jokes, bruv

You're a cunt.

Nah, nah, jokes bruv.

All the mates.

All the mates round the ends, s'jokes bruv

rolling gratuitous abuse thread 2007 for all you pricksplitting spazwelders out there

Louis, Louis: you're a twat.

Nah, kidding. Jokes bruv.

i have been on a london bus too.

Why don't you cunt off and leave us all in peace, you pustulent cockleeching donkeyfucker? You've never had anything positive to say, just reams and reams of foetid spume directed at whomever takes your maleovolent fancy!

Heh, jokes bruv.

This could get out of control fairly quickly if someone comes in without subscribing to Dom's eponymous disclaimer...

London transport? Bare jokes, bruv. Bare jokes.

Louis, how's the family? Mother still not speaking to you because of your deviant sexual practices?

Nah, serious, jokes bruv.

Un-escapable Anarchist2006-03-05, 15:20
If a teacher asks you a question or something cos you aint contributing just say fuck off fuck face.

lol that would be jokes bruv.

OR

AS the teacher is talking in class just stare at him blankly all through the lesson, even if he asks you something, just keep it going.

OR

Punch the shit out of a nerd when he goes into bodrick mode.

I think it's time we tooled up nerds.

Jokes, bruv.

Still only shagging fat neurotic indie-girls, Dom?

Nah, s'okay, jokes bruv.

Fucking keep saying that shit and I'm gonna come up to Cambridge and kick the shit out of you, you fucking bodrick.

Nah, jokes bruv.

http://students.fct.unl.pt/~lcc14556/Blog/Face%20Off%20(Mexican%20Standoff).jpg

Dom on right, obv.

Go up to fucking Cambridge and you won't find me will you, ya great shiteating hobo. Stay in Northampton, why dontcha? Your only chance of making it down here is if NTFC draw Charlton away in the Cup, and even then I doubt you'd come along. No point putting yourself through a week's wages just to see your lads get rampantly buggered through oilskins.

Heh, jokes bruv.

oh KAY

enh

hahahaha noodle

Willie Bodrick
Class: Freshman
Hometown: Atlanta, Ga.
High School: Benjamin E. Mays
Height / Weight: 5-9 / 160
Position: DB
High School: Played three years of varsity football ... Captained team as a senior, guiding squad to the playoffs ... Played both defensive back and wide receiver in high school ... Had 48 tackles and three interceptions as a senior ... Recipient of Coaches Award as a senior ... Recognized as an all-city scholar-athlete ... Earned all city honorable mention honors as a junior ... Also named special teams MVP ... Recorded 30 tackles and two interceptions during his junior season ... Played four years of baseball and was the team's MVP as s enior ... Earned all-city honors in baseball.

Personal: Born on January 24, 1988 in Atlanta ... The son of the Rev. Willie and Mrs. Anna Bodrick ... He has two younger brothers, Winston and Weldon Bodrick ... Gratuated with honors in the Natinal Beta Club, National Honor Society, and the Tri-M National Music Honor Society ... Posted a 3.7 grade-point average ... Enjoys singing and writing ... Enjoys listening to music ... Plans on majoring in biochemistry.

Nah, jokes bruv.

Serious bruv, s'jokes. Bare jokes.

This is the lamest Passantino meme ever.

And that's saying something, bruv.

By the way, Passantino - what's this I hear about being given the sack by The Guardian for being confrontational, bruv?

it's not a passantino meme, it's something people say.

You don't understand Failed Dom Passantino Memes.

This is a Failed Dom Passantino Meme.

"Failed Dom Passantino Meme" is not a Meme.

but is "'Failed Dom Passatino Meme' is not a Meme" a meme?

"'Failed Dom Passantino Meme' is not a Meme" is not a Meme.

that's a meme right there.

foot through failed meme, send bill to Dom Passantino

that's a meme right there.

No wonder you got banned from 1p3. You can't read.

no one posts to 1p3 apart from you bruv.

Hey, Estie, even Louis Jagger can get laid nowadays and yet you're still a virgin. You should just fucking kill yourself.

Nah, seriously, jokes bruv.

I'm saving the story of my encounter with the American barmaid for my new blog on The Guardian website, bruv.

Was she on day release?

estie *and* dom -- busy girl.

No, no, she wasn't a chubby from OKCupid.

Nah, seriously, jokes bruv.

http://www.consoleclassix.com/info_img/Tag_Team_Wrestling_NES_ScreenShot1.jpg

jokes bruv. just pure jokeage

allow it

so did those guys make up or something? the sexual tension was killing me there for a while.

this thread is pure joke.

Shut the fuck up and go and start another fucking thread detailing your inability to conduct any aspect of your social life without asking a fucking message board's opinion on it first.

Nah, you're safe mate. jokes bruv

you talking to me cuntface?

"...and szo, once again zee cycle of life begins"

This could get out of control fairly quickly if someone comes in without subscribing to Dom's eponymous disclaimer...

welcome, titchyschneider, y welcome......in jaaaam

but... dom is a cunt. no?

jokes bruv.

naturally.

Straight jokes bruv. Straight.

Nah, nah I ain't at Maida Vale I'm at fuckin' Edgeware Road son. Edgeware Road. Nah, not Edgeware, Edgeware Road. Yeah, see you in 30 bruv.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Fuck Her.

Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
A. Microwave it 'til it's Bill Withers.

a woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre

so the bartender gave her one.

what's black and white and read all over?

UR MUM

What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

oh you've heard it (xp)

Q. How do you stop a dog humping your leg?
A. Pick it up and suck its dick.

Q. What's the hardest part of learning to roller-blade?
A. Telling your parents that you're gay.

Two guys walk into a pub in Essex, one regular, one stranger. The stranger has the most horrific scarring all the way across one side of his face, like he's been burned horrifically, his eye's out of place, he has no ear, it's graphically red and ravaged. The regular goes up to the bar, orders two whiskeys. The barman leans over at him, and whispers quietly "'ere... don't wanna be funny, like, but what the fuck is up with your mate's face over there?"

The guy goes "Him? Ah, don't mind him. He was in the Falklands War, he got really fucked up during bomb when he was on deck on one of the ships"

The barman goes "Really, wow, fuck me." The barman then shouts over to the stranger "'ere, mate, over 'ere. Listen son, I've got nothin' but respect for you guys, our brave boys who go over there, giving it their all for queen and country. Nothin' but respect. You're 'eroes to me. For the rest of the evening, anything you want, on the 'ouse. Anythin' you want. 'ere, have a free bottle of whiskey on me to start".

So the stranger goes over to the bar, grabs the bottle of whiskey, and necks half of it in one gulp. After he's swalloed, he smashes it down on the bar, flashes a gold-toothed smiled at the barman, and goes "Muchas gracias, senor"

My girlfriend called me a pedophile the other day. “Pedophile?”, I said. “That’s a mighty big word for a nine year old.”

What do you call a black guy driving a plane?
A pilot, you fucking racist.

oh that's good

http://www.dustygroove.com/images/products/m/marleymarl~_incontrol_101b.jpg

This 15-year-old kid stumbles into a bar. Bumfluff moustache, ill-fitting school uniform, the works. He looks really shifty, really nervous, he's kinda geeky looking as well. So the barman stares at him incredulously, and goes "Right son... what on earth do you want? Because I'm pretty sure I can't serve you it."

The kid looks up, nervously, and goes "Ummm.... errr.... I'm c-c-c-celebrating"

"Celebrating what?"

"I've j-j-j-j-ust had my first blow job. I'd like s-s-s-s-s-s-six sh-sh-shots of T-t-t-t-tequila to c-c-c-c-c-celebrate"

The barman looks at him incredulously and goes.... "First blow job? Really? Wow.... OK, look, normally I wouldn't do this, but if you'd just had your first blow job... you look pretty fucking goofy, so fair play. Give me the money for your first six shots, and I'll buy you a seventh on the house"

The kid looks at him and goes "Umm.... nah. To b-b-b-b-be honest, if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will"

an old classic there

And then the kid goes to a 65daysofstatic gig in a Charlton shirt.

"you look pretty fucking goofy, so fair play."

what's the difference between a guitarist and a large pizza?

the pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

-- gr8080, Thursday, December 27, 2007 9:30 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

A: Fuck Her.

-- gr8080, Thursday, December 27, 2007 9:30 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Disguise her as an alterboy

arrrrg...altArboy

In a train carraige one day were two small boys and a middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling.

"Its spelt ' W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B '"

"No its not. It's spelt ' W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'"

The lady leans over and says "Excuse me, but I think you'll find its spelt 'W-O-M-B'"

First little boy replies " Nah, I bet you've never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart underwater !"

A wily old rooster is cock of the walk in his farmyard. For years he has stoutly serviced his harem of hens, and his powers of fertility have been unquestioned.

Unfortunately, he's getting old. The farmer knows this, and begins to search for replacements. One such replacement swaggers into the yard and accosts our hero. "Hi old man, you're dead meat" he smiles. "I'm the new Mr. Big round here. One look at how much stronger I am, and you're for the cooking-pot."

Now, the old cock was clever, and the old cock was determined not to lose his life to this brash young upstart. Thus did he respond: "Hm! Very well. If you think you're so much stronger than me, why don't we have a race so you can prove your superiority? Twice around the yard?"

The youngster cackled. "Haha! You've got no chance! Look at your scrawny legs, your withered comb! You won't have reached the pig-sties by the time I've begun my lap of honour!"

The old cock raised a brow. "Well, if you're THAT confident, why don't you let me have a five-metre headstart? Surely that would help to even things up, given that I am so very old."

This was met with a gleeful cry from the youngster. "Whatever! I'll still thrash you into the ground! And then...supper-time!"

The stage is set. The two line up, old cock five metres ahead of young. Ready...set...go! They start off, the old cock fiercely scrabbling through the straw, the youngster furiously pursuing him in an effort to catch up.

All of a sudden, the farmer looks out the window, grabs his shotgun, and shoots dead the young rooster in a flash, saying "Dammit! That's the third gay rooster I've bought in a week!"

that's quite clever

i posted that on a jokes thread a couple of months ago, louis you plagiaristic cnut.

nah, straight jokes bruv. safe.

18th on Google for "jokes bruv"

is not this thread, but is you saying "jokes bruv", weirdly.

17th is me saying it on a different site. Odd.

http://hen.fap.henfap.com/hen/fap/

Really don't get those chat transcripts he posts.

Bare jokes

Oh, not this fucking thread again.

Nah, bruv. Jokes, bruv.

this thread covers zinging and persistent nastiness. deletion and ban.

no jokes.

Here's a pictures I found from your Facebook photoshopped with gay sex, bruv.

Nah, jokes bruv.

have emailed mods about this.

watch your fucking back, is all i'm saying.

Could you add to your e-mail: "PS: if the Board 77 Archives get to live forever, can't someone find out what happened to the Aja/Dante Archives and bring them back? Serious, bruv."

yeah, ok i'll do that one thing- after that, watch your fucking back.

wii cricket my arse.

Capes versus the Irish: a battle for the ages.

Nah, you're safe, mate. Couldn't be arsed googling your username, bruv.

This coming from the greasy wog?

Nah, just laughs, bruv.

straight jokes bruv. can't wait til that passantino cunt gets banned, eh?

Watch your back, cunt. Eh? Eh? Watch it.

Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
A. Microwave it 'til it's Bill Withers.

-- jim, Thursday, 27 December 2007 21:30 (5 months ago) Link

Would have been funnier with a goose and Percy Sledge.

http://www.slate.com/id/2220710/pagenum/2

i mean http://www.slate.com/id/2220710/

lol did u really read 2 pgs of that?