LISTMANIA: British digital TV shows that indicate you really can't think of anything better to do with your time, such as read, talk to loved ones, or go to bed

2. Nick Cannon's Wild N Out

3. Sex And the City repeats

4. Booze Britain: Binge Nation

5. TNA Impact

6. Anything involving ultimate fighting

7. Street Crime 4

8. Girls of the Playboy Mansion

9. Those Top 50 countdowns on TMF that are hosted by, like, Bucks Fizz or the white guy from Fame Academy, top 50 cheesiest pop anthems or whatever

10. "Hi, I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm well 'ard. Here are some other well 'ard people"

11. Repeats of The Upper Hand

12. Repeats of Dinnerladies

13. That BBC3 TV show where they try and get working class families to lose weight by "talking to each other", rather than eating less

14. Anything involving classical music

15. Episodes of QI with Sean Lock

16. Episodes of Cribs featuring American sportsman you've never heard of

17. Generation X-Cess

18. Sin Cities

19. The Real Hustle: stupid people fall for ridiculous con tricks then give other people permission to show their stupidity on tv for all (well, a couple of hundred, probably) to see

You do get some great advice from The Real Hustle though, such as "If someone comes up to you and says they're a wallet inspector, don't give them your wallet without seeing ID first"

20. Dog Borstal

QVC/Bid-Up TV.

21. Newsnight

23. The Thomas Cook channel

24. The Piglet Files

25. Porn: A Family Business

Takeshi's Castle: Be amused by Craig Charles' coke-addled gurgling as he watches a Japanese girl's body get twisted between two giant rollers before dropping into a shallow ditch of muddy water.

27. The re-run of an exceedingly dull game on Celtic TV that you weren't even that captivated by the first time round.

BBC News 24

29. America's Got Talent

30. The Daily 10

25. Porn: A Family Business

God i hate that program. so fucking creepy. the sanitization can't stop the ever present threat of physical violence and abuse slipping through.

31. Sky Sports news report on injured Middlesbrough fullback.

32. Repeats of The Avengers, non Diana Rigg seasons

Actually, what am I talking about? All Sky Sports, all Saturday afternoon. Especially Jeff Stelling and friends.

Babestation :(

34. Badly Dubbed Porn

35. Repeats of Location Location Location from days when you actually could buy a big house for less than £100k

Matt DC hurts me in my heart.

36. Either of those two identical "adult Candid Camera" shows on Paramount, which appear to be filmed in Belarus or somewhere where the laws on public nudity are more relaxed.

The Book Quiz: David Baddiel chuckles away to himself while the monumentally disinterested panellists count away the minutes until they can take their cheques and leave. Filmed in front of a bored studio audience.

Sin Cities

Actually, what am I talking about? All Sky Sports, all Saturday afternoon. Especially Jeff Stelling and friends.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2229158381

Sin Cities is a repeat.

38. Anything Robin Ince has been involved in ever

"edgy" "urban" drama on sky or ftn w/people who are too good looking reading ridiculously unrealistic dialogue at each other through gritted teeth.

(this based purely on watching cable tv at my mother-in-law's place in wakefield)

39. That Orange Playlist thingy

25. Porn: A Family Business

haven't seen -- is it meant to give off an 'incest' vibe?

(OK, i'm totally doing that Jeff Stelling thing sometime, also is it sad that I recognised AND LAUGHED at all scenarios? should also have something for when Chris Kamara is in a stadium that appears to have all the lights switched out though)

"dancing on the streets of TNS" is my favourite non-ILX football meme of the 00s

40. Big Brother Live ("Oh look those pricks are sleeping when I should be!")

Dom's #5 and #6 OTM and I don't even like them :( I should get Virgin to block Bravo.

13. That BBC3 TV show where they try and get working class families to lose weight by "talking to each other", rather than eating less

Haha, I was coming on this thread to post "Honey, We're Killing The Kids" because last night it ended up on and sucked so much life out of me I couldn't even muster the energy to turn it off.

"14. Anything involving classical music"

that would be me watching those proms repeats.

41. The Bad Girls Club

42. The wonderfully titled "Porn Week"

43. Sex - With Mum and Dad

That show may be the nadir of television.

i ask for a reprieve for #43 on the grounds of this

Calum, Fran and Dangerous Danan

(that was 44)

and also #13 for the episode where the mum sent her 8yr old kid to bed at a reasonable (ie. not after midnight) time with "some bedtime reading" - camera pans across to show her happily reading one of those 10 page Netto catalogue/pamphlets you get free with local papers.

seems like the makers shows on these non-terrestial channels often squeeze in the most ridiculous & pointless scenes, because they know no one really gives a fuck, giving us tv gems like the above

#45 conning the conmen.

see the real hustle but this time featuring a trio of coked-up cunts in their early 20s going all out to degrade themselves on tv, to chase a tv career. where real hustle is all paul daniels magic tricks and condescending advice for mental subnormals, conning the conmen is like a youtube clip of a monied student taking the piss out of a homeless person for 30 minutes on bbc3.

Babestation :(

this, avago, and all related channels are the absolute pits. one of the reasons i'm grateful we only have freeview.

i like the real hustle! shows me how to rip off idiots.

46. Rad Girls. I remember reading an interview with Johnny Knoxville where he explained that the reason there was no women in the Jackass crew is because women falling over and hurting themselves isn't funny. Rad Girls succesfully proves his hypothesis.

47. MacIntyre's Underworld.

Him what used to do the undercover shows on the BBC hangs out with some Glaswegian gangsters, and they go for fish and chips together. Fucking surreal.

46. Nuts TV. All of it.

It's considerably better than the magazine. But that's not to say it's actually good or owt.

You people are all crazy.

Can Fat Teens Zing Hunt

Resign BBC Three

47. Police Camera Action with Alastair Stewart (roffle)

48. Maury

yeah police cctv shows own this thread

49. World's Most Amazing Videos (Virgin 1)

Today: A diver is attacked by an angry octopus, two paratroopers become entangled mid-air and a baby is trapped at the bottom of a well

Tomorrow: Footage of an elephant sitting on a man's head, a horse falling through a railway bridge, and a man getting sucked into a jet engine

(actually looking at these it's unmissable)

The best ever "world's most amazing video" was the cheerleader getting socked in the mouth during a routine, if only because they played the tooth flying out of her mouth in about seven different styles of replay

50. Real Football Factories

1. Sexcetera

i only caught it once while evading sleep, but i am of the opinion that this programme could cure one of the desire to ever have sex again.

I like how every segment on Sexcetera has an opening part of the show trail, then an in-studio trail, then a pre-segment introduction, then a post-segment summary, and then an in-studio epilogue.

Because women painting with their cunnies is something that needs a lot of background and analysis

The hands-on approach of the presenters is to be admired however, Michael Buerk take note