my roommate sarah believes

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that if you work on a girl long enough you'll eventually get a real date (provided, i suppose, that you work the right way and don't get a restraining order first). i think it's very inspiring that she believes this but i fear it may be over-optimistic. thoughts?

― sundar subramanian, Saturday, 21 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Over-optimistic. Once tried asking somebody out slowly but surely over three months, nothing ever happened. But that's not to say it *can't* happen, of course...

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 21 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

She's completely wrong, it's the sort of behavior that in my social circle gets a guy referred to as a stalker and a freak and someone who can't get the hint, and it makes you lose a friendship. No means no, stop working on her after a while of that. It gets pathetic after a while.

― Ally, Saturday, 21 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i've been bitch slapping my inflateable john for weeks now, and he still won't go out with me.

― Geoff, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Jesus christ! Don't keep after a girl if she isnt interested! Yuck! Oh man nothing is more pathetic than the man who doesn't know when he's not wanted.

― Mike Hanley, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Indeed. If at first you don't succeed (in an up-front manner, that is), cease and desist. Revert to low-level flirting, if that's your fancy, keep yourself in the picture, but no more frontal assaults. Unless you're a character in a movie - then constant haranguing and harrassment will, indeed, secure you that date. And then she'll fall in love with you (after realizing that her current love interest is a Grade A Bozo), and you'll live happily ever after. The End.

― David Raposa, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

sarah is wrong, as everyone has already said. persistance is particularly unedifying. doing the opposite is probably more likely to make her interested. and if not, well, nothing you can do

― gareth, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually it can work - worked for two of my best friends (him chasing her for 3 years - not in a stalkerish way just asking every so often) and now they're married.

Generally though it's dud.

― Tom, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You're all wrong. Has no one seen the new Wheatus video?

― Graham, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What Sarah suggests is a surefire recipe for obsession and depression. No way, if she's not interested, get out of her way and forget she ever existed and move on.

― Patrick, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would say who is worth *that* much hassle and headache just for getting a date? Also, psychologically it seems you would already be leaving the starting gate placing yourself in a position beneath the other person, which usually doesn't bode well for the future.

― Joe, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, it depends on what kind of life you want, doesn't it? If you want a happy and healthy normal life, just give up and be friends with said girl.

If you want a deep and complex and artistically stimulating life, whereby you vent your entire soul and frustration creating a Beatrice-style icon out of your unrequited love, then carry on.

Is the truth really that *she* is in love with someone she can't have, and thinks that if she works on him (her?) she will eventually change their mind?

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think it depends on the bloke. If he was very scary and kept pestering me I would not go for it, I would run away and make a point of avoiding him. If he was nice enough but I didn't fancy him I would probably go out with him for a quiet life. Only once, mind, otherwise I might end up married or something.

― Emma, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Just to reiterate that sundar's roommate is an evil witch who just wants to see people completely ruin their lives. Don't even go there. I do, frequently, and my life is in ruins. Do you see?

N.B. I am not a stalker.

― Nick, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The phrase "work on a girl long enough" is frightening enough. Vee aah runnink out of time! Geeve us dee plannns!

Yeah, that might happen in rare cases, but not worth the stalker risk. Although it's perfectly acceptable to ask a girl out, get shot down and stay friends, whispering "love me" underneath your breath until after a few years, her subconscious breaks down and the two of you get married. What are you staring at?

― Dave M., Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

One tactic that does work is to take a rose to your lover and say " you are as beautiful as this thing"

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If someone did that to me I would laugh very hard and possibly be more scared than if they sneakily stalked me.

― Emma, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Now what does it say about our society that if I substitute another word for 'rose', like, say, 'erect phallus', into that phrase, the police have to get involved? Why can't people just get along?

― Dave M., Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How many women would be impressed by a guy who told them that they were as beautiful as his erect phallus????

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think most women would like men to pay them the same amount of attention as they pay their erect phalluses.

― Emma, Thursday, 26 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I suppose the best way to test your room-mate's theory is try it on with her obsessively and see how it goes.

― The Dirty Vicar, Thursday, 26 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Dear, your head is so purple and mushroom -like it reminds my of my effervescent errection." "And you dear, have such a gaping and pinkish mouth that...."

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 26 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Effervescent erection? You may want to see a doctor about that, Mike...

― Emma, Thursday, 26 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

I think it does work. In fact I saw it happen tonight. And I shall be attending a wedding next month which is the result of this technique. I've never tried it myself though: actually I've never asked a girl out before.

Dastoor: "Before what?".

― Ally C, Saturday, 18 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

I'm confused: Is this the same as the long game? I thought the long game was having a crush or something for 7 years and never having anything come of it, but is the long game just persistence? If so, I'll have to rethink my thoughts on that thread. Persistence works wonders, but only for people who are not the typically persistent type.

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 8 May 2003 01:51 (twenty-two years ago)

If someone fancies you they'll agree to a date. If they don't, they won't.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 8 May 2003 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

You could worm yourself in as a friend and prove indispensable and some years later feelings toward you might change. For this to happen you would have to be looking for more than a date though, you would have to really like the person. Few people care enough or are willing to suffer their ego -- to be persistent -- if the motivation is in the right place -- bc you actually like the person -- it can be a good thing.

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 8 May 2003 02:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the long game only works (perhaps ironically) if the subject has never had romantic feelings for you in the past. Because if there is any Rule of Love (and of course there isn't), it's that if someone likes you and wants you to make a move, you'd better make it with relative haste or else fuck off and die.

― Aaron A., Thursday, 8 May 2003 02:17 (twenty-two years ago)

this be the rule i hateth more than any other. fuck.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 8 May 2003 02:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyone noticed that this technique has only ever resulted in marriage? Be warned!

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 8 May 2003 07:18 (twenty-two years ago)

she's wrong

― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 8 May 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I believe the wedding Ally C referred to up there might have been mine, which resulted from such actions on behalf of my other half. He tried for about eight months to get me away from a couple of unsuitable relationships, and I thought he was a twat and was trying too hard, and then one day I realised "no, he just cares". He wasn't tremendously stalkerific though, just a mate with my best intentions somewhere up there with his ulterior motives.

It worked though...

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, then there's the two-people-who-know-and-are-attracted-to-each-other-for-a-very-long-time-but-circumstances-keep-getting-in-the-way-but-eventually-when-you-least-expect-it-you-turn-around-and-she's-there-and-calls-you-that-night-and-then-it's-ON kinda thing, but I guess that's totally different, huh?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

yes.

I wouldn't know the ans but I'd like someone to work on me.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh God, I'd earnestly hoped this thread had been buried in some scrap heap of forgotten ILx trivia. I can't believe someone remembered it. I dimly remember posting it when drunk out of my skull one day like 2 years ago - (Toronto posters can tell you what I'm like in that state, which, tangentially, is why doobs should have totally won that booze vs doobs thing) - and regretting it the next day. My situations/concerns/whatever are somewhat different now though Sarah's still one of my best friends. Please let this thread die a natural death and discuss these matters on a new thread. Please.

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

You should ask her out! And if she says no, just KEEP doing it to prove a point.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah is this one those YOU'RE GIVING ME ADVICE ON MY LOVE LIFE BUT IT'S YOU I ADORE, YOU! threads?

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:22 (twenty-two years ago)

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