elton john sez: CANCEL THE INTERNET

“I don’t have a mobile phone or an iPod or anything."

But you probably have a butler that does all that stuff for you.

nothing this man says ever makes any sense.

can we please get a lolcatz picture:

'im on ur computurz
canceling ur internets'

id do it but i dont have photoshop working on this thing

what a butt munch

“In the early Seventies there were at least ten albums released every week that were fantastic."

Every week!

Please to list your 500 favorite albums of 1971, Sir E.

NEWSFLASH: OLD MAN HATES MODERN TECHNOLOGY

he's got a point - i might actually get some of my art done if my easy-access-to-free-porn was taken from me.

NEWSFLASH: OLD MAN HATES MODERN TECHNOLOGY

but enough about you what about Elton ah ha haaaa

pioneering pervert betrays internet; furry community reeling

http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/sir-elton-john.jpg

So many obvious retorts to this immediately flashed through my brain that I overloaded and was left with nothing to say.

I mean, get out there — communicate.
I don’t have a mobile phone.

The internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other.
All I can do is write at the piano.

So what has stopped Elton John from writing good music since the 1970s?

Someone canceled his piano.

the paradox of the artist

Since the 1980s anyway.

ps fuck a lion king

“We’re talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that’s not going to happen with people blogging on the internet.unless we carry on doing the exact same things we've done in the past

So what has stopped Elton John from writing good music since the 1970s?

I was about to say. I'd probably venture to say: Taupin.
Dude, glue your wig to your ass and hop on the krazee train.

im glad you guys are all here to defend the internet from a senile pop star

he got rich and bored and drugged up. he had a good run though. not many people keep making genius records past their youth.

cap'n save-a-web

i kinda agree with some stuff he says. but he's obviously not aware of the fact that people DO still go out and engage with people and that people DO still make music together. the internet hasn't really changed that.

maybe HE should get out more. aside from his charity balls and whatever else he does. cuz, really, he's not dumb. or not as dumb as some people. and i always thought he was someone who tried to keep up with music. but maybe i'm wrong.

maybe

I don’t have a mobile phone or an iPod or a computer, butler OR piano!

maybe he roffled when his gran said the same about tellies.

My favourite bit is: “I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span"

the alternate internet

I believe that we should raze all structures for five years so that we can all really get out there and communicate.

Sir Elt? Is that a typo or do people really say, "Hey Elt, loved Madman...uh that Madman and Water album, loved it in college."

Watford would still be in the Premiership if it wasn't for the Internet.

At the same time the internet has really facilitated a lot of orgies / gang bangs that wouldn't have happened otherwise. Perhaps we should just bring instruments to them.

can it, elton!

Surmounter knows about this.

oh man internet message board people are so easy to troll like this, they get all wound up

I don't know why, but I am so fucking wound up right now! Hey is that a troll?

Elton is successfully trolling everybody who responds to his comments

Or he's an idiot.

His diagnosis is incomplete, as videogaming has made asses of your generation too, kidz.

xpost: the whole concept of trolling is by far the worst thing the internet has ever contributed to society. like, now whenever someone says something really stupid/offensive/obnoxious, calling them on it is somehow a breach of decorum, because that's what they were aiming for? sorry, netizens, but just because someone wants me to call them a moron and tell them to shut up doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it, any more than I'd walk away from a masochist who punched me in the face.

(yes I realize this concept actually existed in 5th-grade classrooms all over the world long back when the internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye, but that's different because all kids are idiots)

As if we needed more proof that the man's brain rejected the hair transplants back in the day - just decided "Oh well, there goes the neighbourhood" and moved straight out, never to return.

Like, what the fuck is this man's problem? What happened to the fun-loving spangled superstar of the '70s? Where's that cheerful self-deprecating cynicism? How does attaining a billion-dollar fortune, a knighthood and a supposedly happy loving relationship result in so much ungrateful bitchiness? Does he think he's being charming? Delightfully irreverent? How can anybody be so out of it?

because he's met clods from the Internet?

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t315/TheGZeus/terrible/canceltheinternet.jpg

i remember when the internet was young

me and nude spock had so much fun

holding hands and trolling threads

Had an old dial-up modem and a site of my own

Nah, he's right, actually. When we read other people's responses to us on the internet we are liable to interject whatever psychological issues our parents handed down to us on the words in front of us on the computer 'cause they're not delivered with any particular emotional tone of voice, see. So many times have I posted expecting my tone of voice - my mood - to come through on the internet and it didn't.

The way children learn from their parents is not primarily from words (for they can't understand what all words mean yet) but from the TONE OF VOICE their parents speak in. They judge the mood of their parents' words by the tone of voice, that's how they know whether there is danger or just some other emotion happening. And the internet strips us of all of that. Jokes can be made, but their full impact must be merely imagined, because they cannot be heard.

Perhaps it is an evolutionary quirk, this internet. I'm not here to say it's bad or good. It is whatever it is.

perhaps you need to refine your methods of non-verbal communication

and put down 'the celestine prophecy'

and by non-verbal i meant strictly verbal

</drunk>

hahahaha If you had any idea how much I *despise* the Celestine Prophecy, you'd not speak as such, sir. We shall draw swords tommorrow at noon.

excellent!

</very likely just as drunk, and desperately wanting to audition for Monty Python about now>

That was a cross post.

"swords"

>>There's too much technology available.

In an imprecise way, it's not a bad point. He might have said it, "Technology has made it so there are more people in bands than their are fans."

http://music.guardian.co.uk/pop/story/0,,2139713,00.html

Close down the internet? Think again, Sir Elton

Tim Dowling
Thursday August 2, 2007
The Guardian

Sir Elton John has seen the internet, and he wants to turn it off. "I do think it would be an incredible experiment," he says, "to shut down the internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced in that span." While this statement demonstrates an admirable grasp of the way the whole thing works, it is just possible that Sir Elton has not considered all the implications of his daring five-year plan. Doesn't he realise what would happen?

Millions of people who have become addicted to "poking" each other on Facebook would be forced to travel long distances in order to poke friends and relatives with actual sticks, leading to increased carbon emissions, misunderstandings and eye injuries.
Without the internet, people would no longer be able to download their favourite tunes on to their MP3 devices. In order to fill the gap, our high streets would inevitably become littered with unsightly "shops" selling compact discs at inflated prices, killing off the music industry as we know it.

Sir Elton speaks derisively of people who "sit at home and make their own records", but he overlooks the internet's importance as a vast slush pile for the Earth's surplus of not-very-good creative output. What would happen to all this music and prose if the internet did not exist to contain it? Some of it might accidentally be published.

Without access to Wikipedia, thousands of schoolchildren may never learn how Joseph Stalin overcame his political enemies to found Motown Records.

Those too young to remember life before email often don't realise how many greeting cards a person used to have to send or receive every year. This evil industry is now, thankfully, on its knees, but we cannot afford to be complacent.

It would be scientifically impossible to go back to the old forms of written communication; we might be able to turn off the internet, but we cannot simply reopen all the post offices, because people are now busy drinking lattes in them. You may have kept your old fax machine, but where will you get fax paper? They don't make it any more. No one even knows how.

It's not just people who use the internet, Sir Elton. Without it, millions of drinks machines will no longer be able to inform the central depot that they are getting low on Diet Sprite. People will have to have regular Sprite instead, or even V8. It doesn't bear thinking about.

Tim Dowling should be knifed.