You are to be executed

I voted Gassing.

I am disappointed about the lack of a defenestration option.

Are you a Goth, *rumpie*?

the brazen what?

My answer will always be: pulled apart by wild horses

Where's injection?

Gassing. But what is brazen bull?

Injection - soft option

from wikipedia:

The brazen bull is an execution/torture device designed in ancient Greece.

Perillos of Athens, a brass-founder[1], proposed to Phalaris, Tyrant of Agrigentum, the invention of a new means for executing criminals; accordingly, he cast a brazen bull, made totally of brass, hollow, with a door in the side. The condemned was shut up in the bull and a fire was set under it, heating the metal until it became "red hot" and causing the person inside to slowly roast to death. So that 'nothing unseemly might spoil his feasting', Phalaris commanded that the bull be designed in such a way that its smoke rose in spicy clouds of incense. The head of the ox was designed with a complex system of tubes and stops so that the prisoner's screams were converted into sounds like the bellowing of an infuriated bull. It is also said that when the bull was reopened, the scorched bones of the remains shone like jewels and were made into bracelets.

Phalaris commended the invention, and ordered its horn sound system to be tested by Perillos himself. When Perillos entered, he was immediately locked in, and the fire was set, so that Phalaris could hear the sound of his screams.

Before Perillos could die, Phalaris opened the door and took him away. Perillos believed he would receive a reward for his invention; instead, after freeing him from the bull, Phalaris threw him from the top of a hill, killing him. Phalaris himself is said to have been killed in the brazen bull when he was overthrown by Telemachus.

The Romans were recorded as having used this torture device to kill some Christian martyrs, notably Saint Eustace, who, according to Christian tradition, was roasted in a brazen bull with his wife and children by the Emperor Hadrian, and Saint Antipas, Bishop of Pergamum during the persecutions of Emperor Domitian, and the first martyr in Asia Minor, roasted to death in a brazen bull in c.92; his tomb became a site of supposed miracles.

Another Christian martyr, Saint Pelagia of Tarsus, is said to have been burned in a brazen bull in 287 by the Emperor Diocletian.

According to Will Tobim, roasting inside a brazen bull was the most common method of torture known to the Greeks. According to the usual definition, this was a method of execution, rather than torture: since it was generally fatal, it was not much use for interrogation.

The satirist Lucian, in the 2nd century CE, is said to have given the first detailed description of the creation and use of the Brazen Bull.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazen_bull
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaphism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_maiden_(torture_device)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanged,_drawn_and_quartered

why no crucifixion or being flayed alive? they're pretty grisly.

xxpost
holy crap

scaphism is officially the worst thing ever

Wow, it's like being asked to choose between dog shit and cat shit. I'm gonna have to choose gassing I think.

Phalaris commended the invention, and ordered its horn sound system to be tested by Perillos himself. When Perillos entered, he was immediately locked in, and the fire was set, so that Phalaris could hear the sound of his screams.

I thought my boss was a wanker.

Cat shit, surely.

No, I'd choose dog shit over cat shit. Cat shit stinks like nothing on earth.

See, I think dog shit smells worse. And is usually less compact. Cat piss on the other hand. . .

sweet jesus, gassing is gonna take this in a landslide.

Dog shit can't be that bad, I've seen a dog eat another dog's shit. Dogs leave cat shit well alone.

Gassing seems pretty light compared to the others, that's for sure. I dunno, I'm kinda warming up to the idea of the Brazen Bull. Sounds like quite a majestic way to go (from the outside anyway). And you get to become jewelry! Mind you, searing hot brass... not so good.

xpost

Do you own any dogs/cats? Dogs love cat shit. It's well known that a litter box is like a snack bar to dogs.

I've seen a dog eat another dog's shit.

off the floor or as it was being delivered?

Yeah, it's pretty hard to guess how painful they all are compared to each other. No recorded statements from someone who tried them all, I presume?

xpost

No combo beastility-scat porn on a brutal execution thread, pls.

I've got 2 cats. I've had dogs and cats together in the past, maybe I've just always been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

xpost

I was afraid that's what the brazen bull was. Yikes.

Plz to hack up bits of melting lung, thx.

I choose cake.

I have both so have great (unfortunate) familiarity with fecal habits.

i keep reading it as brazilian bull thinking of the b.wax.

This doesn't look like much fun for the executee either:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanged,_drawn_and_quartered#Details_of_the_punishment

You are to be Brazilian Waxed until Death. (xpost)

On a bull.

or wait, BY a bull!

How much choice do we have in what animals we get devoured by? Cos lions, yeah maybe, makes for a good obituary at least, but pigeons, no way.

Go for something that will snap your neck first.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/25/Le_Toru_Du_MOnde.jpg/414px-Le_Toru_Du_MOnde.jpg

good lord

http://www.gotricities.com/articles/images/020603132902.jpg

Pecked to death by pigeons, fuck that.

You can choose your animal, yeah.

I slipped in gassing as you may think it's a soft option, but just you wait...

Oh yeah, and dog shit I think.

Although cat shit covered in kitty litter can appear from a distance to be a dessicated coconut covered treat.

I guess Brad Delp's chosen suicide method was kind of a combo of Brazen Bull and Gassing.

(No disrespect intended, RIP Brad)

"gassing by cat shit"

can you die from laughing gas?

Elephant head stomp vs. Crushed to death by a giant pestle and mortar (allegedly the way Zeno of Elea was executed by some tyrant)

I'm going for eaten by animals but only because I am assuming the animal is JAWS

laughing gas can certainly make you feel like you're dying, but it's only ever killed once or twice, I believe.

"Loved to death by camel"

"Death or Mau Mau"

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4b/ARancor.jpg

If you can choose your animal—Death By Asp.

"Death by snu-snu!"

They're not animals, Beth! They're human beings with just a slightly different concept of social interaction.

Oh, the SNAKE. OK.

Which animal is least likely to maul one to death?

deadliest animal is the hippo

no, really

Well, they're certainly deadly ENOUGH.

TS: a hippo vs Nicky Wire in a banana suit

this is so awful i can't vote.

lol Maria take it to the 2008 presidential candidate thread

Death by worm

death by worms

subtle but stomach-turning difference

Although cat shit covered in kitty litter can appear from a distance to be a dessicated coconut covered treat.

Have you ever had a litter box cake? It's served in a new litter tray and the top is covered with crushed oreo cookies and chocolate melted into the shape of turds. Very convincing.

DELETE STOMACH

death by bunny!
death by duckling!
death by goldfish!
death by kitten!
death by chameleon!
death by protozoan!

(and that was a very slow answer to the "least likely to maul" question)

i repeat my original statement: pulled apart by wild horses

that's just a special example of drawn and quartered though, isn't it?

Ducklings - I choo choo choose you

Death by Kitten are playing the Bull & Gate tonight.

There was a really gruesome suicide in an out-of-town retail park near where I live a few years ago: a kid, about 19 years old, put a chain through the sunroof of his car and around his neck. He attached the other end to a lamp-post, and drove away at high speed. Eeew.

Death by kitten does happen in Trainspotting.

the chain-car-thing happens in a blue jam monologue :D

Really? Didn't know that. But it really did happen near me, I know a fireman who was first on the scene.

Death by cuddly toy!

http://i15.tinypic.com/66wrn8l.gif

I think you missed out Impalement, which is really quite high on my list of Ways I Do Not Wish To Be Killed.

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets TEH BOATS again!

I think stoning's probably the quickest route to unconsciousness, which is the most important factor for me.

Also, if you're a bloke, you're actually in with a chance of escape. Not for me though - the only 'escape' is somebody with excellent aim.

of course, there's a metal band called scaphism.

http://www.myspace.com/scaphismfla

(I wonder if scaphism doesn't challenge Rule 34 but I really don't want to know the answer, thankyouverymuch.)

I cannot believe I just googled for scaphism and pron at work. I'm going home before I get arrested.

lol!

Stoning is good if you want to be a martyr.

Totally going with gassing, and then shot in head.

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:cy-N1UfHuccD-M:http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/brian/jpgs/matthias.jpg

"Hm. Could be worse."
"What do you mean, 'could be worse'?"
"Well, you could be stabbed."
"Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixtion is a slow, horrible death."
"Well, at least it gets you out in the open air."
"You're weird."

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Don't people who are burnt (at the stake) die from the fumes first? I'm sure I read somewhere (probably "How Burning At The Stake Wasn't So Bad As You Might Think") that people didn't scream and shout because they were sort of in a hallucinatory state from the fumes.

If someone can confirm this I will go for that. Thanks.

This is the book you want rumpie!

n his own humorous style, Geoffrey Abbott describes in detail the instruments used, past and present, and charts the evolution of their construction, operation techniques and effectiveness.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

no surprise there then.

Don't people who are burnt (at the stake) die from the fumes first?

Yes, I think they pass out first.

http://www.nndb.com/people/837/000097546/phalaris-1-sized.jpg
There seems to be some doubt as to whether this actually existed but still, got nice...

Also - I think we missed one - sawing!
http://www.scrubbingup.com/blogs/profscrub/uploaded_images/sawing-796188.JPG

I saw Monsters Ball the other day. Well, part of it (which, yes, included Halle's breast flashing). The electrocution of P Diddy was a big letdown.

I just read Murakami's Underground and I think I have changed my mind about gassing. :(

Burning at stake is my new choice.

TS: Scaphism vs. "I want to sew your ass up and feed you and feed you and feed you"

Plz, don't describe the summer camp where I was too afraid to use the scary outhouse.

i choose "working in a crap office until i retire to kill me"
oh wait, i am... :(