Single or Partnered? Better or Worse?

I'm yet to decide which I prefer. There's so many pros and cons to both.

The only thing I like about being single is the possibility of meeting someone new. And snogging strangers indiscriminately.

Basehead's "Brand New Day" is the perfect song to quote for this thread.

i just got out of a relationship this summer, and i freggin love it. much more time to flirt with the college ladies.

I think I am bored with being single.

...mmm. No comment right now, I think. There's still someone I'm missing.

At any given point, which ever I'm not, I want more.

Basehead is always good to quote. I *heart* them big time. Better than De La Sole

Impossible to generalize, I can only say that I'm happy being single *right now*. The making-out-with-whoever-I-want part is the best.

single. single single single.

pros: no PDA or hand holding. no Deep And Meaningful Discussions. no whining and wheedling. no duvet-hogging. no Staying In Watching TV. no feeling obliged to have sex. no gratuitous saliva sharing. no time commitments. no financial commitments. no Meeting The Parents [theirs' or yours']. no dawning realisation of disgusting personal habits that will slowly drive you mad. no nauseating "no-you-hang-up-first" cuteness. no drunken bouts of jealousy. no pining. no Giving Each Other Space. did i mention no duvet hogging?

cons: cooking for one and misplaced public sympathy.

you do the maths.

heheh the duvet hogging. apart from that my mang is perfect. duvet hogging. hehehehehhhhh! :)

re duvet hogging: but surely women have that extra layer of fat?

I sometimes like being single. It's okay, no big deal. I never feel lonely.

I wonder quite a lot about what being single would be like, since it's been a very long time. The consequences of finding out aren't worth the curiosity though. But it's not really a case of preference.

markS, remind me to kick you in the shins next time i see you :)

Now that I'm secure with it I've had enough of being single, and it's only been 6 months now. I think my happiest, most "right", days have been when I've been in a relationship which is probably why I'm fed up. Not that I'm sad about being single, it just seems like harder work somehow. A choice of words that probably tells you volumes about my relationships.

don't worry Katie, i think i have enough extra layers of fat for both of us...

err, i mean, FITE!!!!!43

i don't know the answer to this question. i have spent the vast majority of my life single and think this has probably been just the way i am and no point worrying about it. unless/until a bolt from the blue changes things I think singledom is really my natural state. this is a hard thing to accept if you're easily infulenced by media norms, as I tend to be. but I just have to look at the facts: i'm not looking for a girlfriend, i don't get lonely without one, i rarely have one and i guess i'm reluctant to give up the freedom this gives me. so it makes sense to think of it as a natural state, or tendency. i worry about people who go through their lives passing from one medium/long-term relationship to the next without any pause inbetween. maybe theyre fine but I always suspect they are fucked up.

strangely, none of this stops me being hopelessly, immaturely, mindfuckingly, persistently in love with people for like years (no i'm not talking about crushes kept to myself, im talking about a non-relationship where things half happen for a while and nothing makes sense and i should have given up years ago but i find it so fucking hard and am i supposed to waste other women's time in the process when they don't remotely compare to her in my mind). ok,so yeah im fucked up too. but ive got used to it.

I have gone from one relationship to another without a break so it feels like I have been in one for a very long time. I do miss being single because of that. Also, this whole 'you're young, get out and experiment' notion weighs on my mind. Honestly, I don't even want to go make out with strangers, what I miss is having time to myself. This will sound nerdy, but being able to immerse myself totally in studies and creative projects without the melodrama. I would enjoy a fliration with someone, nothing serious, just the whole anticipation of seeing that person without being so heavily weighed down in arguments etc.

I've been single for ages, and I'm fucking loathing it.

I am finding this discussion quite interesting. Do you think there are traits common to 'one-relationship-to-the-nexters'? Don't just say 'foxiness'.

In my experience 'one-relationship-to-the-nexters' (I would say 'serial monogamists' but I really don't know about their fidelity) are more often women than men. Feel free to shoot me down.

I used to be one, I never went longer than a month single from being 20 til I was nearly 27, however since then it's only been a strange long distance relationship for a while. I do quite enjoy being single actually, purely in selfish reasons of course.

Well I can certainly say that one girl I know has been in a serious relationship-to-the-next since she was 15. Her reasons are different than mind though. She admits herself, she NEEDS to have a boyfriend. She doesn't enjoy independance at all. My relationship-to-the-next is a little different. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with this complete womanizer jerm stereotype and then suddenly woke up to the stupidity of going out with him, I resolved to be on my own, but by chance, met another person and left stupid-jerk-boy behind. In that case it was a little empowering, for here was a boy used to stringing along multiple girls at a time and then suddenly left behind to wonder why and the chance meeting with one boy is still going on.

Oops, 'jerk' not 'jerm'.

Do you think there are traits common to 'one-relationship-to-the-nexters'?

I have observed this at close quarters as one of my closest friends just glides between relationships. Heather is very lovely, but other close friends and I have never been able to work out HOW she does it or even WHY she does it.

A true mystery. Maybe it's hormones or getting stuck in a behavior cycle or the moon or something.

I think it is also because I tend to fall in love/lust very fast and tend to get all hearts-in-my-eyes around that person. Perhaps if things went slower it would be different, but there is that intensity and suddenly you're in a relationship.

And they're always in love with you too? How nice!

Do you think there are traits common to one relationship to the nexters

Yes they're always good looking and thus can easily enter into meaningless relationships with other good looking people.

Sigh. I like being single I guess, but I don't see how I'd like my life less if I was in a relationship, mainly because I'd never get into a relationship with someone who was going to have that effect.

Sorry, that reads more bitterly than I meant it.

If it wasn't for the existence of football / rugby / cricket I would rather be in a relationship but being forced to participate in some daft bloke's love of sport is too tedious for words. And even if they say 'oh I'm not that into sport' they will insist on going to the pub to watch it with their mates and dragging you along too. And making you watch football programmes on Saturday lunchtime instead of Popular. There are some compromises I am not prepared to make.

I have one friend who is a serial monogamist: she hates the idea of being alone, so moves into a relationship as soon as the last one ends no matter how foolish it seems.

With me, I have always had long periods of being alone before being in a relationship again. My happiness doesn't seem to be dependent on being single or having a partner, in the past I have gone through periods of horrible depression regardless of being alone or with someone.

Nick, well yes because that is partly what makes ME get all moony. I mean, if it was just some guy sighing 'yes, I'll see you tomorrow. I guess. Who cares anyways?' what would be the fun? It's the whole 'electricity/tension' think in the air that you're getting off one another. It is more subtle than how I'm trying to explain it perhaps - on the same note you don't want someone worshipping you by the second date.

In fact to sport add Playstations / all games consoles, comics, being in a stupid band and all the other dumb things men pass their time doing that they think I should want to do too / be interested in just cos I'm going out with them.

what about compromise Emma? if you ban all that from potential suitors you're going to be fishing in a very small pond innit?

Jesus what kind of man DO you want? At that rate you've a choice between a blow up doll and I dunno.....Richard Whiteley or something.

I wuv Emma.

Chris & Ronan I just don't want to have to pretend I am into that nonsense or be forced to watch it on TV e.g. if they are round my house and want to watch football when I want to watch something proper they can fuck off back home and watch it on their TV and leave me alone. I do not expect men to compromise by coming shopping with me in fact I would rather they didn't. And I am not prepared to compromise my total disinterest in football or boredom about comics just for the sake of a half hearted shag 3 times a week and the odd drink being bought for me.

Yes I do realise I am heading for Mad Cat Woman spinsterhood but what the hell.

Oh well once they're not banned entirely, you extend the boundaries beyond the blow up doll and Mr Whiteley once more.

Didn't Beyonce once say that the playstation was the number one reason for break ups?

I don't know quite why I feel so supportive of Emma on this point but HELL YEAH YOU TELL 'EM WOMAN. (my support is quite possibly queering her pitch).

*backs away very sloooooowly making no sudden movements*

actually I kind of know what you mean, in that I've been out with girls who've tried to take an interest in stuff I'm into (mainly footie) and I don't know, I kind of resent it as it's my thing. and I want to enjoy it without explaining something to someone who, in reality doesn't want to understand it in the first place. Did that come out right or do I sound like a selfish arse?

I am thinking I have increased my crazy cat lady points by coming across as a ranting lunatic. I just find men very exasperating. This could just be cos my bosses are being unreasonable today.

I'd kill for a girl who'd come out to good clubs and shows with me and my friends. Having said that I'd kill for a few more guys to come out with us aswell. I wouldn't even have to be going out with the girl. This is why I'm going to some kind of rave at the ruins of a castle in SLIGO of all places with the college clubbing society this day two weeks.

People would get sick of all this killing, Ronan.

No Chris, that is perfectly understandable.

It's similar to the reason I am never attracted to wannabe DJ boys. They find out I am supposed to know about dance music for work and then go all mad and competative and try to out nerd me (very possible to do, because I care very little for odd statistic collecting, even though some stick in my brain).

people would get sick of all this killing

Not if they didn't know about it they wouldn't.

There are easier ways of going about it Ronan.

But they aren't as fun.

I don't want to be single, but there are so few guys who live up to my expectations. Like, aparantly, almost none.

Ah, they didn't deserve ya, Sean. Let 'em suffer without you. :-)

Why should one have to compromise on a potential partner?

It's reasonable, say, to compromise on a new job: there aren't enough options to be too choosy, and [arguably, perhaps] one needs< /i> a job. Relationships are different. You're not going to wither away without one. There is plenty of time to seek out the right person or, better yet, get on with your own life and stop worrying about your chances of finding them.

I do firmly believe that we've come to a Post-Whateverist period where almost anything to do with relationships and sex is Fine and Dandy: be it casual sex, serial monogamy, with a boy, or girl, or any combination thereof. Yet there's one group that remains stigmatised: it's apparently deviant to be Single not Looking. It seems to actively disturb many people, that someone would choose to be single - properly single, not just in the intermission between one relationship and the next.

aww c'mon, why won't it work??!

i have been single for 6 months. at first it was hard to get used to, because i was involved with one guy for three years. i really enjoy being single. i am much more creative and happy when i am not involved with someone, i have a ton more drive and ambition. i think this is because i have a tendency to take on a submissive role when i am in a relationship or something (socialisation - i copy my mother, even though i make a very concerted effort not too). or maybe its because relationships take SOOO much time and effort. i think relationships + me = bad news. that said ... ermm i'm supposed to be "going on a date" tonight or something.