Did you miss me?

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When I was younger I used to be convinced that all the fun went on without me. I'd lie in bed at night and hear my older sisters shouting and laughing. As time went on this was replaced by an anxiety that the people on the school coach were arranging their social lives and planning things while I was sitting waiting for the 37 bus. By the time I got to university, it seemed to manifest itself in the perception that it was always the night before that people had had a riotous evening. I always seemed to catch people on their hangovers.

Related to this, but somewhat less miserable, was a sensitivity to missing elements in a routine social situation. When someone was off ill or something, on the surface everything went on as normal, the bear shat in the woods etc., but the school day always seemed identifiable different, depending on who was missing from the cast. You could feel the absence of x from everything. It's the same now at work, a bit.

There are certain people whose absence I notice from ILE when they're not around. It seems different without them. I assume it all goes to shit when I'm not here, of course. I'm off till Sunday. Have fun.

― , Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I never thought of it exactly in this way, but I did feel sometimes that I was missing out on things that weren't happening whenever I was around. It seemed to me that people were having fun without me, but that's because they didn't want me there. They were having fun simply because I wasn't there, not because something else was necessarily entertaining them more or less if I were there or not. It depended on my prescence in the room sometimes.

I agree about the siblings laughing whenever I wasn't there. It seems whenever I walk into a room or ask them what they are talking about, suddenly the humor was done with. Suddenly no one felt like talking anymore. I guess I have some type of infectious disease where the conversation must yield as soon as I acknowlege it because if it isn't, then somehow it will be infeected with my commentary. Probably like this thread, hm? Heh...

But in any case, I later realized that I don't need to have them to have fun. I can have fun just sitting in my bedroom, thinking about whatever comes into my head. I enjoy just reading a book, having time to myself, seeing it rain outside when I am sitting inside my cozy home. It's all simple pleasures, and that's the way I like it. Screw them, right? If they don't want me there, I don't want to be there in the first place. It's not so simple sometimes though.

― kimera, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What *did* happen to Dave Q, anyway?

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

He was Gale?

― bnw, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, where is Q?...He does disappear from time to time.

― jel --, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Still wondering about Nude Spock, too. And howabout Kondanshi?

― Sean, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Me = N.

=> N. = Creepy QED

― Graham, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You guys - are you all so unobservant? Dave Q has a girlfriend!!! Remember this: 'If anyone else uses italics on this thread, I'll rip them a new asshole.' signed - Dave Q's girlfriend. Then Dave Q: 'aaaah we're leaving.' Or something. If you miss Dave Q you should try to interest his girlfriend, I guess. But she probly thinks it's all too nerdy!

― maryann, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nude Spock comes and goes. He's not so constant anyhow. I always thought Kodanshi was Dave Q's friend. But he probably wasn't. Nick, if you didn't write on this thing I would miss it, because you're not conservative but you're not mean either, you're not boring but you're not cruel, you're not judgemental but you're not completely agreeable. Whoever has fun on this thing anyway?

― maryann, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I will miss picking on Nick! But my friend is getting married tomorrow so I'll probably be busy with that this weekend anyway.

― Nicole, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was stuck at Heathrow for 3 hours on Wednesday evening and I kept thinking "I bet those bastards at the ILE meet-up are having loads of fun". And I bet they were too, well more than me anyway.

― Tom, Thursday, 7 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I gather ILx collapsed in my absence.

― N., Sunday, 10 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And you are?

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 10 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm the one who is not conservative but not mean either, not boring but not cruel, not judgemental but not completely agreeable. TAKE THAT BATMAN.

What was Graham on about, btw?

― N., Sunday, 10 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Graham was saying that he feels the same way you do about sensitivity to absence (or whatever), and since you called him "creepy" and he's like you, you are therefore creepy, too, N.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Sunday, 10 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Curses.

― N., Sunday, 10 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mitch has it (though I agree with N on far too much)

I was thinking about this: It's probably not that other people have more fun when you're not around, it's that they seem to have more fun *generally*. So when you go and hang around with them, you actually want to *be* them (or at least assume their role). But because you're a less fun person (because you spend your time worrying about this crap), you will never be them, you will never [seem to] have as much fun as them, and because you're worrying about this you will never be as fun as them.

Have I just revealed myself to be the biggest most insecure mentalist around?

― Graham, Monday, 11 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*backs away slowly*

― N., Monday, 11 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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