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This weekend Sinister FC had quite an enjoyable kickaround on Primrose Hill, but as REIGNING ATP 5-a-side CHAMPIONS (we demolished the NME in the final) we felt we were missing the blud'n'guts challenge of a proper competitive match. Racking our brains for a group of individuals even more foppish and workshy than ourselves, our thoughts turned naturally to ILx. Can you muster up a footie team between you? We can probably stump up a prize or trophy of some kind. And perhaps enjoy a beer or two afterwards.

― Edna Welthorpe, Mrs, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This will probably have to be in London. ILx/Sinister crossbreeds can play for whomsoever they choose, as their conscience dictates.

― Edna Welthorpe, Mrs, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

as in, like, mercenaries for hire?

sorry I missed Sunday by the way, slight groin strain dontcha know.

― chris, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hope that clears up before Thailand, Chris.

― Edna Welthorpe, Mrs, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd play for the ILX team! 15 goals in ten 5-aside matches this season!

― jel --, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

me too Edna, me too as then I wouldn't be able to swim away from the whale sharks, I take it that's what you meant?

Looks like the gloves are going to have to come out of mothballs, I may even get myself a new pair of boots, I do need some.

― chris, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'M IN! CAN PLAY GOALIE IF REQD. OR NOT.

― Dr. C, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I will cheerlead for ILx and hand the team COLD BEERS in half time. YAY! I always wanted to be a cheerleader!! Now I finally can!!! I'm off to buy POM POMS!!!

― Sarah, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

also ack acks

― mark s, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Are you being rude, Mr Sinker? (or what the hell is an ack ack, anyway?)

― Ed, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think they're in The Empire Strikes Back.

― Jonnie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ack ack = not dissimilar from pom pom

― mark s, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

or boom booms. Like Big Bertha.

― Dr. C, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

can i cheerlead with you Sarah? i've never done it before. we can make up chants to put the other side off. what rhymes with COCKFARMER?? but best not let me near that cold beer... mmmmm, beeerrr....

― katie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sinister rhymes with cockfarmer - at least as much as Sol Campbell and c*nt.

― Jonnie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"ILE! RAH RAH RAH! SINISTARR ARE COCKFARMARRRS! GO ILE RAAAAHHH!!!!"

― katie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

who is in the sinister team by the way? Who is referee?

― jel --, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Anyone else? Looks like we only have 2 ILX players or is it 3 (are you ILX or sinister - Chris?)

― Dr. C, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm undecided so far, quite possibly Ilx though!!

― chris, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd be in for ILx - I'm the Goran Bunjecevic of park football!

― Jonnie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The question = when, I'm really fancying a game at the moment.

― chris, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes katie you can cheerlead with me BUT first we must make our CHEERLEADING OUTFITS which will involve the phrases 'cannot cope, off to mordor' and quite possibly 'killed by orcs, stupid orcs' OR quite possibly... ect ect ect.

― Sarah, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We'd need a mascot as well. Someone will have to wear a Pokemon outfit.

― jel --, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

uh-oh - OK sarah i am up for having our heaving chests emblazoned with "cannot cope" etc - but NOT for dressing up like a pocket monster. and no sniggering at the back.

― katie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Paging Mark S!!!!

― Sarah, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i'm still sulking that my pom-pom/ack-ack suggestion has not been explored

― mark s, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

half time "orange slices and that fall ep" indieness ahoy!

― Alan T, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

anorack-acks for goalposts, for example

― mark s, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

damn that tab/submit combo

I meant to add, i have NO intuition for football, but if you do find yourself short on numbers I could do with the exercise. I'm quite the sprinter, but otherwise a bit naff.

― Alan T, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wouldn't worry Alan, you'll fit in fine.

― chris, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Alan, are you otheriwse known as Chris Armstrong?

― Jonnie, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oo, what gave it away?

― Alan T, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hey Katie, Sarah: Team Rocket mascots with Meowth shaped pom-poms. But who gets to be James, and who Jessie. har har

― Alan T, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

this is a great idea! come on ilX-ers surely you can knock a team together, i would have to have a more advisory/orange-handing-out role i think. to give you some idea of the sinister levels of fitness, substitutions have been made in the past to allow players to have fag breaks...

― CarsmileSteve, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We should be called "TEAM ILX"!

― jel --, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ack Ack (I think) from A/A, anti-aircraft (gun). 'Ack' was the letter 'A' in the WW1 Phonetic Alphabet (like the later Able, Baker, Charlie, etc. or current Alfa, Bravo, Charlie, etc.)

Me too old to play football.
Possibly too boring as well.

― David, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Surely some rules are in order. Since I am American, I will decide.

i. equal number of men and women on the field at all times.

ii. no practicing.

― Tracer hand, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i. equal number of men and women on the field at all times.

In five-a-side football? I sense Solomonic decisions.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

not necessary; 2 + 3 = 2 + 3

(cue mark s conniption fit)

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I ponder at you gravely, Tracer Hand. *does so, with intent*

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 5 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So who do we have from ILX?

Jonny, Chris, Jel, me, Alan(?). That's 5.

Let's rumble!

― Dr. C, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have seen Big Dave in a football shirt. I don't think he's too old.

― PM, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How old IS 'big Dave' ? I'm bloody 40 fergodsake!

― Dr. C, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh oh I want to be Jessie because she is only bad because she had a tormented childhood! EG when her toys got stolen and when she couldn't be as good a nurse as the Chanseys and had to turn to evil! And she has such lovely hair.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Big" Dave is just Peter's little joke. Like a 7" single, I'm 45.

― David, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

HEY i am not being james! james is a mincing goon! if i am going to be ANYTHING pokemon-related (and i'm not) it will be CLEFAIRY and NOTHING ELSE! actually yes i will also consider being JIGGLYPUFF. but nothing else!

hey i have chosen all the pink pokemons!

― katie, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Like a wonky LP, I'm 33 and 3 quarters. According to the inside flap of his new book, Johann Cruyff only plays football with his grandchildren nowadays. But I don't know how old he is.

― PM, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

James also gets to wear elaborate gowns, and he gets all the good lines.

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*stamps foot* don'wannabejames!! wanna be PINK POKEMON!!

― katie, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All right, all right! I'd be James, but it looks scarily like I might be on the pitch (some of the pokemon are on the pitch, they think it's all Omastar, it is meowth).

"Or prepare to fight, fight, fight". Do you think he veers into sounding like Snagglepuss sometimes?

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 6 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Skipping 183 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I quite admired Tim's old skool centre forward play.

― Jonnie, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

mmmm, me too. although I was crying inside every time I hoofed the ball up the pitch, what an ugly way to play, but when you've got no subs and no-one can run that sort of thing tends to happen doesn't it?

― chris, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Poor Cabbage. I can see him now, flailing in tears as another 30- yarder goes awry. I can hardly watch.

― Ally C, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ally, it was worse than that, goal kicks hoofed into the box, hoping to land them on Tim or Doctor C's head. Mind you, G nearly scored with a lovely bicycle kick from one of them.

― chris, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

**That Dr C was a bit tasty though**.

I beg your pardon!

Look, we were humped big, but I think we gave it a go in the second half, and if it hadn't been for 3 late goals as we tired it wouldn't have been so bad. Anyway, well played Sinister. If we can get a few more players together we might be able to be a bit more competitive in a rematch. Can't see us *beating* those Sinister flibbertigibbets though.

For ILE I thought G showed touches of class, Tim H battled heroically up front and Chris kept out quite a few shots in the second half. The lowest point for me was attempting to hack down a Sinister chap, missing, but butchering Nick instead as he ran past. Sorry, Nick!

It was great to meet everyone again, and to meet The PF for the first time. Could've done with a bit more of Starry's Rum and Coke at half time.

― Dr. C, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'll start training. I can be a summer import. er.....for the summer.

― Ronan, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think we could beat them Doctor C, especially with a few extra players, bear in mind that's the first time we've all played together too.

― chris, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

no you guys PLEASE. practice = dud. trust me on this.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I blame the pitch, long grass, potholes, couldn't run or pass on that :)...but...I will gladly take my place on the subs bench next time...and try to not stuff my face with cakes the week before the match. Time for hot cross buns I think...

― jel --, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dr C = very much OTM. Unlike him, I *can* see an ILE victory at a later date, but let's enjoy this one while we have it.

Special mention: Dr C (tireless), Hopkins (tireless - well...), g (tough guy), Walton (skills 1), G (skills 2), Cazza (leadership), Welthorpe (Hollywood balls for Oscar night).

― the pinefox, Tuesday, 26 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm already looking forward to the rematch - I'm happy to play for whichever team needs the players.

Though Jel, I'd have thought that the poor conditions of the pitch would be much more suited to your hoof and hope strategy than our skillful passing game :-)

― Mark C, Tuesday, 26 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

**I'm happy to play for whichever team needs the players**

That'll be ILX then!

Seriously - let's get it on. We'll need a fit-again Jonnie and anyone else who fancies it.

The pitch - we would have been mullered even harder on a decent pitch I reckon, but it would be nice to have the rematch on a pothole-free surface. The ankle I turned near the end is fat'n blue. No effects pedals for a week or so!

― Tasty and Tireless Dr. C, Tuesday, 26 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Given my rather embarassing non-appearance on the pitch on Sunday I would definitely like to play again. Well, when I say play again I mean play for the first time.

― Jonnie, Tuesday, 26 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

For the Spurs!

― the pinefox, Tuesday, 26 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Crikey, I didn't realise they were in that much trouble.

Almost as hopeful as the other week when Chris Geddes thought he had a chance at Vogts' new squad.

― Ally C, Tuesday, 26 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was previously hoping to trace some Lichtensteinian blood, but it now seems they're as good as Northern Ireland, so I'll give it a miss.

It's a bit like my friend Harry, who's lkiving in Switzerland. He's a keen, moderately talented rugby player, and decided to find a club to play for. A colleague invited him along to a training session with the team he played for. Harry was very impressed at the standard of rugby, though a bit disappointed he wasn't guaranteed a game. Only when the next fixture was announced did he realise he's now playing for Geneva in the Swiss Premier League, and they're in contention for the championship :-)

― Mark C, Saturday, 30 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

six months pass...

Is there any interest in an ILX v Sinister re-match before Xmas?

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 October 2002 09:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Definitely! As long as ILX don't WUSS OUT again :)

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 17 October 2002 09:38 (twenty-three years ago)

**WUSS OUT**

You're gonna die Sinistah! (As long as it's not too cold and muddy).

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 October 2002 09:42 (twenty-three years ago)

we need to assemble a big squad, so that crappy players like me don't let the side down. So, step up to the plate and represent.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 17 October 2002 09:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I have no free time between now and December, I'm 'afraid'.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 17 October 2002 10:10 (twenty-three years ago)

But Tim you were the focal point of our attacks! Both of them.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 October 2002 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Jel is right - we need at least 50 players in our team. I'm happy to be put low on the list - I am old and slow and unfit, but I used to be pretty good (well, school team good, not pro-trials good).

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 17 October 2002 11:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay! Let's get it on! Sinister basically has a team, so it's up to you lot. I suggest aiming for 6 or 7 a side first off, so no-one gets too knackered. We'll even share subs this time, if necessary - we wouldn't want to give you an excuse to whine again...

But I think we have to be actually up for playing in the cold and wet. Well?

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 18 October 2002 21:39 (twenty-three years ago)

three months pass...

Why not get this on in a few weeks when the weather starts improve a bit. It doesn't HAVE to be ILX v Sinstah, even though that would be good, anything would be good - what about just getting a dozen or so players and having a five a side somewhere. Maybe on a *proper* 5-a-side pitch if anyone knows one.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

No?

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 13 February 2003 07:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Good call, doc. I think the sinister fc kids are up for this. What dates are good for you?

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 13 February 2003 09:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think sinister should play ilx again. We might lose only win 7-0, and all the talk would be of historic decline.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 13 February 2003 13:04 (twenty-three years ago)

That is - we might lose // or / we might only win 7-0 // or - whatever. I get the idea if you do.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 13 February 2003 13:05 (twenty-three years ago)

If I ever stop coughing from the 'recent' flu (i.e. it hit me first three weeks ago) I'll be up for a game, if you bear in mind that I am old and asthmatic.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 13 February 2003 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah - I'm thinking non-confrontational, hands-across-the-twee-divide football. Sinister has 5 or 6 who would turn out... if we could pool these with any interested ilxors we could have a good kick around.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 13 February 2003 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah - I'm thinking non-confrontational, hands-across-the-twee-divide football**

Yes, that's what I had in mind - I'd personally be up for a rematch against the Sinister axis of evil, but fear that we wouldn't get enough ILXers to make a game of it, similar to last time. I'm sure Martin would improve the ILX team (maybe shag the opposition to death? - only joking M ;), but we'd need to unearth a couple of Rooneys as well to trouble them.

Any ideas about a good venue - anoraks as goalposts again - or a *real* 5-a-side pitch? I once or twice played indoors at that Covent Garden place - Jubilee Hall? Does anyone know if you can book that, or do you have to be a member?

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'd love to play - i am young and asthmatic tho but if you need a goalie who sometimes like to drift outside the box ala Barthez, i'm yer man

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)

hmmm, I thought I'd hung my boots up but ......

― chris (chris), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:17 (twenty-three years ago)

hung up yer boots, cabbage!? You're only a lad!

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

creaky knee DrC creaky knee

― chris (chris), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

heehee that rhymes...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Moi aussi. A promising career ended through ~~chronic unfitness~~ a cruel injury.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

nine years pass...

I could've bumped the PE thread but I feel I need to attract the British contingent. Telling a friend about my scarred knee, I got to thinking about my school's football fields for the first time in years - they were called blaze, or blaise, or something like that, I say something like that because searching the internet suggests they don't exist outside the west of Scotland. A kind of fine red gravel that was so obviously a horrendous and sadistic surface to make anyone play contact sports on, hence the scarring, and the numerous other bloody incidents, that I wonder how it ever came about. Does anyone have experience with these? 9am, mid-December, red blaze field, Mitre Mouldmasters pounding your icy blue legs, dunno why this hasn't been adopted as a torture technique rly.

― michael nyman cat (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 10 April 2012 19:57 (fourteen years ago)

Feelin' u bro. Add incessant freezing horizontal rain/hail for the full gallery. Mouldmasters though, I swear they would momentarily expand & contract on impact so's to actually grip the skin as they cannoned off.

It's 'blaes' iirc, which I think means 'ashes'. Didn't realise they were unique to that part of the world.

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:05 (fourteen years ago)

Blaes, aye. Also exist in the north of Scotland, as my lifelong terror of TCP will attest to.

― ailsa, Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:22 (fourteen years ago)

ah, ash parks. my school had actual grass on our football field, as did the park adjacent to the house i lived in as a boy, but there were plenty ash parks around, and they still exist. i can still remember the bampots who would play on it as if it were grass, slide tackles in shorts and all that. they were made of sterner stuff than i. moldmaster against a cold thigh in the morning = deeply unpleasant.

― zverotic discourse (jim in glasgow), Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:26 (fourteen years ago)

ah, blaes! I imagine the popularity up north is/was due to grass fields being in no fit state for sport for half of the school year, so in pre-astroturf days it was as brutally durable as surfaces got. 'Ashes' is a bit of a euphemism too, I feel that ashes properly speaking wouldn't dig themselves into your flesh quite so handily.

― michael nyman cat (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:29 (fourteen years ago)

It may explain the high number of Glaswegians in management positions - no greater test of 'wanting it more' than a 50/50 on blaes. I don't think ash in the wound is actually fatal, but no effing way I was ever finding out.

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:29 (fourteen years ago)

yeah, i never felt like small red stones really equated to "ashes">

― zverotic discourse (jim in glasgow), Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:34 (fourteen years ago)

my scarred knee was caused by one of those notable bampots going all out in a one-on-one and squashing my legs into the ground in the process. I won the one-on-one though, and only at the end of the game did I notice my legs were soaked in blood. A rare bit of hardmannery from me. After that I became an even more reserved player, and he became a murderer.

― michael nyman cat (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:35 (fourteen years ago)

Yes, was more gravelly than ashy.

Just found this while googling for definition of what the fuck it was made of:

http://www.heraldscotland.com/sport/opinion/survival-tactics-were-the-main-strategy-needed-for-red-blaes-pitches.17245698

― ailsa, Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:36 (fourteen years ago)

After that I became an even more reserved player, and he became a murderer.

haw.

― zverotic discourse (jim in glasgow), Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:38 (fourteen years ago)

Those pitches would get overgrown and half-disappear quite nicely in the summer; or alternatively they would dry out entirely and send out a fine pink cloud when a breeze got up.

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:41 (fourteen years ago)

Legend has it that the terraces at Hampden were railway sleepers set in blaes, but I remember them as crumbling concrete with gaps you could lose a shoe down.

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, 10 April 2012 20:44 (fourteen years ago)

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