What is sex like? A torturous metaphor thread.

Sex is like humming a song. If you'd just open your damn mouth, it'd be a lot more fun.

Sex is like booze - the more expensive stuff is SO WORTH IT.

sex is like a fight with an inept boa constrictor

Sex is like Burning Man: it's for hippies and faggots.

Sex is like bourbon - if it burns, slow down.

http://mate.ios.st/IOS/Users/mate.ios.st/PagesImg/sex.jpg

Sex is like mildly risque cartoons - it gets forwarded around the office until it reaches the boss, who isn't putting up with any of that.

Little Black Boy: Let's play road!
Little White Girl: What's road?
Little Black Boy: You lie down and let me blacktop you!

sex is like a dog chasing his own tale

tail

and tale sometimes

http://www.quotedb.com/quotes/394
http://thinkexist.com/quotation/sex_is_like_snow-you_never_know_how_many_inches/162955.html

sex is like molasses and turpentine....

sticky, slow, and it smells?

no, better when black

Sex is like indoor plumbing - they do have it in prison, but it's a lot worse than it is out here.

Having sex is like playing a guitar: If you bleed, you're either new at this, or you're doing it very very well.

Sex is like why I'm late in this morning.

Sex is like your favourite dish: it's great when you have it once in a while, but if you have it on a regular basis, it'll get boring unless you spice it up or change dishes.

Sex is a deadly poison, and I'm not going to give you the antidote in time.

Sex is a bowl of cherries, except the bowl isn't full of cherries.

Sex is like snow - you never know when the guy's going to ejaculate.

(or something like that)

Sex is like being buried alive in quicksand: If you wander around the desert long enough, it just might happen to you!

Sex is a misdemeanor -- the more you miss it, the faster you come.

(or something like that)

Sex is like rain on your wedding day. Ideally.

the bride gets all wet?

And the groom. And all your friends and relatives.

jesus... i told you not to invite tom green.

Sex is like a really great haircut: You look radiant afterwards, but no one is quite sure why.

Sex is like eating while taking a shit: Orangutans do that. It's so gross.

Sex is like spilling mayonnaise on the carpet

Sex is like the devil's apostrophes!!!!! Comma!

Sex is a good walk spoiled.

Sex is like a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

If I have had sex, it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants

sex is like a boot stamping on a human face for all eternity

sex is like a subtle but pervasive twinge in the anus

Sex is like deja vu all over again.

Sex is like movie theater popcorn, highly enjoyable but leaves you with stuff between your teeth.

Having sex on the Essex marshes was like a gauzy and radiant fabric.

Sex is like that scene in Ghostbusters where Slimer is loose inside that fancy dining hall (the original scene when they were capturing Slimer for the first time, well, the only time I guess, cause they made him a pet after that, I forget how exactly) and anyway the guys are trying to get him and Slimer's like in the fridge or one of those catering carts or something and he's throwing plates all over the walls and basically putting up a big fuss but the Ghostbusters pull together and persevere and get him "locked" into the stream of their proton packs and then lower Slimer down and then one of the Ghostbusters kicks out the trap thing and presses the foot switch and fwooosh Slimer gets sucked into it and where they can safely extract him back at the lab.

^ euphemism

Sex is like the Kennedy assassination.

Sex is like your hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities: i don't wanna fuckin' hear about it.

Sex is like getting a shot, you did just fine.

sex is like eating the best sandwich of your life, then discovering it's made of moldy rattlesnake hide

Sex is like duct tape, you seldom use it for what is was made for.

Sex is like an ambidextrous assistant, an ambiguous grimace, an ambitious project, an ambling pedestrian, an ambrosial essence.

Sex is like Mary Poppins with fewer children and fewer bankers and fewer chimney sweeps and fewer penguins and more sex.

some of us like penguins

The small wad of burning paper drew down to a wisp of flame and then died out leaving a faint pattern for just a moment in the incandescence like having sex.

At night when he woke coughing he’d sit up with his hand pushed over his head against the blackness. Like the sensation of having sex. Like those disinterred dead from his childhood that had been relocated to accommodate torturous metaphors for the sensation of sex.

He’d stop and lean on the cart and the boy would go on and then stop and look back and he would raise his weeping eyes and see him standing there in the road looking back at him from some unimaginable future, glowing in that waste like a really hard pounding.

sex is like a screaming come across the sky

He kicked holes in the sand for the boy’s hips and shoulders where he would sleep and he sat holding him while he tousled his hair before the fire to dry it. All of this like some ancient fuck session.

sex is like stately, plump buck mulligan come from the stairhead

Winter and summer, Debussy used to work surrounded by flowers. His study overflowed with them. It would remind you of the line of Baudelaire: sound and perfume, swirled in the evening air like sex.

Suttree looked at him. He was not lovable. This adenoidal leptosome that crouched above his bed like the feeling of having to pinch the condom tight when pulling out, his razorous shoulderblades jutting in the thin cloth of his striped shirt.

sex is a wound in the autumnal city

like a riverrun past eve and adam's...

They followed the guards out the door and Blackburn slammed the gate and locked it and they followed them down the hall and down the stairs, Slusser’s pick dragging along behind until the other guard fell back and raised it up and they went on like that, bearing Slusser on toward the box with his hindleg aloft like the internal carpet burn after a raw gangbang.

I rose up, and there was Jackson's Island, about two mile and a half down stream, heavy timbered and standing up out of the middle of the river, big and dark and solid, like the wang.

I took the strangely-glowing ticket from the giant crane-fly and turned to get onto the train. 'Hurry,' he hissed, and then before my very eyes, changed into a splendid cream bun because of the wang like sex.

xp AH SHIT YOU BEAT ME TO THE WANG

sex is like braniac's daughter?

The way music passes, emblematic
Of life and how you cannot isolate a note of it
And say it is good or bad.
... one cannot guard, treasure
That stalled moment. It too is flowing, fleeting, like sex.

sex is like braniac's daughter?

-- remy bean, Tuesday, 29 January 2008 14:29 (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

made me a pearl necklace suit of bricks and mortar and a matching strawberry-flavoured condom stove-pipe hat, oh god oh god oh god oh god oh yes

sex is like India - its good, even when it's dirty

Sex is like riding through the desert on a horse with no name.

Sex is like a torturous metaphor. Even if you don't understand it, it's still pretty cool.

Sex is like ilx, after 12 minutes you want to go to sleep

... but you'll keep at it forever waiting for something better to come along

...and once a month it shuts down for two days and you have to wait

...there are three main portals and sometimes you get banned from one

...just when it's getting good, someone you don't know comes in and ruins everything

Sex is like your hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities: i don't wanna fuckin' hear about it.

there's no lol here, it's just the truest thing yet said on this thread, or maybe ever

http://www.twitchfilm.net/pics/Happiness.jpg

OH HELLO IRONY

i'm a fan

sex is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it

Sex is like a goth, smiling.

Sex is like eating chocolates at random: most of the time you get what you expect, but sometimes you get a mouthful of surprise.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3d/GordonBarenakedLadies.jpg/200px-GordonBarenakedLadies.jpg

sex is like sport.. i neither understand it nor enjoy it

Sex is like cocaine, the more you do it, the more you want it.

at night the ice weasels come

more like a torturous SIMILE thread, amirite?!!!!

alan braxe - rubicon (let me bang re-edit)

WTF guys these are all similes, I thought I knew you ILX.

What are you like?