Ladies, how do you meet men in 2007? Online?

move

haha right. money is the prob there. PA vs NY

At 24, bars? No? Gets tougher in bars as you get older.

bars always creeped me out, esp. if i was by myself. it was like, "hi! i'm a lady by myself! plz, creepy dudes, come chat me up!" bleck.

i 2nd moving.

"my best friend"
"my best friend"
"my best friend"

lol molly

just seen this on mashable today...

20+ Dating Sites For Geeks and Freaks
http://mashable.com/2007/08/15/dating-sites/

Yup, moving is the way forward. If you're having a hard time meeting men AT TWENTY FOUR then you gotta get yrself to a place where there are more available men.

i hear perth, australia, has a major shortage of women.

On the other hand, Perth is death.

yeah, but maybe you could go there, find a man, and then take him away.

okcupid.com

Yup, moving is the way forward. If you're having a hard time meeting men AT TWENTY FOUR then you gotta get yrself to a place where there are more available men.

this kinda rings true - 24 yo single girl that can't meet guys? either there really are no men around her or there's something wrong with her

that sounds like really positive advice, yes, "there's just....something wrong with you!"

I have no advice for anybody

haha

in defense of my dear friend, i think it's just that her style isn't very stylish - she tends to go with a fuck-it attitude when it comes to presentation. that and her area of PA is kinda backwoodsy from what i hear.

sounds like someone's itchin to deliver a Queer Eye makeover

http://www.proteinpower.com/drmike/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/deliverance.JPG

YES xp! i would have so much fun.

http://www.proteinpower.com/drmike/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/deliverance.JPG

^^^ clearly prefers his women stylish

I find the idea that just because youre single there's something "wrong" with you if you cant meet guys kind of offensive, guys. Or are we supposed to hook up with any offensive ugly fuckwit we pass in the street?

is there something wrong with him?

well Surmounter perhaps this is one of those fortuitous moments when the desires of a gay man and the insecurities of a hetero woman unite to produce a startlingly sexy ugly-duckling transformation

is there something wrong with him?

hahahahaha exactly

I'm sorry I'm being a totally unhelpful smartass

there's something wrong with you

indeed

maybe someone can recommend some prescription drugs

hahahaha

yes shakey i can see ur point

I find the idea that just because youre single there's something "wrong" with you if you cant meet guys kind of offensive, guys. Or are we supposed to hook up with any offensive ugly fuckwit we pass in the street?

also "meeting guys" and "hooking up with guys" are two totally different things. Sure you can't have one without the other, but all the former requires is usually being young and female (because men are disgusting and will basically hit on anything young with boobs and purty hayur), while the latter requires that the young woman in questions make some qualitative decisions about said pool of men.

this is real science you're dropping. tell me, do you have any theories about men liking sport and women enjoying a good day's shopping?

How long has China been exporting all their baby girls? There must be a lot of eligible boys there by now.

How sad is it that I can't think of three positive adjectives about me for OK Cupid?

I put "awesome" and "a boner," I don't remember my third.

How sad is it that I can't think of three positive adjectives about me for OK Cupid?
"Look Like Cruise"

Oh, that's words, not adjectives.
Okay.
"Cruiselike"
"Nonscientologist"
"Desperate"

but all the former requires is usually being young and female (because men are disgusting and will basically hit on anything young with boobs and purty hayur)

I'm sure this is a great reassurance to the unfortunately plain/unattractive/painfully shy women out there who honestly dont ever "meet" men (and tbh now I have no idea what this even means. Everyone "meets" people, this has nothing to do with getting *anywhere* near a date situation!)

My husband and I bonded on how inept we both were at "meeting" members of the opposite sex.

desperate! Yeah, that pretty much sums it up

But you're a handsome guy, AND lacking confidence! Women LOVE that!

Get a job at a garden center. Girl landscapers are totally sexy.

You could just work part-time. NOT weekends—no pro landscapers then, only homeowners.

Wait, I'm turning this into a "gentlemen, how do you meet ladies?" thread.

Women just have to follow the "how do you meet ladies" advice, but in reverse!

I pretty much sit in my apartment and write. Not very conducive to meeting people. I did, however, settle on "metal," "sardonic," and "shiny."

Oh, you DEFINITELY need to get a garden center job, just for the fresh air and sunshine. The sexy girls covered with dirt and scabs would be a fringe benefit.

what kind of guy does she want to meet? beth parker is right, she should get a part-time job in the service industry as guys always crush on their waitstaff/barstaff/shop girls.

^^^NOT TRUE they crush but they never fucking act on it!! men are hopeless!! although i only ever get guys over 45 crushing on me where i work, so i'm probably just bitter about that.

I think "bitter" is the default for everyone on ILX.

Okay, I just gave away my last invite of the day, but if anyone wants one still please feel free to hit me up with an e-mail at gmail. My address at that site is "magacid"-- read THAT, e-mail spiderer things!

Yeah, I made this argument a while back that, while it's certainly a good thing that the '50s-style patriarchal misogyny is fading, there was a level of chivalry built into that mindset that is seriously missing from this whole leery, creepy brand of misogyny that's gaining a toehold nowadays. A more pure form of misogyny, if you will. I'd be terrified of attempting to date anyone if I were a single, straight woman.

will m gives some good advice

If only I knew how to follow my own advice! At least I know what I'm supposed to do...

haha nice delayed response!

but will ur a young straight guy can't ya just go have a drink somewhere and look smart?

It's kind of hard to explain the difference between "those guys" and guys who can express interest in non-creepy ways because it has to do with body language, presence or absence of leers, and decent timing (i.e. not making a move the second you recognize a female)...but if you're worried about it, then you probably already know how to be respectful and not creepy.

Yeah, I was not around on the weekend (as usual I kind of disconnect myself from everything but e-mail on Saturday and Sunday) so the delay was there.

I don't know if that's how it works Surmounter, I am pretty much too nervous to go have a drink somewhere on my own and look smart. I've done it about twice, and both times were because there was a specific beer I wanted to try. So I sat down, drank it, doubt anyone even really noticed me, and shuffled out.

The problem with nervousness about being one of "those guys" is that the fear can translate to a lack of confidence, which never translates to anything other than "creepy," really.

i don't know. i mean, i'm not your typical "ooh let's go out and talk to the bar" person, but lately i've been forcing myself to do little things like that.

sometimes i guess a lack of confidence may come off as creepy, but i think this is an idea that needs revisiting. there is a lot of pressure, esp. in New York i find, to be confident or brazen.

confidence is a good thing but i think it comes in many forms, maybe even nervous ones? i don't know, just thinking.

to me it's a challenge, you know, to go to the bar and make the conversational move. i wanna like prove it to myself or something.

I can see it being easier to make conversation with someone if they're there alone, but every time I've been to a bar there's been nobody by themselves that seemed worth speaking to-- I suppose I wasn't looking super-hard, but still.

By definition of worth here is useless though, because the more interesting someone is, the more intimidating it is to speak to them, so as the value of conversation goes up, so does the risk, and talking to a person is never 'worth' it.

yes but this is clearly a fatalistic approach. i mean, the thing about conversation is that if you're interesting, and the other person is interesting, then the conversation should be WORTH it, even given the risk/nervous factor. i mean, i find the truly interesting ppl are going to bear it out with you, get to the meat of the interaction w/as little attention to superficial nervousness as possible.

but ur right it is tough to find the interesting ppl all by themselves.

Do you meet enough uncynical people who will get in a conversation with a stranger in a public-ish place? I mean... I would assume that this person wanted to tell me about Jesus or something :/

Hey, I get into conversations with strangers in public places, and I'm not cynical! Most people who start random conversations are interesting for at least five minutes and not insane, and it's easy to exit those conversations because you're strangers in a public place. (But I am also oddly attracted to people who want to tell me about Jesus, which is bad because it could never work between us.)

haha ok, this is the thing. i know ppl who will go to a bar, and let's say while they're ordering their drink, will peer over to the person next to them and totally just STRIKE up a conversation. u know, something like "god when was the last time u heard this song?", something fluffy.

i started seeing this more and more and it really did just seem like a friendly/neighborly thing to do. u know just talk to people. i think people go to bars for amusement a lot of the time, not just to be weird. so talk is often welcome.

i guess this doesn't happen that much anymore? cuz it does seem like ppl are surprised when approached this way, but in my experience, pleasantly so.

Jesus should be avoided in small talk, IMO, but a lot of the people around me apparently do not agree. A bad way to open a conversation is "Have you accepted Jesus as your personal lord & savior?" TO which I reply, "I'd prefer not to discuss that."

Man if I ever go to NYC I am so going to a bar with you. I gotta see this in action.

Me?

err that was some xpostage-- although the not-discussing of Jesus is always grebt

I wondered.

Are you in NYC? Because if you are we should totally go to a bar anyway (if I ever go to NYC).

I am in Las Cruces, NM, a bit of a long commute.

You know, entirely based on the fact that we're on the same messageboard even if we've never really directly tangled with our words.

Uhm.

SEE WHY I NEVER TALK TO PEOPLE AT BARS I CANT EVEN DO IT ON THE INTERNETS

"Will, how do you fail at human interaction in 2007? Online?"

Big xpost!

Is it [the talking to people in bars] a NY-vs-elsewhere thing? Because that's totally fine and friendly in my college town, where it's also rude not to say hi to people on the street, but maybe in big cities people are more wary. (xpost)

And yeah Abbott, I totally agree...the only times I've ended up talking about Jesus in a bar were with someone I already knew. (And failed horribly at initiating anything with several times. Sigh. He's off to theology grad school now.)

I was reading somewhere that the place to meet guys is Home Depot on Friday nights. Not that I'm looking or anything, and I would never have found Mr. Jaq there. But hey, now the hardware store is the new supermarket. (Although really, has anyone ever picked someone up/been picked up at the grocery?)

Oh man, all that happens anywhere I've ever been (bar, shop, restaurant, school, bus sop, etc.) is big conversation about whatevs. EVEN when I don't speak the same language. They say something in Spanish, I say something in English, nothing really happens but I think the main point is that it's talking.

xp

haha. more ppl deal with social anxiety than u would think. the thing is what other ppl notice. a lot of the time ppl have NO CLUE what's going on in ur head, meanwhile u think u have just committed the 8th deadly sin of human interaction.

hmm Maria... i really think it depends on the person. some people are just SO freaked out by conversation with strangers, other ppl expect it. i mean even here, there it is a gradient situation.

hehe here = NY

i'm trying to type like an intelligent human...

I mainly don't like convos with 60-yr-old CREPES or obvious douches, but even then I have been known to misjudge the latter.

but will ur a young straight guy can't ya just go have a drink somewhere and look smart?

As a young-ish straight female I used to go to bars alone a lot (though mainly only when there was live music, otherwise it would have felt too weird and creepy even for me, but I did try making the one not actively unfriendly bar in town my "local" for a bit) and, uh, never worked for me. Nobody else there ever seemed to be alone, standing at the bar is a scrum trying to get served and nobody wants to take their eye off the barman to turn round and chat, and I don't understand the boundaries of normal social interaction but I'm fairly sure barging up to a group of friends and interrupting their conversation to go "uh, like, yeah, hi, you guys don't know me" is not likely to be popular.

Then again, I'm the ugliest person you've never met, which is probably the main determining factor. After all we are just a bunch of pack animals like any other, squabbling over our pecking order, no point in social interaction unless you think it'll raise/cement yr position in the hierarchy... and a guy may, MAY be able to swing it with some other signifiers of status like wealth or being in that month's cool band or whatever, but if you're female then the only status you can possibly have is looks, the only reason anyone might acknowledge your existence is if they either want to fuck you or think onlookers will want to and seeing you talking to them instead will make them ALPHA MALE du soir.

At least, that's how it feels when you're in the same bar week in week out alone in the corner for so many months/years that you see other people manage to make it with the same groups of people you see every week and you've got nothing to do but think "what do they have that I don't?". Like, oh, not being bitter enough ever to type the previous paragraph, maybe.

conversation from Superbad about meeting women in bars to thread, please

Meet? Men?

i don't have too much of a problem talking to people or strangers or men at bars or wherever really. and yet somewhere along the line in the past couple of years i feel like i accidently managed to turn off my flirting aparatus. or maybe i am flirting and unaware of it. i don't know. it's like how i don't talk to babies in a baby voice but probably do sometimes anyway without knowing, i mean, b/c you know sometimes it's what you need to do.
and then the babies cry.
haha no, that is a joke. forget that analogy.

was talking to some friends the other day re: me and guys and they said i come off as smart and funny and blahblah but also 'distant' and 'aloof' + intimidating. huh. yet i think i come off as overly analytical and rambly + goofy!* i wondered if i should be more touchy-feely b/c i mean, i admire appropriate levels of touchy-feely in other people, depending on the people sure, and they said 'well, no, you don't want to do what isn't you' and i said 'yeah, exactly; i touch people with my MIND'
lol
i am not really worried abt all this tho these days**
anyway, i'm working on this whole 'being distanced' thing b/c i know that one's true for suurre

*oh there is some kinda self-esteem issue going on there, yeahp
** it comes and goes. money/work/brain seems more important***
*** okay maybe being single in yr early 30s is a bitch like that

xposts

anyway, meeting people is easy (there are many many people, in the world, evarywhere), actually liking people is less easy (so many people not on yr level man), making out with people when drunk/wheeoo used to be kinda easy but is no longer what's interesting to me (wtf :/ i know), 'dating' is ugh, i don't know, i still think we put up our own barriers to (the right) relationships and have to figure that shit out before diving into the meeting-people fray wherever it might be.

After all we are just a bunch of pack animals like any other, squabbling over our pecking order, no point in social interaction unless you think it'll raise/cement yr position in the hierarchy... and a guy may, MAY be able to swing it with some other signifiers of status like wealth or being in that month's cool band or whatever, but if you're female then the only status you can possibly have is looks, the only reason anyone might acknowledge your existence is if they either want to fuck you or think onlookers will want to and seeing you talking to them instead will make them ALPHA MALE du soir.

^^^^^ OTM best post ever. I like drinking and I like live music and bars are good for that, but as mating+dating scene = uggghh worst ever

I won't disagree that it's the worst ever BUT I wish there was just a nice way to talk to strangers no strings attached about shit, and I really would rather they aren't in to the same shit as me because I am tried of always ending up talking about the same familiar things (therefore I am certainly not interested in joining a Street Fighter II' club).

That is NOT the best post ever, it is bitter and cynical and wilfully ignorant of plenty of good things/people/conversations. I am not unsympathetic but that is not really the world. Or at least it is a PART of the world that you're free to reject and look away from. So please do so.

it's not THE WORLD, its THE WORLD OF BARS - big difference

Going to the wrong bars, then. Or on the wrong days/nights. Not in most American smaller towns, probably, but in the city/ies and probably in more non-US places where attitudes are different there're a fair number of "old man" local places where you can come and go as you please and become a regular and be chatted up by the bartender once you show that you have manners etc etc.

I mean let's not have this whole thing again, okay? I know how I get sucked into pointless fucking arguments. I'm just sayin'.

(for the rec, I was agreeing that the 'dating/mating scene' is 'the worst ever but it is in its essence filled with people who would say 'dating/mating scene' so how could it NOT be the worst ever?)

I used to love this one place in Ottawa, that was never really full, but very much 'downtown'-- after I went twice, the guy already knew my drink and he was really friendly and that (ironically, I was having that drink because I'd never had it before and decided to have a couple on the first night, and while I was in the loo he told the lady I was with that she should 'hang on to a guy who has only one drink, he won't mess around' or something to that effect, SO I FELT TOO WEIRD EVER SWITCHING DRINKS... but anyway...). I still never talked to the patrons, really. Only my mates, maybe the bartender a little bit...

yeah, that never happens at sockstar!

unless status = basket of fries

Oh boy, I'd kind of rather have the fries. CRADLE TO CRAVE.

The problem with Los Angeles bars is that they are in Los Angeles.

The problem with X Ys is ALWAYS that they are in X.

will don't even hit submit response that shit literally makes no sense no stop ple

OK, I'll admit that that was a little pithy. The problem with bars in Los Angeles is that they are filled with hipsters Hollywood types and rich girls, all of whom look alike and none of whom look very interesting to talk to.

no that makes sense, i can always pinpoint "the problem with NYC bars" but in reality i think it's another problem.

i can see all the stuff about dating/mating scene being awful, but i really like lauren's points because i have seen people who honestly look at going out to bars (single or not) as something fun and amusing like you say, will. just a place where you can allevaite boredom by casually chatting it up with a few people. whether or not this leads to something romantic, i know that it is possible to not thing of the dating world so dramatically.

it gets hard when self-esteem enters the picture because social situations of the like tend to make people feel as though there is a test of self-esteem going on, when most often, everyone would just rather no one felt that way - let the cocky guy be cocky, the timid guy be timid, the awkward girl be that and the ugly kids be fuckin ugly, as long as they're entertaining each other when there's just shit else 2 do.

xp 2 will w/ the first line

anyway, meeting people is easy (there are many many people, in the world, evarywhere), actually liking people is less easy

yes! this has been my problem. altho my 'jokey' posts on here may have led to the impression of me being desperate (HA!), it's not so much that as a lack of meeting interesting ppl IRL (i meet tons of way cool ppl on the net).

will M: i did get a bidder on my game, and he guessed the right book! he is also a dan fante fan, which is very hot.

but things with my international love have gotten a bit serious in the last few days (big, serious talks) so now i'm back to not really being interested in dating anyone else.

fuck this dating shit, i just need someone to sponsor me a job in the states.

i just wait.

I still want that basket of fries.