Disinterested Flirting/Half assed pursuit

yeah this has been me for the last couple years really

it sucks because i know im letting decent laid-back girls get away and only ending up with the crazy clingy ones

meanwhile the decent laid-back girls are letting this decent laid-back guy get away. we need to found dlbdate.com - for all your disinterested flirting needs

bringing together people who are too tired of this shit to try hard anymore since 2008

i think i hate the word 'commitmentphobe' more than any other

man this is totally, totally otm in my experience

theres one girl who i wont commit a weekend night to, for ex ... but shes usually only free on weekends. so we just sorta trade calls/messages back and forth about "yeah maybe next week ..."

i think its mostly a post-college thing cuz there are much fewer forced socializing situations w/ people of this mentality

post-school in general

post-marriage

oh god

haw

(book two)

I can't help but think that if George Burns were playing matchmaker for me that things would fall into place much more gracefully in this respect or something...

this has gotta be part of the appeal of 40 yr old virgin

altho i guess thats overwhelmed by the appeal of smartass schlub pulls hot chick

glad others do this also.

it's almost funny when a completely obvious sort of "we're both single moment" appears on the horizon. eg today she said something like "oh I want to go to that tomorrow but none of my friends are going", and I wrote back, but ended up editing my message carefully to not convey any insulting acknowledgement of this at all or any element of rejection, if indeed it was some kind of hint.

I think I wrote, "yeah not sure what I'm doing this weekend....probably nothing really".

yeah. I love the way I'm on the surface, like, lol, Valentine's day...but really, I care way too much. I think all in all, it's more depressing to be "alone" on one's birthday then V-Day, but, agh. I'm caught in the web, what can I say?..

the other sad/ironic thing about this is that you usually have more genuinely in common with girls you can string along like this but after a couple weeks of knowing you could hit it theyre never as intriguing as that new piece you just met who probably is really into astrology or something but you just dont know yet

yeah...and of course I guess the big thing here is that, at least for me, when I really like the girl I go fucking batshit psychotic and can't be myself with them at all.

btw I didn't even remember it was Valentine's when I started this...

I take some perverse comfort from hearing/listening to people who live in mega-metropolises like NYC complaining about this kinda stuff...I don't even know why, but I do, nonetheless...

its a serious stars align situation, so i guess its kinda good to build up enough of these relationships just in case things work out perfectly at some point and sparks fly??? I feel like its kind of a case of improving yr odds and it'll be one of those situations where you look down one day and realize "why what i wanted was right here all along!"

does anyone in this thread live in nyc?

oh i see yr just saying

yeah...

I'm thinking that if I make it through tonight w/o caving into horrible drunk dialing, then it will constitute some small victory?

haha i almost called my ex today and i havent even started drinking :-/

don't worry guys, i'm sure all of your interests will peak again once it starts getting a little warmer

hmm I don't really know if sparks can suddenly appear after time though. maybe.

disinterested flirting is actually hilarious though, I'm not even really sad about it. it's a bit like being in a relationship only I'm even worse!

x-post I live in the Ireland/UK, it may never get warmer

ugh, I don't think I will call ex's, but I'm tempted to call all manner of people and be like, "HEY, ARE YOU GUYS DOING SOME ANTI-VALENTINE'S DAY THING TONIGHT? 'CAUSE IF SO, THEN COUNT ME IN, WOO-HOO!"

Why I even care is perverse...

x-post sorry superfluous "the" before Ireland there...

lol college. I think for me it was initially a defense mechanism - "Whatever. Take it or leave it. I could go home and watch The Fifth Element or I could stay here and we could make out. doesn't matter..." met with varying degrees of success. But now it's pretty much who I am. Whatever.

these are actually the best kind of girls Ronan, no big deal but you still like them, and you can have a couple on the go sometimes. you dont have to think of it as whether you can be bothered or not, you can just call them up. or not. doesn't matter

I feel inclined to represent the opposite view. Why drag out a flirtation with a woman with whom you have only a mild synergy? Give me a passionate, troublesome female any day. More highs, more lows! Isn't that what love is all about? It's good to be knocked off your centre by a woman just a little - it puts things in perspective.

Not that I'm against flirting. I love flirting, but one has to have a kind of sexual electricity zapping between oneself and the flirtee, or it is not true flirting.

haha i almost called my ex today and i havent even started drinking :-/

-- deej, Thursday, February 14, 2008 11:57 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

o shi

i think this can be a consequence of one's own torpor rather than anything "objective" about the strength of feelings or potential for awesomeness

Thats closer to it! "Well, lookswise she's prob only a 7 or maybe 8, and she's a good laugh, easy company and puts no pressure on, very hands off with her own thing going on.....i dunno i think i should wait for a 9 in looks"

in my own life a better basis for stringing something along is actually doing things with that person in a groups with other people, rather than talking about and failing to do things solely with each other

hey Tracksuit Party i think you were laxalt but i guess not?

Weird thing is how dudes talk about they want girl that are easy to hang out with and no pressure and then they meet girls that are like this and are pretty as well - then they make convoluted paths to avoid having casual sex with them

don't worry guys, i'm sure all of your interests will peak again once it starts getting a little warmer

haha, this is like fishing at the moment. The fish are too dormant to go for my bait. I wonder if they're all logged into an internet message board discussing "I just don't think I can be arsed eating lately, what's with that?"

Haha you are all being just like those really vague flakey girls that dudes always complain about.

This never really kicks in with me until the pursuit bit is technically over, which I suppose is worse.

totally flakey right now...."oh I barely noticed it was Valentines yesterday, I was at home. I'm sure it is annoying if you're single and in an office though".

Haha you are all being just like those really vague flakey girls that dudes always complain about.

argh this is my nightmare scenario.

I hate this shit. I pretty much only date people who're willing to say "Hey, you and me, how about it?" and then follow through. Of course, I'm usually single for 8 mos to a year or more at a time.

Right, you're dating Mark Knopfler then.

I might be too young/American/thick to know who that is.

or Amy Ray, xp

I don't have much of a sense of humour. I try for humour and miss the boat horribly. And now you've actually gone and made me cry.

Anyway, what the f*ck am I doing here, letting a bunch of random people in the internet pick apart my non-existent dating technique?

I've wasted hours here and it's time to go to bed.

I like my flirtation light, breezy, ostensibly innocent and liberally spiced with innuendo that my interlocutrix and I can mutually decide to treat at face value or more salaciously.

-- Michael White, Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:25 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Long time ago now, but I was always too socially inept to get this right. hence prefer the indepth argument followed by snog in the heat of disagreement.

a lot of girls, and guys(!crazy), still do the bullshit flirting, just to varying degrees. i mean, playing with your hair isn't uncommon, and neither is blinking.

it happens :D :) =p

also what's so terrible about batting your eyelashes and giggling? it doesn't mean you're stupid, FYI.

Kate, don't take it that way. I had and have no intention of being cruel, I was just using Thomas's time-tested technique of flirting. ;)

There are lots of things that girls (people) do, consciously or unconsciously, that reveal that they're flirting. Most aren't so textbook as goo-goo twirling/batting, but that kind of super blatant stuff figures in, too. Basically a matter of being super focused, super attentive, positive -- and sure, straight-out cartoon flirty for a moment here, a moment there, just to get the point across. It works, too! Any way that people communicate "I am interested in you and want your attention" tends to work, at least some of the time, no matter how trite or obvious, since that message is the only real point. Hell, sometimes the trite and obvious ways are best.

i think half an ass is a dealbreaker

how about an ass and a half?

my dad tells me that boys like nice girls

curbside, baby

no not quite right

honestly tho nothing bothers me more than when someone tries to sound soooooo intellectual. i'd rather talk to a complete idiot, at least that's entertaining.

how about an ass and a half?

unwieldy

Surmounter, OTM. I'd rather gab with a candid and fun cretin than a pretentious bore.

truthbomb

mandee otm

but not mandee's dad

i don't know, i like a girl that can college-talk it up, as long as she can turn it off too.

yeah, I'm with Jordan on this one.

i don't think that's really sayin anything different... a balance is always good

I like'em super clever too, but a girl who tries too hard to sound smart can sound dumber than one who's just being herself.

no offense guys but we already have about 60 threads where everyone comes to the conclusion that the best kind of girlfriends are the ones who are smart but not all the time

:)

ew, xp

I'd rather flirt with a "candid and fun cretin" usually only applies when fun = "attractive and interested", so it's kind of a BS thing to say, as attractive interestedness can make the conversation of pseudo intellectual bores seem unusually rich & stimulating, too.

When reading that, pretend I'm really attractive and interested.

all you just said was it's always good to be hot

...and, in the absense of that, best to avoid being a cretin.

I don't know, contenderizer, there's a certain kind of pseudo-bore that wilts my dick every time. It leaves me clawing for oxygen and clamoring for the door. 'Cretin' is obv too strong but even if someone isn't the brightest person in the room, if their emotional intelligence is good, their company is usually pleasant.

more pleasant than the shmo talking your ear off with words you have to annihilate your buzz to string together

To an extent, you're right (both xs), but that's just the distinction between pleasant and unpleasant people, nawt to do with intelligence or attractiveness. True insufferability trumps everything.

I can't help but feel this thread has lost its way.

Relationship discussions are in the gutter.

i guess i do KIND of miss college talk tho...

college talk: cuter on boys or girls?

well, i really lazily asked out a coworker today.

EAT AND THEN LIVEBLOG

Hi dere, this thread!

congrats thinwall! how'd you do it?

Look, I'm a girl and I know what girls want. Just smile at her all day and make her flutter her eyelashes. The next day, if shes having trouble at something ask if she needs any help. then just ask politly if she's single. If she says yes, then say this: "I know your a bit suprised at this question, and I am very sorry if I'm about to hurt your feelings, But from the first time I saw your ___ eyes like the ___, I fell in love with you.

The lines are for the colors of the eyes.

if her eyes are:

Blue = ocean
Brown = ??
Yellow= Sunrise
Black = ??
Green = The most beautiful Emerald jewl

Or you could just wait till valentines day and give her a parcel with a red rose, and a not saying I love you from the first time I saw your ___Blue___ eyes like the___ocean___
hope this helps!

right, drop the L bomb right off the bat.

congrats thinwall! how'd you do it?

i'd actually sent out a pretty good (as in funny) mass email to the company - a response to an all staffer from one of the owners. she wrote me back and we started sending a few emails and then from there to google chat once in a while. it was all very lazy and half asses for a few weeks up to and including yesterday when i asked her (over google chat) if she wanted to do dinner on the weekend.

i was more interested in another coworker i was half-ass pursuing but i found out she had a b/f. asked this one out the next day.

so maybe that's what i should do - tell her from the moment i looked into her blue eyes, i knew she'd be acceptable.

half asses = half assed!

decent work

i dunno, the last girl i've run into who was big into busting on people she just met and being the lol acerbic hilarious funny girl was really just an irritating bitch with a social crutch. do not want.

OTM. Whenever I see someone pull this schtick, male or female, all I can think is some variation on "this person has major issues" -- issues that have nothing to do with me, and that I don't want to waste my time with.

here's the thing tho? is when someone does this too much with me, i feel like it's a self-ego-boost situation. like if you really need to assert your intelligence that much right away, i kind of fall off. there's no need. sometimes i like it if someone is content to let me see how smart they are, gradually, as opposed to hammering it in my head.

This too is OTM. It's kind of astonishing that anyone would think it's attractive to get aggro about their own intelligence; again, that just screams insecurity and blustering and look-at-me, I've-got-something-to-prove crap.

It's also a waste of time to complain that some tactics work better for "hot" people. It's true that the same behavior that seems confident and poised coming from someone good-looking, can come off as quixotic and absurd when attempted by someone who's not; maybe that's especially true of aggro, in-your-face stuff, simply because it's riskier.

But that's life. Most people are more inclined to think the best of those who are attractive and powerful -- to overlook their faults, and exaggerate their virtues -- and it's always been that way and probably always will. Complaining about it is pointless and self-defeating.

The rest of us have to work with what we've got, and remember that at least 50% of what we chalk up to physical attractiveness should probably be ascribed to personality and confidence -- and whether it feels good and relaxing and "at-ease" to be around someone, or whether they're so fucking neurotic that it rapidly becomes a chore. Even the people who are physically hottest start to lose their charm after enough needless crises and cringeworthy interactions.

^^^ this

It's also a waste of time to complain that some tactics work better for "hot" people. ...That's life. Most people are more inclined to think the best of those who are attractive and powerful. ...It's always been that way and probably always will. Complaining about it is pointless and self-defeating. The rest of us have to work with what we've got

yep

I saw this thing on ITV the other week...

Most people are more inclined to think the best of those who are attractive and powerful

erm... speaking for myself - i most certainly do not do this!

god i can't stop doing this...just now girl i've been chatting to a bit asked me out and i was like...dumbstruck. not out of shock just out of trying to find a way to say maybe but probably not as i suddenly realised didn't actually even want to put myself through the illusion of pretending to be optimistic. really depressing. but also sort of funny.