silly now.

oooh dueling for gals! that's hot

Allegedly my grandfather, who had mistresses on the go for most of his life, got really miffed when he discovered my grandmother was having an affair herself with a nearby farmer. So he got the shotgun out and went round to his place to discuss the issue... as far as I know the guy wasn't shot, but my gran never had another affair ever - and had the privilege of ironing my grandad's suits when he went to visit his.

laurel to thread.

When I was in college, I found out that my boyfriend of three years and my best friend had hooked up on at least three ocassions. I found out the night before I was supposed to go visit said best friend. I made both of them tell me every single detail seperately so that I could confirm what happened - I wanted to know everything. I then got on the train the next morning and cried the whole way there. When she picked me up the next day, I told her exactly what I thought of her/him and the situation in general. I then said I didn't want to talk about it anymore. He and I dated for another year which was a huge mistake for a number of reasons. I was the maid of honor in her wedding three years later.

Did she marry your ex?

I would have kicked her ass.

Oh god no. She married some guy she met a year later and he married the dowdy girl he left me for. Yeah, that was a great time in my life. Heh. The only reason I got past it was because we were all young, stupid, and drunk most of the time and to be honest, he and I had a horrible relationship. Looking back, I can't believe I forgave either of them but at the time it somehow made sense.

It was better for you to do so I'm sure.

its always better to forgive. hes with some dowby girl now, and, well, you should have fucked the girls husband right after they got married, and then gone on your merry way

then write them a letter a year later saying sorry about the STD thing, you couldnt face telling them in person, but its only right they know

Ha, perhaps. She and I have grown apart but talk ocassionally. She called me a couple of years ago after her younger brother had died. I'm pretty sure she was drunk and probably on some kind of sedatives because she was just rambling and going on and on about how horrible she felt about what she did to me and how that was her biggest mistake in life and how she was a horrible person. I realized then that she had already given herself more shit for what happened then I ever could have.

I'm sensing a theme with these threads.

lol wait till end of conversation and say "im sorry i dont remember any of this! did that really happen? lol"

Yeah, I didn't even really think about it anymore and she was still beating herself up about it. Kind of strange.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAovFOVDWRk

You rang?

Apparently you have a good story. Please share.

No, I think it was about the feminist angle cos I got "very much in character"ed on the NB yesterday. Marianna's charming anecdote abt her grands is just history proving me right. :)

There was a day when I was very aggresive and relished the chance to beat anyone's ass. If this had happened to me then I would've probably went after cheatee and cheater. And then apologized to the cheatee when I calmed down and became drinking buddies with her. Fortunately, this never happened to me.

Now, I'd probably just cry as I packed my bags and then spend a few months drunk on ILx until I got over it.

I've been considering this b/c the opportunity to confront (read "kick ass") has recently come up, but I'm not angry anymore and it just wouldn't be good for anyone.

I'm not sure why the "other" man or woman comes in for so much guff -- well obv I do know, it's because we are desperate to be able to blame someone besides the cheater who we still like/love/have a claim on, but really: unless the Other is an existing friend or relative of yours, in which case that is SRSLY dirty pool, beating up other woman is some crazy shit.

XP: Oh sorry, Jordan!

case that is SRSLY dirty pool, beating up other woman is some crazy shit.

I agree and am not advocating it. But this does not mean it won't happen. Love is irrational and if the relationship is hurting enough to spawn infidelity then there are obv. some issues.

I've never understood going after the "other" man/woman. Unless you are friends with them (in which case all bets are off), all that person knows about you (IF they know about you at all) is that you're in a highly dysfunctional relationship, and they're reaping the benefits - however unsavory - of that dysfunction. The only person truly deserving of your wrath is your SO doing the cheating.

and the best way to do that is to cut off all contact... and then fuck their friends.

It's really okay Laurel, but thx.

I think a common reaction is that "MY significant other would NEVER have cheated if that HUSSY had never come around!!!" method of denial. It's easier to focus on the outside factor than looking into the relationships issues.

(x-post)

There is also the possibility that the cheater has entitlement issues. I don't believe people are entitled to be unfaithful for any reason; the difference between humans and animals means we should be able to hold off on certain urges long enough to behave in a way we ourselves would want to be treated.

I have had to confront the other woman, a former best friend who was generally acting out sexually and being an arsepain, and she really wanted to talk to me, in public, after her indiscretions, at some big party. Although I wanted to pour a pint glass of steaming piss over her head, it was far more effective for me to present her with a wall of BLANK. She called my name, tapped me on the shoulder, tried to get my attention - BLANK. Then I stood with three or four girlfriends and watched her and my ex scuttle out like roaches. It was great!

Ignoring people have wronged you is definitely the way to go. As long as you have the self-discpline and emotional strength to do so.

When the cheatee is aware of the cheater's prior commitment and doesn't care, then it's tempting to go in all claws and teeth. They usually get what they deserve, though.

The only confrontation I had in this situation was to leave a message on her answering machine telling her to stop sending letters to my house while the bastard was off in Europe for a month.

Her little summer dalliance got me out of a crap relationship, and he took off for California to be with her. She dumped his ass shortly thereafter and I moved to my own cool apartment in a converted mansion. Worked out well enough!

Does no-one have open relationships any more? I feel so old.

truly, postfeminism has arrived

i did some semi-intense facebook/myspace stalking of "the other guy," who wasnt really even "the other guy," when i was going through the worst of my breakup... im pretty sure my ex did the same thing w/ "the other woman"

lol

i just had some intense stuff happening with others, and it's pretty awful, as an experience.

dlisted.com on Cammy D:

Cameron Diaz's hot factor just went up in my book. Why? Because she's a homewrecking slut! Allegedly. The wife of Criss Angel claims that Cameron stole her man and ruined her marriage. Joanne Sarantakos wants to subpeona Cammy and have her testify on her relationship with Criss.

Criss kept his 5-year marriage to Joanne a secret to keep his sex-appeal alive with fans.

Joanne filed for divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty and abandonment. Criss' lawyer doesn't deny that his client had an affair. Joanne is seeking cash and Criss has lots of it because he just signed a $200 million deal with a Las Vegas casino."

You little minx Cameron! It's not that slut's fault! Why do women always blame the other woman? Criss is the piece of shit here.

criss angel, mindfreak?

I'm not sure why the "other" man or woman comes in for so much guff -- well obv I do know, it's because we are desperate to be able to blame someone besides the cheater who we still like/love/have a claim on, but really: unless the Other is an existing friend or relative of yours, in which case that is SRSLY dirty pool, beating up other woman is some crazy shit.

I can understand you're coming all Greer slash Butler slash Irigaray (or whatever) on us, but there's also the guy getting a lot of so-called shit, no? I mean, okay, the woman's called a slut, but the man's not applauded (if he does the same thing).