Dear Abbott

where is that picture of you photoshopped in as a saint or whatever

how to deal with depression induced by reading your own writing?

xpost w/ rapey mo

do you ever get tired of being a broken record?

Here I am delivering sacred tests to Joseph Smith with my freakishly similar-looking buds God & Big J.

http://b1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00442/12/21/442451221_l.jpg

Dear Shakey: I have come to accept my brokenness.

Dear Ethan: One can deal with this by crying, which is nice and cathartic, or developing an emotional detachment by giving yourself no expectations.

im working on the latter

haha sorry I was talking to ethan

x-post

you know, I never noticed the striking family resemblance between Jesus and God before

Dear Abbott, weren't you going to make loads of $$$ by selling furry pr0n drawings on eBay at one point? What happened?

cordially,
StanM

dan lacey beat her to the punch?

in a 'did it first' sense not a passantino sense

Dear Mr. M,

If you think this would actually be a lucrative route, or have evidence that it is, I am so there. I did not elect to look into it. A bigger $$$ flow would certainly help feed my carrot juice addiction (not cheap).

Dear Abbott,

My dad and his family way suck. My mom's family is totes awes. Should I change my name?

I'd be adding like 6 letters and going from Lithuanian to German.

Thanks,

Indecisive in Illinois

Dear en et. al,

Yes, you should change your name. If you do not like it you can always change it back.

Daerest Abbott,

How did my nice msg board get overrun with shut-in aspie rubes?

Gratitudes,

DG

what is your favorite bar food?

Dear Abbott, what is the sacred text and what is on your t-shirt in that picture?

Dear DG,

This happened via genetic drift, introducing new aspie alleles into the population.

Dear Ethan,

My favorite bar food outside the bar is gyro carts. My favorite bar food inside is these awesome sweet potato fries they have at a bar here.

Dear xero,

The sacred text is a book called The Guide to Getting it On!, hurhur. The shirt has a picture of a Grandma's Cookies/Abuelita hot chocolate-type bun haired old lady holding a sign that says MOTHER FUKKER'S PEANUTS.

Cool.

what are some of your favorite songs?

what do your parents think of mitt romney?

Dear Lingbert,

Some of my favorite songs include Green-Eyed Lady, the Rocky theme, the Price is Right theme, Sleepwalking, "Black" by Jag Panzer, Sisters of Mercy's "Floorshow," "Isn't She Lovely," "I Can't Go For That," + many more.

Dear Ethan,

My parents think Romney is the only good candidate and they are praying for him to win.

Oh probably my favorite song is Minnie Riperton's "Adventures in Paradise."

Dear Abbott,

"As is well known, the return of the beloved
does not correct
the loss of the beloved"

y/n?

Dear S.,

To the meager extent I understand that lil' free-verse triplet, y. It is a bad idea to get back with a lovah with whom you have previously severed ties. However, I feel losses in this life will seldom be directly corrected.

Should I get cable TV?

Dear brownie,

If you watch TV more than two hours a day, or if it costs $35/month or less, you should get cable TV.

A.,

I should learn an instrument. Guitar or piano?

Wanko

Dear Abbott,

what would be a really good question to ask you?

Thanks,
StanM

Dear wanko,

Learn the piano. Do not learn the guitar. Learn the piano.

Dear Stan M.,

Certainly not "have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?"

what are your five favorite rap songs?

Dear Abbott,

Should i stay at work late today so i have more money for booze next week or leave on time and booze tonight?

Dear Abbott,
Is there any kitchen use for leftover solids after getting the juice out of a carrot, or does it go into the compost bin?

dear abbott

where is my scooby doo valentine? i am checking the mailbox everyday, to no avail.

yours, in anticipation,
xjustine

Dear Abbott,

Should i stay at work late today so i have more money for booze next week or leave on time and booze tonight?

-- carne asada, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:13 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

i already know my answer to this one

Abbott, what is and what's answer to this one?

Daer Abbott

Who can make the dance ram?

Oh probably my favorite song is Minnie Riperton's "Adventures in Paradise."

Hey, I really love this song too! And I love the whole Adventures in Paradise album, though I think "Love and It's Glory" is even better than the titular song, it's so melodramatic and full of passion. "Come on Aliya, carry your bride, take her where the sky meets the see!" Do you like that one?

Dear Ethan,

I will ponder your query about my five favorite rap songs. As I am not in High Fidelity I do not have a prefab five list. Favorite right now is The Roots' "Water"...a more through reply will come soon.

Dear carne asada,

Go for the cheaper drunk tonight and have more quantity. I elected not to work extra and bought an affordable 1.75 L bottle of Evan Williams ($16), acceptable in coke and as shots followed by some other beverage (water prevents the hangovers).

Dear Mr. Hardy,

If you have a pet guinea pig, they will eat any leftover veg or veg components with glee. They are a lot cuter and more satisfying than mulch piles. However, do not feed them carrots or carrot byproducts exclusively because they are starchy and can lead to anal impactions, which are a pain for bpoth master and pet to remove.

Dear brownie,
IS = helpful was to relieve anxiety attax. This one is was not were. It will be by this time tomorrow.

DAREST Blueski,

Gance rammed by three-year-olds who are uncoordinated or Andrew W.K.

Dear Abbott,

What church are you an abbott of, and where can I subscribe to your newsletter.

HOOS

post script

happy hour alone c/d

Dear Mr. HOOS GRANDE,

I am a ULC reverend so I could baptize you as the church I once tried to start. It was called What Pies Regrese. It was about taking shots, we talked about Tom Sawyer's fake funeral. We also took shots (of alcohol). There was only one session. Maybe What Pies Regese needs to have a general conference .

p.s. Happy Hour alone is the best thing in the world, esp. if it is at your own house.

As I am not in High Fidelity I do not have a prefab five list.

zing :(

Record stores are boys' clubs, dude.

dear abbott,

how many dumplings should i eat today?

bell_labs

Dear Ms. labs,

I think 4-7 dumplings sounds perfect.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuMTVNmDLDg

important follow up question: what is the best kind of wave?

sawtooth wave
sounds like a crumhorn

what is YOUR favorite wave, Mr. butt???

mr. butt is his dad's name

hi abbottt

*waves*

*vague*

gillette's cool wave deodorant! i have gotten more compliments about the subtle pleasant spell of my armpits than would believe!

also, mondo waves

http://i.imgur.com/UgkpJCL.jpg

As a person with no sense of smell who has seen a lot of daytime TV ads in life, I know that men who buy drugstore scents want to smell like they are emerging from the ocean!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL5S6cm7J5g

the gentlemanly way to get fresh
the gentlemanly way to get fresh

clean as a whistle

why? bc 2 deodorants

z s the dr hibbert ascending laugh is an appealing, even comforting laughing mode

gentle
avuncular

powerless

In reality I firmly believe a person't laugh should never be mocked or criticized, only celebrated; but I wish my cat wouldn't run away when I laugh (bcz LOUD).

what is your cat's name?

Abbott: spoiler alert: deodorant smells absolutely nothing like the ocean

you obviously haven't smelled Gillette Cool Wave(tm)!
either that or you don't swim in the Gillette Cool Wave Pool theme park like I do every Tuesday

the subtle pleasant spell of zach's armpits

i'm very Sure(tm)

just bumping as a reminder to flex your tensor tympanis.

effective way!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqQSZ4a1Opk

"A Crabbit Version"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZgRkt_YMZ8

I thought of you: http://mikelynchcartoons.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-cardtooner-by-milt-hammer.html

Baptismal

I used to think
that girls never went
to the bathroom,
and that by some
incredibly intricate 
phenomena 
no waste came 
from their magically 
forbidden orifices.
 
Then at sixteen 
my first love
a seventeen year old
gum chewing angel,
with deadly accuracy,
shat on me.

-Harry Chapin

^your description of Mr. Chapin's poem has haunted me for years, so I finally tracked it down. he doesn't actually specify that the dump took place on his chest, but I find it unlikely that the sex act was anything other than a 'hot carl'.

but 'Cat's in the Cradle' is still a cute, sweet, innocent song, right? I'm so conflicted...

haha ok you're right, she just shat on him with accuracy, guess it coulda been ANYWHERE
good on you for tracking it down
it was a favorite & influential English teacher who shared his poetry book w/me

I love those doodle cards, too, forks :)
bonkers & fun
I am hoping they'll let me do a general drawing elective next year

He doesn't say it's a sex act. She might have sharted on his leg while spooning.

or from a balcony while he was walking by

doesn't sound very accurate

Maybe it was a really old dog.

fuckin y'all and yr alternate explanations <3

sadly, in the context of a poem, this may have been a metaphorical shit

ok I don't think this poem is REALLY substantive enough to make shitting some extended metaphor
just seems like a shocker ending

people people people, you're forgetting the interpretive value of the title

thought of you
http://www.benzilla.com/?p=5433

That's crazy!!

Looks neat tho' right? And to be able to perfectly replicate the EC lettering!

Yes, what a fun doodad. Yields far more personable results than the typefaces created for Dilbert or w/e. And v affordable. I had to tell myself not to buy one.

free font: http://www.fontspace.com/casey-burns/squa-tront

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Keuffel-Esser-K-E-LeRoy-Lettering-Kit-with-Two-Scribers-Letterguide-Scribe-/141676697043
$26 bucks with postage! heck i'm tempted to get it for you!

Why didn't you tell me you were in town? Would've met you for lunch.

http://i.imgur.com/DK6JFS3.jpg

what happened to your hilarious "less sins: to Bill" post? I can't find it anywhere and I kinda need it in my life right now.

ah, found it!

Oh my God, in high school, my circle of friends & I had this habit of making up really bad nonsense jokes with the punchline "license to Bill." This had gone on several weeks, that we'd be hanging out at my friend's house, playing video games and making "license to Bill" jokes, then finishing the evening by ruining his family's dinner with terrible jokes that all ended in "license to Bill." One night his dad said, "Enough of your jokes, I want to tell you something serious my pastor told me about today." His dad was an evangelical Christian – the kind of guy who was too Christian to open fortune cookies because they were "false prophecy" – so we all knew this could go on for a while & you just had to be polite and listen. He started going on and on about what the pastor had to say about the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and how it was dragging our nation down, and he started reading out loud this letter his pastor had written about the dangers of dishonesty and adultery. "And do you know what he wrote on the envelope?" he said. "Lies! Sins! To Bill!"

― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, June 26, 2010 8:51 PM (5 years ago)

hero dad obviously

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b076cg3n

abbotbod

— New New York Times (@NYT_first_said) September 30, 2020