Fast Show - brilliaaaantttt or arse

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Apex of UK comedy in the 90's or just a bunch of catchphrases destined to be parroted by humourless dullards. (Spare us from office jokers etc....)

― Billy Dods, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, unfortunately the point of the fast show was to take the piss out of office jokers, so I'm guessing it went rather wrong somewhere. it was never that funny anyway, and now they keep showing 'last ever episode'[s], it's got worse.

bill

― Bill, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Name me a successfully hilarious comedy operation which hasn't in time been somewhat co-opted by dull office workers...

Bill = certifiably insane (which is promising cuz I need someone with dud TV taste to ride after the Historic Buffy Compromise Accords signed under UN auspices at Piquenique- dans-le-ceil...)

[Emergency UN session called: has mark s ALREADY broken the truce with inflammatory post implying DG's TV tastes are "dud"? "I said no such thing," insisted a clearly flustered yet defiant mark s today, outside his Hackney home Les Trois Ours Dépoillés. "DG's TV tastes were at no timec referred to."

― mark s, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Earlier series of Fast Show: ace. Last one: big disappointment. Final Xmnas specials: dismal. Smut replaced wit.

― the pinefox, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There was a sketch in the live show where Colin Hunt (the office joker guy) came on and said how much he loved the Fast Show and how he used to repeat all the catchphrases at work which was pretty cool seeing at it was attacking a quite sizable section of it's own audience.

Yes, it's catchphrase based comedy but it's done very well and doesn't fall into the Harry Enfield trap of sketches where someone says something, then someone else says another, then one of them says their catchprase and that's it.

― jamesmichaelward, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I loved the Self-Righteous Brothers sketch Paul Whitehouse and Harry Enfield did at the Amnesty benefit ("Well, Enfield's the consummate comedy genius"... "Nah, everyone knows Whitehouse came up with all the jokes and Enfield took all the money!").

Yes, the final series and Xmas specials were arse, but I reckon it will come to be seen as the 'Til Death Do Us Part/Fawlty Towers/Only Fools And Horses of the 90s. Well, at least I can't think of anything else this morning, anyway.

― John Davey, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Come on, you all know what happens when we make fun of dull office people...

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Its alright making fun of dull office people - for their dullness. It just gets a little heated when the suggestion comes round that working in an office equals dull person.

― Pete, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

four years pass...

i absolutely LOVE the fast show.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 12:33 (nineteen years ago)

yeah it's probably completely dud to quote the lines from the fast show, but it won't stop me and my husband from doing it. "the thirteen duke of wybourne! here! at 3 am in the stables? what WERE they thinking? they are absolutely bonkers! oooh daisy!!!!" (moooing in the background) ah fuck it, i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it. i think it's utterly BRILLIANT.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 12:37 (nineteen years ago)

it's very good. a bit dated now, but at the time it was really cutting edge. No-one had really taken the repetitive gag that far before.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 23 March 2006 12:39 (nineteen years ago)

I think it did fall into this trap towards the end, and it's led to a whole load of similar formulaic shite (the worst offender being Little Britain). I thought most of the Fast Show was great, but the unfunny bits were precisely the bits where it was catchphrase and nothing else (especially 'This week I'll be mostly...' and 'You int seen me, roight?').

― Tehrannosaurus HoBB (the pirate king), Thursday, 23 March 2006 12:44 (nineteen years ago)

at least those got the joke over and done with. just thinking about little britain is starting to boil the blood in my digits so I'll stop writing now..

...must... stop... no... writing angry...s tuff.. about... Little... Britain... can't... breathe...

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 23 March 2006 13:49 (nineteen years ago)

Also, as I'm sure I've said somewhere else on ILE in the past, it was sometimes able to veer very naturally into profoundly moving seriousness, e.g. final Rowley Birkin and final Ralph and Ted sketches.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 23 March 2006 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

did anybody ever set their VCR for the fast show in case they miss an episode?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

I was travelling around Australia / Thailand for the third series and forced my parents to video the whole thing.

― Tehrannosaurus HoBB (the pirate king), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

it must have been tempting to tape just one show and dub it 12 times!

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:11 (nineteen years ago)

(My last post was unintentionally ambiguous - I would like to point out that my parents didn't video me travelling)

― Tehrannosaurus HoBB (the pirate king), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

The final Rowley Birkin was really moving. Much as I liked Ted and Ralph, I think they were a bit overexposed for me.

Hi I'm Ed Winchester – wtf was that about?

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:15 (nineteen years ago)

teh hobb, in thailand
http://www.gillweb.com/brilliantheader.jpg

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:16 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, Hobb, I'll bet when you were travelling around Australia/Thailand you must have had some crazy nights and lazy days!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

single-handedly responsible for a generation of people saying '... nice'.

― Real Goths Don't Wear Black (Enrique), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:18 (nineteen years ago)

Disco Baby, Sexy Baby, Hot!

― Tehrannosaurus HoBB (the pirate king), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

'hellair! we're cockneys.'

― Real Goths Don't Wear Black (Enrique), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

Monkfeeesch

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

maybe it's a bit dud if you're in england? i dunno, i just find it so amusing! i can't stop giggling at the "black!" sketches.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

It makes me nostalgic, only partly for the programme itself

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

'hellair! we're cockneys.'

"Check me once whiteboy. I am a Yardie, Kingston born and bred"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

haha i've said that, because it's true.

― Real Goths Don't Wear Black (Enrique), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

I have a sort of reluctant nostalgia for the programme, not because it wasn't funny, but because when I think of it I think of Friday nights with me and Laura on the sofa straining to stop ourselves from falling off it in laughter when watching it.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

Five years on, I stand by my dud TV taste. As I don't even have a TV now, I feel my reliability in this position may have been strengthened.

― Bill (bill), Thursday, 23 March 2006 14:51 (nineteen years ago)

Oh Marcello. :-(((( I'm sorry. :-(((((

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:07 (nineteen years ago)

Don't worry about it, it doesn't get me down like it used to.

What I will say, though, is that the Jazz Club sketches could only have been written by someone who loves improv through and through.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:15 (nineteen years ago)

Did John Thompson write them? I remember him complaining that every time he went to HMV to buy jazz cd's the assistants would always say 'hmmmm, niiiice". Occupational hazard of being a comedian I guess.

Too many great and memorable moments to really pick out one but the Ralph and Ted drinking game sketch, floored me with it's highwire mix of tragedy and comedy.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

Does My Bum Look Big In This was dud, apart from the Nouvelle Vague sketch that ended with said catchphase in French.

But so much of the Fast Show was great. I liked Jesse's Diets. It had a nice Beckettian absurdity to it (that's my bid for Pseuds corner)

Ah, those halcyon days when Friday night meant Shooting Stars, Fast Show and Father Ted.

― stew!, Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

"Stuck in a hole! In the FOG! IN A HOLE! IN THE FOG!!!" etc

was always my favourite

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:44 (nineteen years ago)

Has no one mentioned the "Black! Black!" guy? He's my favourite.

The alcoholic family was great as well.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

"Stuck in a hole! In the FOG! IN A HOLE! IN THE FOG!!!" etc
was always my favourite

Me too. I'm a fully qualified hiking rambler (or something).

― Tehrannosaurus HoBB (the pirate king), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:47 (nineteen years ago)

Classic too for adding a little to Darlington (and Teessides) role in absurdist comedy history.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:51 (nineteen years ago)

"Also, as I'm sure I've said somewhere else on ILE in the past, it was sometimes able to veer very naturally into profoundly moving seriousness, e.g. final Rowley Birkin and final Ralph and Ted sketches."

Marcello's completely on the money here, I was about to say the same thing myself.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 23 March 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

Has no one mentioned the "Black! Black!" guy? He's my favourite.

Mine too! Oh, he cracks me up! A very similar ROFLesque show here is: In De Gloria. This is why I love my husband so much: he has BRRRRILLLIIIIAAAANT taste in comedy. :-) And women. ;-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

The correct name (on the scripts) of the "BLACK! BLACK! PIN STEW MOTHER!" guy is The Nice Painter, btw.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 23 March 2006 16:40 (nineteen years ago)

EXTERIOR, COUNTRYSIDE: The Nice Painter and his wife are painting a landscape.
Painter: That's a lovely green, isn't it?
Wife: That's lovely. So lush. Just bursting with life.
Painter: Yes, and the thing is - the funny thing with colour - is that I just need to mix in a little bit of purple to set the green off.
Wife: Mm. As a sort of visual echo to the purple in the heather, hm?
Painter: Yes, that's right. That's right. Now I must... not get too carried away with the green. Remember to leave some room... for that road and that little house, over there.
Wife: Mm. I love the, er, dark 'V' that hill's making on the horizon.
Painter: Yes, it's very dark, isn't it? It's, er, almost... black.
Wife: Johnny!
Painter: Yes, I shall... I shall need to get the black out.
Wife: Johnny!
Painter: Yes. Black. Black. Black! Like the clouds of death that follow me into the Forest of Doom! And hide in the wardrobe of darkness! Black!
The Nice Painter covers his painting with black.
Painter: Black! Black!
The Nice Painter covers his wife's painting with black.
Painter: Black! Black!
The Nice Painter kicks his paint box over.
Painter: Black! Listen! Listen! Do you hear? The moon is weeping in a secret room! They tap at my window, with tiny pools!
Wife: I-I think we'd better be going home now, Johnny.
Painter: Oh! Oh! The monks are troubled and full of woe! I'm a fly! Trapped in a jar of shadows!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA Oh man.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 17:09 (nineteen years ago)

The Nice Skinhead

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 09:07 (nineteen years ago)

Listen! Listen! Do you hear? The moon is weeping in a secret room!

Awesome.

Did anyone see that show with PW and Chris Langham as a shrink? Was out of the country and missed it. Any good?

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 10:35 (nineteen years ago)

It was magnificent and dazzling - a particularly brilliant set of performances by Whitehouse. It was called Help. I recommend watching it when they reshow it.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 30 March 2006 11:18 (nineteen years ago)

Sminky pinky

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:09 (nineteen years ago)

A compilation of the weirder/off-kilter sketches would be great. I loved the Cockneys one where they ask a local (Williams) for directions to the garden party and he starts going off on one ("what am I doing going down this road? what have I done?! my wife! my family!" etc.) before Thompson appears and shouts "THAT'S ENOUGH" and Williams' character duly stops. All wonderfully odd.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

All of the Fast Show spin-offs would probably have worked better if they'd avoided laugh-track and gone for more weirdness (Swiss Tony could've benefitted here especially).

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:36 (nineteen years ago)

I liked the old man "Ooooh... Bugger!", especially his poignant appearance in the xmas special.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:40 (nineteen years ago)

From Wikipedia:

"Ted & Ralph - country squire Lord Ralph Mayhew attempts to strike up an intimate relationship with his estate worker Ted. Ralph is loosely based on film director John Boorman."

?!?!

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:42 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, the voice was a nice tribute to Joe Gladwyn, Whitehouse knows his comedy (xpost)

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:43 (nineteen years ago)

estate worker? is there a difference between this and groundsman/keeper?

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:45 (nineteen years ago)

"estate worker" is a superset of "groundskeeper"

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:48 (nineteen years ago)

Ted & Ralph - country squire Lord Ralph Mayhew attempts to strike up an intimate relationship with his estate worker Ted. Ralph is loosely based on film director John Boorman.

I remember a show about the Fast Show a few years ago where they discussed the characters and they showed a clip of a documentary about John Boorman which has him talking to his Irish gardener, exactly like Ralph would talk to Ted.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 30 March 2006 12:49 (nineteen years ago)

My favourite cockneys sketch is the one where they go into a pub full of people from different regions - "We're geordies, divn't you knah" "Hello, I'm a yardie" etc.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Thursday, 30 March 2006 13:08 (nineteen years ago)

"check me one time, whitey"

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

The bloke who played the yardie was the police commisioner in Batman Begins. I laughed out loud when he came on screen.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Thursday, 30 March 2006 13:21 (nineteen years ago)

The final Rowley Birkin was really moving

i missed this, i think. what happened?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 30 March 2006 13:55 (nineteen years ago)

which one was rowley birkin?

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:04 (nineteen years ago)

which one was rowley birkin?

The old man reminiscing in his chair.

― Teh HoBBler (the pirate king), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

the moving one was where his usual rambling turned into a particularly bittersweet remembrance of a situation with a woman he loved ("i held her in my arms....") before looking straight to camera and very solemnly confessing that he had, of course, been very drunk.

dignified audience applause (no cheering) ensued iirc.

it seems to have become the 90s equivalent of the end of Blackadder IV.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

Poignant moments involving dead wives was a bit of a mini trope on The Fast Show.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

Ted & Ralph
That was very funny. What show did he have tickets to see? Gladys Knight and the Pips?

― The Day The World Turned Dayglo Redd (Ken L), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

Tina Turner no?

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

Tina Turner.

"Tell me, Ted, do you enjoy the music of Tina Turner?"
"Couldn't really say about that kind of thing, sir."

I only recently twigged that Ted & Ralph was written by Linehan & Matthews.

xpost

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

was it? coo ur.

never saw that particular rowley birkin. bugger.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:52 (nineteen years ago)

See, call me a miserable cunt, but I thought the 'poignant' "I held her in my arms" one was rubbish, and I never really got all the fuss about the end of Blackadder 4 either.

― Teh HoBBler (the pirate king), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:56 (nineteen years ago)

HI DERE ILXOR

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

tho yes, i was not PERSONALLY moved by either end of Blackadder IV or the Birkin scene in question. with both it was more just an acknowledgement that the intention had been understood and appreciated if not really felt greatly. same would be true of The Office Christmas specials, when Grandad died on Fools & Horses etc. though perhaps they were less 'in-yer-face' about it.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

The Rowley Birkin thing was much more moving than Blackadder

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:02 (nineteen years ago)

I felt it with The Office. Personally.

― Teh HoBBler (the pirate king), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

I never really got all the fuss about the end of Blackadder 4 either

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:09 (nineteen years ago)

Are you saying you need to be a bibulous booze-addled old soak to have empathy with Rowley Birkin (QC)?

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:10 (nineteen years ago)

Who can appear the least moved? It's like a funeral in reverse.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

He (Rowley Birkin) had no depth - he was just A bloke that went "wuurrrrr..blaar..fosser...SNAKE! SNAKE!". Which was funny for a while, but I find it difficult to be moved to tears for him. As for the end of Blackadder - everybody already knew they were all going to die, so there was no surprise, and I just found it a bit cheesy. Also the Blackadder characters were just caricatures anyway. Whereas the characters in the Office were (comparatively) real.

― Teh HoBBler (the pirate king), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

I was quite shocked by Chef's death is South Park. But it was rather grim, even by SP standards.

The "poignant" parts in Steptoe and Son are rubbish, though.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

Rowley Birkin had tons of depth!

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

how can you say he didn't have depth? the whole point of the sketch was to start with what sounded like inane babbling and then have him demonstrate his depth out of that by making all these references to the life he led, being in the war, travelling all around the world etc.

If anything The Office ending was the cheesy copout as it betrayed everything beforehand.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

The "poignant" parts in Steptoe and Son are rubbish, though.

But the whole show is poignant, every time I see 'Arold, I feel like weeping, poor sod

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

And overall, "poignancy" in British sitcoms tends to be of the screamingly sentimental Dickens/Little Nell variety, for some reason.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:22 (nineteen years ago)

(not that i don't fall for it.)

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not sure the Americans handle poignancy too well in their sitcoms either though.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

And American sitcoms aren't sentimental?!??!??!

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

We do sentimentality, they do shmaltz. There's a (slight) difference.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

In fact, one of my abiding memories of watching American sitcoms as a boy was dreading the moment when the jokes stopped and the "serious bit" was shoehorned in

― Dadaismus Is A Very Magic Fellow (Dada), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

yup, that's how i remember it.

and i wept like a baby at the end of blackadder goes forth. i was 14 and studying the first world war in GCSE history, but still: hearts of stone, you guys!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

Which is to say, US shmaltz is supposed to be redeeming and life-affirming (i.e. Kate and Allie learn it's okay to date midgets), whereas British sentimentality tends to creeps out of nowhere and be a lot more downbeat (i.e. Captain Mainwaring is revealed to be a lonely old man).

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

x-post
yeah, the bit where blackadder dismisses baldrick's last "cunning plan" is pretty throat-lumpy

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 30 March 2006 15:37 (nineteen years ago)

Well, I must have watched it differently. I was thinking "haha! he makes funny noises! we can't understand anything he's saying apart from the occasional random word! hohoho!", rather than "My word - the man who appeared to rambling has hidden depths! What a life he has led! Now I see the point of the sketch!".

― Teh HoBBler (the pirate king), Thursday, 30 March 2006 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

The fields of poopies at the end of Blackadder never fail to make me a bit weepy and I thought Birkin's little sobering reminiscence was poignant too but I am a confirmed softy.

I had my sister laughing at 'scorchio' long before she'd even seen Channel 9.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 30 March 2006 17:05 (nineteen years ago)

'Fields of poopies' hahaha.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Thursday, 30 March 2006 17:08 (nineteen years ago)

"Stuck in a hole! In the FOG! IN A HOLE! IN THE FOG!!!" etc

.... WITH AN OWL!

Chris Waddle.

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Thursday, 30 March 2006 21:46 (nineteen years ago)

I found the Rowley episode terribly moving, and Blackadder not at all. I think Elton lays on his sentiment like a slapdash brickie.

I can't leave this thread without quoting my own favourite Nice Painter sketch:

THE NICE PAINTER AND HIS WIFE
[ext. field - where AW and CH are seated, painting and singing merrily]
*2 "...went to mow a meadow, three men, two men, one man and his dog,
went to mow a meadow!"
CH Ha-ha-ha! Fresh air and sunshine - eh, Katie? Makes you feel ten years
younger.
AW Yes, Johnny - and jolly peckish!
CH Ye-he!-es. Did you bring any of that lovely ham?
AW Yes - and a couple of those nice pies, from that funny little man in the
market.
[AW hands CH a sandwich]
CH Oh, lovely. It really is extraordinary, don't you think, the number of different greens there are there. Just broken up by the white of the... sheep.
AW Yes. Do you know, at first I thought they were cows - but, of course, now I hear them bleating.
CH Ha-ha! "Baa-baa-
[AW quickly interrupts CH before he can sing that word...]
AW "Twinkle, twinkle, lit-tle star! How I wonder what you are..."
CH N-n-no, no, no, no, no - I wasn't singing that, I was sing-
AW Yes you were, Johnny. The tune you were singing was quite clearly,
"twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what-
CH No, no I wasn't. No.
AW "-you are."
CH I was- I was singing the one about sheep. "Baa-baa-"
AW No, Johnny! No. A star. A tiny little twinkling star. Forget about the sheep, just think about that star. That tiny little twinkling star, twinkling away in the night sky. All on its own, up there against all that-
[too late, AW realises what her next word must be, and closes her eyes.
CH helpfully completes the sentence for her]
CH -black.
[CH starts brushing the word BLACK over his painting]
CH Black. Black! Black! BLACK! BLACK! B-L-A-C-K!
[CH picks up his easel and throws it forward]
CH LIKE THE ENDLESS BLACKNESS OF SPACE! THAT LEADS TO THE CHASM
OF CLAMS!
[CH mimes pincer movements with his hands, thumbs in pockets]
CH MY EYES! MY EYES!
[CH spots something in the picnic hamper, pulls out two pork pies and
places them in front of his eyes like binoculars]
CH ARE PIES! AND YOURS ARE LIES!
[CH crushes the pies, picks up AW's easel and throws that forward]
CH ALL LIES!
[slight pause as CH calms down slightly]
CH They're here! They're here! They've landed on the pier!
[slight pause as CH kicks their paint boxes and equipment over]
CH Oh, yes? What shall we do with father, mother? Fold him like a ticket, and poke him in a hole?
[CH kicks his fold-up seat, but it just gets caught on his leg, causing him
to hop all over the place]
CH PINS! PINS! Is that you, in the buckets box? Making all that noise? OR
IS IT BLACK?
AW Johnny! I-I think it's time-
CH BLACK! PINS! BLACK!
AW -we went home, dear.
CH BLACK! BLACK!
AW Johnny!
CH Black! Bla-

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Fold him like a ticket - superb!

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 30 March 2006 22:00 (nineteen years ago)

"I've ascertained the time of death as 9.15."
"Have you really? Want do you want a biscuit?"

"You a black man are you sir? Hardest game in the world... thirty years man and boy..."

"Uncategorisable. Is that a word? It is now!"

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Thursday, 30 March 2006 22:16 (nineteen years ago)

I love the Nice Painter!

"You lock me in a cellar and feed me PINS!!!!!" Yeeheehee.

The first xmas special (was there another one? COs the one I saw I liked) was for me one of the only times I have, literally, fallen onto the floor and wept in hysterical laughter.

It was that skit where they're advertising the folk song album. When Whitehouse's guy starts singing "aaaand all around my ARSE!" I lost it totally, and at the end when all four of them were singing with the "hic!" *sneeze" "ARSE!" injunctions, I was on the floor. Dont know why I cracked up so much.

Rowley Birkin is the best. My ex flatmate used to love going about saying "I was in hand to hand combat with my mothers favourite poet!".

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 31 March 2006 02:10 (nineteen years ago)

Oh! Also, the season 4 special, with Johnny Depp and the Suits You guys, hahahah! Depp was perfect, you could tell he loves the show.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 31 March 2006 02:11 (nineteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.