"i'm sure you could find an ilxor equivalent for every one of those smurfs"

Smurfette is one of three female Smurfs in the village...

Schtroumpf Prétentieux thinks a little too much of himself.

Grouchy Smurf is the antisocial grouch of the Smurf village. His catchphrase is "I hate (something somebody else mentions)". Grouchy usually has a scowl on his face.

Done, then?

hahahahahaha

Vanity Smurf is a male fictional character from the Smurfs.

Vanity is a stylish smurf, most of the time seen wearing a pink flower on his hat. He is the epitome of the modern trend metrosexual, appears effeminate, and speaks with a high-pitched, affected voice. He often holds a hand mirror which he stares into at his reflection (narcissism) and kisses often.

Wild Smurf wears clothing made of leaves. Wild Smurf is feral and isn't understood by the other Smurfs.

Weepy Smurf cries at the drop of a hat.

Jokey Smurf is a cheerful Smurf who enjoys playing tricks on the other Smurfs. Jokey Smurf almost always uses the same joke trick: yellow- and red-wrapped present boxes that he offers to his victims, saying it is a gift. The present box actually holds a firecracker (which is only an hypothesis; the inside of a pre-exploding present is never seen) that explodes when the receiver opens it, puffing out a lot of black smoke that blackens the bearer's face (or entire body depending on the explosion's size).

reviver posse right there

Puppy is a magical creature which was designed to look like a dog. He was offered as a gift to Papa Smurf by Homnibus. It was Baby Smurf, however, who opened the enchanted locket around Puppy's neck and became the dog's true master. Puppy is a good friend to the Smurflings and protects the Smurfs from Gargamel's cat Azrael.

my smurf collection:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2132/2242940314_f1c39a117c.jpg

Is there a "Wow, I See You in a Whole New Light Now" Smurf?

Ruby: wow, that's, like, +5,000 karma points!

i've had these little bastards for almost 25yrs, and i'm hoping that some sucker will buy them off me for a shitload of money and fund my retirement. but looking at ebay, that is unlikely to ever happen.

that might not be all of my collection in that pic. me and my flatmate made a mini movie with them.

not as crepey as it sounds.

ok rider made it even crepeyer

Papa Smurf up there on his cloud or whatever.

(xpost) presumably it was a "blue" movie?

they melt in the microwave... that is what we used to do with our astrosnicks at least.

UH

(not safe for work)

I was disappointed the smurf man's dick was human colored, not blue.

uh

The link top the actual movie doesn't work for me! I just get redirected to some "free web hosting" site.

DO NOT WANT.

DELETE THE INTERNET.

UH

(not safe for work)

-- mookieproof, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 08:51 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

WOAH YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.

The last thing I expected was ACTUAL PEOPLE.

We already had Calvin/Hobbes slash on this board, and NOW you're protesting?

Not to mention Totoro erotic stories.

Also stories about FFVII characters fucking chocobos to death.

I sense a poll thread.

matt dc:

thread of missing Much Hard One

(i didn't look at the smurfs -- i imagine it's a bit like that?)

YOU DICK

fighting talk!

This is weird, I'm sure I once started a thread called "Totoro porn", yet I can't find it via ILX 's search.

Ah, it was over at the Sandbox:

totoro porn

The original link doesn't work anymore, but here's the story to be conserved for future generations:

Helping Paws
by
Didjeridoo

I had always thought that Totoro was only visible to
children; Mom and Dad had never been able to see him, and when I
started menstruating, I stopped seeing him too. Now, though, I
realize that I must have stopped seeing him because I expected
to... I'm glad I was wrong!
Perhaps I should back up a bit. I first met Totoro when I
was 8, and spent many hours with him over the next few years.
Eventually, though, as I grew up and started doing "grown-up
things", I started to see him less and less, until I stopped
seeing him altogether. I went away to college, and then work. I
married, and after a few years we decided we were ready to have a
baby. I guess that's really where this story starts.
We tried for months, but I never got pregnant. We went to a
fertility specialist, who assured us that there was no reason why
I shouldn't get pregnant, but despite everything we tried, we
never succeeded. To make it worse, we were so intent on my
getting pregnant that sex stopped being fun. I'd cum, and
instead of relaxing in the afterglow, I'd find myself thinking
"Thank God that's over with. Now I can go to sleep."
As you can imagine, we were really getting upset about it.
Finally the doctor suggested that we might just be trying too
hard. "Relax a little," he said. "Take a couple of days off and
take a little vacation trip. Don't have sex to have a baby; wait
until you both want to make love for yourselves. Maybe if you
take some of the pressure off of trying to get pregnant it will
work better."
We talked it over, and decided it was worth a try. We each
took a week off from work, and rented a small house in the
country near where I grew up. The first couple of days were
dreadful. We were both so upset and uncomfortable that we leaped
at the opportunity to ignore each other for a while. I guess we
really went a little too far, though, going off separately to
explore, and really only seeing each other for dinner and at
bedtime. After three days of this, though, I was ready to
scream. I wanted my husband back, not this stranger who shared
my table and bed. I just couldn't bring myself to say anything.
The third night was when things changed. I was awakened
around 1 AM by a tapping sound at the window. Not sure quite
why, I slipped out of bed, and crossed the room. I peered out
the window, and there on the outside ledge was a familiar figure.
Little Totoro, no bigger than he had been the last time I had
seen him, stood there looking in at me.
I stared at him in amazement, but when he hopped off the
window ledge and began to run towards the trees, I didn't even
hesitate long enough to put on my slippers before running for the
door. I must have been quite a sight, running across the grass
naked, with my hair streaming out behind me.
Little Totoro disappeared into the undergrowth, but I was
only a couple of steps behind him, and followed him into the
well-remembered hole that led to the Totoros' den. It wasn't
until he popped out of sight downwards that I even began to
consider what I was doing: chasing a myth, stark naked, in the
middle of the night. I almost turned back then, but I realized
that if I was going insane, it was an insanity I wanted, and down
the hole I went.
There they were at the bottom, lined up and waiting for me.
I pulled myself up short, and, after a moment to catch my breath,
bowed to them. The three of them bowed back to me, and then the
biggest one, the one I always thought of as "Totoro", stepped
forward with his arms spread wide. Somehow I knew he was
welcoming me back, and I stepped forward and buried my face in
his fur. His arms went around me, and his hug unlocked all the
frustration that was locked up inside of me and I began to cry
into his chest. It felt like I cried for hours as he stroked the
back of my head.
Finally my tears stopped, and I began talking, telling
Totoro about everything that had happened in the years since I
had seen him last, everything good, and everything bad. I just
couldn't stop; it all just seemed to pour out of me as I talked
until, when I had finished, I just stood there in his arms,
totally limp.
After a moment, Totoro picked me up and held me at arm's
length, as he used to do when I was a child. He looked me up and
down, like he had never seen me before, and then made that silly
"wurfling" noise that always made me laugh. He extended his
tongue, and swept it across my face, from my chin to my hairline.
I stared at him for a moment, he looking back at me with
that solemn expression of his, his saliva dripping off my chin,
and then I burst into giggles as the silliness of my position
struck me. "Put me down, please?" I asked.
He tipped me a bit sideways, and looked at me with a puzzled
expression, as if he couldn't figure out why I would want that,
but then he set me down on the edge of his sleeping area, the
raised section of the den, filled with leaves. After I had
settled myself comfortably on the lip, he reached out with one
paw, and very carefully poked me right between my breasts. It
wasn't a hard push, but it was just hard enough. I fell over
backwards into the leaves.
I looked up laughing, just in time to see Totoro leap into
the air, directly towards me. Somehow, in midair he slipped
sideways, landing beside me instead of on top of me, and hurling
thousands of leaves into the air, where they swirled for a
minute, before settling on everything. One particularly large
one hit me squarely in the face and stuck there, held by the
saliva that still hadn't completely dried.
Still laughing, I batted the leaf away, and leapt on Totoro.
"See what you did?" I demanded as I landed on his chest. Once
again he reached out with one paw, and before I could move to
protect myself, his claw tips found my bare ribs. In moments, he
had me wiggling in all directions and laughing hysterically,
frantically -- and unsuccessfully -- trying to hide every
ticklish part of my body from him.
Over and over we rolled in the leaves, until finally we came
to rest, me holding my sides to keep from throwing up from all
the laughing, Totoro kneeling (I hadn't even realized until then
that he had knees!) between my legs, one paw on either side of my
ribcage, clearly ready to resume his assault when I settled down
a little. To prevent him from starting again, I grabbed his arms
and pulled, toppling him across me. A big mistake that turned
out to be, since his fur on my now extremely sensitive skin
tickled nearly as much as the paws I had been trying to avoid.
Fortunately, Totoro turned out to be incredibly light for his
size, no heavier than my husband, really, and I managed to squirm
out from under him without too much trouble.
Totoro rolled onto his side and lay there looking at me, and
I acted on a mischievous impulse, and leaned forward, kissing him
on the tip of his nose. His eyes opened wide for a moment, and
then his tongue shot out, and traced a line around the curve of
my ear. I felt a quick flash of sensual pleasure -- my ears have
always been a big erogenous zone. "Two can play at that game," I
told him, before reaching forward to tickle his ears with my
finger.
I felt his arm come around me, and his paw began to move
slowly up and down my back, tracing sensual curves from side to
side across my spine, and then down to my hips and buttocks.
Despite myself, I moaned in pleasure and snuggled my body close
against his, my tickling of his ears quickly changing to a
passionate caress. This was a side of Totoro I had never seen;
never even thought of!
His touch became more and more urgent as we lay there, and
after a time I felt something pressing against my leg. I pulled
away from him and looked down. His cock was in proportion to the
rest of him. Far bigger than any I had seen, even in pictures.
I must have lain there looking at it for too long, as Totoro
gently pushed me onto my back and moved to a position between my
legs. Somehow the thought that Totoro wasn't human never even
entered my head; my only concern was that if he tried to enter
me, I might be torn in half!
"Wait..." I said, about to offer to get him off a different
way, but Totoro just placed a finger on my lips in a "hush"
gesture. I felt the pressure of his cock against the outside of
my pussy, and then Totoro give a peculiar wiggle, and he was
inside me. I felt him slide deep inside, filling me as I had
never been filled before.
He held his cock inside me for a moment, letting me get used
to the sensation, and then he began to move, slowly stroking in
and out of me. The stimulation was incredible, and it wasn't
long before I was lifting my hips to meet him on each in-stroke,
wanting him deeper and deeper inside me. My orgasm was on me
quickly, and as the waves of pleasure hit me, I felt heard Totoro
bellow, and felt his cock jerking inside me, filling me with his
seed.
Some time later, I came back to myself with a start,
realizing that I had no idea how long I had been lying in
Totoro's arms, half dozing, half cuddling against his warmth.
Totoro opened his eyes, and flicked his tongue against the tip of
my nose; a farewell, I was sure.
I took my leave, snuggling my face into Totoro's fur, and
whispering "Thank you" as I left, and headed back to the cottage,
filled with a sense of purpose.
I slipped inside just as the sun was rising and tiptoed into
the bedroom, finding my husband sound asleep, an early morning
erection raising the covers. Climbing under the covers with him,
I carefully straddled his hips, and lowered myself onto his cock.
His eyes opened as I slid down, and he smiled as I reached
bottom. "I love you," he whispered, and "I love you, too," I
told him as I began to move above him.

-=*=-

Our daughter is five years old now, and she loves the
stories I tell her about Totoro, though I've never told her about
what happened the night she was conceived. She's looking forward
to exploring when we return to the cottage this summer; I'm sure
she wants to meet Totoro for herself.
Me? I'm looking forward to returning to the cottage too,
though for quite another reason: I want my second child to be
conceived in the same place as the first. My husband laughs when
I say that, and asks me how I can be so sure I'll get pregnant
during the short time we'll be there. I just smile. After all,
I can't very well tell him that I'm sure Totoro will be helping
out, now can I?

i don't know if there ought to be future generations now.

Can someone reboot the thread?

I think it's an interesting story, because it's both kinda sweet and wtf at the same time.

There are many words I would use to describe that story. "Sweet" is not one of them.

i was just talking about how good a live-action smurfs movie would be. alfred molina = gargamel.

jessica alba smurfette
russell crow papa smurf
tom cruise lefty

this guy pretty much is papa smurf already:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FwPOALOaXUg

"yeah, he smurfed her, in the smurfen parking lot!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Schtroumpfs_noirs

i hope this is like black frasier

This is the only Smurfs comic book where a Smurf is seen without a hat. Papa Smurf has his blown away by an explosion, revealing a bald head (which may simply be due to his old age).

or...CANCER

John sent me smurf pronz a week or two ago. What language is that they are speaking? Portugese?

http://www.goyk.com/flash.asp?path=157

http://www.marbletea.com/images/MISC/ad_tobias_blue_myself.jpg

Puppy is a magical creature which was designed to look like a dog. He was offered as a gift to Papa Smurf by Homnibus. It was Baby Smurf, however, who opened the enchanted locket around Puppy's neck and became the dog's true master. Puppy is a good friend to the Smurflings and protects the Smurfs from Gargamel's cat Azrael.

-- gabbneb, Monday, February 4, 2008 4:24 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

http://photos-a.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v165/128/113/664617641/n664617641_605196_3878.jpg

In the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, the black Smurfs have been made purple-skinned in order to soften any racist connotation.

That is why they made the ants lavender and blue in "A Bug's Life."

How much Wikipedia debate did it take to arrive at the word "soften?" It's really precisely used.

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:The_Black_Smurfs&action=history

The fact that I asked should indicate that I'm only idly curious and can't be bothered to actually figure out how Wikipedia edit histories work

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Schtroumpfs_noirs

I had the english version of this book! Except as mentioned upthread I think the black smurfs were eggplant colored instead.

Papa Smurf has his blown away by an explosion, revealing a bald head (which may simply be due to his old age and/or chemeotherapy recieved for cancer).

Is the smurf pron down or what.

So who here is equivalent to Father Abraham?

Check to see if anyone started a "Where are you all coming from?" thread.

Dabbler Smurf sounds cool.

Stinky Smurf hated to wash, which gave him an awful and unbearable body scent, making him attract flies and repel his fellow Smurfs, especially Smurfette. Although he once managed to thwart Gargamel using his stench, he was forcefully given a bath and became Nice-Smelling Smurf.

i didn't realize their identities were so mutable!

sometimes i realize with this little shock that i will never fully understand smurfs, no matter how much time i spend studying them. i don't know if that's disappointing or if on some level it makes me really happy :)

Although he once managed to thwart Gargamel using his stench, he was forcefully given a bath and became Nice-Smelling Smurf.

for like six hours,

You would think for an alchemist there might be better and more efficient ways of making gold than making countless fruitless attempts to kidnap the smurfs.

Maybe he liked the challenge.

They got under his skin. He's Bush to the Smurfs' Iraq.

Papa Smurf = Bin Laden. Hat, beard.

Azreal is Cheney.

I could imagine the laugh being similar.

papa smurf = ned
hefty smurf - uh, riverwolf i guess?
brainy smurf = gabbneb
tracker smurf = jaymc
vanity smurf = luna
dopey smurf = tuomas
chef smurf = maybe lauren (except she a girl) or tep (doesn't post anymore)
poet smurf = d0hn j4rniel
clockwork smurf = t✧✧@k✧✧.e✧✧
alchemist smurf = sexydancer
granny smurf = beth parker (long lost love interest of papa smurf!!)

i am lazy smurf

more like smelly smurf

u r cheetos fingaz smurf

due to the popularity of this on another thread, i felt i should post it here:

EL TOMBOTO HARDMAN SMURF AMONGST SMURF TOWN CARNAGE:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2199/2247780292_4a03a63cdd_o.jpg

totally awesome. and a bit of context : http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/63/Smurf.Unicef.jpg

i love that, it's so fucked

"smurf town carnage" is a band I would probably see