Psychoanalysis?

Do you think you need it?

Tell me about your mother Nick.

And your father Nick. And any sibling Nicks you might have.

Pipe down, amateurs.

Emma, yeah. But I don't want this thread to be about that.

Too late. Why do you think you need it?

MENTALIST.

It's a great excuse to talk about yourself for an hour.

Like men need an excuse to do that!

Or women. Natch.

Give 'Psychoanalysis: The Impossible Profession', 'In The Freud Archives' or 'The Purloined Clinic', all by Janet Malcolm, a go. She includes fascinating interviews w/ psychoanalysts and their 'patients', and covers the topic in an elegant, subtle and non- jargonistic style. She's a much better writer than that pseudo-poetic poseur Adam Phillips.

I only ever talk about myself to people who seem interested (AHEM AHEM) in the sense that 'seem interested' means 'are not in a coma / dead'.

Thank you. Maybe I will, but I was just hoping for some ILE input.

And we were hoping you would tell us about your mother.

Did she sing seafood medleys too?

A SERIOUS ANSWER. Back in sixth grade, I had a terrible time with a couple of bullies, to the point where my parents sent me to a child/adolescent psychiatrist for a couple of months' worth of sessions. Don't really know if it helped at all, and my memories of it are foggy. She was pleasant enough.

I don't think real "on the couch" psychoanalysis is practiced these-a-days, is it?

I have had talk therapy for years now - it works well - i haven't killed anyone.

Yes I know I told this story before but the actual couch as featured in the Freud Museum = a GIANT BEANBAG covered in rugs!!

ahhh.. what does it MEAN?

You're a NUT! You're CRAZY in the COCONUT

I dunno...traditional psychoanalysis is supposed to take years, and it's all about you. I can't imagine going in to talk with someone week after week, year after year, simply about me and my experiences. Maybe a couple of months, maybe one or two years at the max, but I think five years or so (maybe even longer) is suggested. No matter how much attention one is receiving, I'd imagine one would get used to the experience and tire of it after a while.

Nick, as a less expensive option, there is always ELIZA, the artificial intelligence psychiatrist available at:

http://ecceliza.cjb.net/

Patient: JOE.

Eliza: HI JOE. I AM YOUR PSYCHOLOGIST AND I AM HERE TO HELP YOU. TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS. Joe : Have you heard of ILE? Eliza: NOT AS FAR AS I REMEMBER Joe : It's a place where people talk. Eliza: TRIED SEARCHING YOURSELF? Joe : They talk about things like art, government, and pandas. Eliza: I HAVE AN IDEA, LET'S TALK OF ALIENS Joe : Do you like aliens? Eliza: SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE? Joe : I care now. Eliza: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE WORD 'LATER'? Joe : You are not making sense, Eliza. Eliza: OH, DON'T EMBARRASS ME... Joe : I don't feel that I am embarrassing you. Eliza: JOE, HOW COME YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME? Joe : Stop that! Eliza: DO YOU SEE THAT AS AN ADVANTAGE? Joe : I am not embarrassing you! Eliza: PROVE ME YOU'RE NOT Joe : Don't shift the conversation. You wanted to talk about aliens. Eliza: WE CAN TALK ABOUT PRACTICALLY ANYTHING Joe : How about art, government, and pandas? Eliza: ASK PROFESSIONALS Joe : Ask professionals about what? Eliza: I DON'T THINK I KNOW, BUT SHOULD BE INTERESTING Joe : Look, this is going nowhere. You are supposed to help me out. Eliza: ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME Joe : Okay, then, I am going. Exit Eliza: YOU REALLY WANT TO QUIT? IS THAT SO? Joe decided to quit. Eliza: IT WAS A PLEASURE FOR ME TO BE WITH YOU, JOE! GOODBYE AND HAVE A NICE TUESDAY!

Conversation ended at: 11:32:17.