rolling 2008 list thread for shit to keep cameron from becoming prime minister

-omg he did drugkz

-omg he went to public school and oxford!

-will privatize much of the public sector!!!

i mean labour can fuck him up with just those three things right?

-omg he went to public school and oxford!

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 13 February 2008 12:55 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

^^^This is basically all we have at the moment.

Unless Brown can work a "Cameron actually wants to give every flamboyant gay slut in this country £15,000" angle. Which would be lulz.

- he is more of a cunt than the other cunt

David Miliband was educated at schools in London, Benton Park School in Leeds and Boston, Massachusetts before being educated at Haverstock Comprehensive School in North London, where he obtained a Grade 'D' in Physics A-level, and 3 Grade 'B's.[3] He was admitted to Corpus Christi College, Oxford, where he got a first in Philosophy, Politics and Economics. He then took a S.M. degree in Political Science in 1990 at MIT, where he was a Kennedy Scholar.

how the fuck do you get into oxford with three Bs and a D? lame.

I think its going to take something pretty big to stop him becoming next prime minister. He is also the first one from that lot in many years that appears to actually believe it himself

can i be the first to say that i'm emigrating if he gets in.

actually, I'm planning on emigrating anyway but i'll probably do it quicker.

A paedo scandal or something might help.

David Cameron is essentially the Child Catcher.

lolocaust

Oh wau, that is one of those moments where you think who the fuck is writing the speeches and have their PR team lost the plot altogether?

ha i was about to post that. ed balls claiming the schoolkids "see the horrors of auschwitz first-hand" is pretty o_O also.

That "see the horrors first hand" line...what a world we live in. Fuckin' idiots, the lot of them.

Balls talking balls

i wonder if auschwitz employs a load of out of work actors / drama students like the london dungeon

I just made a similar joke and deleted it on the grounds that I would never get a job speechwriting for the Conservative Party even I thougt it was over the line!

(It's not *that* stupid a quote, by all accounts even the empty Auschwitz as it exists now is pretty horrific, but yeah he should kind of watch his language in this debate)

i want to see the Tories full gimmicks list tho. Other "gimmicks" listed included deep-cleaning of hospitals and screening tests for cervical cancer. is much more wtf

Maybe Cameron has had a punt on Labour for the next General Election. We shd monitor this.

1. Deep cleaning of hospitals
2. Screening tests for cervical cancer
3. PROFIT
4. School trips to Auschwitz
5. Teaching children to read

Another two points shaved off the Tories' poll leads today. Apparently the people love them some nationalisation.

I just made a similar joke and deleted it on the grounds that I would never get a job speechwriting for the Conservative Party even I thougt it was over the line!

i didn't think i had any respect to lose

i did a-level history (badly) but the idea they would've taken us to auschwitz then is too surreal to contemplate properly. i don't know how i would've felt about it (but i shouldn't have studied it anyway).

Does contenderizer right Cameron's speeches now?

6. Install Harry Redknapp as Chancellor

7. Meals on Wheels

8. Under The Iron Sea

9. Make it a legal requirement for all MPs who like Morrissey and Radiohead to wear a badge saying 'I am gay'.

10. nationalise list threads

11. Liverpool 1 Barnsley 2

it's amazingly stupid to come out against it because it's not a big deal. the sums of money involved are paltry, ridiculously small, and it leave an open goal for "OMG HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST" bidness.

you probably don't need to visit auschwitz to "get it", harrowing though it may be, any more than you need to go to the west indies to get a handle on slavery. it's not a bad idea though, and if you're going to do a school trip, why not southern poland rather than wherever school trips go these days?

12. Liverpool 2 InterNAZIonale 0 SAY NO TO GODWIN STATE!

i hear the weather in srebrenica etc.

the sums of money involved are paltry, ridiculously small

altho Jim Knight's taking "hundreds" there so it must add up - i doubt they make them get up at 4am to take the cheaper earlier flights either.

i'm just jealous...

i doubt they make them get up at 4am to take the cheaper earlier flights either

Did you never go on a school trip abroad?

next to northern rock i spose everything's paltry. but y'know, if i were leader of the opposition right now, i'd probably focus on the big fuck-ups rather than the daily express talking points.

not one where we enjoyed the BLAIRITE LUXURY of getting on a plane. I am not including post GCSE's camping trip to the Dolomites as a school trip tho (afternoon flight anyway, thankfully). xp

The Tories have played Northern Rock so badly. Really they should be Blair-in-96 positions right now.

Maybe it's cos we were in the Midlands and only ever went by ferry but I remember getting up at 2 in the morning.

thing of it is, a school trip is a school trip. they'll be witnessing the horror first-hand in the day, and getting surreptitious vats of polish lager in the evening.

However, while vomiting in a Polish town centre in broad daylight, they'll be sure to appreciate the freedoms we take for granted..

"People died so I could try and fail to get this barmaid to toss me off"

You in a very private reverie here Matt?

Busted.

disgraceful what these modern moderators get up to

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/02/25/ncameron125.xml

what the shit?

Nu-tory idea for transport in London...fun for all the family!
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44333000/jpg/_44333233_nicholassoames203.jpg

Also, loath though I am to justify things in terms of "the market", there would be no interest in the global market for a new routemaster, so tfl would be responsible for commissioning someone to design and build a whole new bus just for the London market - hugely expensive and wasteful.

Ken strikes back with new shop-as-you-travel green transport initiative:

http://lookback.merseyblogs.co.uk/LOOKPICPAST.jpg

[under ken] transport a massive cock-up

hmm, buses better and cheaper, overground is a marginal improvement over Silverlink, tubes not much worse than they always have been and a lot of that can be ascribed to PPP, cycling facilities vastly improved, congestion charge a sucess even if it is only a smash and grab to fund the buses. I think it is the area where ken has done the most.

Buses cheaper?

xp I would generally agree - but I do have an issue with what seems to be a large increase in the number of traffic lights, and changes in the timings, both of which have slowed up road traffic including buses. (I know this was a pet conspiracy theory of anti c-charge fuckwits, don't know if it was proven either way but it does echo my experience.)

Buses cheaper?

For oyster, yep. Cash payers get shafted.

Ah ok, didn't realise that

Tube is vastly more expensive than it was when Ken was elected. I think even an Oyster fare is more expensive than a normal ticket was in 2000.

Even 'shafted' here is relative. Cheaper than the rest of Britain I think. No doubt someone has detailed graphs. I don't get this about public transport in London at all. It has ALWAYS been hard work, at least in the 35 years I've been travelling on it but now seems to be about the easiest it has been during that time. Does that make sense?

Livingstone has pretty much conceded that the traffic light bombardment was (a) planned and (b) hasn't worked, which to anyone with a brain would hardly have been a surprise, since London isn't York.

But more to the point the fucking fuck of a fuck Johnson hasn't the faintest clue about how to make things better.

I got a bus across Canterbury at the weekend and paid something like 60p. Equivalent journey in London now is at least twice that, if you pay cash.

i.e. it's not a quaint tourist pedestrian paradise that you can walk around in the space of a morning (self xxp).

Recommendations:
Stop listening to vested interest traffic planners and plan on basis of logic and need.
Abandon unworkable bus timetable policy which has buses in third gear on deserted roads because they have to be at Clapham Junction in no less than 23 minutes.
More buses for outlying parts of London where most Londoners are economically forced to live instead of concentrating them all in central London to get the tourist vote.
Sort out the roadworks.

Sort out the roadworks.

How?

I mean it seems like a fairly reasonable request but just think of how many different competing companies there are who want to dig up the road at any one time.

My local bus service, on the other hand, costs £1.20 for a 30 minute, 4 mile ride. What's the London equivalent?

Abandon unworkable bus timetable policy which has buses in third gear on deserted roads because they have to be at Clapham Junction in no less than 23 minutes.

this is very irritating, but it predates livingstone, london bus drivers have always faced penalties for being early, I suspect that off peak timetables do not reflect traffic realities. Should be sorted out though.

Also bus drivers should be strung up for refusing to turn of top deck heating in the summer.

My local bus service, on the other hand, costs £1.20 for a 30 minute, 4 mile ride. What's the London equivalent?

All bus journeys are 90p regardless of length.

Maybe they should just designate March as official roadworks month since that's when councils are spunking their budgets anyhoo.

london bus drivers have always faced penalties for being early

possibly as an attempt to avoid bus clumping aka "you wait ages then three turn up at once"

^Exactly.

But it's not just councils is the point. It's the gas/electricity/tv/telephone/cable PLUS those poor bastards who have to actually fix the roads especially when the befoer mentioned companies have screwed it up.

xp

This doesn't make it any less irritating when a driver waits 5 minutes at a deserted stop and won't move on.

In practice, though, three coming at once still happens, largely because three buses leave depot at same time.

SAY NO TO SPANISH PRACTICES STATE!!

REAL SOCIALIST KEN would have told them ALL where to get off.

Pass NEW LAWS requiring all companies to apply for a licence to dig up roads.

Use ADEQUATE ADMIN to stagger all roadworks so that they don't coincide or clash with each other.

CLOSE MONITORING with HEAVY FINANCIAL AND OTHER LEGAL PENALTIES if companies EXCEED allotted digging time without sound reason.

FOOT PATROLS on STREETS - if van/digger/foreman turns up without permit or by your leave - DIG NOT VALID - PERMISSION REFUSED. If they try it - POLICE AND TRANSPORT AUTHORITIES to SEIZE EQUIPMENT, TOW AWAY VAN, ARREST COWBOY NAVVIES for OBSTRUCTION of PUBLIC HIGHWAY.

ABANDON ABSURD COUNCIL BUDGET MALARKEY where if budget NOT SPENT by end of March LESS MONEY RECEIVED NEXT YEAR. Con exposed in top Hollywood film FALLING DOWN when will USELESS UK CATCH UP with AWARE PROACTIVE MICHAEL DOUGLAS?

As for traffic lights, a lot of the re timing has been done to add or improve pedestrian phases which is very welcome.

On the C-Charge issue there's a letter from Ken in the Independent today defending the new charges based on CO2 emissions and whatnot, where he says the main aim is still to reduce congestion, and also to persuade people to get cars that pollute less, which he'll do by giving a 100% discount to people with the least polluting cars. So presumably when everyone is filling London up with these less-polluting cars, he'll change the rules again. That'll probably annoy people.

Paddick is the only person (as far as I know - certainly out of the main 3 parties) who'd bring in transferable bus tickets, like they have in most (erm, I think) European cities, so you just pay once for an hour or so's travel, instead of paying again and again if you need to change buses to continue your journey. Like on the tube.

largely because three buses leave depot at same time.

largely because they arrived at the depot at the same time and sending one bus out to pick up three buses worth of passengers is not an option. Clumping is a natural phenomenon and perhaps impossible to eliminate.

It was quite a common occurrence for buses in Streatham to pick up three buses worth of passengers at a time.

And of course Kapitalist Ken allows London to turn into a tourist/protest/roadworks/Tubeworks theme park every weekend which makes getting into central London of a weekend practically impossible.

Paddick is the only person (as far as I know - certainly out of the main 3 parties) who'd bring in transferable bus tickets, like they have in most (erm, I think) European cities, so you just pay once for an hour or so's travel, instead of paying again and again if you need to change buses to continue your journey. Like on the tube.

This really would be good - I think most US cities do this too. Will he do the same for tube-bus transfers?

I haven't been following the election, btw - does Paddick have any hope at all?

Not really, I fear. I think he has the best ideas but there's going to be a lot of kneejerk "Stop Boris" voting for Ken for fear of something worse, etc. so he'll be lucky to get maybe 10-15% of the total vote.

And of course Kapitalist Ken allows London to turn into a tourist/protest/roadworks/Tubeworks theme park every weekend which makes getting into central London of a weekend practically impossible.

This is not a new development since Ken got in.

NO ARTY-FARTY ELEPHANTS BLOCKING UP THE STREETS IN THE DAYS OF RIGHT-ON GLC!!!

Paddick has got a special black cab manifesto so expect every taxi on April 30th to become something like those cars you'd have in the 80s with loudspeakers on the roof (was this banned? Never seems to happen anymore). Might grab him an extra 1%.

No but we did have fundays!
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/168/484803785_9e38a22a75.jpg
(and more demos)

er..xp..

If these lefties like the past so much, why don't they, errrrrrr, go and, errrrrr, live there

Don't see any mention in that manifesto of black cabs having to go south of the river WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT so it's pretty pointless since if they won't, then pedicabs will.

Ha, south of the river is NOT London, as any fule kno...

The rule is to get inside the cab before you tell destination. Once in, the letter of the law applies.

I lived south of the river in SOUTH LONDON for SIX YEARS so DON'T TRY IT!!!!

(xpost, obv)

Cabs afraid to go south of the river 'cause they might get me as a passenger and I will proceed to drunkenly berate them for driving ridiculous out-of-the-way fare-increasing route when in fact they took a direct straight line as i later discovered when i looked at the a-z.

Since 95% of all cab drivers live in Streatham their argument is clearly NOT VALID.

This is not true; the loop in the central line is the eruv for cab drivers, only non-orthodox cab drivers live south of the river.

I have lived in South London for the best part of 30 years and not once have I ever had a cab driver refuse to go SotR. I don't believe it happens half as often as people say.

More elephants though, please.

70 posts about London buses isn't going to stop Cameron from becoming Prime Minister. Focus, people!

http://i29.tinypic.com/2144knc.jpg

How about we run over him with a bus instead?

tbh I don't think anything will stop him.

I suppose cycling through a red light isn't really going to be enough is it?

I forgot my Oystercard and paid £2 to go about half a mile on a bus today. This cheaper buses under Ken stuff is nonsense.

You can't blame Ken for your incompetence.