where does this rate on the asshole scale?

i remember the golden days before facebook where people still punched each other

I'd put some fear in the motherfucker.

10/10

if you knew what i looked like you would know i'm probably not in the best position to be punching people.

pistolwhip him

glass his face

motherfearfucker

Okay, what now?

Get meaner friends. xxp hahahaha

although i guess i have rage in my corner so maybe i could take him. i didn't consider violence, sadly.

make him fuck a cougar

doesn't he have to show up to steal the tips? everybody at your job knows who he is, right?

http://www.amazon.com/Louisville-Slugger-Adult-Wood-Baseball/dp/B000LAO4VK/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=sporting-goods&qid=1196283432&sr=8-1

nothing succeeds like overcorrection

call him homosexual in a hotel lobby where you work

uh Tom, dude quit

dope all his ramen with laxatives

I keep meaning to buy a baseball bat for home defense

No, dope all his laxatives with ramen!

*HINT* you don't have to be physically imposing to poison a dudes food *HINT*

hahahaha xxxpost

I recommend face-stabbing

would trashing his bike or something be out of the question?

I need a bat because sometimes I use my oven and this makes the cast iron pans too hot

GENTLEMEN WE HAVE ARRIVED AT A CONCENSUS, POISON IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD

A trained bat that could move hot pans for you would be pretty sweet.

hahahaha why do kidney punches and knees to the genitals seem totally appropriate but when you bring up trashing his bike my immediate reflexive response is "huh that might be a bit cruel"

tombot what are you on about with the bats

bike fuck up seems too mild. get a bunch of your friends take a bunch of steroids and then track him down and beat him

I am not at all kidding that beatdown is called for. stealing tips = wronger than wrongiest wrong

YOU OUGHT TO SMASH HIS FACE IN

I think we need to determine the range and subdivisions of the asshole scale before we can really answer this question.

i kind of want to smash his face in. he's a really smug kinda guy too. stealing tips is so wrong. shakey otm.

YEAH BUT HE'S BIGGER 'AN YOU, INNT HE.

Somewhere, in a dark basement, Shakey Mo adds another name to the death gloat list.

he's v. tall but skinny. a redwood to my... idk smalled but equally as skinny tree.

so he's a smug fuck on top of it, not just some dumb shaggy loser you could feel sorry for? smash his face in AND fuck up his bike

xp Elm?

Birch?

poplar

cut his achilles tendons like that one dude on Oz

you're in Texas, right?

We're pretty much the Wild Wild West right now in terms of shooting people 'cuz they done you wrong. Just drop a pocket knife next to his body or something.

i'm in missouri. wild wild midwest i guess.

bonsai duh

You should punch him on Facebook using X Me.

Get the boys together and kick his ass.

wait fuck his bike and then smash his face

he probably already spent the money on drugs. but, if you insist I suggest you get all your boys together and call him up and meet him outside a sports bar.

If he ripped your share of the tips off, he must have ripped off some other guy/s' share as well, right? Gang up on the fucker, issue beatdown.

Look, dudes, faces heal, but bikes need to be fixed. Fuck him up moderately but leave the bike alone. Or just steal it, I guess.

I think that was my apprehension re: bike too

STEAL THE BIKE IS A GREAT IDEA.

i wish he didn't live on campus so i could just egg his house and be done with it.

guys bike rape is not a joking matter

tailpipe.jpg

xpost That's TOTAL fucking B.S. -- THEY got robbed, not you. Part of holding onto your money for two weeks is taking responsibility for safeguarding it; if they don't want to run that risk, they should be divvying up tips nightly. (Sorry to be all stern and serious, but it's just SUCH bullshit, and I'd say far more assholish than the typical dude-steals-stuff part!)

(Also, if they don't count the tip money nightly, they should, because if it's only counted out every two weeks, god knows how many times people have just been skimming off a day or two's worth before it's divided up.)

note to que, you are needed here: What bikes do we lust over?

Celui qui recherche la vengeance devrait se souvenir de creuser deux tombes

TAUNT HIM IN AN UNFAMILIAR LANGUAGE

wait, do we even know if he owns a bike?

Corruption is government intrusion into market efficiencies in the form of regulation ... We have laws against it precisely so we can get away with it. Corruption is our protection. Corruption keeps us safe and warm. Corruption is why you and I are prancing around in here instead of fighting over scraps of meat out in the street. Corruption is why we win.

OMG OMG I wd be so confused right here but my roommate just rented that movie.

I think your management was more of an asshole than the guy who supposedly took the money.

yeah he owns a bike, used to ride it to work.

owner was an asshole. he lives in a different city and used to send real illiterate emails to our manager in the way only someone from j0plin, missouri could. i tried to obtain one to post on here, but never happened.

does he have a facebook?

or a bike?

or eat food?

You could videotape his bike in vulnerable moments and send him YouTube links with an ominous pitch-shifted voice-over that's all like "we could kill it at any moment," but the problem is that any dude who works in a place for one month and steals out weeks worth of collected tips = no way he still has that money, he stole it for a reason

and the reason was love :(

Love of coke, strippers, or paying back rent to avoid eviction?

i think he's just a dick. we all could have stolen the money if we wanted to, but we were all pretty good friends, respected each other, etc. i think the motive was "wow here is this money i will steal it" more than "i need some cash".

stop going on about it and do something, pussy.

can i just hire you to crush him for me?

http://comicsmedia.ign.com/comics/image/article/685/685662/sandman-20060203043140336.jpgFlint I'm not a bad person. I've just had bad luck.

I have no idea who that is Dan

That's the cannibal from Germany who put out a personal ad requesting a hot man he could kill and eat. I posted it because of the "eat his brains" post. I would have explained this sooner but one of my coworkers actually wanted me to work.

hire jw to fuck up his blog

hire heave ho

dude the "eat his brains" post was a fake if that wasn't totally fucking obvious

apparently it wasn't

OK, speaking of Robocop, who can be the first to dig up that Marisa thread where she was on about DVDs and technology and someone posted as Robocop and she was all like "I'm sorry to hear about your disability??"

haha

Um, I don't think the veracity of that post has any bearing on its validity for further riffing.

IOW, u mad

This thread me want a burrito.

I'm with the consensus way upthread. Your hand in my pocket=you get hurt, BAD. Size has nothing to do with it. It is all about the willingness to cause damage. A minibat is an excellent starting point. Also, since as I understand it, this guy stole from all your coworkers as well, you can easily get numbers on your side. If he gets away with this, he'll do it again, that's a promise. Fucking him up is a public service.

Tase him bro

God, god, god, fucking internends aplhpa shit!

If he gets away with this, he'll do it again, that's a promise.

RMELLLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oops that was supposed to say 'embezzlers.'

google bomb his ass - we can take care of that right here - 1st result: "this guy steals tips" ok

Embezzler
Repeat offender
J0rdan S. our defended
Never surrender
Always believe in your soul
you've got the power to KNOW!

jharblohsdfh somebody already said "hire heave ho"

ha

heave ha ha

find his phone number, call him up and say you're from a radio station, and tell him that he's won a prize (like an xbox 360 or something) and tell him to pick it up he has to drive to a specified location (like the local Pizza Hut).

Ask him what car he'll be driving and right after you get off of the phone, call the police and report that vehicle stolen in the immediate area near the local Pizza Hut.

http://www.morethings.com/fan/south_park/photo_gallery/eric-cartman-110.jpg

^^^will never be topped, this is greek tragedy shit right here

nah nah nah nah nah nah, you ate your parents....

scott is really not cool

hire heave ho

No need to hire, i'm willing to cyberstalk the dude 4 free

This thread: "I kick Norah Jone's ass and she just won several grammys. She can barely sing or play the piano. Either can any of the them compared to me. I now perform for only fifty thousand dollars, because we
quotes that Robocop exchange from somewhere else.

Put him in a Hyundai and push it gently into a tree