Lessons learned from "World's Wildest Police Videos"

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Rupert Murdoch's FX Cable network tonight is treating the nation (US) to a FOUR HOUR MARATHON of real cops, real crooks, real crime, all here, all wild (and all reruns - I don't think they have more than four hours total of these in the vaults). Still, I love it for how the sound is enhanced with obviously canned brake, tire and crash noises (even from POV of helicopter, blocks away), and above all, for the high likelihood that the suspect abandoning vehicle to continue flight on foot will be sporting a mullet!

So, next time you run from the fuzz, what do's and don'ts will you observe to keep livin' free?

― Curt, Monday, 11 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"What's about to happen next is incredible!"

― Curt, Monday, 11 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

do not run over your wife with the pickup truck - it makes a mess, and you'll be pulling shit out of yr tires for weeks

― Queen G, Monday, 11 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Do not drive fast into lampposts and trees and ditches.

Once I was hiding behind a hedge at night and a cop car was circling the streets saying through a loudhailer, 'we have your friend, come out!' I came out. I think the cops were influenced by cop footage. At least, they thought they were pretty damn clever. They wanted to hear their booming voices and use strategy. Why didn't they just go home? All we did was break into the room where the PTA was having a meeting and steal their food. And that was only because we were hungry. We used to get so hungry that we begged for food in the malls. Once I didn't eat for a week and then I ate a whole chicken in a sitting. Cops are so stupid. They're just legalised dogs, as No-Tag said: 'there was no funny smell in the bathroom that day/they just wanted an excuse to put us away.' No-Tag understood me. I had a dilemma: if I was raped, would I report it to the cops? Today I love cops. I saw some walking through a suburban mall. They were a head taller than everyone else. Their feet seemed to fall really heavily. They could have been walking in slow motion. I want to be a cop.

― maryann, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The problem is, they only look cool when they're walking through suburban malls. Cause then they're not scared. When they confront real crims they get nervous, it all goes awry. Then they look like 'pigs'. The only way you could maintain your cop status in the face of a deadly crim is if you didn't care about your life. Who is there that doesn't care about their lives? The truly hardened crim. Cops know nothing about aesthetics. Can they not forget their fears for the sake of the beauty of a hardened aesthete facing a hardened crim? A hardened aesthete would simply stare into space as the criminal approached with his gun.

― maryann, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If you are an elephant, it does not pay to steal a peanut truck. I know you love peanuts, because it is in your nature, but they will hunt you down like a DOG and chase you across a six-lane highway and then you will go to elephant jail, and is that what your mother raised you for? Is it?

― xwerxes, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Did they show the episode where they pull the skinny guy out from under the couch?

(I know I know.... plagiaristic ol' me)

― Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry about that digression. In answer to your question, I mean, seriously, if you wanted to get away from the cops, you oughtn't to get into a car in the first place. If you're being chased, get out of the car as soon as you can. Why do they always wait until they've crashed into a tree? Americans are so stupid.

― maryann, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I just remembered, tho, that Americans are the most sedentary nation in the world, are they not? I've heard that the cops are also rather plump though, which would render the chase equal once more.

― maryann, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like the idea of plump Americans chasing each other fast behind the wheels of cars and then getting out and lumbering, panting, after each other.

― maryann, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i like the fact that coemdy in the 1920s is drama now

― anthony, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Maryann, we Americans spend so much time in our cars because the stereos sound so good. The only thing that gets us to leave is our 35" TVs. Why should criminals be any different?

― Curt, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, I wonder what the Criminals are listening to on their stereos. Does cops on tv provide a 'pumping' soundtrack? I've forgotten what they consider 'car chase music.' Is it politely screaming guitars, a la the Beverley Hills 90210 theme?

― maryann, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, "World's Wildest Police Videos" uses almost no music - a rare instance of restraint - but makes up for it with a cacophony of sirens, sqealing tires, and static-y police radio chat. "Cops" is a similar show (fewer car chases) with "Bad Boys", the reggae tune, as its soundtrack.

― Curt, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

1. Guys that stab their wife then steal cars drunk and drive them very poorly at 100mph+ and crash spectacularly flipping over and shit with no seatbelt....will survive and get 2 years.....you hesitate a little making a left and some guy going 40 will kill your kids and leave you horribly disfigured.....God looks out for assholes.

2. I am a very strange person because when I see a cop get killed on video it's no big thing, but when a police dog gets it, my heart drops and I honestly hope the guy that killed the dog gets tortured in impossible ways......that whole wu-tang monologue.....feeding you....feeding you.

― Ramosi, Tuesday, 12 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

two months pass...

Do know the roads when you lead cops on a high speed chase. Don't pepper spray a cop and then lead police on a high speed chase. When you come to a dead end and abandon your vehicle to flee on foot, make sure one of the cops does not happen to be a K9 unit. When you have a gun drawn to your head after the K9 unit gets you, do surrender.

― Tommy Bauer, Sunday, 26 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What I learnt from having my car stolen (and recovered)

(1)it is a good idea to take everything saleable out of the car before joyriding into the city. Also remove anything that is obviously a tool used for breaking into/starting cars.

(2)If you are stopped by the police at a random checkpoint DO NOT accelerate away as this will raise their suspicions.

(3)If you are chased by the police then do not travel at 110 kmph the wrong way down a one way street as ditto.

(4)If you cannot avoid (3) above try and make sure that the street is not dead end.

(5)If you cannot avoid (4) above DON'T PANIC - simply get out of the car and run. The police are not very likely to catch you.

(6) NEVER steal white ford lasers in Meadowbank because they are cheap and slow and poor people need them to get to work. Why not go just a few suburbs over and get Mr Bank's ferrari? It will be a challenge

― issadora, Sunday, 26 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

I just love Sherrif John Bunnel he is sooooo funny........ Rule number 1- Don't run away from Cops... Rule number 2- If you run away from them, don't run home.... Rule number 3- If you run home looking for a safe shelter, you might end up in a safer shelter.........BEHIND BARS...........

― Lisa, Sunday, 7 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Great Quotes from John Bunnell

"The questions are hard...the answers are tough...the video is wild!" "A scenic ride through the country side is about to get wild!" "This guy makes for a pretty funny drunk...but noooooothing is funny about driving under the influence." "A K-9 can be a cops best friend or in some cases a criminals worst nightmare!"

― , Sunday, 14 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"This fatal high speed collision was pretty funny ... until it went horribly wrong!"

― maryann, Monday, 15 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember seeing one of those shows when the car was being chased by a police van which had POLICE DOGS written on the back, POLICE on the l/hand side and DOGS on the r/hand side. As this was in the uk it would imply there were DOGS driving, which is pretty scary.

― MarkH, Monday, 15 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.asienhaus.org/galerie/lkws/photos/lkw0001.jpg

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 15 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

nine years pass...

World's Wildest Police Videos seems so quaint when compared to the Russian Dash-Cam Supercut

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlxHPJAONpE

― Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 19 June 2012 01:35 (thirteen years ago)

That was p. cool.

We all know the one friend we *need* to share that with...

― Cunga, Tuesday, 19 June 2012 04:47 (thirteen years ago)

1:38 is pure class

― Jesu swept (ledge), Tuesday, 19 June 2012 08:47 (thirteen years ago)

one year passes...

Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=SVoI3hB4IiM

― Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 16 July 2013 10:42 (twelve years ago)

Part 2: The cylinders begin exploding

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlXsxi20ymc

― Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 16 July 2013 10:43 (twelve years ago)

(part 1 again) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVoI3hB4IiM

― Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 16 July 2013 10:43 (twelve years ago)

Man, I get the feeling that trucks full of explosive gas just don't tip over all the damn time in the U.S. Or is it just that we don't have cool camera cars?

― how's life, Tuesday, 16 July 2013 11:07 (twelve years ago)

Love how that will.i.am/Britney track starts just as the accident happens.

― Meine Damen und Herren, ein grosse sh*tstorm! (snoball), Tuesday, 16 July 2013 11:35 (twelve years ago)

five months pass...

If you can't bring a gun to a knife fight, a shovel will do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pX3z05ro69s#t=219

― Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 31 December 2013 10:20 (eleven years ago)

eleven months pass...

Best of 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2I8kWwTFfI

― Elvis Telecom, Saturday, 27 December 2014 22:21 (eleven years ago)

BTW, some obvious accident-related trauma going on in there. Heads up.