Great Messageboard Rhetorical Devices that Never Ever On Any Account Get Old, No Sir

2. "My answer to this question is [BAND/FILM/ARTIST/MONKEY X]. Close thread." - Yes, as the world's number one authority on Bands/Films/Artists/Monkeys, you have rendered all further discussion unnecessary. We'll get on with our work now, cheers.

3. ^^^

4. The Art of Pretend Forgetfulness

5. "I was drunk".

5. Narcissism of Small Differences

My number 5 was better than yours.

7. *opens popcorn*

8. Doing 'CTRL-F - Nabisco', then scrolling to the end of the thread and going 'Nabisco OTM' to save you having to articulate your own throughts but nevertheless show everyone how right you are.

9. lawl

10. Pretending to be completely unaware of the most commonly recognisable social behaviour and asserting that only a strawman would ever behave thusly.

11. BRINGING IT WITH THE CAPS LOCK TO INDICATE YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS (BUT YOU ARE REALLY)

12. "I have an answer of Aristotelian insight to your pwnage of me but I cannot type it in at the moment as I have to go and bath the kids/walk the dog/repaint the Forth Road Bridge/I am drunk."

13. See 12 but with 'I have to go to the pub' because MY LIFE IS TOO MUCH FUN TO BE WASTING IT LIKE YOU TEDIOUS INTERNET LOSERS.

14. Misanthropy-as-avoidance tactic

15. Affected distaste for meta threads despite posting on every single one.

16. great thread

15b. Affected distaste for meta ILX threads despite posting on every single one.

16. LIST THREAD: I CAN'T BELIEVE NOBODY HAS MENTIONED THE THING I AM ABOUT TO SUGGEST, WHAT KIND OF WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN WHERE NOBODY BEFORE ME HAS REFERRED TO THIS GREATEST, MOST ARCHETYPAL TYPE OF PIZZA/SONG WHICH HAS THREE BRACKETED WORDS IN THE TITLE/BULLSEYE OUTTAKE*

* BONUS POINTS IF SCANDALOUSLY ABSENT PIZZA/SONG WHICH HAS THREE BRACKETED WORDS IN THE TITLE/BULLSEYE OUTTAKE WAS ACTUALLY MENTIONED EIGHT TIMES IN THE FIRST POST ON THE THREAD AND ON EVERY THIRD POST SUBSEQUENTLY

17. Brits/Americans going O_o at each other

18. "I'm not going to engage with your point about the morality of child labour but I would like to start a 250-post diversion on the subject of you mistyping 'labour'".

17b "Goddamit Britishes why is some of your culture different to ours?"

19: HAHAHAHAH! MY SO CALLED "TROLLING" THAT GOT YUO ALL SO WOUND UP WAS ACTUALLY SOMETHING IN THE NATURE OF A PSYCHOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT THAT I HAVE BEEN RUNNING ON YOU LAMERS!!! AND YOU HAVE ALL FAILED THE TEST!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I WIN FOEVER!!!! YOU ARE ALL FAGZ!!!!!!

20. "Actually half of these aren't rhetorical devices at all".

yeah, this is turning into IN EVERY ILX THREAD EVER

19: HAHAHAHAH! MY SO CALLED "TROLLING" THAT GOT YUO ALL SO WOUND UP WAS ACTUALLY SOMETHING IN THE NATURE OF A PSYCHOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT THAT I HAVE BEEN RUNNING ON YOU LAMERS!!! AND YOU HAVE ALL FAILED THE TEST!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I WIN FOEVER!!!! YOU ARE ALL FAGZ!!!!!!

This gets really old. Vetoed.

19b "I was being racist ironically, duh. Look, I'll prove it by being even more racist. Ironically."

21. "No, really, it's been scientifically proven that black people are crazy/hispanics are dirty/jews are greedy/women are subservient, why won't you people listen to RATIONALITY and REASON?"

23. "Numbering is fucked."

24. Fictional expert witness to thread.

25. Replacing band/song/footballer/comedian name with sexually-related pun in order to indicate it is deserving of no more critical attention than the three words you've already given it. The classic being Coldplay 'COCKS MORE LIKE!'

26. "In EVERY BAR I've been in lately, I've been approached by a straw man who has proven my argument to be correct."

27. "We've done this."

28. "done"

29. lolcats

30. Cutting and pasting one sentence or part of a sentence from someone else's post to "prove" they're wrong, and not even bothering to explain why you think they're wrong.

31. I asked my girlfriend about this, and she agreed with me.

30. Cutting and pasting one sentence or part of a sentence from someone else's post to "prove" they're wrong, and not even bothering to explain why you think they're wrong.

-- Tuomas, Friday, February 1, 2008 11:32 AM

32. Misquoting
33. If black people want to get ahead in society, maybe they should stop committing so many crimes.

-- Tuomas, Friday, 1 February 2008 11:32 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

34. implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated
implicitly absurd statements italicized and/or repeated

35. ^ban

36. "Even [famously stupid and/or clueless and/or creepy poster] thinks that was a really stupid/clueless/creepy thing to say"

37. "i'm not cross. in fact I'm enjoying this!"

38. ken c posting first thing that comes into his head

39. and the second thing

40. the third thing too

41. needless assault on probably decent poster

42. ^who the fuck is this?

43. branding people racist, sexist, fascist because they don't agree with you.

we did this already

75. http://cosgan.de/images/midi/ekelig/a050.gif
76. Godwin's Law
77. Conversations about New York Giants defense turning into discussion of men's cuff links.

74. Finding it completely "hilarious" when posters take something serious seriously.

-- stet, Friday, February 1, 2008 11:33 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

74a. Deliberately insulting a poster followed by feigned bafflement that he/she is insulted

78 Geir-Baiting

I like the idea of "Geir-Baiting" becoming a term for a general rhetorical device. "Oh Buckley, there you go with your Geir baiting again."

I hear Parliment are pushing through a biil to ban Geir baiting. It will soon only be possible to witness in the back rooms of seedy east nd pubs.

"East End pubs"

Typical PC nonsense. The Geirs love it, else they wouldn't take part.

You have to keep the Geir population down somehow.

That's rubbish. Wild Geirs will never break into chicken coops when stocks of their natural prey - rappers, 12-tone composers, James Brown - are plentiful.

Be that as it may, all I know is urban Geirs wake me up every night going through my dustbins for discarded breakbeats and metal riffs. Something must be done.

79 HITLER!

80. real/ serious answer: X

81. mods banning people they don't agree with

lol that's not rhetorical at all

lol of course it is, it's an official stfu

So if a bouncer throws you out of a pub he's using a rhetorical device?

i don't know why yr so butthurt about this

xpost

Absolutely not. When him and 3 of his mates kick the shit out of you in an alley round the back is the rhetorical device.

82. http://www.sendpage.org/img/P-raccoon.gif

83. "I'm harder and more working class than you, and if you talked that shit 'round my ends you'd get whacked up."

"What is the mission of NOAA's National Weather Service? "

84. "You don't like this movie/song/book/whatever? Well, I'd like to see YOU do better!"

85. On a 3-second scan this thread is so chocka with asinine that I'm gonna gently tiptoe back out the door now.

-- Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 30 January 2008 08:18 (3 days ago) Link

I was a butthurt cos libcrypt was employing 64. One sentence toss-off lines used to feign easiness with and complete understanding of enormously complex economic and/or geopolitical issue

I was a butthurt?

86. "Comedy" Italian/Super Mario writing style.

87. If by x you mean a y quite unlike x then I agree wholeheartedly.

88. 'pointed' lyrics, c + p'd

So? I think -you're- Nude Spock, and we both can't be Nude Spock. I say, truce.

-- burt_stanton, Friday, February 1, 2008 11:35 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

YOU'VE GOT NO FRIENDS
YOU STAY HOME ALL DAY
YOU'VE BEEN TO EVERY WEBSITE
BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING GAY

THE INTERNET IS FUCKING GAY
YOU FUCKING FAGGOT, LOSER, QUEER, NERD, ETC.

YOU'VE GOT NO FRIENDS
YOU STAY HOME ALL DAY
YOU'VE BEEN TO EVERY WEBSITE
BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING GAY

"Goddamit Britishes why is some of your culture different to ours?"

89. Saying something so completely random and non sequitur, but with just enough of the semblance of a coherent comeback, that yr antagonist fucks off to another thread, baffled.

90. There was a story about this in the Daily Mail yesterday.

xpost - it's like the awesome paradox sentence that can never earnestly be said!

91. yawn
92. "this thread sucks"

93. Saw this on BoingBoing 3 months ago.

94. ...

94. ...

95. this.

96. IT'S "NAUSEATED," DIMWIT.

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of English Usage says firmly: “Any handbook that tells you that nauseous cannot mean ‘nauseated’ is out of touch with the contemporary language. In current usage it seldom means anything else”.

97. I'm getting a BJ from my sister right now so your reproof is lo-pri.

98. http://www.anotherwebsite.com/somethingiwroteaboutthis.html

99. quoting someone's post above yours with strikethroughs that change the meaning to the opposite of what they wrote.

!00) grebt thred

We're at 100; can we just lock this?

^^^ Rhetorical device?

101) Thinking that posting a picture is equal to making a pointed comment.

(though sometimes it is )

Some people on this thread have an interesting definition of rhetoric.

102. Pointless snidey pedantry.
103. People ignoring their own criticisms.

This is boring self-righteous thread.

Glad you could stop by.