Hopefully Liverpool won't win the European Cup aka UEFA Champions League (+ the other one) 2007/08

Group A
LIVERPOOL
Porto
Marseille
Besiktas

Group B
CHELSEA
Valencia
Schalke 04
Rosenborg

Group C
REAL MADRID
Werder Bremen
Lazio
Olympiakos

Group D
AC MILAN
Benfica
Celtic
Shakhtar Donetsk

Group E
BARCELONA
Lyon
Stuttgart
Rangers

Group F
MANCHESTER UNITED
Roma
Sporting Lisbon
Dynamo Kiev

Group G
INTER MILAN
PSV Eindhoven
CSKA Moscow
Fenerbahce

Group H
ARSENAL
Sevilla/AEK Athens
Steau Bucharest
Slavia Prague

Haha, the BBC website guy has left his microphone on - he is asking a Glaswegian about Celtic's group: "How did they get on against Benfica last year?" "Humped them three-nil, then lost three-nil"

Manchester United definitely with the hardest group there. Well, apart from the Scottish clubs.

AC Milan. Again.
Benfica. Again.
Shakhtar Donetsk. Again.

Wanted Real Madrid.

I don't think Chelsea's group looks too easy. Arsenal should breeze through.

Barca to beat Milan in final

Real to beat Valencia in final! SO THERE.

That's my fully-not-going-to-happen-somewhat-random-but-lol-if-it-does prediction

if we had finished fourth i could use this thread to say jol out. but i wouldn't want to.

aaaggh paradox, where's that primer thread.

You can use this thread for that if you really want to: "+ the other one" meant the UEFA Cup, but I was in a hurry to write the thread title and was suddenly gripped by a fear that maybe they had renamed/rebranded the tournament as something like 'The Coca-Cola Ultimate UEFA Champions of Champions Vase'.

Yay!. Jol out.

wellwhaddyaknow...

lol at eggman jose

That may have been the worst LFC performance I've seen in the last five years. Thank goodness Porto choked.

Letting in six at home against the Arsenal reserves last season wasn't great.

Well, that was a lot of Liverpool reserves too.

A lot of Liverpool reserves: Dudek Hyypia Alonso Gerrard Garcia Carragher Fowler Bellamy

The defence had Peltier and Paletta in it! It was also, you know, the Carling Cup.

The Carling Cup - is that a competition Liverpool (seven times winners) don't take that seriously, then?

I was just about to say, it's somehow passed me by, but Everton seem to be playing *FC Metalist* tonight... Is that DJ Martian's Ukrainian darkwave team or what?

rafa out.

Jol should get a semi-beard like Rafa's

as a f*cking disguise, perhaps.

Also, all this talk of Liverpool, but we seem to have completely overlooked Celtic's triumphant opening to their European campaign!

Business as usual innit. 13 straight away defeats in CL group games :(

Liverpool were shit...on Irish TV they said Rafa will never be able to make a team keep the ball and play attractive football, he just concentrates on negating the opposition too much.

I don't want to believe this and am looking at the 6-0 win over Derby as a sign that they can play attractive exciting football, but last night did certainly feel that way.

But it is very early days I guess. I don't know what to think to be honest.

porto amazingly underrated by british isles commentators, is pretty much the state of affairs there. was a poor performance though.

are you trying to say that Porto might be actually a better team than Derby?

Liverpool hardly ever play well in CL group stage, i thought?

porto are obviously not as good as derby, porto have never been in the premiership. they must've just had a luckygame, is all.

Liverpool were crap, anonymous midfield FTL!!! Porto couldn't capitalise though.

1-1 good result given the poor performance.

Porto couldn't capitalise though.

Porto looks capitalised to me.

why ken, why

Well, that all looked like a lot of fun in at the Lane today. Seven goals, Temuri Ketsbaia (My Lord) and Marian Pahars involved, two for Defoe, ball boy chucking a ball at an opposition player's bollocks, and Martin Jol smiling at last. Worst opposition ever, mind.

if defoe doesn't get into the team for bolton ahead of that lazy fat oirish showboater then even you have to agree jol out matt.

unbelievable scenes over at the People's stadium.

If Everton miss two penalties every game this season, I shall be happy.

Embarrassing garbage. Without Arteta we seem to be the sort of team that chiefly relies on Neville hoofing it into the box. Which is better than hoofing it over the bar, I suppose.

I still think we'll go through. They're not Villareal and with some semblance of passing ability restored to the midfield, I think we'll win over there. Oh, who am I kidding? We're out.

How is Tommy G's return to Goodison working out? I saw him putting a ball in for a goal on his nu-debut but I've seen little of Everton since.

He was rated MOTM vs Bolton in some quarters based on his sub's appearance. I'm not even sure he played vs ManYoo. Injured last night (and maybe cup-tied?).

1-1 vs 9-men Mentalists with two missed pens (including re-take for encroachment - I mean, how many times have you seen that rule enforced in your life? Twice, three times, perhaps?). You couldn't make it up. And you wouldn't have to. Cos that's Everton. To be honest, for the few seconds that we appeared to be 2-0 up, I thought it was a bit flattering.

Classic petulant ball boy action here

I saw that live but all my friends were looking the other way so they didn't believe me :(

where's Arteta gone?

Now hapless Everton must play an Aston Villa side still buzzing from having fully two shots on target against Man City

Injured last night (and maybe cup-tied?).

He's not cup-tied unless playing for the Celtic stiffs rules you out of the UEFA Cup.

I like Tommy Gravesen. He had a couple of shockers in Europe but never really got the chance he deserved at Celtic.

Arteta's not gone anywhere, he's just injured. Not sure for how long. Cahill & Vaughan back next month, I hope. Rednoses must be roaring us on to another top-five/six finish so they can enjoy the Eurocomedy the following season.

spurs centre midfield hugely unconvincing against poor opposition last night.... just a complete lack of discipline from zokora, and concentration/effort from thudd. ekotto still an awful awful left back.

malbranque looked excellent again on the left, it really is his best position. why not bale LB and malbranque ahead of him for the rest of the season?

Blackburn was a surprise result, but i still think they'll go through.

arteta and cahill, if they stay fit all season, will take everton to fifth and possibly higher depending.

I dunno, I think the gap between 4th and 5th has got wider if anything this season.

Onimo OTM re Gravesen. Favourite memory will be from the Scottish Cup semi at Hampden, him standing down at the corner flag with one foot on the ball, gesturing any of the St Johnstone players to come and try and take it off him. One did, failed completely as TG stood grinning and waving, so he did it again to similar failure and howls of laughter all round. Class act that we definitely never saw the best of.

I missed most of the English clubs' UEFA adventures as I was watching a surprisingly entertaining encounter between Aberdeen and Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk.

argh someone please score - don't really care who now

Yeah I basically felt this from pretty much when Chelsea scored. I know it's been said many times but Ronaldo, Terry and Anelka misisng pens - couldn't have happened to a more worthy bunch. Great game.

Move of the match was that Rooney run out of defence, 40-yard fading ball to Ronaldo, first time cross to Tevez and bullet-header off Cech's legs (and Cech turning Carrick's strike from the rebound over the bar was nice too). Utd could've wrapped it up by the 40th minute.

It had a bit of everything really - the slap, the slip, the shuffle, the drizzle, the woodwork...

The Bitter Uncomprehending Tears of Mongo will see me through the summer nicely.

mongo straight!

The worst bit of the match was Ashley Cole's open leg-waggling groins exercises.

hahhaa when cashley was on the floor agonised everyone were like AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA and then when he stood up and started gyrating his balls the whole pub (the horniman at hay's) collectively went EURRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

In pub, I was standing beside this Spanish guy who was coming out with an endless succession of cliches (in English, not in Spanish, I wouldn't have understood them otherwise), e.g., "Chelsea are first to every ball" and, the killer, "Chelsea want to win this more".... Duh. Hello? It's the Champions League Final? I think Man Utd might be somewhat committed to winning it too?

Translation: "Chelsea want to win this more" = "Chelsea are more prepared to trip-up tricky winger and slap Manure players in the face in order to win".

so a Russian club won in Manchester and a Manchester club won in Russia

And two sets of crypto-fascist bigots lost in both cities

sweeping generalisations was the winner

Em said that last night; actually - "The Russians have got to fix it for us to win because we let the Russians win in manchester last week!" Not sure that's entirely how it happened... especially given Chelsea's connections over there.

Yes, bit unfair on Chelsea that (xp)

a Russian club won in Manchester and a Russian club lost in Moscow

I'd never really understood why people hate Clive Tyldesly so much until last night. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SCRIPTED CUNT!

ITV commentators = shite

David May getting in on the act again
http://inlinethumb64.webshots.com/23167/2066928990103265676S600x600Q85.jpg

I'd completely forgotten that Jonathan Greening had a Champions League medal.

and now Wes Brown has two?

really not liking that shot of Rio's shorts tho

One I always forget is Jesper Blomqvist - he had a pivotal role in making Giggs play on the wrong side of the pitch for most of the game and luring Bayern into a false sense of security.

The Times' knows what's up:

'Avram Grant, the Chelsea first-team coach, has a perspective on life because of the traumas his family suffered in the Holocaust, but even he was struggling to find the words to ease the pain of Terry, who was white with shock.'

'...struggling to find the words to ease the pain of Terry, who was white, and proud of it, with shock.'

Ah, fuck off the lot of you.

Congrats Jamie, great game. In some ways, better to lose on pens than in 120 minutes - pens just seem fairer.

This is like one of those Leeds seasons in the 70s when they came second in everything.

It's still better than relegation, bankruptcy and Darren Wood, though.

Cheers, Pete. Commiserations. I can't really think of anything to say that will cheer you up.

Not feeling too bad - think in some ways it could be a good thing for the club because it confirmed the things that need to be improved (attitude and creativity) and will funnily enough probably ensure Roman's continuing interest more than a victory would have done. This summer could be very interesting.

Avram Grant, the Chelsea first-team coach, has a perspective on life because of the traumas his family suffered in the Holocaust

The same Avram Grant whose photo Paddy Power subtitled FINAL SOLUTION yesterday?

Did Terry spit/snot on Tevez?
http://i30.tinypic.com/aylrn6.gif

Well, he does say "You fucking Argie cunt" irrespective.

I missed this incident at the time:
http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/498/ve16pimh0.gif

can I just use this thread to bemoan what the bbc have done to the football page on the website? it's a total mess!

where do you find those animated gifs guys?

Did Terry spit/snot on Tevez?

He totally spits him in the neck!

I thought he spat at first but not sure after looking at the close-up. a) you can't see any spit; b) Tevez doesn't seem too concerned, doesn't look at his hand after touching his neck or go ballistic as players normally do when gobbed on; c) the ref is looking right at it and doesn't do anything.

Compare with

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9xzNjQ984I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNh67eCJ0A8

I'm still more interested in how Rio Ferdinand got away with his kung fu kick on Joe Cole's head in the last minute. Second yellow surely if the lino hadn't strangely chosen to put his flag down (or if Cole had hit the ground). Poor old Joe, that lino gave some very odd decisions against him.

I think he put his flag down because Cole ended up with the ball at his feet in the penalty area facing goal and playing advantage was the right thing to do. Some bizarre corner/goal kick decisions throughout though, and almost all of them in Man U's favour.

That's England captains for you

Still worth a yellow card, surely?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ITJV42EVIg

Still worth a yellow card, surely?

Could well have been, yes.

where do you find those animated gifs guys?

Apologies, Ken, I didn't realise it was an animated gif, I thought it was the genuine article. It would appear that some joker made it appear that Joe Cole's head was on fire, when in actual fact...

...he was being attacked by a giant bee

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/392/coleha7.gif

Those things can kill you.

Smiling stripy fucker.

the hargreaves ref shove hasn't elicited much attention.

he used to be such a nice boy.

i hope there's a version of that of the guy holding a giant slice of watermelon on his head

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/m/man_utd/7416981.stm

He said: "In terms of great clubs, Barcelona have far better morality than Real Madrid will ever have. Real use this Marca newspaper as a vehicle to unsettle players.

"Do you not think we have had many expressions of interest about our players from big clubs in Europe?

"Real Madrid are not the only club interested in Ronaldo. But the others are not saying so. They don't get into this nonsense.

"Calderon makes that great statement 'slavery was abolished many years ago'. Did they tell General Franco that? Give me a break.

"The simple fact is Cristiano has another four years left on his contract."

Awesome, fergie!

"world class, yeah?"
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fEyFKbG13z0

http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/31122007/4/united-eye-porto-ace-boswinga.html

Queiroz is quoted in the Daily Mail saying: ""There are some Porto players good enough to play for United if they want to. Jose is one of them.

^ how is Queiroz saying that any different to what Real are doing with Ronaldo?

oh wait that was your point :)

The Premier League needs a BOSS WINGA.

http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x42/steev123/boohoo-1.jpg