Characteristics You Really Appreciate In Other People

energy
lightness
unknowability
presence
ridiculuousness
impracticality

i could say i like all the stuff about being reliable, and trustworthy, and all that stuff...its kinda true in a way

but it also isnt..the things i appreciate in people...the positives and the negatives are disconcertingly similar.

i think the thing i like the most in people, is also the thing i like the least

unpredictability

i like a drink and i dont like a hangover. and one doesnt come without the other

These are mostly characteristics I seem to lack but wish I had:

Confidence
Intelligence
Perseverance
Optimism

I lack these in various degrees. There are others I really like, but overall those are the main ones I like in others.

Ha ha, yeah, this is going to be like the "things you hate" thread, but the reverse - these are going to be things we *wish* we were, instead of wish we *weren't*.

That said, I'm pretty punctual, and usually enthuasiastic. I just really wish I could learn to be more gracious. I don't have a clue how people achieve that state.

self-awareness. the ability to be able to recognise one's insecurities and weaknesses, even if one can't fix them.

compassion; especially in regards to being there unconditionally for one's friends.

loyalty is another one that ties in to the above.

punctuality is also one of those weird things that i really, really appreciate in people.

confidence is always good.

- eccentricity (within reason, of course)
- kindness
- humour
- courage
- intelligence
- "soulfulness" (hard to define but not same as depth or intensity)
- is there a word for the ability to make other people feel at ease?

aff-ability

as in what's the most unacceptable thing that ever came out yr aff

I almost put "affability" but the "affable" seems a bit fluffy

I know, Kate, just should have listed the characteristics and not mentioned that I lack these (and therefore feel like a lesser person). :-)

Self-awareness is <I>hott</I> but, of course, not sufficient in some cases! I admire people who want to tackle their own negative characterists and are aware of what they *are*.

I like confidence coupled with a tinge of stubborness.

Still undecided whether I admire spiritualism or not. :-(

"Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability..."

I'm trying to break down the idea of "graciousness" because it's a quality that really confounds me. I mean, compassion is obviously a big part of it. As is consideration. And a big component of dignity. I always think of my friend F when I think of the word "gracious" - it's kindness in the face of adversity. That even when people treat you awfully, you don't let it affect the way you act. (I mean, sure it affects how you feel, but you don't let it change you.) I really admire that, and wish I had more of that.

Eccentricity... well, I like people who are independent minded. I like people who are not willing to take standard accepted answers for things, and like finding things out for themselves. I would call that intellectual curiosity. I truly appreciate that.

Confidence
The ability to not come across as condescending
Sense of humour
Loyalty
Unflappability
Self-awareness (as defined by Rubyredd up there - no-one's perfect but the ability to recognise that is a useful thing to have)

"Unflappability"

that was gonna be my answer. i guess it still is!

Affability, openmindedness, curiosity and gregariousness, I think. If I introduce one friend to another, I want them to get on with one another rather than sit awkwardly with me mediating between them. Enthusiasm and a sense of fun as well, although the sort of fun almost doesn't matter. People who have a sense of their own ridiculousness and are able to laugh at themselves.

Reliability as well I think - I don't like unknowability, I like having a handle on how people are going to react to situations or people. Mostly because I want my friends to get on with all my other friends and I tend to seek out or attract people with similar combinations of qualities.

I'm willing to forgive a lack of almost anything else in people really - if I don't 100% trust you, I won't confide in you, but it's not actually a barrier to my friendship at all.

is "intellectual curiosity" difft from "curiosity"? (ans = i think no)
is "graciousness" difft from "grace"? (ans = i think yes, cz grace is physical?)

i love ppl when ppl are exciting but this does actually go hand-in-hand w.unreliability i think

A sense of humour, honesty and trust.

my name is mark s and i appreciate needless pedantry

i love ppl when ppl are exciting but this does actually go hand-in-hand w.unreliability i think

Too right

is "intellectual curiosity" difft from "curiosity"? (ans = i think no)

I don't think it's different from, but it's a particular subset of.

is "graciousness" difft from "grace"? (ans = i think yes, cz grace is physical?)

Yes, grace is generally thought of as a physical thing. (Though there is the alternate meaning which is more spiritual, as in the grace of God, etc.) I think graciousness is a kind of emotional grace.

Excellent memory
Self-awareness/good sense of how you come across to others
Open-mindedness and giving the benefit of the doubt until it's clear
Consideration for others views and preferences, and starting with 100% respect rather than expecting people to earn your respect
Humility/modesty
Flexibility and willingness to break from tradition or routine
People who stand up for their love rights

This seems more difficult to generalise about than the 'negative thread' and more bland.

Open-mindedness I'd rate highly.

Confidence is a tricky one. Unconfident people can be hot too. I used to sit through a lot of presentations, and quickly tired of slick confident people. I've seen ones which have been more effective and interesting because the nervy presenter successfully completed a high-wire act (will they/wont they make it to the last slide?).

There's a lot of personal static/interference with confidence: I like confident, strong, assertive women but the same qualities for men can irrationally really irritate me.

I'm not finding it bland. I'm finding it really intersting, actually.

giving the benefit of the doubt until it's clear

I'm not sure about this. I tend to downplay (???) things a lot. I think it could and must drive some people nuts that I always tend to see "the other side." So I'm all for a bit of arrogance and a fuck-you attitude. Does that make sense?

What I like a lot is when people seem confident, are insecure and persevere. This is why I admire my mum so much: she seems so confident, yet she doubts at time but still doesn't give up.

x-post masonic

sorry - bland wasn't quite the right word. I meant comments seem to be more in abstract terms and with less specific examples.

no intention to diss your thread.

no i agree it's a subset kate, i guess i just wondered what sort of curiosity you'd be ruling out of potential appreciation by qualifying it

i don't know what "love rights" are but i second everything else on blueski's list!

love rights

curiosity, flexibility, impishness, perseverance, gentleness, vim and vigour

oh duh! i knew that! (xpost)

people who don't say it but do it - they're good.

I'm not ruling out other kinds of curiosity, Mark. I mean, I like a person who would see a spooky passageway and go "ooh, I bet that leads to a SPOOKY CASTLE, LET'S INVESTIGATE!!!" (too much Scooby Doo) but the best kind of person would be someone who would not just investigate the spooky castle, but then go and look it up in the library to find out the history of the castle, what it was used for in the War of the Roses and tell me bizarre facts they've found out about castle architecture and engineering.

I mean the sort of confidence that hasn't spilled over into arrogance, if I can make that clear. Confident people can have doubts too, but the ability to still believe, overall, in yourself is a pretty good thing. I'm not talking about the ability to stand up and talk to a room of people, or whatever, just the ability to have belief in yourself (without it manifesting itself in all the other stuff i don't like, like condescension and arrogance)

(I also admire the ability to articulate what you mean first time round instead of having to qualify and requalify everything)

i'm agreeing with everyone's appreciation of characteristics on this thread - except for the confidence one. it's not that i actively dislike confident people, but i do find a certain level of insecurity incredibly endearing. probably for two reasons: i'm lacking in the confidence dept so i find hugely confident ppl intimidating and sometimes lacking in empathy for my situation; secondly, ppl who are massively insecure yet still have the balls to go out and get shit done in life really impress me.

I mean, I like a person who would see a spooky passageway and go "ooh, I bet that leads to a SPOOKY CASTLE, LET'S INVESTIGATE!!!" (too much Scooby Doo) but the best kind of person would be someone who would not just investigate the spooky castle, but then go and look it up in the library to find out the history of the castle, what it was used for in the War of the Roses and tell me bizarre facts they've found out about castle architecture and engineering.

you've just described me.

Re: love rights

Mika's 'rights' to be in or out of the closet

Richard Smith of Gay Times said: “For reasons I don’t quite understand, people who are sexually confused make much better music. It’s why Bowie and The Buzzcocks and Soft Cell and Morrissey and Pet Shop Boys are so much better than Bronski Beat or Erasure. Singing “Wa-hey! I’m gay!” wouldn’t make for a good record, would it?”

Maybe this is more for ILM

confidence is an easyness

arrogance is a hardened easyness

I believe if you are massively insecure, it freezes you.

haha sorry kate for being nitpicky, i'm
a. a professional sub-editor obsessed with vanishingly tiny expressive distinctions*
b. ON DEADLINE AND PREVARICATING TO A SUICIDAL DEGREE

*in the dark all cats are grey**
**except the ones which are GRAY

I like people who are empathetic, and I don't necessarily mean all "I feel your pain", but a more straightforward "how would I like to be treated in this situation?"

I like people who have intellectual curiosity as Kate describes in the castle story above, but who also have the self-awareness to know that they don't always need to tell me every single little thing they've learned every time we pass that same castle. Or any castle.

I like people who appreciate humour and are funny, but don't feel the need to be funny every second of the day.

Absolutely compassionate and empathetic. U&K

Also "down to earth" which sounds kind of hippie but I can't think of a better term for it. Just that type of person who you immediately feel comfortable with.

i second or third or fourth or whatever Kindness.

also, this is a huge one for me: positivity(spl). i love those ppl who seem to carry others in their lives, simply through their positivity/strength. people who can support others.

How has this not descended into ILX META-WANK yet?

My answer, incidentally, would be 'Enterprise'. Interpret that how you wish.

(startrek.jpg any second now)

I'm in a phase of really valuing people who can hand you a beer when you get there, keep their mouths shut when necc, and take care of their own shit when it comes up. I know that seems like a superficial set of qualities compared to graciousness, compassion, etc etc, and I don't mean I will only value my list forever and ever, but...at this point some level of empathy/compassion and taking-care-of-business-ness is the MINIMUM for me to put trust in people, and on top of that I want all the shining qualities to come with some know-how about how the world works, and where one wants to be in it.

i think that's an awesome list. i think that's kind of what i'm looking for these days too: ppl who i don't have to take care of. in a very basic way friendships are supposed to be about ppl having fun together. keeping it simple is refreshing

i'm agreeing with everyone's appreciation of characteristics on this thread - except for the confidence one. it's not that i actively dislike confident people, but i do find a certain level of insecurity incredibly endearing. probably for two reasons: i'm lacking in the confidence dept so i find hugely confident ppl intimidating and sometimes lacking in empathy for my situation; secondly, ppl who are massively insecure yet still have the balls to go out and get shit done in life really impress me.

Rubes OTM. Confidence is a great thing to have yourself - as long as you are self-aware too - but in others, while it can be a plus (and a total lack of confidence is a big dud) it's far too often attached to self-absorption, arrogance and a lack of consideration for others.

there is a huge part of me that agrees with this, but i'm also very easily impressed by confidence. it's something i fetishize, and i think it's a character trait that ppl really strive for. i'm always mesmerized by ppl who are very self-assured, sometimes to the point where i overlook their more negative characteristics. =/

Empathy, enthusiasm, being a great listener, being willing to split the check instead of figuring out what everybody owes down to the dime.

integrity
honesty
strong work ethic

i have to agree with you surmounter - i definitely envy ppl who have the ability to stride forth into the world and get shit done without insecurities holding them back.

In a similar vein I would add strong mental health and the willingness to help nurture mine back to a fighting state.

Confidence is attractive but I don't know that I appreciate it as such

I'm inherently suspicious of it

If I wanted to fuck confidence's glasses off, does that count as "appreciate"? xp hahaha

Lack of paranoia is also an admirable quality, though I'd tie that in with what I meant when I said confidence that wasn't arrogance, which i'm now thinking I might reclassify just as being secure (as opposed to insecure).

If I wanted to fuck confidence's glasses off, does that count as "appreciate"?

That's what I was driving at!

lol, but there is a way of being confident without necessarily being fuckably cocky!

a have a close friend who can sometimes be very suspicious of confidence. it always irked me becuz i felt it had less to do with other ppl's confidence and more to do with her own insecurities. but i see where that trepidation could come from.

like ya kno those ppl who can just walk into the room, make the rounds with that knowing smile, and when they stop off at u u feel like really special?

i love that

honest-to-goodness geniality - some one who can instantly make a stranger feel at-ease and welcomed in any situation. I really appreciate it when I'm introduced to unfamiliar surroundings and I strive to do it in kind. (I used to be so much better at it though. Wonder why that is?)

totally otm. that's a big one for me too.

yes. easier said than done 2.

Geniality, yes, that seems a better word than affability, which seems a bit wet to me

Humour
Open mindedness
Light heartedness
Openness
Wiping front to back
An ability to talk utter bollocks

when i think about people i know who i think display great confidence often, i can think of areas in which they may be insecure too. that's what happens when you become friends i suppose.

boobs

What I've found interesting about both these threads is that I can't pick out qualities (or deficiencies) in isolation. I tend to consider the person as a whole (and most folks I know are all pretty great!).

affability is still a better word than geniality in ref.yr original question -- genial is more abt the person bein appreciated, affable is more abt the peeople bein put at ease

shorter ned: i can't tell you apart and i love it

I...love...resourcefulness! It's great, it means you don't have to own everything in the entire world, or know all the instructions in advance. A wonderful form of creativity.

I love when people (in public, ie on a bus or in a class) are eating candy or peanuts something and they share it with you, even if you don't know them. It's a gentle level of generosity that makes a huge difference, esp. as I am usually hungry.

I love the rare drivers who appreciate that pedestrians exist and don't treat me as though I'm invisible. You're so uncommon and I love you!

I love new neighbors who greet you and are nice, but don't want to be your new best friends.

i love ppl who just wanna be friendly. lke that's really the extent of their pleasure in an afternoon sometimes. just being friendly with you in the world in which we live.

:-)

I love when people (in public, ie on a bus or in a class) are eating candy or peanuts something and they share it with you, even if you don't know them. It's a gentle level of generosity that makes a huge difference, esp. as I am usually hungry.

They might be trying to poison or dope you. Be careful. Or they could have TB.

hahahahaha yes

I love new neighbors who greet you and are nice, but don't want to be your new best friends

^^^ this OTM 100%

affability is still a better word than geniality in ref.yr original question -- genial is more abt the person bein appreciated, affable is more abt the peeople bein put at ease

Yes prob'ly, it just makes me think of Richard Briers - not that there's anything wrong with that, of course

COURTESY, I think, covers every specific I can think of.

shorter ned: i can't tell you apart and i love it

Hurrah the undifferentiated mass!

I love new neighbors roommates who greet you and are nice, but don't want to be your new best friends

Yes....YES

yes

I love new neighbors who greet you and are nice, but don't want to be your new best friends.

I have this exact relationship with my neighbours. It is brilliant.

I love people who call police when they see something in public that they should call the police about rather than staring at it like a reality show.

I love drivers who don't slow down to look at accidents as well.

sluttiness

STD-free sluttiness.

er, "generosity"

sense of humor. appreciation of my sense of humor. and we're good to go.