First quarter film releases: the cinematic wasteland that is January to March

This surefire gobbler is on the front page of imdb today, and was the inspiration for this thread:

Untraceable - In Theaters January 25

<I>Special agent Jennifer Marsh (Diane Lane) works within a division of the FBI devoted to investigating and prosecuting criminals on the internet. Jennifer thinks she's seen everything, until a serial killer begins displaying his murders on his website. Not only that, the fate of each victim is decided by the number of hits to his site -- the more hits, the faster the victim dies. When the sinister game turns personal, Jennifer and her team have to race against the clock to find a mastermind who is virtually Untraceable.</i>

shut up.

that's not a real movie.

You wish! Me, too, actually.

Surely Be Kind Rewind and RAMBO will get the year started off right. I smell Oscar.

http://www.impawards.com/2008/posters/untraceable.jpg

Just for slocki

http://southwest.mpls.k12.mn.us/sites/ad26dc17-c8bc-4970-8795-bae99167aab3/uploads/kudos_4.jpg

I don't actually know when this is being released, but is this for real? It's surely a parody, right?

http://www.teddyblass.com/webimages/the_happening_poster.jpg

lol. I don't know when it's being released. (Ahem.) Except for the part where it says so at the bottom.

they got a ranch they call
number fifty-one
they got a ranch they call
number fifty-one
can't see it all
'less your flying by
just sitting there square
baking in the sun
beneath the sky

they're gonna put it down
right on the strip
they're gonna put it down
on the Vegas strip
they're gonna put it down
and step outside
into the lights
right outta that ship
saying Hi!

i was driving doing nothing on the shores of Great Salt Lake
when they put it on the air i put it in the hammer lane
i soon forgot myeslf and i forgot about the brake
i forgot all laws and i forgot about the rain
they were talking on the 9 and all across the amy band
across the road they were turning around and headed south with me
it got so crowded on the road i started driving in the sand
my head was feeling scared but my heart was feeling free
the desert turned to mud it seems that everybody heard
everybody was remembering to forget they had the chills
then i heard the voices on a broadcast from up on the bird
they were getting interviewed by some Goodman whose name was Bill
i'm almost there to Vegas where they're puttin' on a show
they've come so far i've lived this long at least i must just go and say
hello

I swear that stupid movie poster was there before. Ah well, you're probably better off without it.

When I lived in a smaller town january wasn't so bad because contenders were still trickling in. Now that I'm in a city w/ real theaters I'm hoping the wasteland won't be so barren. And there's always that odd experiment, like releasing Zodiac in early march.

My Blueberry Nights

lol that's gonna suck

There is a glut of bottleneck-delayed foreign films opening in NY this month that could make '08 a better film year than '07 by Groundhog Day (not that it would be hard).

My Blueberry Boats

2007 was saved by december

I wouldn't know; I didn't want to be bled on for Christmas.

uh?

Nearly all the highly praised new releases are fulla gore, see?

oic

the PTA one is gore mostly on paper

that Enchanted movie looked very violent

"highly praised" by someone other than professional quote whores, Mr Carville

that romanian abortion film is out here this weekend. woop-de-do.

and it's the best movie of the year imo

I believe AO Scott thought it very nice, Mr. Chips.

Untraceable - In Theaters January 25

saw tv ad for this last night .... omg

also: One Missed Call!! if it goes straight to voicemail ... then you die!!

I still have a lot of catching up to do with the furren films.

'vantage point'

Woody's latest bad Brit thriller

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073498/

Meet the Spartans

The Jan-March NYC arthouse releases look better than the whole of '07 to me.

WHO ELSE IS EXCITED FOR "TEETH" ANYONE

http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/teethposter.jpg

literalized vagina dentata horror-comedy directed by roy lichtenstein's homo son, fyi

oh no... "a pierced cock being devoured by a rottweiler" (not a spoiler, I hope)

seems like one of those movies where the execution can't ever do the concept justice.

plus the annoying son from Nip/Tuck is in it.

it is one of six movies that have an IMDB keyword for "eating penis" by the by

John Waters won't be topped (ahem)

Araki's Smiley Face deserves to be released in the dead zone end of the year. (Alright, April isn't exactly what the thread title calls for, I'm just sayin'.)

I'll write you a waiver, if it's really that mediocre.

eric you just weren't stoned enough

Smiley Face was released in NY last week. For a week.

Paranoid Park is terrific, as I said elsewhere.

Never Back Down, release date MArch 14.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023111/

Set against the action-packed world of Mixed Martial Arts, "Never Back Down" is the story of Jake Tyler, a tough kid who leads with his fists, and, often, with his heart. Jake Tyler, played by Sean Faris, is the new kid in town with a troubled past. He has recently moved to Orlando, Florida with his family who has relocated to support his younger brother's shot at a professional tennis career. Jake was a star athlete on the football team at home, but in this new city he is an outsider with a reputation for being a quick tempered brawler.

Making an attempt to fit in, at the invitation of a flirtatious classmate, Baja (Amber Heard) Jake goes to a party where he is unwittingly pulled into a fight with a bully named Ryan McDonald (Cam Gigandet). While he is defeated and humiliated in the fight, a classmate introduces himself to Jake and tells him about the sport known as Mixed Marshall Arts (MMA). He sees a star in Jake and asks that he meet with his mentor, Jean Roqua, played by Djimon Hounsou ("Blood Diamond," "In America").

It is immediately apparent to Jake that MMA is not street fighting, but rather an art form he wants to master. Roqua will take Jake under his wing, but it is up to Jake to find the patience, discipline, willingness and reason within him to succeed. For Jake, there is much more at stake than mere victory. His decision will not just settle a score; it will define who he is.

Always Believe It
Winners Never Quit
You Make Me Wanna Shout
Standing Tall
Be All That You Can Be

See Hollywood I have five good movies plz to call me okay.

The Final Countdown

Dance the Night Away

Lady in Red

Stance

Vision Dreams

Forgive or Forget

Ten Million Dollars

The Last Dragon Herder

The Piltdown Man

Victory Dance

The saddest thing is I'm enough of a mma geek that I will probably watch this.

Dunce Cap (this is a wacky indie)

sorry I have spoiled yr thread with a diarrhea of generic film titles, mr. rags.

Don't be.
It's an amazing simulation of this week's movie listings.

Woman on the Beach is splendid, but perhaps never coming to a theater near you.

Oilyrags, I think being an Abercrombie & Fitch geek would work better than MMA for Never Back Down (tho a gayer dumbass Karate Kid sounds like laffs to me).

I never thought of the Karate Kid as gay, but it sounds to me like you're on to something here.

Still Life and The Witnesses, added to the Hong mentioned above, do indeed push '08 past '07 as a filmgoing year for me already.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0859765/

http://www.strandrel.com/In_Theaters_Details.asp_Q_id_E_238

Tourniquet

Sanguinary Principal

Duffel Boys

A Night on the Roof with Dad

http://defamer.com/352343/will-ferrell-hopes-you-drink-enough-bud-light-to-make-his-semi+pro-character-seem-fresh

A sequel to the Da Vinci Code? Roberto D'Aubuisson never did anything to deserve this.

Okay, it's past March, but still.