ASK GOD

well 2/3 isn't bad

What's the deal with Spiny Anteaters, anyway? What were you on?

hey god,

how come your fans suck so hard

also god, if you are actually omnipotent, how come I can ban you

perfect, then just like the real God he'll never answer our questions

GIMME $$$$$$$$$

why do bad people do good things sometimes?

Dear god, hope you get the letter and...
I pray you can make it better down here
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image
See them starving in the street
'Cause they don't get enough to eat from god
I can't believe in you

Dear god, sorry to disturb you but...
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image
See them fighting in the street
'Cause they can't make opinions meet about god
I can't believe in you

Did you make disease and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god don't know if you noticed but...
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book
And us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image
still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain't, and so do you
Dear god
I can't believe in
I don't believe

I won't believe in heaven or hell
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well
No pearly gates, no thorny crown
You're always letting us humans down
The wars you bring, the babes you drown
Those lost at sea and never found
And it's the same the whole world 'round
The hurt I see helps to compound
That father, son and holy ghost
Is just somebody's unholy hoax
And if you're up there you'll perceive
That my heart's here upon my sleeve
If there's one thing I don't believe in

It's you
Dear god

What's the deal with Spiny Anteaters, anyway? What were you on?

MESCALINE

how come your fans suck so hard

PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE SUCKS, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU

how come I can ban you

NO ONE GAVE ME MOD POWERS

just like the real God he'll never answer our questions

I JUST GAVE YOU MOUTH AIDS

as's ever the case: there seemeth to be more than one god, even on ilx.

I JUST GAVE YOU MOUTH AIDS

GIMME $$$$$$$$$

NO

why do bad people do good things sometimes?

MESCALINE

yo,

are you the same douche who pulled all those mean tricks on people in olden times just to prove a bunch of insipid and frequently tautological points?

are you the same douche who pulled all those mean tricks on people in olden times just to prove a bunch of insipid and frequently tautological points?

NO

Zod or Grodd?

http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/Terence-Stamp---General-Zod-Photograph-C12142626.jpeg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/63/Cartoon_grodd.jpg/180px-Cartoon_grodd.jpg

God, what do you think of Richard Dawkins

dear GOD

how's your wife and my kids?

Do you have a Caps Lock key on your keyboard? It kind of looks like you're shouting all the time otherwise. Also, what speed Internet connection do you have?

aye, god -- ya lie too! yer must be real!

Zardoz?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:155256.1020.A.jpg

Zod or Grodd?

ZOD, OBVIOUSLY

God, what do you think of Richard Dawkins

I WOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR HIM BETTER IF HE TOOK HIS OWN DICK OUT OF HIS MOUTH

how's your wife and my kids?

HAHA PLEASE ENJOY BIRD FLU

Do you have a Caps Lock key on your keyboard? It kind of looks like you're shouting all the time otherwise. Also, what speed Internet connection do you have?

GODSPEED

Oh pish...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/60/155256.1020.A.jpg/200px-155256.1020.A.jpg

Zardoz?

NOT ONE OF CONNERY'S BEST, BUT REALLY NOTABLE FOR HOT CHARLOTTE RAMPLING

God,

What do consider your greatest creation?

sub-question: What do you consider Humankind's greatest creation?

WRONG! Gorillas always win.

Nietchsescheser was right about you, geezer.

Oh My God -- why did you make Dida do wot Dida did?
(Yesterday, remember??)

God, why do I live in Hull?

Dear god, aren't you supposed to be communicating in Aramaic ?

This way, you're making that "english was good enough for jesus christ" thing a lot less funny :-/

Also, could you please not smite me for not believing in you at all? kthxbye.

*keeps fingers crossed, inna preying-ish sorta way, inna hope that god's answer to noodle's query 'll feature eh crucial mention of teh housemartins*

dear GOD

have you seen Jesus around lately? motherfucker owes me some money

Dear God,

What happened to Purgatory, anyway? I thought you had a pretty good thing going there. Plus, now Dante looks like a douche.

dear GOD

why did you tell Dubya to invade Iraq?

hey mister,

is this ill-planned gag turning out to be as fun as you thought it would be?

you know he's laughing at all of you. just laughing it up.

or down.

god doesn't answer

dear GOD,

do you also wish this thread was ask t✧✧@k✧✧.e✧✧?

Dear God,

What is yr favorite kind of sneakers? If they are not totally bitching, I don't believe in you.p.s. You are not better than a puppy.

Starts to remind a bit of that Jim Carrey movie, this thread eh?

dear God,

why do you allow Jim Carrey to make movies?

What do consider your greatest creation?

http://venus.provocateuse.com/images/photos/nancy_sinatra_01.jpg

sub-question: What do you consider Humankind's greatest creation?

http://sineadgleeson.com/blog/wp-images/daftpunk1.jpg

why did you make Dida do wot Dida did?

REVENGE ON BOTH MILAN AND CELTIC FOR BEING THE MOST ANNOYING CLUBS IN EUROPE

God, why do I live in Hull?

MESCALINE

Dear god, aren't you supposed to be communicating in Aramaic ?

I AM

have you seen Jesus around lately? motherfucker owes me some money

CUSTOS 3:16

What happened to Purgatory, anyway? I thought you had a pretty good thing going there. Plus, now Dante looks like a douche.

ITS BEEN RELOCATED TO ENGLAND AND RENAMED "HULL"

why did you tell Dubya to invade Iraq?

I WAS BORED

is this ill-planned gag turning out to be as fun as you thought it would be?

YES

do you also wish this thread was ask t✧✧@k✧✧.e✧✧?

YOUR QUESTION RESTS ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT WE ARE TWO DISTINCT BEINGS

What is yr favorite kind of sneakers?

http://justinspace.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/051806TronShoes.jpg

why do you allow Jim Carrey to make movies?

JIM CARREY IS FUNNIER THAN ANYONE ON THIS BOARD, COMBINED

Dear God,

Dinosaurs - u playin'?

lol God

God, where can I score some Mescaline?

dear God

when are you going to make some new drugs for us to see you with

dear God

what is your favorite bee gees song

Dinosaurs - u playin'?

LOL NO WAY BRO, JUST THE FIRST DRAFT OF HUMANS

God, where can I score some Mescaline?

MY ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND'S COUSIN CAN GET US SOME

when are you going to make some new drugs for us to see you with

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT REALITY... IS A DRUG?

what is your favorite bee gees song

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

ok god

who is your roommate

also, which is your favorite carl craig nom de disco

oh my god,
how much of a god is actually u god?

http://www.yarnivore.com/francis/archives/images/atheists_panel10.jpg

who is your roommate

ABE

also, which is your favorite carl craig nom de disco

IN TERMS OF HOW MUCH I LIKE THE NAME OR HOW MUCH I LIKE THE TRACKS? ACTUALLY ITS PROBABLY PAPERCLIP PEOPLE FOR BOTH.

how much of a god is actually u god?

124

Dear god, why do you think Abbott and And What's ask threads more popular than yours round these parts?

dear god, is it okay to knock one out if a baby's in the room?

how much of a god is actually u-god?

what do you think of Muslims?
what do you think of deists?
would you prefer it if more people read Hume's Dialogues?
is there life on other planets?
if so, is any of it intelligent?
why can't you turn the caps lock off in heaven?

when will the next UK election be?
who will win it?
do you really care what happens to Oxford publicans and restauranteurs?
if the answer to the above question is yes, why do you allow the Bullingdon Club to exist?

why is questioning god not allowed? /paradox
what loopholes, exactly, are you afraid of us finding?

this thread: solid C

So, God, Westboro Baptist Church and the Schiavo thing - you guys be rofflin' in heaven or what?

Dear God,

Why are you letting this thread die?

he's a busy man.

this thread has a RIGHT TO LIFE

Actually, good question (xpost)

Dear God,

are you a man or a woman?

Dear god, why do you think Abbott and And What's ask threads more popular than yours round these parts?

ABBOT = CUTER; AND WHAT = FUNNIER

dear god, is it okay to knock one out if a baby's in the room?

NO YOU FUCKING PERV. THE RULE IS YOU CANNOT TOUCH DONG IF ANOTHER MAMMAL IS IN THE ROOM.

IT IS OK IF A BIRD OR LIZARD IS IN THE ROOM.

how much of a god is actually u-god?

SECOND BEST VERSE ON TRIUMPH AFTER INSPECTAH DECK, BUT BLACK SHAMPOO IS KINDA :-/

what do you think of Muslims?

GOOD JOB ON INVENTING MATH

what do you think of deists?

PUSSIES

would you prefer it if more people read Hume's Dialogues?

LOL NO, THERE ARE NO ENGLISH PHILOSOPHERS WORTH READING.

is there life on other planets?

NO

why can't you turn the caps lock off in heaven?

NO ONE GAVE ME MOD POWERS

when will the next UK election be?

WHO CARES

who will win it?

SOME DUDE WITH A BRITISH ACCENT

do you really care what happens to Oxford publicans and restauranteurs?

THIS IS A LEADING QUESTION

if the answer to the above question is yes, why do you allow the Bullingdon Club to exist?

TO ANNOY YOU

God's an englishman you fraud

why is questioning god not allowed? /paradox
what loopholes, exactly, are you afraid of us finding?

THERE ARE A FEW LOOPHOLES IN THE BIBLE. SUCH AS FOR EXAMPLE IF YOU COMMIT GENOCIDE BUT THEN ASK FOR FORGIVENESS "TECHNICALLY" I HAVE TO LET YOU INTO HEAVEN. WERE WORKING ON IT.

So, God, Westboro Baptist Church and the Schiavo thing - you guys be rofflin' in heaven or what?

HAHA U BETTER BELIEVE IT MAN.

Why are you letting this thread die?

I HAVE SHIT TO DO BRO.

are you a man or a woman?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicks_with_dicks

SOME DUDE WITH A BRITISH ACCENT

English or Scottish?

God's an englishman you fraud

LOL DUDE GOD HAS GOOD TEETH

English or Scottish?

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE, REALLY

English or Scottish?

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE, REALLY

one bloody mary?

dere GOD

the difference is that hume was a scot, ya dobber.

now: tell me next week's (UK, saturday draw) lottery numbers, you bearded omnipotent fuck.

or this week's, actually. it's up to you, you smiting fanny.

which max is better?

also, can you hook me up with a pet baby dragon?

the difference is that hume was a scot, ya dobber.

ITS FUNNY THAT YOU THINK I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR LAME COUNTRIES.

now: tell me next week's (UK, saturday draw) lottery numbers, you bearded omnipotent fuck.

YOURE VERY RUDE.

or this week's, actually. it's up to you, you smiting fanny.

NO

which max is better?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5f/Flight_of_the_navigator.jpg

also, can you hook me up with a pet baby dragon?

ONLY IF YOU STOP MASTURBATING

Alright, I'm cuter than God, and I was created in His image, no less! Thanks for going the extra mile, you omniscient geezer.

God,

ever since I was three I knew that something was something different in my sexual preferences, as time went on I realized that I liked anime babes and Hentai. Ever since then I have been looking at anime porn and such, I`m not attracted to real girls that much. If I see a girl naked I won`t like it but If I see hentai I`m all in for it. Since I`m a christian I`m wondering if God made me thid way for punishment or something, I don`t blame him at all. He didn`t have to make me anyway so I thank him for simply making me. Anyway is it normal for me to like anime babes or not? Should I tell my parents or hide thid decret from them? I`m looking at this HOT anime babe in her bra and panties and I`m hard as heck! But is this a sin?

Dear God,
Who is your favorite porn star?

THE BABY DRAGON IS FOR MASTUBATORY PURPOSES

Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible?

Dear Entity Purporting to be G_d

While I realize that it is not logically impossible for an Omnipotent being to post on the internet, in light of your lame posts I'm skeptical of your divinity. Please show us a miracle or something.

dere GOD

YOURE VERY RUDE

is the apostrophe the work of satan, then? if you could let me know before my next shift (monday, noon, GMT) that'd be appreciated. it might raise a few interesting issues on the subs' desk.

(and yeh, a miracle would be good. if you could turn my mains water into wine, for instance. although not when i'm trying to shower.)

ever since I was three I knew that something was something different in my sexual preferences, as time went on I realized that I liked anime babes and Hentai. Ever since then I have been looking at anime porn and such, I`m not attracted to real girls that much. If I see a girl naked I won`t like it but If I see hentai I`m all in for it. Since I`m a christian I`m wondering if God made me thid way for punishment or something, I don`t blame him at all. He didn`t have to make me anyway so I thank him for simply making me. Anyway is it normal for me to like anime babes or not? Should I tell my parents or hide thid decret from them? I`m looking at this HOT anime babe in her bra and panties and I`m hard as heck! But is this a sin?

ever since I was three I knew that something was something different in my sexual preferences, as time went on I realized that I liked anime babes and Hentai. Ever since then I have been looking at anime porn and such, I`m not attracted to real girls that much. If I see a girl naked I won`t like it but If I see hentai I`m all in for it. Since I`m a christian I`m wondering if God made me thid way for punishment or something, I don`t blame him at all. He didn`t have to make me anyway so I thank him for simply making me. Anyway is it normal for me to like anime babes or not? Should I tell my parents or hide thid decret from them? I`m looking at this HOT anime babe in her bra and panties and I`m hard as heck! But is this a sin?

Dear God,
Who is your favorite porn star?

REMINGTON STEELE

Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

BOTH

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?

LINGO FROM THE BURGER KING KIDS CLUB

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible?

EAT MORE GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES

Dear Entity Purporting to be G_d

While I realize that it is not logically impossible for an Omnipotent being to post on the internet, in light of your lame posts I'm skeptical of your divinity. Please show us a miracle or something.

AND YOU CALLED MY POSTS LAME

is the apostrophe the work of satan, then?

Me and my brother had this saying, "Chocolate is the devil's apostrophes, and apostrophes are the devil's tears."

Dear GOD,

Why am I happier when fairly drunk?

JGO

God are you on Youtube?

Did you ever bang Joan Osborne?

Dear God,

Please can you inflict pain upon those who disconnect when they are losing at Mario Strikers Online,

Thanks

Deity does not exist in the database.

the calls are coming from Inside The House