Do you have many interests/pastimes/obsessions in common with yer other half/wife/husband/partner/boyf/girlf/partner?

My wife and I each have one major interest (art for her and music for me) that the other is also interested in but not to the same degree. This works pretty well, b/c I can go to galleries with her and enjoy it and hold my own in conversation, and she can do the same when we see bands, but at the same time we each have our own friends around our interests and we're not all up in each other's stuff 24/7.

There are times when I wish my wife were a little more interested in music - usually when I want to spark up a conversation about how great Columbia Records was in the 60s or something and she just changes the subject. But it's probably for the best.

I have fewer things in common with her than I thought*, but time spent apart doing different things is totally healthy so no complaints there.

*i.e. she doesn't come to AFC Wimbledon games any more ;_;

>Do you do lots of things together?

Care for our animals - take the dogs to the park, etc. Also watch TV. This is very interactive, trust me. Oh, and drink.

>Do you do most things separately?

Not most but we do have some individual pastimes that are done solo.

>Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts?

Howard Stern. Anyone want to put out a hit on him?

>What are you interested in that they're not, and vice versa?

me: Harry Potter; sewing/knitting; Guitar Hero
him: disc golf; yardwork; Grand Theft Auto

>Is there anything you are interested in that he/she can't stand?

Harry Potter

>Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not? >If so, have you tried to interest him/her and failed miserably?

musicals/plays. I knew it was a failed mission

>Is there anything that you wish they'd keep out of so you can do it alone?

Nah, I love his company.

>Is there anything you do to keep him/her company, but don't have any >real interest in?

Going to his parents? (that was bad). Some punk shows.

>If you don't have many interests in common, is this good? And what >keeps you together?

I think it is. Our differences keep things interesting. Why would I want to date someone who's just like me?

curling up watching dvd's in the evening, or reading. and taking long spins in the car. travelling one or two long weekends in the year.

i'd be more inclined to worry that we don't do enough activities apart, as opposed to not having enough interests together.

Good lord darraghmac, a sensitive side has been revealed!

see, i don't actually post in any other tone in my head, than the last thread. i think people are picking me up wrong.

oh, fantasy fiction with dragons and swords and stuff, that's one i forgot. we detest each other's taste in music, to the point that the radio doesn't even go on in the car because we ccan't agree on either a cd or a station.

which is unfair- it's my car.

LOL

sausage
bacon
pulled pork
etc.

Do you do lots of things together?
Yes -- things revolving around food especially. We've both been vegan for many years and have similar tastes in food -- Indian, Malaysian, Mexican, Chinese, especially. We love eating out, as well as cooking together. Hanging out with friends -- we share most of our friends and don't have too many people with whom we go out separately. Movies too, especially comedies. Also, talking walks, reading, yoga, travelling. We have generally pretty healthy lifestyles so it's great to be able to share that, too.

Do you do most things separately?
Not really, except for a few things listed below.

Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts?
Nope.

What are you interested in that they're not, and vice versa?
Music, mainly. I'd be happy listening to my cds/records all day, every day. She likes music, is not disinterested in it, but there are many times when she'd rather not have something on the player. There is some overlap with musical taste -- John Fahey, Beatles, Belle & Sebastian, Neil Young, folk, reggae/dub, soul. Then there's stuff she enjoys though isn't really into in the same way I am, (mostly ambient music, some electronic music, jazz). But there are worlds of music that she can't stand or that I know she wouldn't really be into, to which I listen during work or when she's not around. Also, pale ales, stouts, aggressive beers.

She's into popular/best-seller fiction, which I virtually never read. I mainly read nonfiction or music criticism. There isn't a lot of overlap with our professions -- I'm doing library work, she's doing social work, but we always share what's going on with our jobs. We're interested enough in each other that we talk about even our separate interests, e.g. she'll tell me why she likes the 'Kite Runner' and I'll tell her about an album or piece of criticism I've enjoyed.

Is there anything you are interested in that he/she can't stand?
Noise, metal, any music that's in any way dark/violent/aggressive/or else really out there. Violent movies. Japanese food.

Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not?
It's actually nice having some things we're into by ourselves. I think these differences are pretty healthy and allow us to be individuals. There are enough things we have in common and enjoy together that I'm not dying for her to listen to Merzbow with me.

sickeningly balanced and happy, in other words!

see, i don't actually post in any other tone in my head, than the last thread. i think people are picking me up wrong.

LOL

I should add books/writing to my list. My guy doesn't read at all but this doesn't bother me. We both do the same kind of work (web development) and spend enough time "discussing" (read: arguing) about that and one of our other great, shared loves: hip-hop. I'm happy to leave books and my fiction out of the equation.

xxpost perhaps :)

"jol out :):):):):)"

no, we don't agree on that, strangely enough!

she's a spud as well? you've done ok!

she doesn't like football, particularly when spurs are on cos i get so cross. but she likes BMJ. but we don't fight about it, i'm allowed like zoe slater.

We're both really into music but she hates anything heavier than 77 punk.
She hates pubs. I do not, and yeah I do wish she'd come with me sometimes.
She's really into arts & crafts, especially crafts. I'm not really interested in that, but I like that she is.

Crafts are great. Especially in the pub.

Darraghmac, why is one of your teams named the spurs? I mean I know why one of our basketball team is but it seems a little out of place for you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hotspur_%28disambiguation%29

Awesome. Good to know.

they're called the spurs cos you'd need to get up on them and ride them to get any effort out of them.

that's based on observation over the years, it's just my best guess.

Mr Pumpkin and I both love camping, walking and drives. We have similar tastes in t.v and film too although he's more interested in sport than me.

We both love eating out, though he tends to be a lot more frugal than I am, he'd rather cook whereas I hate cooking.

He prefers watching t.v to reading, he only really reads what I recommend to him as he falls asleep a few pages into a book.

I do wish he'd get over the reading thing but he claims he can't help it, as a child he used to read a few pages of a book to help him nod off, it seems to have a hypnotic effect on him!

Hmm, you're guy sounds v. similar to mine.

His reading thing is rooted in dyslexia and never being properly taught to work around it when he was young. I definitely sympathize based on my education background and knowing how learning works (and how schools often fail those who need them most). So I never give him a hard time about reading and helpfully edit/re-write any emails or work documents he sends my way.

my bf reads lots of comic books and i have just never read comics really. i always thought comic book stores smelled kind of funny. but yesterday i read a comic book about polar bear that kills lots of people and it was awesome.

I like the idea of cooking together, when practically speaking when I cook I pretty much want my music on (or my tv/dvd), and my counter space free, and my peace and quiet -- so that rules out kitchen help, then.

I am very happy to be able to say that yes, we have a lot in common in the brain-type area. For one thing, a fascination with brains. :)

Never a shortage of things to talk about. We like pop-sciency stuff, send each other articles all the time, debate their validity and applicability. Movies, too. Lately we've both been on a Hitchcock tear, and I can't remember who started it. Doesn't matter. We have about equal social lives on the internet, so nobody feels like a loser, which is helpful. We like to eat. Nobody is lactose intolerant. And then, to quote Rufus Wainwright, there's those other things/which for several reasons we won't mention. We're good together.

Mr. Jaq and I do lots of stuff together, and have common interests (books, music, food, travel, wine, stupid/silly/improbable headlines in the local paper, weird business names, art, theater, movies, old buildings). When we have belonged to a gym, we go and suffer together. Of our common interests, we are most interested in different aspects of the thing, i.e. music - him: history/criticism/trivia, me: technical aspects of performance/can you dance to it? So there are some things that make my eyes glaze over when he is talking/shouting simultaneously with muso-friends and I just have to walk away. We have about the same tolerance level for looking at art (about 2 hrs).

His endless fascination with engrish.com and the college humor website puzzles me and causes eye-rolling, but doesn't drive me nuts. His ability and desire to watch more than 1 movie per day is problematic, because no thanks, I'd rather not sit in the dark watching the screen for another 3 hours. Also, I can't watch most violent movies - that might make him crazy, but he seems to be okay watching those on his own.

I'm more interested in the challenges of green living than he is, but he's game to take them on with me. He's also gotten interested in wine and more interested in the ideas of SOLE food, which were things I've been really into for years. And I'm more knowledgeable on the music biz than ever, stuff I never thought about (like, individual band members and who gets songwriting credit and how music types get paid, etc etc etc)

This is all way different from my first marriage, where husband 1 was obsessed with Corvairs, then old Polaroid cameras, then RC gliders, and refused to travel with me because "something might happen". Also, he didn't read, didn't drink (and got intensely anti-drinking), and thought stopping to eat a meal was a waste of time. I'm having a LOT more fun now I have someone to cook for who enjoys eating.

i read a comic book about polar bear that kills lots of people and it was awesome.

NAME PLZ?? That sounds awesome.

it is called "SHAKO."
http://www.2000ad.org/thrillpower/shako.jpg
if anyone else knows of comic books where bears and/or other animals kill people or fight other animals pls let me know

like if there is one with bears fighting sharks or something

* Do you do lots of things together?
We're writing our third album together. We gig together. We go wild together. We both like food and walking. We're both quite kinky and that's heaps of fun. She likes old blues, new blues, hard rock, punk, heavy metal, basically anything with a blues progression. I like lots of things, but also that. We both love children and children love us - her especially.

*Do you do most things separately?
She watches a lot of TV and movies which I can't do for long. I can never follow the plots, no matter how simple. I read a lot, she's extremely dyslexic (I think a dyslexic person needs a reader in his or her life, if only for the occasional paperwork and resume writing). My geeky tendencies annoy her but she sort of loves them. ILX she will never understand. Computers and teh intaweb are not here thing and drive her nuts (her friends are similar). She likes clothes and painting, and in these areas I am her assistant/sounding board.

*Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts?
Similar thing was mentioned upthread, but I do not understand the two movies in a row thing.

*Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not? If so, have you tried to interest him/her and failed miserably?
Nope. She is who she is and she's the biz. I am going to marry her as soon as I can support her shoe habit.

*Is there anything that you wish they'd keep out of so you can do it alone?
She's not nosey like that.

* Is there anything you do to keep him/her company, but don't have any real interest in?
Sure - gardening mainly. A few other things, like going out late, staying up late, admiring beautiful dresses, shoes and handbags, vintage cars, motorbikes. I go, 'sure honey, that's great' and she checks to see I'm actually looking in the right direction when I say that.

If you don't have many interests in common, is this good? And what keeps you together?
It's been seven years approx. We're so into each other even if we are different. I think of it as a complimentary series of differences. One major bugbear has been that she would like to travel more, and our circumstances make this hard to do, but we're working on that, with increasing success over the last year or so.

that was pretty sweet.

DrC hasn't told us his own answers to this - he is using us as an experiment.

Do you do lots of things together?
No, we work apart, generally go out apart, we never do the shopping together and we don't like the same programmes so we rarely watch tv together
Do you do most things separately?
So, yes!
Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts?
No, but she hates me being "on the computer".
What are you interested in that they're not, and vice versa?
Just about everything
Is there anything you are interested in that he/she can't stand?
ILX
Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not? If so, have you tried to interest him/her and failed miserably?
See previous answer.
Is there anything that you wish they'd keep out of so you can do it alone?
No
Is there anything you do to keep him/her company, but don't have any real interest in?
No
If you don't have many interests in common, is this good? And what keeps you together?
We've been married for 18 years and have never had much in common aand I have no idea why we are still together. I guess it must be love.

Do you do lots of things together?
no, but we do a fair bit
Do you do most things separately?
i suppose
Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts?
she is a yankee fan. this doesn't actually drive me nuts, but i have to be quiet about rooting against them
What are you interested in that they're not, and vice versa?
we tend to read the opposite things in the new yorker, but i'd say we have fairly similar interests compared to other couples we know. we both like sport(s) and music(s) and drink(s)
Is there anything you are interested in that he/she can't stand?
i am somewhat interested in the mountain goats; she hates them (sorry J0hn). she doesn't understand how i can spend so much time on the computer. she hates playing games, but i don't mind
Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not? If so, have you tried to interest him/her and failed miserably?
orgies j/k
Is there anything that you wish they'd keep out of so you can do it alone?
no?
Is there anything you do to keep him/her company, but don't have any real interest in?
family visits, shopping, possibly procreation
If you don't have many interests in common, is this good? And what keeps you together?
our similarly unworldly beauty

moley how's the romance in your answer! awww

Ha Ned Trifle has my marriage, except that me and the mister like a few of the same TV shows, and he has one irritating habit that drives me up the wall (playing World of Warcraft to the exclusion of all conversation/external distraction for hours and hours on end).

DrC hasn't told us his own answers to this - he is using us as an experiment

Haha, no I was getting around to it. I was prompted to ask the question after getting an email from one of a couple that I know, who apparently have nothing whatsoever in common. The bloke works from approx 5am (time he leaves the house) to about 9 or 10pm and spends Saturdays following his football team around the country. She just spends all her time with the kids. They don't seem to share any common views on anything either - it's weird.

Anyway :

Do you do lots of things together? Yes.
Do you do most things separately? No
Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts? No.
What are you interested in that they're not, and vice versa?

My stuff that she’s not interested in : guitars, popular music (well, not as much as me), sport (to be honest, I’m only interested in rugby now)

Her stuff that I’m not interested in : classical music, espec playing piano (I like lots, but passively), jazz (I do want to get into jazz more though), opera (I am excused opera after sleeping through most of Don Giovanni several years ago – it was the third opera of the week, which is kinda heavy duty, I feel )

Stuff we both do : pubs, literature, film, art, popular culture/history/old stuff in general, food/cooking,(slightly more my thing), gardening (definitely more her thing than mine), theatre (more her thing again – I love going, but probably wouldn’t go as much myself), trying to keep fit

Is there anything you are interested in that he/she can't stand? Not as far as I know. She'll roll her eyes at the amount of time I can spend ogling vintage guitars, but doesn't really mind.

Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not? If so, have you tried to interest him/her and failed miserably? It would be nice if she would come and see my bands play a bit more, but it’s not really her thing.

Is there anything that you wish they'd keep out of so you can do it alone? No

Is there anything you do to keep him/her company, but don't have any real interest in? I sometimes watch films that I wouldn’t really bother with myself.

And what keeps you together? Same outlook on life, humour, ability to really enjoy spending time together just doing nothing much in particular.

I've never thought it's that important have lots of interests in common, as long as there's some overlap. Maybe it's not what you do, but how you do it? Most of our individual interests tend to involve working at something to try and get better at it - playing piano or guitar, singing, making a beautiful garden. And that's really great to see, even if it's not something you would do yourself. I'm not sure I would want to be with someone who spent a lot of time at the computer, gaming or whatever - just my view, no offence to anyone who does. I'm too old for that stuff anyway :)

Do you do lots of things together?

What is a lot? For now we work and live together almost 24/7, so I suspect that in comparison with everyone else (or at least the majority) we do spend a lot of time together. But then in the evenings we do spend about 1 to more hours seperately.

Do you do most things separately?

Oh god, no, we are together a lot.

Does he/she have any interests/pastimes/obsessions that drive you nuts?

No, my husband's main interests are manga, comics and videogames. Even though I don't know much about it nor am I very interested in it, it doesn't drive me nuts. It would be silly as I encourage him to play/read. I think I bought most of the consoles he has, in fact.

What are you interested in that they're not, and vice versa?

I like knitting, celebrity gossip, ILX (teehee), reading (anything from feminism to trashy popcorn junk novels),... Those are the main interests which don't interest him.
Vice versa he likes videogames, manga, comics. Things which don't interest me much at all.

Is there anything you are interested in that he/she can't stand?

He has grown to tolerate my love of gossip. He now realizes that my fascination with gossip is not only about knowing who Kate Moss snorted coke with but also in a more "intellectual" style. It's even conflicting (?) for me, but he more or less understands now. For the longest time he didn't understand and it drove him slightly mad. It still does when I drop names and make insane 3degrees of seperation connections when watching a show or movie.

Are there anything you wish they were interested in that they're not? If so, have you tried to interest him/her and failed miserably?

I introduced him to "intellectual" books but I now realize that, well, fuck it, it's not the most important thing in (his) life. Part of me thought, you have such a MEGA WATT BRANE why not read all these books which you will understand much better than I could ever do.

Is there anything that you wish they'd keep out of so you can do it alone?

Huh? No.

Is there anything you do to keep him/her company, but don't have any real interest in?

God no. If I am really not interested in the Hulk, which I wasn't, then I would go upstairs and play Scrab online, which I did. :-)

If you don't have many interests in common, is this good? And what keeps you together?

The fact we resemble/differ so much. We differ because he's far more intelligent than I am. (I say this out of an inferiority complex but also because it is a fact.) This is something I definitely need: someone to look up to. I could never live with someone as or less intelligent than I am. I also think that it is the fact we bounce of eachother in a positive and negative way. We're both difficult people but that's what we want from eachother. He and I could never live with someone "easy." I learn from him and, hopefully, he learns from me. And he has a cute bum.

im going out with someone at the moment who i dont think i have that much in common with in terms of interests. pretty much zero actually. she thinks im 'arty farty' cos i like old/foreign films/weird music/weird shit in general while shes more into mainstream stuff. she says shes into checking less obv things out with me but ive a feeling she probably wouldnt like all that much of it whereas thats what i like the most.

wondering if this matters or not since she asked me what i think we have in common and well i couldnt actually think of much, which annoyed me (well that and just the fact she asked). we do share certain beliefs and outlooks though even in terms of political alignment, were quite different, and we dont work in remotely similar fields, we just seem to gel or have a really strong/strange chemistry (which might just be physical, its still early days, who knows). maybe thats enough, i dont know. i dont necessarily need someone to do everything with anyway. maybe it just comes down to respecting each others differences. and liking each other enough to not care or look past the differences.

it doesn't matter, at all. everything after being able to put up with each other in a nice way is bonus, and it's only a problem if your seperate interests and mutual intolerance thereof means you don't have enough time for each other.

If you're having enjoyable experiences together, then you should be developing shared interests. But they aren't really important just getting into the relationship.

If you're having enjoyable experiences together, then you should be developing shared interests

shared memories, sure- interests? artificial assumption there imo.

My wife and I have very little in common in terms of 'interests' but lots in common in terms of stuff like "liking peace & quiet", "being tactile", "not really being into food" etc so it's certainly possible to be very compatible even without sharing your actual interests?

totally agree! also - similar sense of humour

herself now works ten mins away so its

commute out together
lunch if weather's good
commute home together
dinner together
movie TV reading together

basically aside from my being out playing football we'll be in each other's pockets til September and college

nb none of this is complaint.