C/D: Being a hard-ass about getting loaned money back from people who you know are worse off than you right now

I'm sure others won't agree but yeah I'm with you man.

In fact though I may come off as wishy-washy I am all for taking a hard-line as far as sticking to it as regards favors you do for not-so-good friends.

You are absolutely right.

also I'm guessing there's a good chance he'll make up another excuse two weeks from now.

These are the sorts of debts that go on forever and then somehow turn into "Hey wait I'll buy you a drink because I owe you money" fucking nonsense.

xpost yep

I totally agree. If dude owes you money, and shows now effort to pay you back, its kind of bullshit.

Calling him on it is fine over here.

I was recently on the other side of this, quite aggressively. :( Fair's fair, I know, and I hated not being able to pony up, either, but I cannot get blood out of a rock and people are late in paying ME.

hahahahahaha JJ OTM, I was like "bitch you better be buying me a $600 fucking mojito bitch".

I actually said that!

Out loud!

From my interaction with you on this board alone Laurel you are probably a much better person than this guy and I'd be a lot more forgiving if you owed me money.

If he's a lavish and idiotic spender, then all this probably means is that he'll have to buckle down and be miserable for two weeks, not that he won't be able to cover rent, or have his phone and his electricity cut off.

You might want confirm that first, though -- that he can in fact handle covering the debt, and is just trying to put it off until it's more convenient for him.

Laurel I know I don't know you that well but you definitely don't seem like a "the most lavish and idiotic spender I've ever met", and are also probably a good friend to people.

haha xposts with other nice guys

Well, the person I owed it to decided to be a hardass, partly for reasons of his own. So I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach for a while, cried about it and was intimidated for a bit, then just got too tired to care whether he wanted to be aggro, then kind of called him on gratuitous meanness, then finally paid it. Jesus Christ.

xpost Yeah, I pressed him to make sure the check wouldn't bounce. Obviously if it does I'm going to hit him for any attendant fees.

I'm assuming you've seen the Family Guy where Brian owes Stewie some money?

never loan people money unless it's your job.
never expect to get paid back if you do.
never.

He has the letters O, T, and M in his friggin NAME people!

If he borrowed from you with a promise to pay it back by a certain date, then no you shouldn't extend it. If he can't pay it all by that date, he should at least make good on part of it. If he's not going to make his rent or utilities because of it, point him to ModestNeeds.org or a city/county relief organization.

Tombot OTM - don't lend it if you can't give it outright.

I have another friend who still owes me $200 from two years ago where I actually not only loaned him the money but did him a huge favor by getting him out of a desolate tow yard at midnight and taking him to get gas (incidentally it was the second time in two days he had run out of gas). He's a bit hapless, but at least he's a nice guy.

isn't everybody taught this like the first time your parents entrust you with some spare change?

The situation in the original post was a bit more complicated than an outright loan. I don't want to get into it, but this wasn't a guy I would directly loan money to.

Well see if the check were going to bounce, or covering it was going to leave him without money for food for two weeks, then I'd feel bad for the guy, because he legitimately wouldn't be able to pay you. But "lavish and idiotic spender" makes it sound like he's thinking, you know ... "I could probably cover this, but then I'd be really broke for two weeks and would have to eat at cheap restaurants and not buy coke, so I should cover it with the next paycheck." (If he were smart he would give you half of it, which would look good-faith and still split the damage manageably over two paychecks.)

No, Tom, I never learned anything about managing money or getting ahead. Clearly, because I still work in publishing and live with six other people.

I assume if he were really desperate for the money, he would have made his desperation more clear when I denied him.

srsly why did my dad have "the talk" about sex and not money. i was already riding the school bus by that point, it's not like i needed blowjobs and vaginas explained. teach me double-entry bookkeeping and what the hell a "budget" is

wait that makes it sound like i was riding a sexy, fun bus. i wasn't. i just overheard the older kids talking and tried to avoid running afoul of D____ C___

dick cooties

:-/

But "lavish and idiotic spender" makes it sound like he's thinking, you know ... "I could probably cover this, but then I'd be really broke for two weeks and would have to eat at cheap restaurants and not buy coke, so I should cover it with the next paycheck."

Wait, you know him?

as a rule I don't loan anybody money but certain people always end up owing me for rent on our band space, which gets outta hand pretty quickly. there's kinda no avoiding this, since if I waited to collect from everyone before paying rent we would be evicted almost immediately... so yeah I sympathize with having to be a tightass about stuff like this.

he's a cokehead? deposit the check. also, never lend money.

Well, the person I owed it to decided to be a hardass, partly for reasons of his own. So I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach for a while, cried about it and was intimidated for a bit, then just got too tired to care whether he wanted to be aggro, then kind of called him on gratuitous meanness, then finally paid it. Jesus Christ.

oh, that jw guy a tough one

(If he were smart he would give you half of it, which would look good-faith and still split the damage manageably over two paychecks.)

That would have been the smart thing for him to do.

Ugh, the other day I loaned a buddy a couple hundred bucks. Then the next day learned he owed at least two other friends similar amounts of money and had also lost his job without telling me before asking for the money. Good work, all involved.

he's a cokehead? deposit the check. also, never lend money.

^^^^ for realz. fuck a cokehead

i have a couple friends i've lent money to and would again cuz i know they've needed it and payed it back exactly when they said they would. i don't mind doing the favour. AND i volunteered it almost every time. other people, i would never for the very reasons.

hurting i think you are absolutely right.

If nothing else, being a hardass with him may make him shy away from you a little more, which mightn't be a bad thing, eh?

Haha, I wouldn't take my joke and Hurting's "you know him" as some kind of definitive cokehead statement, geez!

I will admit, though, I am familiar with that feeling where you know that if you pay off a bunch of stuff, you could get through two weeks to the next paycheck on $150 or whatever, but it means you'll be eating beans for dinner and won't even be able to buy coffee in the morning and will be sitting there thinking hard about whether you can afford to buy a Snickers and you can't really go out or pick up a bottle of wine or anything and those two weeks will be a misery ... this makes it perfectly natural to say "can I maybe pay you back after the next paycheck," but certainly just as natural for lender to say "no, buddy, but let me know if you need any ramen."

ya it's kind of big deal that you dont actually seem to like this guy. all bets = off. xp

Cokehead = credit risk

Cash that motherfucker. Do not pass go, do not deposit.

I wouldn't call him a full-blown cokehead. Boozehound for sure though.

Hahaha nabisco you have described my daily life. There is a David Sedaris where he talks about being young/poor in NYC and would have to choose between eating a meal or walking 50 blocks (no bus fare if meal eaten), and always hoping to find "dinner for one" old people recipes about making things out of turkey necks. That's pretty much me, about 2/3 the time. (But it is because I am trying to keep savings so I don't have to be the asshole asking to borrow $$$.)

xpost -- Although it's fun, following the ups and downs of those periods, when you're like "I'm going CRAZY tonight, I'm gonna SPLURGE, I will have fries with that," and then when you do get paid again it's like you've re-emerged into this magical world where you can just have a milkshake or get a magazine and it's seriously not even a big deal

xpost -- Yeah, see, "boozehound" implies paying you back will subject him to ... not drinking for a couple weeks, most likely? Which is far from anything you could feel bad about. Not going out for a couple weeks is kinda sucky, but it's a pretty even trade for someone having given you a bunch of money.

Boozehound = slight credit risk, but not rising to the level of cokehead.

Sort of like a low 600s v. a high 300s on the credit spectrum

it's hard. I'm pretty easygoing the first time around but if it becomes a pattern, that's it.

My family, love em to death, I loaned them $1200 about 7 months ago. they promised to pay me back in increments. hasn't happened. probably won't.

they bought a flat screen tv (granted, on credit, but how do you think that looked to me) and I mean I hateto say it but that was on top of $500 I had already loaned them. they get zilch from me until that $1200 is back.

I hate saying something like that as when I was much younger they bailed me out a lot, which is why I help out in the first place, but....I don't toil heavy work weeks to make money for other people. If I establish the money is a gift and doesn't need to be repaid, that's one thing, but if it's a loan, you promise to pay it back, then hope I forget about it....that's just not right.

oh and on top of that my bro owes me $300 from 2006

any sort of "hound" = cash the check w/o remorse. you'll be doing dude a favor.

but yeah, nabisco otm, even though i'm hardly impoverished, it's always nice to go bonkers and get a cup of coffee on the way to work

they bought a flat screen tv (granted, on credit, but how do you think that looked to me) and I mean I hateto say it but that was on top of $500 I had already loaned them. they get zilch from me until that $1200 is back.

wait, they need to borrow money from you and then they go buy a television? the most useless of all household appliances? wow. at least you can say you have ballsy genes.

yea, I mean....I dunno. they mean well, but the reason it grates on me is that they used to borrow from me when I DIDN'T have money....

oh wells....the good thing is I'm fine when I'm not expecting it back so if by some miracle I do get it back it's like a tax refund...

it's always nice to go bonkers and get a cup of coffee on the way to work

Ha: I had this period of epic grad-school poverty where I'd go get coffee with a friend, and I'd say "sorry, I'm going to pay with quarters," and he'd say "oh, me too," and then a week later I'd say "sorry, I'm going to pay with dimes," and he'd say "oh, I'm down to nickels."

This was also around the time I'd buy a $1 hot dog off the street and take it up to my desk and my boss would be like "why are you cutting it in half, what, are you saving the rest for later?" and I'd have to keep myself from screaming YES I AM PAY ME MORE

xpost - a flat-screen TV is a bit much, if you already have a TV and owe someone money, but I do sympathize with that whole thing where you're self-conscious about having borrowed money, and suddenly the person you borrowed it from is like "are those new jeans?" and it's kinda ... I mean, you're gonna spend SOMETHING on yourself at some point

oh yea honestly im not that type but the tv was totally a luxury teheir old one wasn't flat but it was large

people need clothes, old or new. television is different.